屋顶间的哲学家

屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特
Preface
emilesouvestre
noonesucceedsinobtainingaprominentplaceinliterature,orinsurroundinghimselfwithafaithfulandsteadycircleofadmirersdrawnfromtheficklemassesofthepublic,unlesshepossessesoriginality,constantvariety,andadistinctpersonality.itisquitepossibletogainforamomentafewreadersbyimitatingsomeoriginalfeatureinanother;butthesesoonvanishandthewriterremainsaloneandforgotten.others,again,withoutbelongingtoanydistinctgroupofauthors,havingfoundtheirstandardinthemselves,moralistsandeducatorsatthesametime,haveobtainedundyingrecognition.
ofthelatterclass,thoughlittleknownoutsideoffrance,isemilesouvestre,whowasborninmorlaix,april15,1806,anddiedatparisjuly5,1854.hewasthesonofacivilengineer,waseducatedatthecollegeofpontivy,andintendedtofollowhisfatherscareerbyenteringthepolytechnicschool.hisfather,however,diedin1823,andsouvestrematriculatedasalaw-studentatrennes.buttheyoungstudentsoondevotedhimselfentirelytoliterature.hisfirstessay,atragedy,lesiegedemissolonghi(1828),wasapronouncedfailure.disheartenedanddisgustedheleftparisandestablishedhimselffirstasalawyerinmorlaix.thenhebecameproprietorofanewspaper,andwasafterwardappointedaprofessorinbrestandinmulhouse.in1836hecontributedtotherevuedesdeuxmondessomesketchesoflifeinbrittany,whichobtainedabrilliantsuccess.souvestrewassoonmadeeditoroflarevuedeparis,andinconsequenceearlyfoundapublisherforhisfirstnovel,lechelledefemmes,which,aswasthecasewithhissecondwork,richeetpauvre,metwithaveryfavorablereception.hisreputationwasnowmade,andbetweenthisperiodandhisdeathhegavetofranceaboutsixtyvolumes——tales,novels,essays,history,anddrama.
adoublepurposewasalwaysveryconspicuousinhisbooks:heaspiredtotheroleofamoralistandeducator,andwaslikewiseamostimpressivepainterofthelife,character,andmoralsoftheinhabitantsofbrittany.
eventhoseofhisconfrereswhodidnotseemtoesteemhim,whenalive,suddenlyfoundoutthattheyhadexperiencedagreatlossinhisdemise.
theyexpresseditinemotionalpanegyrcs;contemporaneousliteraturediscoveredthatvirtuehadflownfromitsbosom,andthefrenchacademy,whichhadatitspropertimecrownedhisphilosophesonslestoitsasaworkcontributingsupremelytomorals,kepthismemorygreenbybestowingonhiswidowthe"prixlambert,"designedforthe"familiesofauthorswhobytheirintegrity,andbytheprobityoftheireffortshavewelldeservedthistokenfromtherepubliquedeslettres."
josephbertrand
CHAPTER I
new-yearsgifts
january1st
thedayofthemonthcameintomymindassoonasiawoke.anotheryearisseparatedfromthechainofages,anddropsintothegulfofthepast!
unfortunatelythematchesarebad,thechimneysmokes,thewoodgoesout!
ithrowdownmybellowsindisgust,andsinkintomyoldarmchair.
heremymindpausestoprovetoitselfitssuperiorityoverthatofthevulgar.imakeaparenthesisinmyill-temperinfavorofmyvanity,andibringtogetheralltheevidencewhichmyknowledgecanproduce.
(theoldromansdividedtheyearintotenmonthsonly;itwasnumapompiliuswhoaddedjanuaryandfebruary.theformertookitsnamefromjanus,towhomitwasdedicated.asitopenedthenewyear,theysurroundeditsbeginningwithgoodomens,andthencecamethecustomofvisitsbetweenneighbors,ofwishinghappiness,andofnew-yearsgifts.
hereiclosetheparenthesis,andreturntomyill-humor.thelittlespeechihavejustaddressedtomyselfhasrestoredmemyself-satisfaction,butmadememoredissatisfiedwithothers.icouldnowenjoymybreakfast;buttheportresshasforgottenmymorningsmilk,andthepotofpreservesisempty!anyoneelsewouldhavebeenvexed:asforme,iaffectthemostsupremeindifference.thereremainsahardcrust,whichibreakbymainstrength,andwhichicarelesslynibble,asamanfarabovethevanitiesoftheworldandoffreshrolls.
however,idonotknowwhymythoughtsshouldgrowmoregloomybyreasonofthedifficultiesofmastication.ioncereadthestoryofanenglishmanwhohangedhimselfbecausetheyhadbroughthimhisteawithoutsugar.therearehoursinlifewhenthemosttriflingcrosstakestheformofacalamity.ourtempersarelikeanopera-glass,whichmakestheobjectsmallorgreataccordingtotheendyoulookthrough.
usually,theprospectthatopensoutbeforemywindowdelightsme.itisamountain-rangeofroofs,withridgescrossing,interlacing,andpiledononeanother,anduponwhichtallchimneysraisetheirpeaks.itwasbutyesterdaythattheyhadanalpineaspecttome,andiwaitedforthefirstsnowstormtoseeglaciersamongthem;to-day,ionlyseetilesandstoneflues.thepigeons,whichassistedmyruralillusions,seemnomorethanmiserablebirdswhichhavemistakentheroofforthebackyard;thesmoke,whichrisesinlightclouds,insteadofmakingmedreamofthepantingofvesuvius,remindsmeofkitchenpreparationsanddishwater;andlastly,thetelegraph,thatiseefaroffontheoldtowerofmontmartre,hastheeffectofavilegallowsstretchingitsarmsoverthecity.
myeyes,thushurtbyalltheymeet,falluponthegreatmanshousewhichfacesmyattic.
thusalltheworldareexchanginggoodwishesandpresentsto-day.ialonehavenothingtogiveortoreceive.poorsolitary!idonotevenknowonechosenbeingforwhomimightofferaprayer.
thenletmywishesforahappynewyeargoandseekoutallmyunknownfriends——lostinthemultitudewhichmurmursliketheoceanatmyfeet!
toyoufirst,hermitsincities,forwhomdeathandpovertyhavecreatedasolitudeinthemidstofthecrowd!unhappylaborers,whoarecondemnedtotoilinmelancholy,andeatyourdailybreadinsilenceanddesertion,andwhomgodhaswithdrawnfromtheintoxicatingpangsofloveandfriendship!
toyou,fonddreamers,whopassthroughlifewithyoureyesturnedtowardsomepolarstar,whileyoutreadwithindifferenceovertherichharvestsofreality!
toyou,honestfathers,wholengthenouttheeveningtomaintainyourfamilies!toyou,poorwidows,weepingandworkingbyacradle!toyou,youngmen,resolutelysettoopenforyourselvesapathinlife,largeenoughtoleadthroughitthewifeofyourchoice!toyou,allbravesoldiersofworkandofself-sacrifice!
toyou,lastly,whateveryourtitleandyourname,wholovegood,whopitythesuffering;whowalkthroughtheworldlikethesymbolicalvirginofbyzantium,withbotharmsopentothehumanrace!
pauletteisthin,pale,andmiserablyclad;butshehasalwaysthesameopenandstraightforwardlook——thesamemouth,smilingateveryword,asiftocourtyoursympathy——thesamevoice,somewhattimid,yetexpressingfondness.pauletteisnotpretty——sheiseventhoughtplain;asforme,ithinkhercharming.perhapsthatisnotonheraccount,butonmyown.
pauletteappearstomeasoneofmyhappiestrecollections.
itwastheeveningofapublicholiday.ourprincipalbuildingswereilluminatedwithfestoonsoffire,athousandflagswavedinthenightwinds,andthefireworkshadjustshotforththeirspoutsofflameintothemidstofthechampdemars.suddenly,oneofthoseunaccountablealarmswhichstrikeamultitudewithpanicfelluponthedensecrowd:
theycryout,theyrushonheadlong;theweakeronesfall,andthefrightenedcrowdtramplesthemdowninitsconvulsivestruggles.iescapedfromtheconfusionbyamiracle,andwashasteningaway,whenthecriesofaperishingchildarrestedme:ireenteredthathumanchaos,and,afterunheard-ofexertions,ibroughtpauletteoutofitattheperilofmylife.
thatwastwoyearsago:sincethenihadnotseenthechildagainbutatlongintervals,andihadalmostforgottenher;butpaulettesmemorywasthatofagratefulheart,andshecameatthebeginningoftheyeartooffermeherwishesformyhappiness.shebroughtme,besides,awallflowerinfullbloom;sheherselfhadplantedandrearedit:itwassomethingthatbelongedwhollytoherself;foritwasbyhercare,herperseverance,andherpatience,thatshehadobtainedit.
atfirstthelittlegirlrepliedinmonosyllables;butverysoonthetableswereturned,anditwasiwhointerruptedwithshortinterjectionsherlongandconfidentialtalk.thepoorchildleadsahardlife.shewasleftanorphanlongsince,withabrotherandsister,andliveswithanoldgrandmother,whohas"broughtthemuptopoverty,"asshealwayscallsit.
however,paulettenowhelpshertomakebandboxes,herlittlesisterperrinebeginstousetheneedle,andherbrotherhenryisapprenticetoaprinter.allwouldgowellifitwerenotforlossesandwantofwork——ifitwerenotforclotheswhichwearout,forappetiteswhichgrowlarger,andforthewinter,whenyoucannotgetsunshinefornothing.
aspaulettespoke,ifeltmoreandmorethatiwaslosingmyfretfulnessandlowspirits.thefirstdisclosuresofthelittlebandbox-makercreatedwithinmeawishthatsoonbecameaplan.iquestionedheraboutherdailyoccupations,andsheinformedmethatonleavingmeshemustgo,withherbrother,hersister,andgrandmother,tothedifferentpeopleforwhomtheywork.myplanwasimmediatelysettled.itoldthechildthatiwouldgotoseeherintheevening,andisentherawaywithfreshthanks.
threeoclock——allissettledwithmyneighbor,thechimney-doctor;hewillrepairmyoldstove,andanswersforitsbeingasgoodasnew.
atfiveoclockwearetosetout,andputitupinpaulettesgrandmothersroom.
midnight——allhasgoneoffwell.atthehouragreedupon,iwasattheoldbandbox-makers;shewasstillout.mypiedmontese[inparisachimney-sweeperisnamed"piedmontese"or"savoyard,"
butthewondersarenotyetended.thelittlesisteropenstheoven,anddiscoverssomechestnutsjustroasted;thegrandmotherputsherhandonthebottlesofciderarrangedonthedresser;andidrawforthfromthebasketthatihavehiddenacoldtongue,apotofbutter,andsomefreshrolls.
whatburstsoflaughteratnothing!whatahubbubofquestionswhichwaitedfornoreply,ofreplieswhichanswerednoquestion!theoldwomanherselfsharedinthewildmerrimentofthelittleones!ihavealwaysbeenstruckattheeasewithwhichthepoorforgettheirwretchedness.beingusedtoliveonlyforthepresent,theymakeagainofeverypleasureassoonasitoffersitself.butthesurfeitedricharemoredifficulttosatisfy:theyrequiretimeandeverythingtosuitbeforetheywillconsenttobehappy.
theeveninghaspassedlikeamoment.theoldwomantoldmethehistoryofherlife,sometimessmiling,sometimesdryinghereyes.perrinesanganoldballadwithherfreshyoungvoice.henrytolduswhatheknowsofthegreatwritersoftheday,towhomhehastocarrytheirproofs.atlastwewereobligedtoseparate,notwithoutfreshthanksonthepartofthehappyfamily.
asicamein,imetmyrichneighborsnewequipage.she,too,hadjustreturnedfromhereveningsparty;and,asshesprangfromthecarriage-stepwithfeverishimpatience,iheardhermurmur"atlast!"
i,whenileftpaulettesfamily,said"sosoon!"
CHAPTER II
thecarnival
february20th
whatanoiseoutofdoors!whatisthemeaningoftheseshoutsandcries?ah!irecollect:thisisthelastdayofthecarnival,andthemaskersarepassing.
christianityhasnotbeenabletoabolishthenoisybacchanalianfestivalsofthepagantimes,butithaschangedthenames.thatwhichithasgiventothese"daysofliberty"announcestheendingofthefeasts,andthemonthoffastingwhichshouldfollow;carn-ivalmeans,literally,"farewelltoflesh!"itisafortydaysfarewelltothe"blessedpulletsandfathams,"socelebratedbypantagruelsminstrel.
manpreparesforprivationbysatiety,andfinisheshissinthoroughlybeforehebeginstorepent.
why,inallagesandamongeverypeople,dowemeetwithsomeoneofthesemadfestivals?mustwebelievethatitrequiressuchaneffortformentobereasonable,thattheweakeroneshaveneedofrestatintervals?themonksoflatrappe,whoarecondemnedtosilencebytheirrule,areallowedtospeakonceinamonth,andonthisdaytheyalltalkatoncefromtherisingtothesettingofthesun.
perhapsitisthesameintheworld.asweareobligedalltheyeartobedecent,orderly,andreasonable,wemakeupforsuchalongrestraintduringthecarnival.itisadooropenedtotheincongruousfanciesandwishesthathavehithertobeencrowdedbackintoacornerofourbrain.
theshoutsinthesquareredouble;thetroopsofmasksincrease——onfoot,incarriages,andonhorseback.itisnowwhocanattractthemostattentionbymakingafigureforafewhours,orbyexcitingcuriosityorenvy;to-morrowtheywillallreturn,dullandexhausted,totheemploymentsandtroublesofyesterday.
alas!thoughtiwithvexation,eachofusislikethesemasqueraders;ourwholelifeisoftenbutanunsightlycarnival!andyetmanhasneedofholidays,torelaxhismind,resthisbody,andopenhisheart.canhenothavethem,then,withthesecoarsepleasures?economistshavebeenlonginquiringwhatisthebestdisposaloftheindustryofthehumanrace.ah!ificouldonlydiscoverthebestdisposalofitsleisure!itiseasyenoughtofinditwork;butwhowillfinditrelaxation?worksuppliesthedailybread;butitischeerfulnessthatgivesitarelish.ophilosophers!goinquestofpleasure!findusamusementswithoutbrutality,enjoymentswithoutselfishness;inaword,inventacarnivalthatwillpleaseeverybody,andbringshametonoone.
threeoclock——ihavejustshutmywindow,andstirredupmyfire.asthisisaholidayforeverybody,iwillmakeitoneformyself,too.soilightthelittlelampoverwhich,ongrandoccasions,imakeacupofthecoffeethatmyportressssonbroughtfromthelevant,andilookinmybookcaseforoneofmyfavoriteauthors.
first,hereistheamusingparsonofmeudon;buthischaractersaretoofondoftalkingslang:——voltaire;buthedisheartensmenbyalwaysbanteringthem:——moliere;buthehindersoneslaughterbymakingonethink:——lesage;letusstopathim.beingprofoundratherthangrave,hepreachesvirtuewhileridiculingvice;ifbitternessissometimestobefoundinhiswritings,itisalwaysinthegarbofmirth:heseesthemiseriesoftheworldwithoutdespisingit,andknowsitscowardlytrickswithouthatingit.
letuscallupalltheheroesofhisbookgilblas,fabrice,sangrado,thearchbishopofgranada,thedukeoflerma,aurora,scipio!
yegayorgracefulfigures,risebeforemyeyes,peoplemysolitude;bringhitherformyamusementtheworld-carnival,ofwhichyouarethebrilliantmaskers!
thesheetof"bath"paperisbeforeme,ihavedippedmypenintotheink,andirubmyforeheadtoinviteforthasallyofideas,wheniperceivethatihavenotmydictionary.now,aparisianwhowouldspeakenglishwithoutadictionaryislikeachildwithoutleading-strings;thegroundtremblesunderhim,andhestumblesatthefirststep.irunthentothebookbinders,whereileftmyjohnson,wholivesclosebyinthesquare.
iaskwhethertheyhavesentforadoctor.
"oh,yes,indeed!"repliedpierre,roughly;"onemusthavemoneyinonespocketforthat,andthisfellowhasonlydebtsinsteadofsavings."
"butyou,"saidi,ratherastonished;"areyounothisfriend?"
"friend!"interruptedthebookbinder."yes,asmuchastheshaft-horseisfriendtotheleader——onconditionthateachwilltakehisshareofthedraught,andeathisfeedbyhimself."
"youdonotintend,however,toleavehimwithoutanyhelp?"
"bah!hemaykeepinhisbedtillto-morrow,asimgoingtotheball."
"youmeantoleavehimalone?"
"well!mustimissapartyofpleasureatcourtville——[aparisiansummerresort.]——becausethisfellowislightheaded?"askedpierre,sharply.
"ihavepromisedtomeetsomefriendsatolddesnoyers.thosewhoaresickmaytaketheirbroth;myphysiciswhitewine."
sosaying,heuntiedabundle,outofwhichhetookthefancycostumeofawaterman,andproceededtodresshimselfinit.
invainitriedtoawakensomefellow-feelingfortheunfortunatemanwholaygroaningthereclosebyhim;beingentirelytakenupwiththethoughtsofhisexpectedpleasure,pierrewouldhardlysomuchashearme.atlasthiscoarseselfishnessprovokedme.ibeganreproachinginsteadofremonstratingwithhim,andideclaredhimresponsiblefortheconsequenceswhichsuchadesertionmustbringuponthesickman.
atthisthebookbinder,whowasjustgoing,stoppedwithanoath,andstampedhisfoot."amitospendmycarnivalinheatingwaterforfootbaths,pray?"
"lethimgotothehospital,then!"
"howcanhebyhimself?"
pierreseemedtomakeuphismind.
isawthesickmangetintoit,almostfainting,withtheimpatientwaterman;andtheybothsetoff,oneperhapstodie,theothertodineatcourtvillegardens!
sixoclock——ihavebeentoknockatmyneighborsdoor,whoopenedithimself;andihavegivenhimhisletter,finishedatlast,anddirectedtohissonswidow.m.antoinethankedmegratefully,andmademesitdown.
itwasthefirsttimeihadbeenintotheatticoftheoldamateur.
atthemomenticamein,theoldmanwasmakinghisdinneronsomehardcrustsofbread,whichhewassoakinginaglassofeausucree.heperceivedthatmyeyesfelluponhishermitfare,andhelookedalittleashamed.
"thereisnothingtotemptyouinmysupper,neighbor,"saidhe,withasmile.
irepliedthatatleastithoughtitaveryphilosophicaloneforthecarnival.
m.antoineshookhishead,andwentonagainwithhissupper.
"everyonekeepshisholidaysinhisownway,"resumedhe,beginningagaintodipacrustintohisglass."thereareseveralsortsofepicures,andnotallfeastsaremeanttoregalethepalate;therearesomealsofortheearsandtheeyes."
ilookedinvoluntarilyroundme,asiftoseekfortheinvisiblebanquetwhichcouldmakeuptohimforsuchasupper.
withoutdoubtheunderstoodme;forhegotupslowly,and,withthemagisterialairofamanconfidentinwhatheisabouttodo,herummagedbehindseveralpictureframes,drewforthapainting,overwhichhepassedhishand,andsilentlyplaceditunderthelightofthelamp.
"acopy!"criedm.antoine;"sayanoriginal,neighbor,andanoriginalretouchedbyrubens!lookcloserattheheadoftheoldman,thedressoftheyoungwoman,andtheaccessories.onecancountthepencil-strokesoftheherculesofpainters.itisnotonlyamasterpiece,sir;itisatreasure——arelic!thepictureatthelouvremaybeapearl,thisisadiamond!"
andrestingitagainstthestove,soastoplaceitinthebestlight,hefellagaintosoakinghiscrusts,withouttakinghiseyesoffthewonderfulpicture.onewouldhavesaidthatthesightofitgavethecrustsanunexpectedrelish,forhechewedthemslowly,andemptiedhisglassbylittlesips.hisshrivelledfeaturesbecamesmooth,hisnostrilsexpanded;itwasindeed,ashesaidhimself,"afeastfortheeyes."
"youseethatialsohavemytreat,"heresumed,noddinghisheadwithanairoftriumph."othersmayrunafterdinnersandballs;asforme,thisisthepleasureigivemyselfformycarnival."
"butifthispaintingisreallysoprecious,"repliedi,"itoughttobeworthahighprice."
"eh!eh!"saidm.antoine,withanairofproudindifference."ingoodtimes,agoodjudgemightvalueitatsomewhereabouttwentythousandfrancs."
istartedback.
"andyouhaveboughtit?"criedi.
"fornothing,"repliedhe,loweringhisvoice."thesebrokersareasses;minemistookthisforastudentscopy;heletmehaveitforfiftylouis,readymoney!thismorningitookthemtohim,andnowhewishestobeoffthebargain."
"thismorning!"repeatedi,involuntarilycastingmyeyesonthelettercontainingtherefusalthatm.antoinehadmademewritetohissonswidow,whichwasstillonthelittletable.
hetooknonoticeofmyexclamation,andwentoncontemplatingtheworkofjordaensinanecstasy.
"whataknowledgeofchiaroscuro!"hemurmured,bitinghislastcrustindelight."whatrelief!whatfire!wherecanonefindsuchtransparencyofcolor!suchmagicallights!suchforce!suchnature!"
asiwaslisteningtohiminsilence,hemistookmyastonishmentforadmiration,andclappedmeontheshoulder.
"youaredazzled,"saidhemerrily;"youdidnotexpectsuchatreasure!
whatdoyousaytothebargainihavemade?"
"pardonme,"repliedi,gravely;"butithinkyoumighthavedonebetter."
m.antoineraisedhishead.
"how!"criedhe;"doyoutakemeforamanlikelytobedeceivedaboutthemeritorvalueofapainting?"
"ineitherdoubtyourtastenoryourskill;buticannothelpthinkingthat,forthepriceofthispictureofafamilyparty,youmighthavehad——"
"whatthen?"
"thefamilyitself,sir."
theoldamateurcastalookatme,notofanger,butofcontempt.
inhiseyesihadevidentlyjustprovedmyselfabarbarian,incapableofunderstandingthearts,andunworthyofenjoyingthem.hegotupwithoutansweringme,hastilytookupthejordaens,andreplaceditinitshiding-placebehindtheprints.
itwasasortofdismissal;itookleaveofhim,andwentaway.
thegettingcoffeereadyisthemostdelicateandmostattractiveofdomesticoperationstoonewholivesalone:itisthegrandworkofabachelorshousekeeping.
coffeeis,sotosay,justthemid-pointbetweenbodilyandspiritualnourishment.itactsagreeably,andatthesametime,uponthesensesandthethoughts.itsveryfragrancegivesasortofdelightfulactivitytothewits;itisageniusthatlendswingstoourfancy,andtransportsittothelandofthearabiannights.
wheniamburiedinmyoldeasy-chair,myfeetonthefenderbeforeablazingfire,myearsoothedbythesingingofthecoffee-pot,whichseemstogossipwithmyfire-irons,thesenseofsmellgentlyexcitedbythearomaofthearabianbean,andmyeyesshadedbymycappulleddownoverthem,itoftenseemsasifeachcloudofthefragrantsteamtookadistinctform.asinthemiragesofthedesert,ineachasitrises,iseesomeimageofwhichmymindhadbeenlongingforthereality.
atfirstthevaporincreases,anditscolordeepens.iseeacottageonahillside:behindisagardenshutinbyawhitethornhedge,andthroughthegardenrunsabrook,onthebanksofwhichihearthebeeshumming.
thentheviewopensstillmore.seethosefieldsplantedwithapple-trees,inwhichicandistinguishaploughandhorseswaitingfortheirmaster!fartheron,inapartofthewoodwhichringswiththesoundoftheaxe,iperceivethewoodsmanshut,roofedwithturfandbranches;and,inthemidstofalltheseruralpictures,iseemtoseeafigureofmyselfglidingabout.itismyghostwalkinginmydream!
motherdenisisahalecountrywomanfromsavoy,whichsheleftwhenquiteyoung;and,contrarytothecustomofthesavoyards,shehasnotgonebacktoitagain.shehasneitherhusbandnorchild,notwithstandingthetitletheygiveher;butherkindness,whichneversleeps,makesherworthyofthenameofmother.
abravecreature!leftbyherselfinthebattleoflife,shemakesgoodherhumbleplaceinitbyworking,singing,helpingothers,andleavingtheresttogod.
atthedoorofthemilk-shopihearloudburstsoflaughter.inoneofthecornersoftheshopthreechildrenaresittingontheground.theywearthesootydressofsavoyardboys,andintheirhandstheyholdlargeslicesofbreadandcheese.theyoungestisbesmeareduptotheeyeswithhis,andthatisthereasonoftheirmirth.
motherdenispointsthemouttome.
"lookatthelittlelambs,howtheyenjoythemselves!"saidshe,puttingherhandontheheadofthelittleglutton.
"hehashadnobreakfast,"putsinoneoftheothersbywayofexcuse.
"poorlittlething,"saidthemilkwoman;"heisleftaloneinthestreetsofparis,wherehecanfindnootherfatherthantheall-goodgod!"
"andthatiswhyyoumakeyourselfamothertothem?"ireplied,gently.
"whatidoislittleenough,"saidmotherdenis,measuringoutmymilk;"buteverydayigetsomeofthemtogetheroutofthestreet,thatforoncetheymayhaveenoughtoeat.dearchildren!theirmotherswillmakeupforitinheaven.nottomentionthattheyrecallmynativemountainstome:whentheysinganddance,iseemtoseeouroldfatheragain."
herehereyesfilledwithtears.
"soyouarerepaidbyyourrecollectionsforthegoodyoudothem?"
resumedi.
"yes!yes!"saidshe,"andbytheirhappiness,too!thelaughteroftheselittleones,sir,islikeabirdssong;itmakesyougay,andgivesyouhearttolive."
asshespokeshecutsomefreshslicesofbreadandcheese,andaddedsomeapplesandahandfulofnutstothem.
then,turningtome:
"to-dayiamruiningmyself,"addedshe;"butwemustallhaveourcarnival."
icameawaywithoutsayingaword:iwastoomuchaffected.
atlastihavediscoveredwhattruepleasureis.afterbeholdingtheegotismofsensualityandofintellect,ihavefoundthehappyself-sacrificeofgoodness.pierre,m.antoine,andmotherdenishadallkepttheircarnival;butforthefirsttwo,itwasonlyafeastforthesensesorthemind;whileforthethird,itwasafeastfortheheart.
CHAPTER III
whatwemaylearnbylookingoutofwindow
march3d
whatachaosofmournfulandconfusedfancies!wecanneithersleepnorwake;weseekinvainforrepose,andwestopshortonthebrinkofaction.twothirdsofhumanexistencearewastedinhesitation,andthelastthirdinrepenting.
andwhyamiuncertainandrestless——i,apoorday-laborerintheworld——whofillanobscurestationinacornerofit,andwhoseworkitavailsitselfof,withoutheedingtheworkman?iwilltellyou,myunseenfriend,forwhomtheselinesarewritten;myunknownbrother,onwhomthesolitarycallinsorrow;myimaginaryconfidant,towhomallmonologuesareaddressedandwhoisbuttheshadowofourownconscience.
agreateventhashappenedinmylife!acrossroadhassuddenlyopenedinthemiddleofthemonotonouswayalongwhichiwastravellingquietly,andwithoutthinkingofit.tworoadspresentthemselves,andimustchoosebetweenthem.oneisonlythecontinuationofthatihavefollowedtillnow;theotheriswider,andexhibitswondrousprospects.
whereshallifindlight——whowilladviseme?
springannouncesitsapproach;asoftbreezeskimsovertheroofs,andmywallflowerbeginstoblowagain.
wearenearthatsweetseasonoffreshgreen,ofwhichthepoetsofthesixteenthcenturysangwithsomuchfeeling:
nowthegladsomemonthofmay.
allthingsnewlydotharray;fairestlady,letmetoo.
inthylovemyliferenew.
thechirpingofthesparrowscallsme:theyclaimthecrumbsiscattertothemeverymorning.iopenmywindow,andtheprospectofroofsopensoutbeforemeinallitssplendor.
hewhohaslivedonlyonafirstfloorhasnoideaofthepicturesquevarietyofsuchaview.hehasnevercontemplatedthesetile-coloredheightswhichintersecteachother;hehasnotfollowedwithhiseyesthesegutter-valleys,wherethefreshverdureoftheatticgardenswaves,thedeepshadowswhicheveningspreadsovertheslatedslopes,andthesparklingofwindowswhichthesettingsunhaskindledtoablazeoffire.hehasnotstudiedthefloraofthesealpsofcivilization,carpetedbylichensandmosses;heisnotacquaintedwiththemyriadinhabitantsthatpeoplethem,fromthemicroscopicinsecttothedomesticcat——thatreynardoftheroofswhoisalwaysontheprowl,orinambush;hehasnotwitnessedthethousandaspectsofaclearoracloudysky;northethousandeffectsoflight,thatmaketheseupperregionsatheatrewithever-changingscenes!howmanytimeshavemydaysofleisurepassedawayincontemplatingthiswonderfulsight;indiscoveringitsdarkerorbrighterepisodes;inseeking,inshort,inthisunknownworldfortheimpressionsoftravelthatwealthytouristslookforlower!
withthisreflectioniwasabouttoshutmywindow,whensuddenlyiperceived,inaspotofsunshineonmyright,theshadowoftwopricked-upears;thenapawadvanced,thentheheadofatabby-catshoweditselfatthecornerofthegutter.thecunningfellowwaslyingthereinwait,hopingthecrumbswouldbringhimsomegame.
andihadaccusedmyguestsofcowardice!iwassosurethatnodangercouldmenacethem!ithoughtihadlookedwelleverywhere!ihadonlyforgottenthecornerbehindme!
tenoclock——icannotleavemywindow;therainandthecoldhavekeptitshutsolongthatimustreconnoitrealltheenvironstobeabletotakepossessionofthemagain.myeyessearchinsuccessionallthepointsofthejumbledandconfusedprospect,passingonorstoppingaccordingtowhattheylightupon.
ah!seethewindowsuponwhichtheyformerlylovedtorest;theyarethoseoftwounknownneighbors,whosedifferenthabitstheyhavelongremarked.
alas!istherenotherealessonforusall?isitreallyinhazardousexperiments,attheendofwhichweshallmeetwithwealthorruin,thatthewisemanshouldemployhisyearsofstrengthandfreedom?oughthetoconsiderlifeasaregularemploymentwhichbringsitsdailywages,orasagameinwhichthefutureisdeterminedbyafewthrows?whyseektheriskofextremechances?forwhatendhastentorichesbydangerousroads?isitreallycertainthathappinessistheprizeofbrilliantsuccesses,ratherthanofawiselyacceptedpoverty?ah!ifmenbutknewinwhatasmalldwellingjoycanlive,andhowlittleitcoststofurnishit!
itisnecessaryformetodecideto-day,andbeforetheevening!iholdthediceofmyfuturefateinmyhands,andidarenotthrowthem.
oneknowshimtobeasoldierbyhisregularwalk,hisgraymoustaches,andtheribbonthatdecorateshisbuttonhole.indeed,onemighthaveguessedasmuchfromthecarehetakesofthelittlegardenwhichistheornamentofhisbalconyinmid-air;fortherearetwothingsespeciallylovedbyalloldsoldiers——flowersandchildren.theyhavebeensolong,obligedtolookupontheearthasafieldofbattle,andsolongcutofffromthepeacefulpleasuresofaquietlot,thattheyseemtobeginlifeatanagewhenothersendit.thetastesoftheirearlyyears,whichwerearrestedbythesterndutiesofwar,suddenlybreakoutagainwiththeirwhitehairs,andarelikethesavingsofyouthwhichtheyspendagaininoldage.besides,theyhavebeencondemnedtobedestroyersforsolongthatperhapstheyfeelasecretpleasureincreating,andseeinglifespringupagain:thebeautyofweaknesshasagraceandanattractionthemoreforthosewhohavebeentheagentsofunbendingforce;andthewatchingoverthefrailgermsoflifehasallthecharmsofnoveltyfortheseoldworkmenofdeath.
thereforethecoldwindhasnotdrivenmyneighborfromhisbalcony.
wemustsowtheseeds,andtendthegrowth,ifwewouldenjoytheflower.
thosewhoarecaughtinitflyineverydirection,somelaughingandsomecrying.
ialwaysfindparticularamusementinthesehelter-skelters,causedbyasuddenstorm.itseemsasifeachone,whenthustakenbysurprise,losesthefactitiouscharacterthattheworldorhabithasgivenhim,andappearsinhistruecolors.
see,forexample,thatbigmanwithdeliberatestep,whosuddenlyforgetshisindifference,madetoorder,andrunslikeaschoolboy!heisathriftycitygentleman,who,withallhisfashionableairs,isafraidtospoilhishat.
thatprettywomanyonder,onthecontrary,whoselooksaresomodest,andwhosedressissoelaborate,slackensherpacewiththeincreasingstorm.sheseemstofindpleasureinbravingit,anddoesnotthinkofhervelvetcloakspottedbythehail!sheisevidentlyalionessinsheepsclothing.
here,ayoungman,whowaspassing,stopstocatchsomeofthehailstonesinhishand,andexaminesthem.byhisquickandbusiness-likewalkjustnow,youwouldhavetakenhimforatax-gathereronhisrounds,whenheisayoungphilosopher,studyingtheeffectsofelectricity.andthoseschoolboyswholeavetheirrankstorunafterthesuddengustsofamarchwhirlwind;thosegirls,justnowsodemure,butwhonowflywithburstsoflaughter;thosenationalguards,whoquitthemartialattitudeoftheirdaysofdutytotakerefugeunderaporch!thestormhascausedallthesetransformations.
see,itincreases!thehardiestareobligedtoseekshelter.iseeeveryonerushingtowardtheshopinfrontofmywindow,whichabillannouncesistolet.itisforthefourthtimewithinafewmonths.
ayearagoalltheskillofthejoinerandtheartofthepainterwereemployedinbeautifyingit,buttheirworksarealreadydestroyedbytheleavingofsomanytenants;thecornicesofthefrontaredisfiguredbymud;thearabesquesonthedoorwayarespoiledbybillsposteduponthemtoannouncethesaleoftheeffects.thesplendidshophaslostsomeofitsembellishmentswitheachchangeofthetenant.seeitnowempty,andleftopentothepassersby.howmuchdoesitsfateresemblethatofsomanywho,likeit,onlychangetheiroccupationtohastenthefastertoruin!
iamstruckbythislastreflection:sincethemorningeverythingseemstospeaktome,andwiththesamewarningtone.everythingsays:"takecare!becontentwithyourhappy,thoughhumblelot;happinesscanberetainedonlybyconstancy;donotforsakeyouroldpatronsfortheprotectionofthosewhoareunknown!"
thequestionisnottodiscoverwhatwillsuitus,butforwhatwearesuited!
whatshouldidoamongthesemanyexperiencedfinancialspeculators?iamonlyapoorsparrow,bornamongthehousetops,andshouldalwaysfeartheenemycrouchinginthedarkcorner;iamaprudentworkman,andshouldthinkofthebusinessofmyneighborswhososuddenlydisappeared;iamatimidobserver,andshouldcalltomindtheflowerssoslowlyraisedbytheoldsoldier,ortheshopbroughttoruinbyconstantchangeofmasters.awayfromme,yebanquets,overwhichhangstheswordofdamocles!iamacountrymouse.givememynutsandhollowtree,andiasknothingbesides——exceptsecurity.
CHAPTER IV
letusloveoneanother
april9th
itisthehourwhenparisisseeninallitsbeauty.duringthedaytheplasterfrontsofthehouseswearytheeyebytheirmonotonouswhiteness;heavilyladencartsmakethestreetsshakeundertheirhugewheels;theeagercrowd,takenupbytheonefearoflosingamomentfrombusiness,crossandjostleoneanother;theaspectofthecityaltogetherhassomethingharsh,restless,andflurriedaboutit.but,assoonasthestarsappear,everythingischanged;theglareofthewhitehousesisquenchedinthegatheringshades;youhearnomoreanyrollingbutthatofthecarriagesontheirwaytosomepartyofpleasure;youseeonlytheloungerorthelight-heartedpassingby;workhasgivenplacetoleisure.
noweachonemaybreatheafterthefierceracethroughthebusinessoftheday,andwhateverstrengthremainstohimhegivestopleasure!seetheballroomslightedup,thetheatresopen,theeating-shopsalongthewalkssetoutwithdainties,andthetwinklinglanternsofthenewspapercriers.decidedlyparishaslaidasidethepen,theruler,andtheapron;afterthedayspentinwork,itmusthavetheeveningforenjoyment;likethemastersofthebes,ithasputoffallseriousmattertilltomorrow.
ilovetotakepartinthishappyhour;nottomixinthegeneralgayety,buttocontemplateit.iftheenjoymentsofothersembitterjealousminds,theystrengthenthehumblespirit;theyarethebeamsofsunshine,whichopenthetwobeautifulflowerscalledtrustandhope.
althoughaloneinthemidstofthesmilingmultitude,idonotfeelmyselfisolatedfromit,foritsgayetyisreflecteduponme:itismyownkind,myownfamily,whoareenjoyinglife,anditakeabrothersshareintheirhappiness.weareallfellow-soldiersinthisearthlybattle,andwhatdoesitmatteronwhomthehonorsofthevictoryfall?
iffortunepassesbywithoutseeingus,andpoursherfavorsonothers,letusconsoleourselves,likethefriendofparmenio,bysaying,"those,too,arealexanders."
whilemakingthesereflections,iwasgoingonaschancetookme.icrossedfromonepavementtoanother,iretracedmysteps,istoppedbeforetheshopsortoreadthehandbills.howmanythingstherearetolearninthestreetsofparis!whatamuseumitis!unknownfruits,foreignarms,furnitureofoldtimesorotherlands,animalsofallclimates,statuesofgreatmen,costumesofdistantnations!itistheworldseeninsamples!
butthisvarietyofexhibitions,whichmakesparisthefairoftheworld,doesnotoffermerelyameansofinstructiontohimwhowalksthroughit;itisacontinualspurforrousingtheimagination,afirststepoftheladderalwayssetupbeforeusinavision.whenweseethem,howmanyvoyagesdowetakeinimagination,whatadventuresdowedreamof,whatpicturesdowesketch!ineverlookatthatshopnearthechinesebaths,withitstapestryhangingsoffloridajessamine,andfilledwithmagnolias,withoutseeingtheforestgladesofthenewworld,describedbytheauthorofatala,openingthemselvesoutbeforeme.
alas!asiwasjustnowpassingbythecarriage-entranceofagreathouse,inoticedasadsubjectforoneofthesehistories.amanwassittinginthedarkestcorner,withhisheadbare,andholdingouthishatforthecharityofthosewhopassed.histhreadbarecoathadthatlookofneatnesswhichmarksthatdestitutionhasbeenmetbyalongstruggle.hehadcarefullybuttonedituptohidethewantofashirt.
suddenlythegreatgateturnedonitshinges;andaverylowcarriage,lightedwithsilverlampsanddrawnbytwoblackhorses,cameslowlyout,andtooktheroadtowardthefaubourgst.germain.icouldjustdistinguish,within,thesparklingdiamondsandtheflowersofaball-dress;theglareofthelampspassedlikeabloodystreakoverthepalefaceofthebeggar,andshowedhislookashiseyesopenedandfollowedtherichmansequipageuntilitdisappearedinthenight.
idroppedasmallpieceofmoneyintothehathewasholdingout,andpassedonquickly.
ihadjustfallenunexpectedlyuponthetwosaddestsecretsofthediseasewhichtroublestheagewelivein:theenvioushatredofhimwhosufferswant,andtheselfishforgetfulnessofhimwholivesinaffluence.
alltheenjoymentofmywalkwasgone;ileftofflookingaboutme,andretiredintomyownheart.theanimatedandmovingsightinthestreetsgaveplacetoinwardmeditationuponallthepainfulproblemswhichhavebeenwrittenforthelastfourthousandyearsatthebottomofeachhumanstruggle,butwhicharepropoundedmoreclearlythaneverinourdays.
iponderedontheuselessnessofsomanycontests,inwhichdefeatandvictoryonlydisplaceeachotherbyturns,andonthemistakenzealotswhohaverepeatedfromgenerationtogenerationthebloodyhistoryofcainandabel;and,saddenedwiththesemournfulreflections,iwalkedonaschancetookme,untilthesilenceallaroundinsensiblydrewmeoutfrommyownthoughts.
iinstantlyrecognizedthestreet,thoughihadbeenthereonlyoncebefore.
thatwastwoyearsago.iwaswalkingatthetimebythesideoftheseine,towhichthelightsonthequaysandbridgesgavetheaspectofalakesurroundedbyagarlandofstars;andihadreachedthelouvre,wheniwasstoppedbyacrowdcollectedneartheparapettheyhadgatheredroundachildofaboutsix,whowascrying,andiaskedthecauseofhistears.
"whydotheynotaskhimhisname,andwherehelives?"
"theyhavebeendoingitforthelasthour;butallhecansayis,thatheiscalledcharles,andthathisfatherismonsieurduval——therearetwelvehundredduvalsinparis."
"thenhedoesnotknowinwhatpartofthetownhelives?"
"ishouldnotthink,indeed!dontyouseethatheisagentlemanschild?hehasnevergoneoutexceptinacarriageorwithaservant;hedoesnotknowwhattodobyhimself."
herethemasonwasinterruptedbysomeofthevoicesrisingabovetheothers.
"wecannotleavehiminthestreet,"saidsome.
"thechild-stealerswouldcarryhimoff,"continuedothers.
"wemusttakehimtotheoverseer."
"ortothepolice-office."
butthechild,frightenedbythesesuggestionsofdanger,andatthenamesofpoliceandoverseer,criedlouder,anddrewbacktowardtheparapet.invaintheytriedtopersuadehim;hisfearsmadehimresistthemore,andthemosteagerbegantogetweary,whenthevoiceofalittleboywasheardthroughtheconfusion.
"iknowhimwell——ido,"saidhe,lookingatthelostchild;"hebelongsinourpartofthetown."
"whatpartisit?"
"yonder,ontheothersideoftheboulevards——ruedesmagasins."
"andyouhaveseenhimbefore?"
"yes,yes!hebelongstothegreathouseattheendofthestreet,wherethereisanirongatewithgiltpoints."
thechildquicklyraisedhishead,andstoppedcrying.thelittleboyansweredallthequestionsthatwereputtohim,andgavesuchdetailsasleftnoroomfordoubt.theotherchildunderstoodhim,forhewentuptohimasiftoputhimselfunderhisprotection.
"thenyoucantakehimtohisparents?"askedthemason,whohadlistenedwithrealinteresttothelittleboysaccount.
"idontcareifido,"repliedhe;"itsthewayimgoing."
"thenyouwilltakechargeofhim?"
and,takingupthebaskethehadputdownonthepavement,hesetofftowardthepostern-gateofthelouvre.
thelostchildfollowedhim.
"ihopehewilltakehimright,"saidi,whenisawthemgoaway.
"neverfear,"repliedthemason;"thelittleoneintheblouseisthesameageastheother;but,asthesayingis,heknowsblackfromwhite;poverty,yousee,isafamousschoolmistress!"
thecrowddispersed.formypart,iwenttowardthelouvre;thethoughtcameintomyheadtofollowthetwochildren,soastoguardagainstanymistake.
notseeingeithertheservantorchildreturn,shehadsentinsearchofthemineverydirection,andwaswaitingfortheminintenseanxiety.
iexplainedtoherinafewwordswhathadhappened.shethankedmewarmly,andlookedroundforthelittleboywhohadrecognizedandbroughtbackherson;butwhileweweretalking,hehaddisappeared.
whileputtingthesequestionstomyself,islackenedmypace,andfixedmyeyesonthegreatgate,whichijustperceived.suddenlyisawitopen,andtwochildrenappearedattheentrance.althoughmuchgrown,irecognizedthematfirstsight;theywerethechildwhowasfoundneartheparapetofthelouvre,andhisyoungguide.butthedressofthelatterwasgreatlychanged:hisblouseofgrayclothwasneat,andevenspruce,andwasfastenedroundthewaistbyapolishedleatherbelt;heworestrongshoes,butmadeforhisfeet,andhadonanewclothcap.
m.duvalssondidnotgointillhehadseentheotherturnthecornerofthestreet.
theniaccostedthelatter,andremindedhimofourformermeeting;helookedatmeforamoment,andthenseemedtorecollectme.
"forgivemeifidonotmakeyouabow,"saidhe,merrily,"butiwantbothmyhandsforthenosegaymonsieurcharleshasgivenme."
"oh!ishouldthinkso,"saidthechild;"andnowmyfatherisrichtoo!"
"howsthat?"
"monsieurduvallenthimsomemoney;hehastakenashop,whereheworksonhisownaccount;and,asforme,igotoschool."
"yes,"repliedi,remarkingforthefirsttimethecrossthatdecoratedhislittlecoat;"andiseethatyouarehead-boy!"
"areyounowgoingtoyourlessons?"
"yes,andhehasgivenmesomelilacs;forhehasagardenwhereweplaytogether,andwheremymothercanalwayshaveflowers."
"thenitisthesameasifitwerepartlyyourown."
"soitis!ah!theyaregoodneighborsindeed.buthereiam;good-by,sir."
henoddedtomewithasmile,anddisappeared.
iwentonwithmywalk,stillpensive,butwithafeelingofrelief.
ifihadelsewherewitnessedthepainfulcontrastbetweenaffluenceandwant,hereihadfoundthetrueunionofrichesandpoverty.heartygood-willhadsmootheddownthemoreruggedinequalitiesonbothsides,andhadopenedaroadoftrueneighborhoodandfellowshipbetweenthehumbleworkshopandthestatelymansion.insteadofhearkeningtothevoiceofinterest,theyhadbothlistenedtothatofself-sacrifice,andtherewasnoplaceleftforcontemptorenvy.thus,insteadofthebeggarinrags,thatihadseenattheotherdoorcursingtherichman,ihadfoundherethehappychildofthelaborerloadedwithflowersandblessinghim!theproblem,sodifficultandsodangeroustoexamineintowithnoregardbutfortherightsofit,ihadjustseensolvedbylove.
CHAPTER V
sunday,may27th
cloud?
wedonotnowspeakofthatfloatingpopulationfromallparts,forwhomourfrenchbabylonisthecaravansaryofeurope:aphalanxofthinkers,artists,menofbusiness,andtravellers,who,likehomershero,havearrivedintheirintellectualcountryafterbeholding"manypeoplesandcities;"butofthesettledparisian,whokeepshisappointedplace,andlivesonhisownfloorliketheoysteronhisrock,acuriousvestigeofthecredulity,theslowness,andthesimplicityofbygoneages.
ifnoothercitycanshowmorebrilliantandmorestirringformsoflife,noothercontainsmoreobscureandmoretranquilones.greatcitiesarelikethesea:stormsagitateonlythesurface;ifyougotothebottom,youfindaregioninaccessibletothetumultandthenoise.
formypart,ihavesettledonthevergeofthisregion,butdonotactuallyliveinit.iamremovedfromtheturmoiloftheworld,andliveintheshelterofsolitude,butwithoutbeingabletodisconnectmythoughtsfromthestrugglegoingon.ifollowatadistanceallitseventsofhappinessorgrief;ijointhefeastsandthefunerals;forhowcanhewholookson,andknowswhatpasses,dootherthantakepart?
ignorancealonecankeepusstrangerstothelifearoundus:selfishnessitselfwillnotsufficeforthat.
agrandresolvehadjustdecidedmetodepartfrommyusualhabits.
theeveningbefore,ihadseenbytheadvertisementsthatthenextdaywasaholidayatsevres,andthatthechinamanufactorywouldbeopentothepublic.iwastemptedbythebeautyofthemorning,andsuddenlydecidedtogothere.
onmyarrivalatthestationontheleftbank,inoticedthecrowdhurryingoninthefearofbeinglate.railroads,besidesmanyotheradvantages,possessthatofteachingthefrenchpunctuality.theywillsubmittotheclockwhentheyareconvincedthatitistheirmaster;theywilllearntowaitwhentheyfindtheywillnotbewaitedfor.
socialvirtues,are,inagreatdegree,goodhabits.howmanygreatqualitiesaregraftedintonationsbytheirgeographicalposition,bypoliticalnecessity,andbyinstitutions!avaricewasdestroyedforatimeamongthelacedaemoniansbythecreationofanironcoinage,tooheavyandtoobulkytobeconvenientlyhoarded.
ifoundmyselfinacarriagewithtwomiddle-agedwomenbelongingtothedomesticandretiredclassofparisiansihavespokenofabove.afewcivilitiesweresufficienttogainmetheirconfidence,andaftersomeminutesiwasacquaintedwiththeirwholehistory.
theyweretwopoorsisters,leftorphansatfifteen,andhadlivedeversince,asthosewhoworkfortheirlivelihoodmustlive,byeconomyandprivation.forthelasttwentyorthirtyyearstheyhadworkedinjewelryinthesamehouse;theyhadseentenmasterssucceedoneanother,andmaketheirfortunesinit,withoutanychangeintheirownlot.theyhadalwayslivedinthesameroom,attheendofoneofthepassagesintheruest.denis,wheretheairandthesunareunknown.theybegantheirworkbeforedaylight,wentonwithittillafternightfall,andsawyearsucceedtoyearwithouttheirlivesbeingmarkedbyanyothereventsthanthesundayservice,awalk,oranillness.
theyoungeroftheseworthywork-womenwasforty,andobeyedhersisterasshedidwhenachild.theelderlookedafterher,tookcareofher,andscoldedherwithamotherstenderness.atfirstitwasamusing;afterwardonecouldnothelpseeingsomethingaffectinginthesetwogray-hairedchildren,oneunabletoleaveoffthehabitofobeying,theotherthatofprotecting.
itwasthefirsttimetheyhadtrustedthemselvesonarailroad,anditwasamusingtoseetheirsuddenshocks,theiralarms,andtheircourageousdeterminations:everythingwasamarveltothem!theyhadremainsofyouthwithinthem,whichmadethemsensibletothingswhichusuallyonlystrikeusinchildhood.poorcreatures!theyhadstillthefeelingsofanotherage,thoughtheyhadlostitscharms.
butwastherenotsomethingholyinthissimplicity,whichhadbeenpreservedtothembyabstinencefromallthejoysoflife?ah!accursedbehewhofirsthadthehadcouragetoattachridiculetothatnameof"oldmaid,"whichrecallssomanyimagesofgrievousdeception,ofdreariness,andofabandonment!accursedbehewhocanfindasubjectforsarcasmininvoluntarymisfortune,andwhocancrowngrayhairswiththorns!
thetwosisterswerecalledfrancesandmadeleine.thisdaysjourneywasafeatofcouragewithoutexampleintheirlives.thefeverofthetimeshadinfectedthemunawares.yesterdaymadeleinehadsuddenlyproposedtheideaoftheexpedition,andfranceshadaccepteditimmediately.perhapsitwouldhavebeenbetternottoyieldtothegreattemptationofferedbyheryoungersister;but"wehaveourfolliesatallages,"astheprudentfrancesphilosophicallyremarked.asformadeleine,therearenoregretsordoubtsforher;sheisthelife-guardsmanoftheestablishment.
"wereallymustamuseourselves,"saidshe;"welivebutonce."
andtheeldersistersmiledatthisepicureanmaxim.itwasevidentthatthefeverofindependencewasatitscrisisinbothofthem.
andintruthitwouldhavebeenagreatpityifanyscruplehadinterferedwiththeirhappiness,itwassofrankandgenial!thesightofthetrees,whichseemedtoflyonbothsidesoftheroad,causedthemunceasingadmiration.themeetingatrainpassinginthecontrarydirection,withthenoiseandrapidityofathunderbolt,madethemshuttheireyesandutteracry;butithadalreadydisappeared!theylookaround,takecourageagain,andexpressthemselvesfullofastonishmentatthemarvel.
madeleinedeclaresthatsuchasightisworththeexpenseofthejourney,andfranceswouldhaveagreedwithherifshehadnotrecollected,withsomelittlealarm,thedeficitwhichsuchanexpensemustmakeintheirbudget.thethreefrancsspentuponthissingleexpeditionwerethesavingsofawholeweekofwork.thusthejoyoftheelderofthetwosisterswasmixedwithremorse;theprodigalchildnowandthenturneditseyestowardthebackstreetofst.denis.
butthemotionandthesuccessionofobjectsdistracther.seethebridgeofthevalsurroundedbyitslovelylandscape:ontheright,pariswithitsgrandmonuments,whichrisethroughthefog,orsparkleinthesun;ontheleft,meudon,withitsvillas,itswoods,itsvines,anditsroyalcastle!thetwowork-womenlookfromonewindowtotheotherwithexclamationsofdelight.onefellow-passengerlaughsattheirchildishwonder;buttomeitisdeeplytouching,foriseeinitthesignofalongandmonotonousseclusion:theyaretheprisonersofwork,whohaverecoveredlibertyandfreshairforafewhours.
atlastthetrainstops,andwegetout.ishowthetwosistersthepaththatleadstosevres,betweentherailwayandthegardens,andtheygoonbefore,whileiinquireaboutthetimeofreturning.
isoonjointhemagainatthenextstation,wheretheyhavestoppedatthelittlegardenbelongingtothegatekeeper;botharealreadyindeepconversationwithhimwhilehedigshisgarden-borders,andmarksouttheplacesforflower-seeds.heinformsthemthatitisthetimeforhoeingoutweeds,formakinggraftsandlayers,forsowingannuals,andfordestroyingtheinsectsontherose-trees.madeleinehasonthesillofherwindowtwowoodenboxes,inwhich,forwantofairandsun,shehasneverbeenabletomakeanythinggrowbutmustardandcress;butshepersuadesherselfthat,thankstothisinformation,allotherplantsmayhenceforththriveinthem.atlastthegatekeeper,whoissowingaborderwithmignonette,giveshertherestoftheseedswhichhedoesnotwant,andtheoldmaidgoesoffdelighted,andbeginstoactoveragainthedreamofpairedandhercanofmilk,withtheseflowersofherimagination.
onreachingthegroveofacacias,wherethefairwasgoingon,ilostsightofthetwosisters.iwentaloneamongthesights:therewerelotteriesgoingon,mountebankshows,placesforeatinganddrinking,andforshootingwiththecross-bow.ihavealwaysbeenstruckbythespiritoftheseout-of-doorfestivities.indrawing-roomentertainments,peoplearecold,grave,oftenlistless,andmostofthosewhogotherearebroughttogetherbyhabitortheobligationsofsociety;inthecountryassemblies,onthecontrary,youonlyfindthosewhoareattractedbythehopeofenjoyment.there,itisaforcedconscription;here,theyarevolunteersforgayety!then,howeasilytheyarepleased!howfarthiscrowdofpeopleisyetfromknowingthattobepleasedwithnothing,andtolookdownoneverything,istheheightoffashionandgoodtaste!
doubtlesstheiramusementsareoftencoarse;eleganceandrefinementarewantinginthem;butatleasttheyhaveheartiness.oh,thattheheartyenjoymentsofthesemerry-makingscouldberetainedinunionwithlessvulgarfeeling!formerlyreligionstampeditsholycharacteronthecelebrationofcountryfestivals,andpurifiedthepleasureswithoutdeprivingthemoftheirsimplicity.
thehourarrivesatwhichthedoorsoftheporcelainmanufactoryandthemuseumofpotteryareopentothepublic.imeetfrancesandmadeleineagaininthefirstroom.frightenedatfindingthemselvesinthemidstofsuchregalmagnificence,theyhardlydarewalk;theyspeakinalowtone,asiftheywereinachurch.
"weareinthekingshouse,"saidtheeldestsister,forgettingthatthereisnolongerakinginfrance.
iencouragethemtogoon;iwalkfirst,andtheymakeuptheirmindstofollowme.
this,doubtless,makesmefeelsomuchinterestedinthecollectioniamexamining.thesecups,soroughlymodelledbythesavage,admitmetoaknowledgeofsomeofhishabits;theseelegantyetincorrectlyformedvasesoftheindiantellmeofadecliningintelligence,——inwhichstillglimmersthetwilightofwhatwasoncebrightsunshine;thesejars,loadedwitharabesques,showthefancyofthearabrudelyandignorantlycopiedbythespaniard!wefindherethestampofeveryrace,everycountry,andeveryage.
inthiswaywereachedalittlecourtyard,wheretheyhadthrownawaythefragmentsofsomebrokenchina.
francesperceivedacoloredsauceralmostwhole,ofwhichshetookpossessionasarecordofthevisitshewasmaking;henceforthshewouldhaveaspecimenofthesevreschina,"whichisonlymadeforkings!"
iwouldnotundeceiveherbytellingherthattheproductsofthemanufactoryaresoldallovertheworld,andthathersaucer,beforeitwascracked,wasthesameasthosethatareboughtattheshopsforsixpence!whyshouldidestroytheillusionsofherhumbleexistence?
onleavingthemanufactory,thetwosisters,whohadtakenpossessionofmewiththefreedomofartlessness,invitedmetosharetheluncheontheyhadbroughtwiththem.ideclinedatfirst,buttheyinsistedwithsomuchgood-nature,thatifearedtopainthem,andwithsomeawkwardnessgaveway.
wehadonlytolookforaconvenientspot.iledthemupthehill,andwefoundaplotofgrassenamelledwithdaisies,andshadedbytwowalnut-trees.
madeleinecouldnotcontainherselfforjoy.allherlifeshehaddreamedofadinneroutonthegrass!whilehelpinghersistertotaketheprovisionsfromthebasket,shetellsmeofallherexpeditionsintothecountrythathadbeenplanned,andputoff.frances,ontheotherhand,wasbroughtupatmontmorency,andbeforeshebecameanorphanshehadoftengonebacktohernurseshouse.thatwhichhadtheattractionofnoveltyforhersister,hadforherthecharmofrecollection.shetoldofthevintageharveststowhichherparentshadtakenher;theridesonmotherluretsdonkey,thattheycouldnotmakegototherightwithoutpullinghimtotheleft;thecherry-gathering;andthesailsonthelakeintheinnkeepersboat.
theserecollectionshaveallthecharmandfreshnessofchildhood.
francesrecallstoherselflesswhatshehasseenthanwhatshehasfelt.
whilesheistalkingtheclothislaid,andwesitdownunderatree.
beforeuswindsthevalleyofsevres,itsmany-storiedhousesabuttinguponthegardensandtheslopesofthehill;ontheothersidespreadsouttheparkofst.cloud,withitsmagnificentclumpsoftreesinterspersedwithmeadows;abovestretchtheheavenslikeanimmenseocean,inwhichthecloudsaresailing!ilookatthisbeautifulcountry,andilistentothesegoodoldmaids;iadmire,andiaminterested;andtimepassesgentlyonwithoutmyperceivingit.
atlastthesunsets,andwehavetothinkofreturning.whilemadeleineandfrancesclearawaythedinner,iwalkdowntothemanufactorytoaskthehour.themerrymakingisatitsheight;theblastsofthetrombonesresoundfromthebandundertheacacias.forafewmomentsiforgetmyselfwithlookingabout;butihavepromisedthetwosisterstotakethembacktothebellevuestation;thetraincannotwait,andimakehastetoclimbthepathagainwhichleadstothewalnut-trees.
ithenunderstoodthatthemoneytheyhadmeantforthejourneyhadjustbeengiventothebeggar!good,likeevil,iscontagious:iruntothepoorwoundedgirl,giveherthesumthatwastopayformyownplace,andreturntofrancesandmadeleine,andtellthemiwillwalkwiththem
thesmallestpleasurederivesfromrarityarelishotherwiseunknown.
enjoymentisonlywhatwefeeltobesuch,andtheluxuriousmanfeelsnolonger:satietyhasdestroyedhisappetite,whileprivationpreservestotheotherthatfirstofearthlyblessings:thebeingeasilymadehappy.
oh,thaticouldpersuadeeveryoneofthis!thatsotherichmightnotabusetheirriches,andthatthepoormighthavepatience.ifhappinessistherarestofblessings,itisbecausethereceptionofitistherarestofvirtues.
madeleineandfrances!yepooroldmaidswhosecourage,resignation,andgenerousheartsareyouronlywealth,prayforthewretchedwhogivethemselvesuptodespair;fortheunhappywhohateandenvy;andfortheunfeelingintowhoseenjoymentsnopityenters
CHAPTER VI
unclemaurice
june7th,fouroclocka.m.
thelowerstoriesarestilldeepinsleep,silence,andshadow,whileherelabor,light,andsongalreadyreign.
thegreathumanmachine,withitslongstrains,itsdeepgasps,itscollisions,anditscrashes,willbeagainputinmotion.
mustwecondemnourselvestoignoranceifwewouldpreservehope?istheworldandistheindividualmanintended,afterall,tofindrestonlyinaneternalchildhood?
howmanytimeshaveiaskedmyselfthesequestions!solitudehastheadvantageorthedangerofmakinguscontinuallysearchmoredeeplyintothesameideas.asourdiscourseisonlywithourself,wealwaysgivethesamedirectiontotheconversation;wearenotcalledtoturnittothesubjectwhichoccupiesanothermind,orinterestsanothersfeelings;andsoaninvoluntaryinclinationmakesusreturnforevertoknockatthesamedoors!
iinterruptedmyreflectionstoputmyatticinorder.ihatethelookofdisorder,becauseitshowseitheracontemptfordetailsoranunaptnessforspirituallife.toarrangethethingsamongwhichwehavetolive,istoestablishtherelationofpropertyandofusebetweenthemandus:itistolaythefoundationofthosehabitswithoutwhichmantendstothesavagestate.what,infact,issocialorganizationbutaseriesofhabits,settledinaccordancewiththedispositionsofournature?
idistrustboththeintellectandthemoralityofthosepeopletowhomdisorderisofnoconsequence——whocanliveateaseinanaugeanstable.
whatsurroundsus,reflectsmoreorlessthatwhichiswithinus.themindislikeoneofthosedarklanternswhich,inspiteofeverything,stillthrowsomelightaround.ifourtastesdidnotrevealourcharacter,theywouldbenolongertastes,butinstincts.
whileiwasarrangingeverythinginmyattic,myeyesrestedonthelittlealmanachangingovermychimney-piece.ilookedforthedayofthemonth,andisawthesewordswritteninlargeletters:"fetedieu!"
itisto-day!inthisgreatcity,wheretherearenolongeranypublicreligioussolemnities,thereisnothingtoremindusofit;butitis,intruth,theperiodsohappilychosenbytheprimitivechurch."thedaykeptinhonorofthecreator,"sayschateaubriand,"happensatatimewhentheheavenandtheearthdeclarehispower,whenthewoodsandfieldsarefullofnewlife,andallareunitedbythehappiestties;thereisnotasinglewidowedplantinthefields."
whatrecollectionsthesewordshavejustawakened!ileftoffwhatiwasabout,ileanedmyelbowsonthewindowsill,and,withmyheadbetweenmytwohands,iwentbackinthoughttothelittletownwherethefirstdaysofmychildhoodwerepassed.
itwasthereimademyfirstsacrifice!
thewreathsofflowerswerearranged,thecandleslighted,andthetabernacledressedwithroses;butonewaswantingfittocrownthewhole!alltheneighboringgardenshadbeenransacked.ialonepossessedaflowerworthyofsuchaplace.itwasontherose-treegivenmebymymotheronmybirthday.ihadwatcheditforseveralmonths,andtherewasnootherbudtoblowonthetree.thereitwas,halfopen,initsmossynest,theobjectofsuchlongexpectations,andofallachildspride!ihesitatedforsomemoments.noonehadaskedmeforit;imighteasilyavoidlosingit.ishouldhearnoreproaches,butonerosenoiselesslywithinme.wheneveryoneelsehadgivenalltheyhad,oughtialonetokeepbackmytreasure?oughtitogrudgetogodoneofthegiftswhich,likealltherest,ihadreceivedfromhim?atthislastthoughtipluckedtheflowerfromthestem,andtookittoputatthetopofthetabernacle.ah!whydoestherecollectionofthissacrifice,whichwassohardandyetsosweettome,nowmakemesmile?
isitsocertainthatthevalueofagiftisinitself,ratherthanintheintention?ifthecupofcoldwaterinthegospelisrememberedtothepoorman,whyshouldnottheflowerberememberedtothechild?letusnotlookdownuponthechildssimpleactofgenerosity;itisthesewhichaccustomthesoultoself-denialandtosympathy.icherishedthismoss-rosealongtimeasasacredtalisman;ihadreasontocherishitalways,astherecordofthefirstvictorywonovermyself.
itisnowmanyyearssinceiwitnessedthecelebrationofthefetedieu;butshouldiagainfeelinitthehappysensationsofformerdays?
istillrememberhow,whentheprocessionhadpassed,iwalkedthroughthestreetsstrewedwithflowersandshadedwithgreenboughs.ifeltintoxicatedbythelingeringperfumesoftheincense,mixedwiththefragranceofsyringas,jessamine,androses,andiseemednolongertotouchthegroundasiwentalong.ismiledateverything;thewholeworldwasparadiseinmyeyes,anditseemedtomethatgodwasfloatingintheair!
thisremindsmeofmyunclemaurice!wheneverihaveneedtostrengthenmyselfinallthatisgood,iturnmythoughtstohim;iseeagainthegentleexpressionofhishalf-smiling,half-mournfulface;ihearhisvoice,alwayssoftandsoothingasabreathofsummer!theremembranceofhimprotectsmylife,andgivesitlight.he,too,wasasaintandmartyrherebelow.othershavepointedoutthepathofheaven;hehastaughtustoseethoseofeartharight.
but,excepttheangels,whoarechargedwithnotingdownthesacrificesperformedinsecret,andthevirtueswhichareneverknown,whohaseverheardofmyunclemaurice?perhapsialonerememberhisname,andstillrecallhishistory.
well!iwillwriteit,notforothers,butformyself!theysaythat,atthesightoftheapollo,thebodyerectsitselfandassumesamoredignifiedattitude:inthesameway,thesoulshouldfeelitselfraisedandennobledbytherecollectionofagoodmanslife!
arayoftherisingsunlightsupthelittletableonwhichiwrite;thebreezebringsmeinthescentofthemignonette,andtheswallowswheelaboutmywindowwithjoyfultwitterings.theimageofmyunclemauricewillbeinitsproperplaceamidthesongs,thesunshine,andthefragrance.
sevenoclock——itiswithmenslivesaswithdays:somedawnradiantwithathousandcolors,othersdarkwithgloomyclouds.thatofmyunclemauricewasoneofthelatter.hewassosickly,whenhecameintotheworld,thattheythoughthemustdie;butnotwithstandingtheseanticipations,whichmightbecalledhopes,hecontinuedtolive,sufferinganddeformed.
hewasdeprivedofalljoysaswellasofalltheattractionsofchildhood.hewasoppressedbecausehewasweak,andlaughedatforhisdeformity.invainthelittlehunchbackopenedhisarmstotheworld:
theworldscoffedathim,andwentitsway.
however,hestillhadhismother,anditwastoherthatthechilddirectedallthefeelingsofaheartrepelledbyothers.withherhefoundshelter,andwashappy,tillhereachedtheagewhenamanmusttakehisplaceinlife;andmauricehadtocontenthimselfwiththatwhichothershadrefusedwithcontempt.hiseducationwouldhavequalifiedhimforanycourseoflife;andhebecameanoctroi-clerk——[theoctroiisthetaxonprovisionsleviedattheentranceofthetown]——inoneofthelittletoll-housesattheentranceofhisnativetown.
hewasalwaysshutupinthisdwellingofafewfeetsquare,withnorelaxationfromtheofficeaccountsbutreadingandhismothersvisits.
onfinesummerdaysshecametoworkatthedoorofhishut,undertheshadeofaclematisplantedbymaurice.and,evenwhenshewassilent,herpresencewasapleasantchangeforthehunchback;heheardtheclinkingofherlongknitting-needles;hesawhermildandmournfulprofile,whichremindedhimofsomanycourageously-bornetrials;hecouldeverynowandthenresthishandaffectionatelyonthatbowedneck,andexchangeasmilewithher!
theytriedtotakemauriceaway,butheresistedthemandthrewhimselfonthatnowmotionlessform.
"dead!"criedhe;"dead!shewhohadneverleftme,shewhowastheonlyoneintheworldwholovedme!you,mymother,dead!whatthenremainsformeherebelow?"
astifledvoicereplied:
"god!"
maurice,startled,raisedhimself!wasthatalastsighfromthedead,orhisownconscience,thathadansweredhim?hedidnotseektoknow,butheunderstoodtheanswer,andacceptedit.
nootherclerkshowedsomuchhonesty,zeal,andintelligence;butthosewhootherwisemighthavepromotedhimashisservicesdeservedwererepelledbyhisdeformity.ashehadnopatrons,hefoundhisclaimswerealwaysdisregarded.theypreferredbeforehimthosewhowerebetterabletomakethemselvesagreeable,andseemedtobegrantinghimafavorwhenlettinghimkeepthehumbleofficewhichenabledhimtolive.unclemauriceboreinjusticeashehadbornecontempt;unfairlytreatedbymen,heraisedhiseyeshigher,andtrustedinthejusticeofhimwhocannotbedeceived.
sheworkedwithoutinterestandwithoutrelaxation;adepressinggloomseemedtoenvelopherlikeashroud.herdejectionaffectedmaurice;heattemptedtospeaktoher;sherepliedmildly,butinfewwords.itwaseasytoseethatshepreferredhersilenceandhersolitudetothelittlehunchbacksgood-will;heperceivedit,andsaidnomore.
buttoinettesneedlewashardlysufficientforhersupport,andpresentlyworkfailedher!mauricelearnedthatthepoorgirlwasinwantofeverything,andthatthetradesmenrefusedtogivehercredit.
heimmediatelywenttothemprivatelyandengagedtopaythemforwhattheysuppliedtoinettewith.
thingswentoninthiswayforseveralmonths.theyoungdressmakercontinuedoutofwork,untilshewasatlastfrightenedatthebillsshehadcontractedwiththeshopkeepers.whenshecametoanexplanationwiththem,everythingwasdiscovered.herfirstimpulsewastoruntounclemaurice,andthankhimonherknees.herhabitualreservehadgivenwaytoaburstofdeepestfeeling.itseemedasifgratitudehadmeltedalltheiceofthatnumbedheart.
itwasevening;thelittlehunchback,inmuchagitation,directedhisstepstowardthework-womansgarretjustashewasabouttoenter,hethoughtheheardastrangevoicepronouncingthemaidensname.hequicklypushedopenthedoor,andperceivedtoinetteweeping,andleaningontheshoulderofayoungmaninthedressofasailor.
atthesightofmyuncle,shedisengagedherselfquickly,andrantohim,cryingout:
mauricetottered,anddrewback.asinglewordhadtoldhimall!
itseemedtohimasifthegroundshookandhisheartwasabouttobreak;butthesamevoicethathehadheardbyhismothersdeathbedagainsoundedinhisears,andhesoonrecoveredhimself.godwasstillhisfriend!
itwastherethatheendedhislife,forsakenbymen,butnotashesaidbythefatherwhichisinheaven.hefelthispresenceeverywhere;itwastohimintheplaceofallelse.whenhedied,itwaswithasmile,andlikeanexilesettingoutforhisowncountry.hewhohadconsoledhiminpovertyandill-health,whenhewassufferingfrominjusticeandforsakenbyall,hadmadedeathagainandblessingtohim.
eightoclock——allihavejustwrittenhaspainedme!tillnowihavelookedintolifeforinstructionhowtolive.isitthentruethathumanmaximsarenotalwayssufficient?thatbeyondgoodness,prudence,moderation,humility,self-sacrificeitself,thereisonegreattruth,whichalonecanfacegreatmisfortunes?andthat,ifmanhasneedofvirtuesforothers,hehasneedofreligionforhimself?
when,inyouth,wedrinkourwinewithamerryheart,asthescriptureexpressesit,wethinkwearesufficientforourselves;strong,happy,andbeloved,webelieve,likeajax,weshallbeabletoescapeeverystorminspiteofthegods.butlaterinlife,whenthebackisbowed,whenhappinessprovesafadingflower,andtheaffectionsgrowchill-then,infearofthevoidandthedarkness,westretchoutourarms,likethechildovertakenbynight,andwecallforhelptohimwhoiseverywhere.
iwasaskingthismorningwhythisgrowingconfusionalikeforsocietyandfortheindividual?invaindoeshumanreasonfromhourtohourlightsomenewtorchontheroadside:thenightcontinuestogroweverdarker!isitnotbecausewearecontenttowithdrawfartherandfartherfromgod,thesunofspirits?
butwhatdothesehermitsreveriessignifytotheworld?theinwardturmoilsofmostmenarestifledbytheoutwardones;lifedoesnotgivethemtimetoquestionthemselves.havetheytimetoknowwhattheyare,andwhattheyshouldbe,whosewholethoughtsareinthenextleaseorthelastpriceofstock?heavenisveryhigh,andwisemenlookonlyattheearth.
buti——poorsavageamidallthiscivilization,whoseekneitherpowernorriches,andwhohavefoundinmyownthoughtsthehomeandshelterofmyspirit——icangobackwithimpunitytotheserecollectionsofmychildhood;and,ifthisourgreatcitynolongerhonorsthenameofgodwithafestival,iwillstrivestilltokeepthefeasttohiminmyheart.
CHAPTER VII
thepriceofpowerandtheworthoffame
sunday,july1st.
yesterdaythemonthdedicatedtojuno(junius,june)bytheromansended.
to-dayweenteronjuly.
howmanysimilarinscriptionsarethere!seas,continents,mountains,stars,andmonuments,haveallinsuccessionservedthesamepurpose!wehaveturnedthewholeworldintoagoldenbook,likethatinwhichthestateofveniceusedtoenrollitsillustriousnamesanditsgreatdeeds.
itseemsthatmankindfeelsanecessityforhonoringitselfinitselectones,andthatitraisesitselfinitsowneyesbychoosingheroesfromamongitsownrace.thehumanfamilylovetopreservethememory;oftheparvenusofglory,aswecherishthatofagreatancestor,orofabenefactor.
infact,thetalentsgrantedtoasingleindividualdonotbenefithimselfalone,butaregiftstotheworld;everyonesharesthem,foreveryonesuffersorbenefitsbyhisactions.geniusisalighthouse,meanttogivelightfromafar;themanwhobearsitisbuttherockuponwhichthislighthouseisbuilt.
ilovetodwelluponthesethoughts;theyexplaintomeinwhatconsistsouradmirationforglory.whengloryhasbenefitedmen,thatadmirationisgratitude;whenitisonlyremarkableinitself,itistheprideofrace;asmen,welovetoimmortalizethemostshiningexamplesofhumanity.
whoknowswhetherwedonotobeythesameinstinctinsubmittingtothehandofpower?apartfromtherequirementsofagradationofranks,ortheconsequencesofaconquest,themultitudedelighttosurroundtheirchiefswithprivileges——whetheritbethattheirvanitymakesthemthustoaggrandizeoneoftheirowncreations,orwhethertheytrytoconcealthehumiliationofsubjectionbyexaggeratingtheimportanceofthosewhorulethem.theywishtohonorthemselvesthroughtheirmaster;theyelevatehimontheirshouldersasonapedestal;theysurroundhimwithahalooflight,inorderthatsomeofitmaybereflecteduponthemselves.
itisstillthefableofthedogwhocontentshimselfwiththechainandcollar,sothattheyareofgold.
july7th,sevenoclockp.m——ihavejustnowbeenuptheboulevards;itwastheoperanight,andtherewasacrowdofcarriagesintheruelepelletier.thefoot-passengerswhowerestoppedatacrossingrecognizedthepersonsinsomeoftheseaswewentby,andmentionedtheirnames;theywerethoseofcelebratedorpowerfulmen,thesuccessfulonesoftheday.
nearmetherewasamanlookingonwithhollowcheeksandeagereyes,whosethinblackcoatwasthreadbare.hefollowedwithenviouslooksthesepossessorsoftheprivilegesofpoweroroffame,andireadonhislips,whichcurledwithabittersmile,allthatpassedinhismind.
"lookatthem,theluckyfellows!"thoughthe;"allthepleasuresofwealth,alltheenjoymentsofpride,aretheirs.theirnamesarerenowned,alltheirwishesfulfilled;theyarethesovereignsoftheworld,eitherbytheirintellectortheirpower;andwhilei,poorandunknown,toilpainfullyalongtheroadbelow,theywingtheirwayoverthemountain-topsgildedbythebroadsunshineofprosperity."
dogeniusandauthorityreallywearlifeasacrown,whilethegreaterpartofmankindreceiveitasayoke?isthedifferenceofrankbutadifferentuseofmensdispositionsandtalents,orarealinequalityintheirdestinies?asolemnquestion,asitregardstheverificationofgodsimpartiality.
"to-day,"saidhe,"theministergivesnoaudience:hetakesadayofrestwithhisfamily.hisyoungersistersarearrived;hewilltakethemthismorningtost.cloud,andintheeveninghehasinvitedhisfriendstoaprivateball.ishallbedismisseddirectlyfortherestoftheday.wecandinetogether;readthenewswhileyouarewaitingforme."
isatdownatatablecoveredwithnewspapers,allofwhichilookedoverbyturns.mostofthemcontainedseverecriticismsonthelastpoliticalactsoftheminister;someofthemaddedsuspicionsastothehonoroftheministerhimself.
justasihadfinishedreading,asecretarycameforthemtotakethemtohismaster.
hewasthenabouttoreadtheseaccusations,tosuffersilentlytheabuseofallthosetongueswhichwereholdinghimuptoindignationortoscorn!liketheromanvictorinhistriumph,hehadtoenduretheinsultsofhimwhofollowedhiscar,relatingtothecrowdhisfollies,hisignorance,orhisvices.
but,amongthearrowsshotathimfromeveryside,wouldnoonebefoundpoisoned?wouldnotonereachsomespotinhisheartwherethewoundwouldbeincurable?whatistheworthofalifeexposedtotheattacksofenvioushatredorfuriousconviction?thechristiansyieldedonlythefragmentsoftheirfleshtothebeastsoftheamphitheatres;themaninpowergivesuphispeace,hisaffections,hishonor,tothecruelbitesofthepen.
whileiwasmusinguponthesedangersofgreatness,theusherenteredhastily.importantnewshadbeenreceived:theministerisjustsummonedtothecouncil;hewillnotbeabletotakehissisterstost.cloud.
isaw,throughthewindows,theyoungladies,whowerewaitingatthedoor,sorrowfullygoupstairsagain,whiletheirbrotherwentofftothecouncil.thecarriage,whichshouldhavegonefilledwithsomuchfamilyhappiness,isjustoutofsight,carryingonlythecaresofastatesmaninit.
theushercamebackdiscontentedanddisappointed.themoreorlessoflibertywhichheisallowedtoenjoy,ishisbarometerofthepoliticalatmosphere.ifhegetsleave,allgoeswell;ifheiskeptathispost,thecountryisindanger.hisopiniononpublicaffairsisbutacalculationofhisowninterest.myfriendisalmostastatesman.
ihadsomeconversationwithhim,andhetoldmeseveralcuriousparticularsofpubliclife.
sometimes,however,theministerstillgiveswaytohisoldfeelings;hereceivesorvisitshisfriendsprivately;heshutshimselfupwiththem,andtalksofthetimeswhentheycouldbeopenfriends.bydintofprecautionstheyhavehithertosucceededinconcealingthisblotoffriendshipagainstpolicy;butsoonerorlaterthenewspaperswillbeinformedofit,andwilldenouncehimtothecountryasanobjectofdistrust.
forwhetherhatredbehonestordishonest,itnevershrinksfromanyaccusation.sometimesitevenproceedstocrime.theusherassuredmethatseveralwarningshadbeengiventheministerwhichhadmadehimfearthevengeanceofanassassin,andthathenolongerventuredoutonfoot.
weprolongedourconversationtillitwasinterruptedbytheministersreturn.hethrewhimselfoutofthecarriagewithahandfulofpapers,andwithananxiousmannerwentintohisownroom.aninstantafterwardhisbellwasheard;hissecretarywascalledtosendoffnoticestoallthoseinvitedfortheevening;theballwouldnottakeplace;theyspokemysteriouslyofbadnewstransmittedbythetelegraph,andinsuchcircumstancesanentertainmentwouldseemtoinsultthepublicsorrow.
itookleaveofmyfriend,andhereiamathome.whatihavejustseenisananswertomydoubtstheotherday.nowiknowwithwhatpangsmenpayfortheirdignities;nowiunderstandthatfortunesellswhatwebelieveshegives.
thisexplainstomethereasonwhycharlesvaspiredtothereposeofthecloister.
andyetihaveonlyglancedatsomeofthesufferingsattachedtopower.
thepartisansofdespotismadherewithreasontoformsandceremonies.
ifmenwishtogiveunlimitedpowertotheirfellow-man,theymustkeephimseparatedfromordinaryhumanity;theymustsurroundhimwithacontinualworship,and,byaconstantceremonial,keepupforhimthesuperhumanparttheyhavegrantedhim.ourmasterscannotremainabsolute,exceptonconditionofbeingtreatedasidols.
but,afterall,theseidolsaremen,and,iftheexclusivelifetheymustleadisaninsulttothedignityofothers,itisalsoatormenttothemselves.everyoneknowsthelawofthespanishcourt,whichusedtoregulate,hourbyhour,theactionsofthekingandqueen;"sothat,"
saysvoltaire,"byreadingitonecantellallthatthesovereignsofspainhavedone,orwilldo,fromphilipiitothedayofjudgment."itwasbythislawthatphilipiii,whensick,wasobligedtoenduresuchanexcessofheatthathediedinconsequence,becausethedukeofuzeda,whoalonehadtherighttoputoutthefireintheroyalchamber,happenedtobeabsent.
ibeganlivingoveragainthefirstyearsofmylife,andrecallingtomyselftheconversationsofthatguidewhomgodinhismercyhadgivenme,andwhominhisseverityhehadtoosoonwithdrawn.
whenmyfatherspoke,itwasnotonlytobringourtwomindstogetherbyaninterchangeofthought,buthiswordsalwayscontainedinstruction.
notthatheendeavoredtomakemefeelitso:myfatherfearedeverythingthathadtheappearanceofalesson.heusedtosaythatvirtuecouldmakeherselfdevotedfriends,butshedidnottakepupils:thereforehewasnotdesiroustoteachgoodness;hecontentedhimselfwithsowingtheseedsofit,certainthatexperiencewouldmakethemgrow.
myfather,whowasapprenticedattheageoftwelvetooneofthosetradingcollectorswhocallthemselvesnaturalists,becausetheyputallcreationunderglassesthattheymaysellitbyretail,hadalwaysledalifeofpovertyandlabor.obligedtorisebeforedaybreak,byturnsshop-boy,clerk,andlaborer,hewasmadetobearalonealltheworkofatradeofwhichhismasterreapedalltheprofits.intruth,thislatterhadapeculiartalentformakingthemostofthelaborofotherpeople.
thoughunfithimselffortheexecutionofanykindofwork,nooneknewbetterhowtosellit.hiswordswereanet,inwhichpeoplefoundthemselvestakenbeforetheywereaware.andsincehewasdevotedtohimselfalone,andlookedontheproducerashisenemy,andthebuyerasprey,heusedthembothwiththatobstinateperseverancewhichavariceteaches.
myfatherwasaslavealltheweek,andcouldcallhimselfhisownonlyonsunday.themasternaturalist,whousedtospendthedayatthehouseofanoldfemalerelative,thengavehimhislibertyonconditionthathedinedout,andathisownexpense.butmyfatherusedsecretlytotakewithhimacrustofbread,whichhehidinhisbotanizing-box,and,leavingparisassoonasitwasday,hewouldwanderfarintothevalleyofmontmorency,thewoodofmeudon,oramongthewindingsofthemarne.
excitedbythefreshair,thepenetratingperfumeofthegrowingvegetation,orthefragranceofthehoneysuckles,hewouldwalkonuntilhungerorfatiguemadeitselffelt.thenhewouldsitunderahedge,orbythesideofastream,andwouldmakearusticfeast,byturnsonwatercresses,woodstrawberries,andblackberriespickedfromthehedges;hewouldgatherafewplants,readafewpagesofflorian,theningreatestvogue,ofgessner,whowasjusttranslated,orofjeanjacques,ofwhomhepossessedthreeoldvolumes.thedaywasthuspassedalternatelyinactivityandrest,inpursuitandmeditation,untilthedecliningsunwarnedhimtotakeagaintheroadtoparis,wherehewouldarrive,hisfeettornanddusty,buthismindinvigoratedforawholeweek.
oneday,ashewasgoingtowardthewoodofviroflay,hemet,closetoit,astrangerwhowasoccupiedinbotanizingandinsortingtheplantshehadjustgathered.hewasanelderlymanwithanhonestface;buthiseyes,whichwereratherdeep-setunderhiseyebrows,hadasomewhatuneasyandtimidexpression.hewasdressedinabrownclothcoat,agraywaistcoat,blackbreeches,andworstedstockings,andheldanivory-headedcaneunderhisarm.hisappearancewasthatofasmallretiredtradesmanwhowaslivingonhismeans,andratherbelowthegoldenmeanofhorace.
myfather,whohadgreatrespectforage,civillyraisedhishattohimashepassed.indoingso,aplantheheldfellfromhishand;thestrangerstoopedtotakeitup,andrecognizedit.
"itisadeutariaheptaphyllos,"saidhe;"ihavenotyetseenanyoftheminthesewoods;didyoufinditnearhere,sir?"
myfatherrepliedthatitwastobefoundinabundanceonthetopofthehill,towardsevres,aswellasthegreatlaserpitium.
"that,too!"repeatedtheoldmanmorebriskly."ah!ishallgoandlookforthem;ihavegatheredthemformerlyonthehillsideofrobaila."
myfatherinsisteduponitwithhishabitualgood-nature;but,themoreeagernessheshowed,themoreobstinatelytheoldmanrefused;itevenseemedtomyfatherthathisgoodintentionatlastexcitedhissuspicion.hethereforecontentedhimselfwithpointingouttheroadtothestranger,whomhesaluted,andhesoonlostsightofhim.
anexclamationutteredclosebyhimawokehimfromhisecstasy;heraisedhishead,andperceivedthetradesman-lookingpersonhehadmetbeforeonthecrossroadatviroflay.
hewasloadedwithplants,thecollectionofwhichseemedtohaveputhimintohighgood-humor.
"athousandthanks,sir,"saidhetomyfather."ihavefoundallthatyoutoldmeof,andiamindebtedtoyouforacharmingwalk."
myfatherrespectfullyrose,andmadeacivilreply.thestrangerhadgrownquitefamiliar,andevenaskedifhisyoung"brotherbotanist"didnotthinkofreturningtoparis.myfatherrepliedintheaffirmative,andopenedhistinboxtoputhisbookbackinit.
thestrangeraskedhimwithasmileifhemightwithoutimpertinenceaskthenameofit.myfatheransweredthatitwasrousseausemile.
thestrangerimmediatelybecamegrave.
"andhowdoyouknow,"saidhe,mildly,"whetherjeanjacqueswouldnotexchangethereputationwhichyouseemtoenvyforthelifeofoneofthewood-cutterswhosechimneyssmokewesee?whathasfamebroughthimexceptpersecution?theunknownfriendswhomhisbooksmayhavemadeforhimcontentthemselveswithblessinghimintheirhearts,whilethedeclaredenemiesthattheyhavedrawnuponhimpursuehimwithviolenceandcalumny!hispridehasbeenflatteredbysuccess:howmanytimeshasitbeenwoundedbysatire?andbeassuredthathumanprideislikethesybaritewhowaspreventedfromsleepingbyacreaseinaroseleaf.theactivityofavigorousmind,bywhichtheworldprofits,almostalwaysturnsagainsthimwhopossessesit.heexpectsmorefromitashegrowsolder;theidealhepursuescontinuallydisgustshimwiththeactual;heislikeamanwho,withatoo-refinedsight,discernsspotsandblemishesinthemostbeautifulface.iwillnotspeakofstrongertemptationsandofdeeperdownfalls.genius,youhavesaid,isakingdom;butwhatvirtuousmanisnotafraidofbeingaking?hewhofeelsonlyhisgreatpowers,is——withtheweaknessesandpassionsofournature——preparingforgreatfailures.believeme,sir,theunhappymanwhowrotethisbookisnoobjectofadmirationorofenvy;but,ifyouhaveafeelingheart,pityhim!"
justthentheyreachedthepavedroadwhichledfrommeudoncastletothatofversailles;acarriagewaspassing.
theladieswhowereinitperceivedtheoldman,utteredanexclamationofsurprise,andleaningoutofthewindowrepeated:
"thereisjeanjacques——thereisrousseau!"
thenthecarriagedisappearedinthedistance.
myfatherremainedmotionless,confounded,andamazed,hiseyeswideopen,andhishandsclasped.
rousseau,whohadshudderedonhearinghisnamespoken,turnedtowardhim:
"yousee,"saidhe,withthebittermisanthropywhichhislatermisfortuneshadproducedinhim,"jeanjacquescannotevenhidehimself:
wheneveryouwishtoknowtheworthoffame,rememberthatyouhaveseenrousseau."
nineoclock——ah!nowiunderstandmyfathersstory!itcontainstheanswertooneofthequestionsiaskedmyselfaweekago.yes,inowfeelthatfameandpoweraregiftsthataredearlybought;andthat,whentheydazzlethesoul,bothareoftenest,asmadamedestaelsays,butundeuileclatantdebonheur!
tisbettertobelowlyborn,andrangewithhumbleliversincontent,thantobeperkdupinaglisteringgrief,andwearagoldensorrow.
[henryviii.,actii.,scene3.]
CHAPTER VIII
misanthropyandrepentance
august3d,nineoclockp.m.
therearedayswheneverythingappearsgloomytous;theworld,likethesky,iscoveredbyadarkfog.nothingseemsinitsplace;weseeonlymisery,improvidence,andcruelty;theworldseemswithoutgod,andgivenuptoalltheevilsofchance.
yesterdayiwasinthisunhappyhumor.afteralongwalkinthefaubourgs,ireturnedhome,sadanddispirited.
everythingihadseenseemedtoaccusethecivilizationofwhichwearesoproud!ihadwanderedintoalittleby-street,withwhichiwasnotacquainted,andifoundmyselfsuddenlyinthemiddleofthosedreadfulabodeswherethepoorareborn,tolanguishanddie.ilookedatthosedecayingwalls,whichtimehascoveredwithafoulleprosy;thosewindows,fromwhichdirtyragshangouttodry;thosefetidgutters,whichcoilalongthefrontsofthehouseslikevenomousreptiles!
ifeltoppressedwithgrief,andhastenedon.
butwhat,then,isthishumansociety,ifoneofitsmemberscanthusdisappearlikealeafcarriedawaybythewind?
ah!whatthenavailsourreason?whatistheuseofsomanyhighfaculties,ifweareneitherthewisernorthehappierforthem?whichofuswouldnotexchangehislifeoflaborandtroublewiththatofthebirdsoftheair,towhomthewholeworldisalifeofjoy?
butthelifeofmaninanaturalstateislikethatofthebirds;heequallyenjoysnature."theearthspreadsacontinualfeastbeforehim."
what,then,hashegainedbythatselfishandimperfectassociationwhichformsanation?woulditnotbebetterforeveryonetoturnagaintothefertilebosomofnature,andlivethereuponherbountyinpeaceandliberty?
august20th,fouroclocka.m——thedawncastsaredglowonmybed-curtains;thebreezebringsinthefragranceofthegardensbelow.hereiamagainleaningonmyelbowsbythewindows,inhalingthefreshnessandgladnessofthisfirstwakeningoftheday.
myeyealwayspassesovertheroofsfilledwithflowers,warbling,andsunlight,withthesamepleasure;butto-dayitstopsattheendofabuttresswhichseparatesourhousefromthenext.
thestormshavestrippedthetopofitsplastercovering,anddustcarriedbythewindhascollectedinthecrevices,and,beingfixedtherebytherain,hasformedasortofaerialterrace,wheresomegreengrasshassprungup.amongitrisesastalkofwheat,whichto-dayissurmountedbyasicklyearthatdroopsitsyellowhead.
thispoorstraycropontheroofs,theharvestofwhichwillfalltotheneighboringsparrows,hascarriedmythoughtstotherichcropswhicharenowfallingbeneaththesickle;ithasrecalledtomethebeautifulwalksitookasachildthroughmynativeprovince,whenthethreshing-floorsatthefarmhousesresoundedfromeverypartwiththesoundofaflail,andwhenthecarts,loadedwithgoldensheaves,cameinbyalltheroads.
istillrememberthesongsofthemaidens,thecheerfulnessoftheoldmen,theopen-heartedmerrimentofthelaborers.therewas,atthattime,somethingintheirlooksbothofprideandfeeling.thelattercamefromthankfulnesstogod,theformerfromthesightoftheharvest,therewardoftheirlabor.theyfeltindistinctlythegrandeurandtheholinessoftheirpartinthegeneralworkoftheworld;theylookedwithprideupontheirmountainsofcorn-sheaves,andtheyseemedtosay,nexttogod,itiswewhofeedtheworld!
whatawonderfulorderthereisinallhumanlabor!
thepoorestmanincludedinthisassociationhashisplace,hiswork,hisreasonforbeingthere;eachissomethinginthewhole.
thereisnothinglikethisformaninthestateofnature.ashedependsonlyuponhimself,itisnecessarythathebesufficientforeverything.
allcreationishisproperty;buthefindsinitasmanyhindrancesashelps.hemustsurmounttheseobstacleswiththesinglestrengththatgodhasgivenhim;hecannotreckononanyotheraidthanchanceandopportunity.noonereaps,manufactures,fights,orthinksforhim;heisnothingtoanyone.heisaunitmultipliedbythecipherofhisownsinglepowers;whilethecivilizedmanisaunitmultipliedbythewholeofsociety.
but,notwithstandingthis,theotherday,disgustedbythesightofsomevicesindetail,icursedthelatter,andalmostenviedthelifeofthesavage.
oneoftheinfirmitiesofournatureisalwaystomistakefeelingforevidence,andtojudgeoftheseasonbyacloudorarayofsunshine.
wasthemisery,thesightofwhichmademeregretasavagelife,reallytheeffectofcivilization?mustweaccusesocietyofhavingcreatedtheseevils,oracknowledge,onthecontrary,thatithasalleviatedthem?couldthewomenandchildren,whowerereceivingthecoarsebreadfromthesoldier,hopeinthedesertformorehelporpity?thatdeadman,whoseforsakenstateideplored,hadhenotfound,bythecaresofahospital,acoffinandthehumblegravewherehewasabouttorest?
alone,andfarfrommen,hewouldhavediedlikethewildbeastinhisden,andwouldnowbeservingasfoodforvultures!thesebenefitsofhumansocietyareshared,then,bythemostdestitute.whoevereatsthebreadthatanotherhasreapedandkneaded,isunderanobligationtohisbrother,andcannotsayheoweshimnothinginreturn.thepoorestofushasreceivedfromsocietymuchmorethanhisownsinglestrengthwouldhavepermittedhimtowrestfromnature.
august14th,sixoclocka.m——mygarretwindowrisesupontherooflikeamassivewatch-tower.thecornersarecoveredbylargesheetsoflead,whichrunintothetiles;thesuccessiveactionofcoldandheathasmadethemrise,andsoacrevicehasbeenformedinanangleontherightside.thereasparrowhasbuilthernest.
ihavefollowedtheprogressofthisaerialhabitationfromthefirstday.ihaveseenthebirdsuccessivelybringthestraw,moss,andwooldesignedfortheconstructionofherabode;andihaveadmiredtheperseveringskillsheexpendedinthisdifficultwork.atfirst,mynewneighborspentherdaysinflutteringoverthepoplarinthegarden,andinchirpingalongthegutters;afineladyslifeseemedtheonlyonetosuither.thenallofasudden,thenecessityofpreparingashelterforherbroodtransformedouridlerintoaworker;shenolongergaveherselfeitherrestorrelaxation.isawheralwayseitherflying,fetching,orcarrying;neitherrainnorsunstoppedher.astrikingexampleofthepowerofnecessity!weareindebtedtoitnotonlyformostofourtalents,butformanyofourvirtues!
isitnotnecessitythathasgiventhepeopleoflessfavoredclimatesthatconstantactivitywhichhasplacedthemsoquicklyattheheadofnations?astheyaredeprivedofmostofthegiftsofnature,theyhavesuppliedthembytheirindustry;necessityhassharpenedtheirunderstanding,enduranceawakenedtheirforesight.whileelsewhereman,warmedbyaneverbrilliantsun,andloadedwiththebountiesoftheearth,wasremainingpoor,ignorant,andnaked,inthemidstofgiftshedidnotattempttoexplore,herehewasforcedbynecessitytowresthisfoodfromtheground,tobuildhabitationstodefendhimselffromtheintemperanceoftheweather,andtowarmhisbodybyclothinghimselfwiththewoolofanimals.workmakeshimbothmoreintelligentandmorerobust:disciplinedbyit,heseemstomounthigherontheladderofcreation,whilethosemorefavoredbynatureremainonthestepnearesttothebrutes.
august15th,sixoclock——thismorning,onopeningmywindow,ifoundthelittlebirddyinguponthetiles;hiswoundsshowedmethathehadbeendrivenfromthenestbyhisunworthymother.itriedinvaintowarmhimagainwithmybreath;ifeltthelastpulsationsoflife;hiseyeswerealreadyclosed,andhiswingshungdown!iplacedhimontheroofinarayofsunshine,andiclosedmywindow.thestruggleoflifeagainstdeathhasalwayssomethinggloomyinit:itisawarningtous.
happilyihearsomeoneinthepassage;withoutdoubtitismyoldneighbor;hisconversationwilldistractmythoughts.
itwasmyportress.excellentwoman!shewishedmetoreadaletterfromhersonthesailor,andbeggedmetoansweritforher.
ikeptit,tocopyitinmyjournal.hereitis:
"dearmother:thisistotellyouthatihavebeenverywelleversincethelasttime,exceptthatlastweekiwasnearlydrownedwiththeboat,whichwouldhavebeenagreatloss,asthereisnotabettercraftanywhere.
"agustofwindcapsizedus;andjustasicameupabovewater,isawthecaptainsinking.iwentafterhim,aswasmyduty,and,afterdivingthreetimes,ibroughthimtothesurface,whichpleasedhimmuch;forwhenwewerehoistedonboard,andhehadrecoveredhissenses,hethrewhisarmsroundmyneck,ashewouldhavedonetoanofficer.
"idonothidefromyou,dearmother,thatthishasdelightedme.
butitisntall;itseemsthatfishingupthecaptainhasremindedthemthatihadagoodcharacter,andtheyhavejusttoldmethatiampromotedtobeasailorofthefirstclass!directlyiknewit,icriedout,mymothershallhavecoffeetwiceaday!andreally,dearmother,thereisnothingnowtohinderyou,asishallnowhavealargerallowancetosendyou.
"iincludebybeggingyoutotakecareofyourselfifyouwishtodomegood;fornothingmakesmefeelsowellastothinkthatyouwantfornothing.
"yourson,fromthebottomofmyheart,
jacques."
thisistheanswerthattheportressdictatedtome:
"mygoodjacquot:itmakesmeveryhappytoseethatyourheartisstillastrueasever,andthatyouwillnevershamethosewhohavebroughtyouup.ineednottellyoutotakecareofyourlife,becauseyouknowitisthesameasmyown,andthatwithoutyou,dearchild,ishouldwishfornothingbutthegrave;butwearenotboundtolive,whileweareboundtodoourduty.
"donotfearformyhealth,goodjacques;iwasneverbetter!idonotgrowoldatall,forfearofmakingyouunhappy.iwantnothing,andilivelikealady.ievenhadsomemoneyoverthisyear,andasmydrawersshutverybadly,iputitintothesavings
"allyourfriendsarewell.yourcousinisjustdead,leavinghiswidowindifficulties.igaveheryourthirtyfrancsremittanceandsaidthatyouhadsentither;andthepoorwomanremembersyoudayandnightinherprayers.so,yousee,ihaveputthatmoneyinanothersortofsavingsbank;butthereitisourheartsthatgettheinterest.
"good-bye,dearjacquot.writetomeoften,andalwaysrememberthegoodgod,andyouroldmother,
"phrosinemillot."
thus,theaffectionsmakeforourspeciesanexistenceseparatefromalltherestofcreation.thankstothem,weenjoyasortofterrestrialimmortality;andifotherbeingssucceedoneanother,manaloneperpetuateshimself.
CHAPTER IX
thefamilyofmichaelarout
september15th,eightoclock
shehasputthebasketuponmytable,andasiwantherhusband,whoisajoiner,toaddsomeshelvestomybookcase,shehasgonedownstairsagainimmediatelytosendhimtome.
atfirstididnotnoticeeitherherlooksorthesoundofhervoice:
but,nowthatirecallthem,itseemstomethatshewasnotasjovialasusual.canmothergenevievebeintroubleaboutanything?
poorwoman!allherbestyearsweresubjecttosuchbittertrials,thatshemightthinkshehadreceivedherfullsharealready.wereitoliveahundredyears,ishouldneverforgetthecircumstanceswhichmadeherknowntome,andwhichobtainedforhermyrespect.
itwasatthetimeofmyfirstsettlinginthefaubourg.ihadnoticedheremptyfruit-shop,whichnobodycameinto,and,beingattractedbyitsforsakenappearance,imademylittlepurchasesinit.ihavealwaysinstinctivelypreferredthepoorshops;thereislesschoiceinthem,butitseemstomethatmypurchaseisasignofsympathywithabrotherinpoverty.theselittledealingsarealmostalwaysananchorofhopetothosewhoseveryexistenceisinperil——theonlymeansbywhichsomeorphangainsalivelihood.theretheaimofthetradesmanisnottoenrichhimself,buttolive!thepurchaseyoumakeofhimismorethananexchange——itisagoodaction.
oneevening,wheniwenttomakesometriflingpurchasesofher,iheardasoundofquarrellinginthebackshop.therewerethevoicesofseveralwomen,amongwhichidistinguishedthatofgenevieve,brokenbysobs.onlookingfartherin,iperceivedthefruit-womanholdingachildinherarms,andkissingit,whileacountrynurseseemedtobeclaimingherwagesfromher.thepoorwoman,whowithoutdoubthadexhaustedeveryexplanationandeveryexcuse,wascryinginsilence,andoneofherneighborswastryinginvaintoappeasethecountrywoman.excitedbythatloveofmoneywhichtheevilsofahardpeasantlifebuttoowellexcuse,anddisappointedbytherefusalofherexpectedwages,thenursewaslaunchingforthinrecriminations,threats,andabuse.inspiteofmyself,ilistenedtothequarrel,notdaringtointerfere,andnotthinkingofgoingaway,whenmichaelaroutappearedattheshop-door.
sheheardhisvoice,gaveastart,andrushedintotheshop;butatthesightofthemiserableman,whowastryinginvaintosteadyhimself,shepressedthechildinherarms,andbentoveritwithtears.
thecountrywomanandtheneighborhadfollowedher.
"askthemasterforthemoney,"ironicallyansweredthewomanfromthenextdoor,pointingtothejoiner,whohadjustfallenagainstthecounter.
thecountrywomanlookedathim.
"ah!heisthefather,"returnedshe."well,whatidlebeggars!nottohaveapennytopayhonestpeople;andgettipsywithwineinthatway."
thedrunkardraisedhishead.
"what!what!"stammeredhe;"whoisitthattalksofwine?ivehadnothingbutbrandy!butiamgoingbackagaintogetsomewine!wife,givemeyourmoney;therearesomefriendswaitingformeattheperelatuille."
genevievedidnotanswer:hewentroundthecounter,openedthetill,andbegantorummageinit.
"youseewherethemoneyofthehousegoes!"observedtheneighbortothecountrywoman;"howcanthepoorunhappywomanpayyouwhenhetakesall?"
"isthatmyfault?"repliedthenurse,angrily."theyowetome,andsomehoworothertheymustpayme!"
andlettingloosehertongue,asthesewomenoutofthecountrydo,shebeganrelatingatlengthallthecareshehadtakenofthechild,andalltheexpenseithadbeentoher.inproportionassherecalledallshehaddone,herwordsseemedtoconvincehermorethaneverofherrights,andtoincreaseheranger.thepoormother,whonodoubtfearedthatherviolencewouldfrightenthechild,returnedintothebackshop,andputitintoitscradle.
whetheritisthatthecountrywomansawinthisactadeterminationtoescapeherclaims,orthatshewasblindedbypassion,icannotsay;butsherushedintothenextroom,whereiheardthesoundsofquarrelling,withwhichthecriesofthechildweresoonmingled.thejoiner,whowasstillrummaginginthetill,wasstartled,andraisedhishead.
atthesamemomentgenevieveappearedatthedoor,holdinginherarmsthebabythatthecountrywomanwastryingtotearfromher.sherantowardthecounter,andthrowingherselfbehindherhusband,cried:
"michael,defendyourson!"
thedrunkenmanquicklystooduperect,likeonewhoawakeswithastart.
"myson!"stammeredhe;"whatson?"
hislooksfelluponthechild;avaguerayofintelligencepassedoverhisfeatures.
"robert,"resumedhe;"itisrobert!"
hetriedtosteadyhimselfonhisfeet,thathemighttakethebaby,buthetottered.thenurseapproachedhiminarage.
"mymoney,orishalltakethechildaway!"criedshe."itisiwhohavefedandbroughtitup:ifyoudontpaymeforwhathasmadeitlive,itoughttobethesametoyouasifitweredead.ishallnotgountilihavemydue,orthebaby."
"andwhatwouldyoudowithhim?"murmuredgenevieve,pressingrobertagainstherbosom.
"takeittothefoundling!"repliedthecountrywoman,harshly;"thehospitalisabettermotherthanyouare,foritpaysforthefoodofitslittleones."
atlast,apparentlymakingaprodigiouseffort,hecriedout,"wait!"
andgoingtoatubfilledwithwater,heplungedhisfaceintoitseveraltimes.
everyeyewasturneduponhim;thecountrywomanherselfseemedastonished.atlengthheraisedhisdrippinghead.thisablutionhadpartlydispelledhisdrunkenness;helookedatusforamoment,thenheturnedtogenevieve,andhisfacebrightenedup.
"robert!"criedhe,goinguptothechild,andtakinghiminhisarms.
"ah!givehimme,wife;imustlookathim."
"howmuchdoweoweyou?"askedhe.
thecountrywomanbegantoreckonupthedifferentexpenses,whichamountedtonearlythirtyfrancs.thejoinerfelttothebottomofhispockets,butcouldfindnothing.hisforeheadbecamecontractedbyfrowns;lowcursesbegantoescapehim.allofasuddenherummagedinhisbreast,drewforthalargewatch,andholdingitupabovehishead:
"hereitis——heresyourmoney!"criedhewithajoyfullaugh;"awatch,agoodone!ialwayssaiditwouldkeepforadrinkonadryday;butitisnotiwhowilldrinkit,buttheyoungone.ah!ah!ah!goandsellitforme,neighbor,andifthatisnotenough,ihavemyearrings.eh!
genevieve,takethemoffforme;theearringswillsquareall!theyshallnotsayyouhavebeendisgracedonaccountofthechild——no,notevenifimustpledgeabitofmyflesh!mywatch,myearrings,andmyring——getridofallofthemformeatthegoldsmiths;paythewoman,andletthelittlefoolgotosleep.givehimme,genevieve;iwillputhimtobed."
and,takingthebabyfromthearmsofhismother,hecarriedhimwithafirmsteptohiscradle.
itwaseasytoperceivethechangewhichtookplaceinmichaelfromthisday.hecutallhisolddrinkingacquaintances.hewentearlyeverymorningtohiswork,andreturnedregularlyintheeveningtofinishthedaywithgenevieveandrobert.verysoonhewouldnotleavethematall,andhehiredaplacenearthefruit-shop,andworkedinitonhisownaccount.
duringthetimeiwaswritingthenotesofmyjournal,iwasalsoscrutinizingthejoiner.
theexcessesofhisyouthandthelaborofhismanhoodhavedeeplymarkedhisface;hishairisthinandgray,hisshouldersstoop,hislegsareshrunkenandslightlybent.thereseemsasortofweightinhiswholebeing.hisveryfeatureshaveanexpressionofsorrowanddespondency.
tenoclock——michaelisjustgonedownstairstolookforatoolhehasforgotten.ihaveatlastsucceededindrawingfromhimthesecretofhisandgenevievessorrow.theirsonrobertisthecauseofit!
notthathehasturnedoutillafteralltheircare——notthatheisidleordissipated;butbothwereinhopeshewouldneverleavethemanymore.
thepresenceoftheyoungmanwastohaverenewedandmadegladtheirlivesoncemore;hismothercountedthedays,hisfatherpreparedeverythingtoreceivetheirdearassociateintheirtoils;andatthemomentwhentheywerethusabouttoberepaidforalltheirsacrifices,roberthadsuddenlyinformedthemthathehadjustengagedhimselftoacontractoratversailles.
hehadbeenabsentayear,andtherewasnothingtogivethemhopesofhisreturn.hisparentshardlysawhimonceamonth,andthenheonlystayedafewmomentswiththem.
"ihavebeenpunishedwhereihadhopedtoberewarded,"michaelsaidtomejustnow."ihadwishedforasavingandindustriousson,andgodhasgivenmeanambitiousandavariciousone!ihadalwayssaidtomyselfthatwhenoncehewasgrownupweshouldhavehimalwayswithus,torecallouryouthandtoenlivenourhearts.hismotherwasalwaysthinkingofgettinghimmarried,andhavingchildrenagaintocarefor.
youknowwomenalwayswillbusythemselvesaboutothers.asforme,ithoughtofhimworkingnearmybench,andsinginghisnewsongs;forhehaslearntmusic,andisoneofthebestsingersattheorpheon.
poorfather!ah!iknowthosemomentsoftemptationwhenvirtuehasfailedtorewardus,andweregrethavingobeyedher!whohasnotfeltthisweaknessinhoursoftrial,andwhohasnotuttered,atleastonce,themournfulexclamationofbrutus?
butifvirtueisonlyaword,whatistheretheninlifethatistrueandreal?no,iwillnotbelievethatgoodnessisinvain!itdoesnotalwaysgivethehappinesswehadhopedfor,butitbringssomeother.
intheworldeverythingisruledbyorder,andhasitsproperandnecessaryconsequences,andvirtuecannotbethesoleexceptiontothegenerallaw.ifithadbeenprejudicialtothosewhopractisedit,experiencewouldhaveavengedthem;butexperiencehas,onthecontrary,madeitmoreuniversalandmoreholy.weonlyaccuseitofbeingafaithlessdebtorbecausewedemandanimmediatepayment,andoneapparenttooursenses.wealwaysconsiderlifeasafairytale,inwhicheverygoodactionmustberewardedbyavisiblewonder.wedonotacceptaspaymentapeacefulconscience,self-content,oragoodnameamongmen——treasuresthataremorepreciousthananyother,butthevalueofwhichwedonotfeeltillafterwehavelostthem!
bytellingmeofhishopesandhisgrievousdisappointments,hebecameexcited;heunceasinglywentoveragainthesamesubject,alwaysaddingsomethingtohisgriefs.hehadjustwounduphisconfidentialdiscoursebyspeakingtomeofajoinersbusinesswhichhehadhopedtobuy,andworktogoodaccountwithrobertshelp.thepresentownerhadmadeafortunebyit,and,afterthirtyyearsofbusiness,hewasthinkingofretiringtooneoftheornamentalcottagesintheoutskirtsofthecity,ausualretreatforthefrugalandsuccessfulworkingman.michaelhadnotindeedthetwothousandfrancswhichmustbepaiddown;butperhapshecouldhavepersuadedmasterbenoittowait.robertspresencewouldhavebeenasecurityforhim,fortheyoungmancouldnotfailtoinsuretheprosperityofaworkshop;besidesscienceandskill,hehadthepowerofinventionandbringingtoperfection.hisfatherhaddiscoveredamonghisdrawingsanewplanforastaircase,whichhadoccupiedhisthoughtsforalongtime;andheevensuspectedhimofhavingengagedhimselftotheversaillescontractorfortheverypurposeofexecutingit.theyouthwastormentedbythisspiritofinvention,whichtookpossessionofallhisthoughts,and,whiledevotinghismindtostudy,hehadnotimetolistentohisfeelings.
michaeltoldmeallthiswithamixedfeelingofprideandvexation.isawhewasproudofthesonhewasabusing,andthathisverypridemadehimmoresensitivetothatsonsneglect.
sixoclockp.m——ihavejustfinishedahappyday.howmanyeventshavehappenedwithinafewhours,andwhatachangeforgenevieveandmichael!
hehadjustfinishedfixingtheshelves,andtellingmeofhisson,whileilaidtheclothformybreakfast.
suddenlyweheardhurriedstepsinthepassage,thedooropened,andgenevieveenteredwithrobert.
thejoinergaveastartofjoyfulsurprise,butherepresseditimmediately,asifhewishedtokeepuptheappearanceofdispleasure.
theyoungmandidnotappeartonoticeit,butthrewhimselfintohisarmsinanopen-heartedmanner,whichsurprisedme.genevieve,whosefaceshonewithhappiness,seemedtowishtospeak,andtorestrainherselfwithdifficulty.
itoldrobertiwasgladtoseehim,andheansweredmewitheaseandcivility.
"iexpectedyouyesterday,"saidmichaelarout,ratherdryly.
thejoinerlookedathissonsidewise,andthentookuphishammeragain.
"allright,"mutteredhe,inagrumblingtone;"whenwearewithotherpeoplewemustdoastheywish;buttherearesomewhowouldlikebettertoeatbrownbreadwiththeirownknifethanpartridgeswiththesilverforkofamaster."
"andiamoneofthose,father,"repliedrobert,merrily,"but,astheproverbsays,"youmustshellthepeasbeforeyoucaneatthem."itwasnecessarythatishouldfirstworkinagreatworkshop——"
"togoonwithyourplanofthestaircase,"interruptedmichael,ironically.
"youmustnowsaymonsieurraymondsplan,father,"repliedrobert,smiling.
"why?"
"becauseihavesoldittohim."
thejoiner,whowasplaningaboard,turnedroundquickly.
"soldit!"criedhe,withsparklingeyes.
"forthereasonthatiwasnotrichenoughtogiveithim."
michaelthrewdowntheboardandtool.
"thereheisagain!"resumedhe,angrily;"hisgoodgeniusputsanideaintohisheadwhichwouldhavemadehimknown,andhegoesandsellsittoarichman,whowilltakethehonorofithimself."
"well,whatharmistheredone?"askedgenevieve.
"whatharm!"criedthejoiner,inapassion."youunderstandnothingaboutit——youareawoman;buthe——heknowswellthatatrueworkmannevergivesuphisowninventionsformoney,nomorethanasoldierwouldgiveuphiscross.thatishisglory;heisboundtokeepitforthehonoritdoeshim!ah,thunder!ifihadevermadeadiscovery,ratherthanputitupatauctioniwouldhavesoldoneofmyeyes!dontyouseethatanewinventionislikeachildtoaworkman?hetakescareofit,hebringsitup,hemakesawayforitintheworld,anditisonlyapoorcreaturewhosellsit."
robertcoloredalittle.
"youwillthinkdifferently,father,"saidhe,"whenyouknowwhyisoldmyplan."
"yes,andyouwillthankhimforit,"addedgenevieve,whocouldnolongerkeepsilence.
"never!"repliedmichael.
"but,wretchedman!"criedshe,"hesolditonlyforoursakes!"
thisexplanationwasgivenbytheyoungworkmanwithsomuchmodestyandsimplicitythatiwasquiteaffectedbyit.genevievecried;michaelpressedhissontohisheart,andinalongembraceheseemedtoaskhispardonforhavingunjustlyaccusedhim.
aftertheexplanationsandexclamationsofjoywereover,allthreewereabouttoleaveme;but,theclothbeinglaid,iaddedthreemoreplaces,andkeptthemtobreakfast.
suchistheholinessofhome,that,toexpressourrelationwithgod,wehavebeenobligedtoborrowthewordsinventedforourfamilylife.menhavenamedthemselvesthesonsofaheavenlyfather!
ah!letuscarefullypreservethesechainsofdomesticunion.donotletusunbindthehumansheaf,andscatteritsearstoallthecapricesofchanceandofthewinds;butletusratherenlargethisholylaw;letuscarrytheprinciplesandthehabitsofhomebeyondsetbounds;and,ifitmaybe,letusrealizetheprayeroftheapostleofthegentileswhenheexclaimedtothenewbornchildrenofchrist:"beyelike-minded,havingthesamelove,beingofoneaccord,ofonemind."
CHAPTER X
ourcountry
october12th,sevenoclocka.m.
thismorning,however,alight,whichshonefrommydooruponmypillow,awokemeearlierthanusual.invainiturnedonmyside;theperseveringlight,likeavictoriousenemy,pursuedmeintoeveryposition.atlast,quiteoutofpatience,isatupandhurledmynightcaptothefootofthebed!
butbethisasitmay,igotupinaverybadhumor,grumblingatmynewneighbor,whotookitintohisheadtobewakefulwheniwishedtosleep.
weareallmadethus;wedonotunderstandthatothersmayliveontheirownaccount.eachoneofusisliketheearth,accordingtotheoldsystemofptolemy,andthinkshecanhavethewholeuniverserevolvearoundhimself.onthispoint,tomakeuseofthemetaphoralludedto:
tousleshommesontlatetedanslememebonnet.
ihadforthetimebeing,asihavealreadysaid,thrownminetotheotherendofmybed;andislowlydisengagedmylegsfromthewarmbedclothes,whilemakingahostofevilreflectionsupontheinconvenienceofhavingneighbors.
peterthebookbinderisoneoftheselast.wrappedupinselfishness,helivedaloneandfriendless,andhediedashehadlived.hislosswasneithermournedbyanyone,nordisarrangedanythingintheworld;therewasmerelyaditchfilledupinthegraveyard,andanatticemptiedinourhouse.
itisthesamewhichmynewneighborhasinhabitedforthelastfewdays.
tosaytruly(nowthatiamquiteawake,andmyillhumorisgonewithmynightcap)——tosaytruly,thisnewneighbor,althoughrisingearlierthansuitsmyidleness,isnotthelessaverygoodman:hecarrieshismisfortunes,asfewknowhowtocarrytheirgoodfortunes,withcheerfulnessandmoderation.
butfatehascruellytriedhim.fatherchaufourisbutthewreckofaman.intheplaceofoneofhisarmshangsanemptysleeve;hisleftlegismadebytheturner,andhedragstherightalongwithdifficulty;butabovetheseruinsrisesacalmandhappyface.whilelookinguponhiscountenance,radiantwithasereneenergy,whilelisteningtohisvoice,thetoneofwhichhas,sotospeak,theaccentofgoodness,weseethatthesoulhasremainedentireinthehalf-destroyedcovering.thefortressisalittledamaged,asfatherchaufoursays,butthegarrisonisquitehearty.
decidedly,themoreithinkofthisexcellentman,themoreireproachmyselfforthesortofmaledictionibestowedonhimwheniawoke.
wearegenerallytooindulgentinoursecretwrongstowardourneighbor.
allill-willwhichdoesnotpasstheregionofthoughtseemsinnocenttous,and,withourclumsyjustice,weexcusewithoutexaminationthesinwhichdoesnotbetrayitselfbyaction!
tocondemnhimwhodoesnotdeserveit,eveninthemind,evenbyapassingthought,istobreakthegreatlaw,thatwhichhasestablishedtheunionofsoulsherebelow,andtowhichchristhasgiventhesweetnameofcharity.
thesethoughtscameintomymindasifinisheddressing,andisaidtomyselfthatfatherchaufourhadarighttoreparationfromme.tomakeamendsforthefeelingofill-willihadagainsthimjustnow,iowedhimsomeexplicitproofofsympathy.iheardhimhummingatuneinhisroom;hewasatwork,andideterminedthatiwouldmakethefirstneighborlycall.
eightoclockp.m——ifoundfatherchaufouratatablelightedbyalittlesmokylamp,withoutafire,althoughitisalreadycold,andmakinglargepasteboardboxes;hewashummingapopularsonginalowtone.ihadhardlyenteredtheroomwhenheutteredanexclamationofsurpriseandpleasure.
excellentman!whileiwassendinghimtothedevilhewasputtinghimselfoutofhiswayforme!
"faith!youseemtometohavethelookofagoodchristian,"saidheinavoiceofsoldierlikecordiality,andshakingmebythehand."idonotlikethosepeoplewholookonalanding-placeasafrontierline,andtreattheirneighborsasiftheywerecossacks.whenmensnuffthesameair,andspeakthesamelingo,theyarenotmeanttoturntheirbackstoeachother.sitdownthere,neighbor;idontmeantoorderyou;onlytakecareofthestool;ithasbutthreelegs,andwemustputgood-willinplaceofthefourth."
"itseemsthatthatisatreasurewhichthereisnowantofhere,"iobserved.
"good-will!"repeatedchaufour;"thatisallmymotherleftme,anditakeitnosonhasreceivedabetterinheritance.thereforetheyusedtocallmemonsieurcontentinthebatteries."
"youareasoldier,then?"
ilookedathimwithastonishment.
"andhowoldwereyouthen,atjemappes?"askedi.
"somewhereaboutfifteen,"saidhe.
"howcameyoutothinkofbeingasoldiersoearly?"
"everytimeivisitedhim,hesaidsomethingwhichremainedfixedinmymemory.butonedayifoundhimquitegrave.
"jerome,saidhe,doyouknowwhatisgoingononthefrontier?
"no,lieutenant,repliedi.
"well,resumedhe,ourcountryisindanger!
"ididnotwellunderstandhim,andyetitseemedsomethingtome.
"iwastremblingwithemotion,andgreattearswereinmyeyes.
"ah!iunderstand,criedi;itisourhomeinlarge;itisthatpartoftheworldwheregodhasplacedourbodyandoursoul.
"truly,resumedi,weoweitallthatweare;itisaquestionoflove.
"andofhonesty,myson,concludedhe.thememberofafamilywhodoesnotcontributehisshareofworkandofhappinessfailsinhisduty,andisabadkinsman;thememberofapartnershipwhodoesnotenrichitwithallhismight,withallhiscourage,andwithallhisheart,defraudsitofwhatbelongstoit,andisadishonestman.itisthesamewithhimwhoenjoystheadvantagesofhavingacountry,anddoesnotaccepttheburdensofit;heforfeitshishonor,andisabadcitizen!
"andwhatmustonedo,lieutenant,tobeagoodcitizen?askedi.
"doforyourcountrywhatyouwoulddoforyourfatherandmother,saidhe.
"ididnotansweratthemoment;myheartwasswelling,andthebloodboilinginmyveins;butonreturningalongtheroad,myuncleswordswere,sotospeak,writtenupbeforemyeyes.irepeated,doforyourcountrywhatyouwoulddoforyourfatherandmother.andmycountryisindanger;anenemyattacksit,whilei——iturncupsandballs!
"thisthoughttormentedmesomuchallnightthatthenextdayireturnedtovincennestoannouncetothelieutenantthatihadjustenlisted,andwasgoingofftothefrontier.thebravemanpresseduponmehiscrossofst.louis,andiwentawayasproudasanambassador.
"thatishow,neighbor,ibecameavolunteerundertherepublicbeforeihadcutmywisdomteeth."
whilehespoke,fatherchaufourgrewanimated,notonaccountofhimself,butofthegeneralsubject.evidentlythatwhichoccupiedhiminthedramaoflifewasnothisownpart,butthedramaitself.
thissortofdisinterestednesstouchedme.iprolongedmyvisit,andshowedmyselfasfrankaspossible,inordertowinhisconfidenceinreturn.inanhourstimeheknewmypositionandmyhabits;iwasonthefootingofanoldacquaintance.
ogreatandbeautifulsoul!withwhomnothingturnstobitterness,andwhoartperemptoryonlyindutyandbenevolence!
october15th——thismorningiwaslookingatalittleengravingihadframedmyself,andhungovermywriting-table;itisadesignofgavarnis;inwhich,inagravemood,hehasrepresentedaveteranandaconscript.
theveteranadvancesslowly,hishandleaningontheshoulderoftheyoungsoldier.hiseyes,closedforever,nolongerperceivethesunshiningthroughthefloweringchestnut-trees.intheplaceofhisrightarmhangsanemptysleeve,andhewalkswithawoodenleg,thesoundofwhichonthepavementmakesthosewhopassturntolook.
atthesightofthisancientwreckfromourpatrioticwars,thegreaternumbershaketheirheadsinpity,andiseemtohearasighoranimprecation.
"seetheworthofglory!"saysaportlymerchant,turningawayhiseyesinhorror.
"whatadeplorableuseofhumanlife!"rejoinsayoungmanwhocarriesavolumeofphilosophyunderhisarm.
"thetrooperwouldbetternothavelefthisplow,"addsacountryman,withacunningair.
"pooroldman!"murmursawoman,almostcrying.
theveteranhasheard,andheknitshisbrow;foritseemstohimthathisguidehasgrownthoughtful.thelatter,attractedbywhathehearsaroundhim,hardlyanswerstheoldmansquestions,andhiseyes,vaguelylostinspace,seemtobeseekingthereforthesolutionofsomeproblem.
iseemtoseeatwitchinginthegraymoustachesoftheveteran;hestopsabruptly,and,holdingbackhisguidewithhisremainingarm:
"theyallpityme,"sayshe,"becausetheydonotunderstandit;butifiweretoanswerthem——"
"whatwouldyousaytothem,father?"askstheyoungman,withcuriosity.
"ishouldsayfirsttothewomanwhoweepswhenshelooksatme,tokeephertearsforothermisfortunes;foreachofmywoundscallstomindsomestruggleformycolors.thereisroomfordoubtinghowsomemenhavedonetheirduty;withmeitisvisible.icarrytheaccountofmyservices,writtenwiththeenemyssteelandlead,onmyself;topitymeforhavingdonemydutyistosupposeiwouldbetterhavebeenfalsetoit."
"andwhatwouldyousaytothecountryman,father?"
"ishouldtellhimthat,todrivetheplowinpeace,wemustfirstsecurethecountryitself;andthat,aslongasthereareforeignersreadytoeatourharvest,theremustbearmstodefendit."
"buttheyoungstudent,too,shookhisheadwhenhelamentedsuchauseoflife."
"becausehedoesnotknowwhatself-sacrificeandsufferingcanteach.
thebooksthathestudieswehaveputinpractice,thoughweneverreadthem:theprinciplesheapplaudswehavedefendedwithpowderandbayonet."
"andatthepriceofyourlimbsandyourblood.themerchantsaid,whenhesawyourmaimedbody,seetheworthofglory!"
"donotbelievehim,myson:thetruegloryisthebreadofthesoul;itisthiswhichnourishesself-sacrifice,patience,andcourage.themasterofallhasbestoweditasatiethemorebetweenmen.whenwedesiretobedistinguishedbyourbrethren,dowenotthusproveouresteemandoursympathyforthem?thelongingforadmirationisbutonesideoflove.no,no;thetrueglorycanneverbetoodearlypaidfor!
thatwhichweshoulddeplore,child,isnottheinfirmitieswhichproveagenerousself-sacrifice,butthosewhichourvicesorourimprudencehavecalledforth.ah!ificouldspeakaloudtothosewho,whenpassing,castlooksofpityuponme,ishouldsaytotheyoungmanwhoseexcesseshavedimmedhissightbeforeheisold,whathaveyoudonewithyoureyes?totheslothfulman,whowithdifficultydragsalonghisenervatedmassofflesh,whathaveyoudonewithyourfeet?totheoldman,whoispunishedforhisintemperancebythegout,whathaveyoudonewithyourhands?toall,whathaveyoudonewiththedaysgodgrantedyou,withthefacultiesyoushouldhaveemployedforthegoodofyourbrethren?ifyoucannotanswer,bestownomoreofyourpityupontheoldsoldiermaimedinhiscountryscause;forhe——heatleast——canshowhisscarswithoutshame."
theoldartillerymanhasseenmuch,andlikestotellofit.fortwentyyearshewasanarmedtravellerthroughouteurope,andhefoughtwithouthatred,forhewaspossessedbyasinglethought——thehonorofthenationalflag!itmighthavebeenhissuperstition,ifyouwill;butitwas,atthesametime,hissafeguard.
thewordfrance,whichwasthenresoundingsogloriouslythroughtheworld,servedasatalismantohimagainstallsortsoftemptation.tohavetosupportagreatnamemayseemaburdentovulgarminds,butitisanencouragementtovigorousones.
october17th——to-dayihavepaidmyneighboralongvisit.achanceexpressionledthewaytohistellingmemoreofhimselfthanhehadyetdone.
iaskedhimwhetherbothhislimbshadbeenlostinthesamebattle.
"no,no!"repliedhe;"thecannononlytookmyleg;itwastheclamartquarriesthatmyarmwenttofeed."
andwheniaskedhimfortheparticulars——
"thatsaseasyastosaygood-morning,"continuedhe."afterthegreatbreak-upatwaterloo,istayedthreemonthsinthecamphospitaltogivemywoodenlegtimetogrow.assoonasiwasabletohobblealittle,itookleaveofheadquarters,andtooktheroadtoparis,whereihopedtofindsomerelativeorfriend;butno——allweregone,orunderground.
ishouldhavefoundmyselflessstrangeatvienna,madrid,orberlin.
itremainedtoseeifihadnotanythingbettertodo.oneeveningisetmyselftoreflectuponit.
"letussee,chaufour,saiditomyself;thequestionistoactlikeaman.thecolonelsplacesuitsyou,butcannotyoudoanythingbetter?
"whereuponiwenttothankthecolonel,andtooffermyservicestoanoldartilleryman,whohadgonebacktohishomeatclamart,andwhohadtakenupthequarrymanspickagain.
"soyouwereagainwithoutmeansofliving?"saiditotheoldsoldier.
"thatistosay,ihadtochangethem,"repliedhe,quietly."thedifficultywastofindonewhichwoulddowithfivefingersinsteadoften;ifoundit,however."
"howwasthat?"
"amongtheparisstreet-sweepers."
"what!youhavebeenone——"
eveninthemireofthegutteripreservedmyfaiththatnothingisdishonorablewhichisusefultoourcountry.
"chaufour,saiditomyselfwithasmile,afterthesword,thehammer;afterthehammer,thebroom;youaregoingdownstairs,myoldboy,butyouarestillservingyourcountry."
"however,youendedbyleavingyournewprofession?saidi."
"areformwasrequired,neighbor.thestreet-sweepersseldomhavetheirfeetdry,andthedampatlastmadethewoundsinmygoodlegopenagain.
icouldnolongerfollowtheregiment,anditwasnecessarytolaydownmyarms.itisnowtwomonthssinceileftoffworkinginthesanitarydepartmentofparis.
"atthefirstmomentiwasdaunted.ofmyfourlimbs,ihadnowonlymyrighthand,andeventhathadlostitsstrength;soitwasnecessarytofindsomegentlemanlyoccupationforit.aftertryingalittleofeverything,ifelluponcard-boxmaking,andhereiamatcasesforthelaceandbuttonsofthenationalguard;itisworkoflittleprofit,butitiswithinthecapacityofall.bygettingupatfourandworkingtilleight,iearnsixty-fivecentimes;mylodgingandbowlofsouptakefiftyofthem,andtherearethreesousoverforluxuries.soiamricherthanfranceherself,forihavenodeficitinmybudget;andicontinuetoserveher,asisaveherlaceandbuttons."
atthesewordsfatherchaufourlookedatmewithasmile,andwithhisgreatscissorsbegancuttingthegreenpaperagainforhiscardboardcases.myheartwastouched,andiremainedlostinthought.
hereisstillanothermemberofthatsacredphalanxwho,inthebattleoflife,alwaysmarchinfrontfortheexampleandthesalvationoftheworld!eachofthesebravesoldiershashiswar-cry;forthisoneitis"country,"forthat"home,"forathird"mankind;"buttheyallfollowthesamestandard——thatofduty;forallthesamedivinelawreigns——thatofself-sacrifice.tolovesomethingmorethanonesself——thatisthesecretofallthatisgreat;toknowhowtoliveforothers——thatistheaimofallnoblesouls.
CHAPTER XI
moraluseofinventories
november13th,nineoclockp.m.
ihadwellstoppedupthechinksofmywindow;mylittlecarpetwasnaileddowninitsplace;mylamp,providedwithitsshade,castasubduedlightaround,andmystovemadealow,murmuringsound,asifsomelivecreaturewassharingmyhearthwithme.
allwassilentaroundme.but,outofdoorsthesnowandrainswepttheroofs,andwithalow,rushingsoundranalongthegurglinggutters;sometimesagustofwindforceditselfbeneaththetiles,whichrattledtogetherlikecastanets,andafterwarditwaslostintheemptycorridor.
thenaslightandpleasurableshiverthrilledthroughmyveins:idrewtheflapsofmyoldwaddeddressing-gownaroundme,ipulledmythreadbarevelvetcapovermyeyes,and,lettingmyselfsinkdeeperintomyeasy-chair,whilemyfeetbaskedintheheatandlightwhichshonethroughthedoorofthestove,igavemyselfuptoasensationofenjoyment,mademorelivelybytheconsciousnessofthestormwhichragedwithout.myeyes,swimminginasortofmist,wanderedoverallthedetailsofmypeacefulabode;theypassedfrommyprintstomybookcase,restinguponthelittlechintzsofa,thewhitecurtainsoftheironbedstead,andtheportfolioofloosepapers——thosearchivesoftheattics;andthen,returningtothebookiheldinmyhand,theyattemptedtoseizeoncemorethethreadofthereadingwhichhadbeenthusinterrupted.
takenaltogether,thispoorhumanhouse,sooftenrepaired,somuchcriticised,isstillaprettygoodabode;wemayfindenoughinittosatisfyourwants,ifweknowhowtosetboundstothem;thehappinessofthewisemancostsbutlittle,andasksbutlittlespace.
iremainedforsometimelostinthesortofinsensibilitybelongingtoafirstsleep;atlastsomevagueandbrokensensationscameoverme.
itseemedtomethatthedaygrewdarker,thattheairbecamecolder.
itwasapagefromthebookihadjustreadtransferredintomyownexistence.
myheartwasoppressedwithinexpressibleanguish.crouchedinacorner,withmyeyesfixeduponthisdismalpicture,ifeltthecoldslowlycreepinguponme,andisaidtomyselfwithbitterness:
"letusdie,sincepovertyisadungeonguardedbysuspicion,apathy,andcontempt,andfromwhichitisvaintotrytoescape;letusdie,sincethereisnoplaceforusatthebanquetoftheliving!"
anditriedtorisetojoinmymotheragain,andtowaitatherfeetforthehourofrelease.
thiseffortdispelledmydream,andiawokewithastart.
ilookedaroundme;mylampwasexpiring,thefireinmystoveextinguished,andmyhalf-openeddoorwaslettinginanicywind.
igotup,withashiver,toshutanddouble-lockit;thenimadeforthealcove,andwenttobedinhaste.
butthecoldkeptmeawakealongtime,andmythoughtscontinuedtheinterrupteddream.
thepicturesihadlatelyaccusedofexaggerationnowseemedbutatoofaithfulrepresentationofreality;andiwenttosleepwithoutbeingabletorecovermyoptimism——ormywarmth.
thusdidacoldstoveandabadlycloseddooraltermypointofview.
allwentwellwhenmybloodcirculatedproperly;alllookedgloomywhenthecoldlaidholdonme.
thisremindsmeofthestoryoftheduchesswhowasobligedtopayavisittotheneighboringconventonawintersday.theconventwaspoor,therewasnowood,andthemonkshadnothingbuttheirdisciplineandtheardoroftheirprayerstokeepoutthecold.theduchess,whowasshiveringwithcold,returnedhome,greatlypityingthepoormonks.
"oh!youmaywait,"saidthegreatladycarelessly;"theweatherisverymuchmilder."
itisnot,then,withoutcausethat,whenwewishtojudgeofastrangerbeforehand,welookforindicationsofhischaracterinthecircumstanceswhichsurroundhim.thethingsamongwhichwelivearenecessarilymadetotakeourimage,andweunconsciouslyleaveinthemathousandimpressionsofourminds.aswecanjudgebyanemptybedoftheheightandattitudeofhimwhohassleptinit,sotheabodeofeverymandiscoverstoacloseobservertheextentofhisintelligenceandthefeelingsofhisheart.bernardindest-pierrehasrelatedthestoryofayounggirlwhorefusedasuitorbecausehewouldneverhaveflowersordomesticanimalsinhishouse.perhapsthesentencewassevere,butnotwithoutreason.wemaypresumethatamaninsensibletobeautyandtohumbleaffectionmustbeillpreparedtofeeltheenjoymentsofahappymarriage.
14th,sevenoclockp.m——thismorning,asiwasopeningmyjournaltowrite,ihadavisitfromouroldcashier.
weconversedalongtimebythestove,whilehewasdrinkingacupofcoffeewhichimadehimtake.
m.rateauisasensibleman,whohasobservedmuchandspeakslittle;sothathehasalwayssomethingtosay.
whilelookingovertheaccountsihadpreparedforhim,hislookfelluponmyjournal,andiwasobligedtoacknowledgethatinthiswayiwroteadiaryofmyactionsandthoughtseveryeveningforprivateuse.
fromonethingtoanother,ibeganspeakingtohimofmydreamthedaybefore,andmyreflectionsabouttheinfluenceofoutwardobjectsuponourordinarysentiments.hesmiled.
irecollectespeciallyanadventurewhichgoesasfarbackasthefirstyearsofmyyouth——"
hestopped.ilookedathimasifiwaitedforhisstory,andhetolditmeatonce.
atthistimehewasstillbutthirdclerktoanattorneyatorleans.hismasterhadsenthimtomontargisondifferentaffairs,andheintendedtoreturninthediligencethesameevening,afterhavingreceivedtheamountofabillataneighboringtown;buttheykepthimatthedebtorshouse,andwhenhewasabletosetoutthedayhadalreadyclosed.
afterthevexationoflosinghisplaceinthediligence,camethefeelingofuneasinessastohissituation.hewasalone,onfoot,lostinaforest,withoutanymeansoffindinghisrightroadagain,andwithaconsiderablesumofmoneyabouthim,forwhichhewasresponsible.hisanxietywasincreasedbyhisinexperience.theideaofaforestwasconnectedinhismindwithsomanyadventuresofrobberyandmurder,thatheexpectedsomefatalencountereveryinstant.
ouryoungtraveller,withhiseyesstaringforward,andhisearslistening,followedafootpathwhichhesupposedmighttakehimtosomehouseorroad;butwoodsalwayssucceededtowoods.atlastheperceivedalightatadistance,andinaquarterofanhourhereachedthehighroad.
asinglehouse,thelightfromwhichhadattractedhim,appearedatalittledistance.hewasgoingtowardtheentrancegateofthecourtyard,whenthetrotofahorsemadehimturnhishead.amanonhorsebackhadjustappearedattheturningoftheroad,andinaninstantwasclosetohim.
thefirstwordsheaddressedtotheyoungmanshowedhimtobethefarmerhimself.herelatedhowhehadlosthimself,andlearnedfromthecountrymanthathewasontheroadtopithiviers.montargiswasthreeleaguesbehindhim.
ithadsomethingofthelookofafortress.surroundedbyaprettyhighwall,itcouldnotbeseenexceptthroughthebarsofthegreatgate,whichwascarefullyclosed.thefarmer,whohadgotoffhishorse,didnotgonearit,but,turningtotheright,reachedanotherentranceclosedinthesameway,butofwhichhehadthekey.
hardlyhadhepassedthethresholdwhenaterriblebarkingresoundedfromeachendoftheyard.thefarmertoldhisguesttofearnothing,andshowedhimthedogschaineduptotheirkennels;bothwereofanextraordinarysize,andsosavagethatthesightoftheirmasterhimselfcouldnotquietthem.
aboy,attractedbytheirbarking,cameoutofthehouseandtookthefarmershorse.thelatterbeganquestioninghimaboutsomeordershehadgivenbeforeheleftthehouse,andwenttowardthestabletoseethattheyhadbeenexecuted.
thusleftalone,ourclerklookedabouthim.
alanternwhichtheboyhadplacedonthegroundcastadimlightoverthecourtyard.allaroundseemedemptyanddeserted.notatracewasvisibleofthedisorderoftenseeninacountryfarmyard,andwhichshowsatemporarycessationoftheworkwhichissoontoberesumedagain.
neitheracartforgottenwherethehorseshadbeenunharnessed,norsheavesofcornheapedupreadyforthreshing,noraplowoverturnedinacornerandhalfhiddenunderthefreshly-cutclover.theyardwasswept,thebarnsshutupandpadlocked.notasinglevinecreepingupthewalls;everywherestone,wood,andiron!
hetookupthelanternandwentuptothecornerofthehouse.behindwasasecondyard,whereheheardthebarkingofathirddog,andacoveredwallwasbuiltinthemiddleofit.
ourtravellerlookedinvainforthelittlefarmgarden,wherepumpkinsofdifferentsortscreepalongtheground,orwherethebeesfromthehiveshumunderthehedgesofhoneysuckleandelder.verdureandflowerswerenowheretobeseen.hedidnotevenperceivethesightofapoultry-yardorpigeon-house.thehabitationofhishostwaseverywherewantinginthatwhichmakesthegraceandthelifeofthecountry.
theyoungmanthoughtthathishostmustbeofaverycarelessoraverycalculatingdisposition,toconcedesolittletodomesticenjoymentsandthepleasuresoftheeye;andjudging,inspiteofhimself,bywhathesaw,hecouldnothelpfeelingadistrustofhischaracter.
inthemeantimethefarmerreturnedfromthestables,andmadehimenterthehouse.
theinsideofthefarmhousecorrespondedtoitsoutside.thewhitewashedwallshadnootherornamentthanarowofgunsofallsizes;themassivefurniturehardlyredeemeditsclumsyappearancebyitsgreatsolidity.
thecleanlinesswasdoubtful,andtheabsenceofallminorconveniencesprovedthatawomanscarewaswantinginthehouseholdconcerns.theyoungclerklearnedthatthefarmer,infact,livedherewithnoonebuthistwosons.
ofthis,indeed,thesignswereplainenough.atablewiththeclothlaid,thatnoonehadtakenthetroubletoclearaway,wasleftnearthewindow.theplatesanddisheswerescattereduponitwithoutanyorder,andloadedwithpotato-paringsandhalf-pickedbones.severalemptybottlesemittedanodorofbrandy,mixedwiththepungentsmelloftobacco-smoke.
afterseatinghisguest,thefarmerlightedhispipe,andhistwosonsresumedtheirworkbythefireside.nowandthenthesilencewasjustbrokenbyashortremark,answeredbyawordoranexclamation;andthenallbecameasmuteasbefore.
"frommychildhood,"saidtheoldcashier,"ihadbeenverysensibletotheimpressionofoutwardobjects;laterinlife,reflectionhadtaughtmetostudythecausesoftheseimpressionsratherthantodrivethemaway.isetmyself,then,toexamineeverythingaroundmewithgreatattention.
"belowtheguns,ihadremarkedonentering,somewolftrapsweresuspended,andtooneofthemstillhungthemangledremainsofawolfspaw,whichtheyhadnotyettakenofffromtheironteeth.theblackenedchimneypiecewasornamentedbyanowlandaravennailedonthewall,theirwingsextended,andtheirthroatswithahugenailthrougheach;afoxsskin,freshlyflayed,wasspreadbeforethewindow;andalarderhook,fixedintotheprincipalbeam,heldaheadlessgoose,whosebodyswayedaboutoverourheads.
"myeyeswereoffendedbyallthesedetails,anditurnedthemagainuponmyhosts.thefather,whosatoppositetome,onlyinterruptedhissmokingtopourouthisdrink,oraddresssomereprimandtohissons.
theeldestofthesewasscrapingadeepbucket,andthebloodyscrapings,whichhethrewintothefireeveryinstant,filledtheroomwithadisagreeablefetidsmell;thesecondsonwassharpeningsomebutchersknives.ilearnedfromaworddroppedfromthefatherthattheywerepreparingtokillapigthenextday.
"thefarmermadesomeefforttokeepme;hespokeoftherain,ofthedarkness,andofthelengthoftheway.irepliedtoallbytheabsolutenecessitytherewasformybeingatmontargisthatverynight;andthankinghimforhisbriefhospitality,isetoffagaininahastewhichmightwellhaveconfirmedthetruthofmywordstohim.
"however,thefreshnessofthenightandtheexerciseofwalkingdidnotfailtochangethedirectionsofmythoughts.whenawayfromtheobjectswhichhadawakenedsuchlivelydisgustinme,ifeltitgraduallydiminishing.ibegantosmileatthesusceptibilityofmyfeelings,andthen,inproportionastherainbecameheavierandcolder,thesestricturesonmyselfassumedatoneofill-temper.isilentlyaccusedmyselfoftheabsurdityofmistakingsensationforadmonitionsofmyreason.afterall,werenotthefarmerandhissonsfreetolivealone,tohunt,tokeepdogs,andtokillapig?wherewasthecrimeofit?
withlessnervoussusceptibility,ishouldhaveacceptedthesheltertheyofferedme,andishouldnowbesleepingsnuglyonatrussofstraw,insteadofwalkingwithdifficultythroughthecoldanddrizzlingrain.
ithuscontinuedtoreproachmyself,until,towardmorning,iarrivedatmontargis,jadedandbenumbedwithcold.
"when,however,igotuprefreshed,towardthemiddleofthenextday,iinstinctivelyreturnedtomyfirstopinion.theappearanceofthefarmhousepresenteditselftomeunderthesamerepulsivecolorswhichtheeveningbeforehaddeterminedmetomakemyescapefromit.reasonitselfremainedsilentwhenreviewingallthosecoarsedetails,andwasforcedtorecognizeinthemtheindicationsofalownature,orelsethepresenceofsomebalefulinfluence.
"iwentawaythenextdaywithoutbeingabletolearnanythingconcerningthefarmerorhissons;buttherecollectionofmyadventureremaineddeeplyfixedinmymemory.
"nobodyjustnow,repliedhe.
"butwasitnotkept,someyearsago,byafarmerandhistwosons?
"isawthemonce.
"heshookhishead.
"yes,yes!resumedhe;formanyyearstheylivedtherelikewolvesintheirden;theymerelyknewhowtotillland,killgame,anddrink.thefathermanagedthehouse,butmenlivingalone,withoutwomentolovethem,withoutchildrentosoftenthem,andwithoutgodtomakethemthinkofheaven,alwaysturnintowildbeasts,yousee;soonemorningtheeldestson,whohadbeendrinkingtoomuchbrandy,wouldnotharnesstheplow-horses;hisfatherstruckhimwithhiswhip,andtheson,whowasmaddrunk,shothimdeadwithhisgun."
16th,p.m——ihavebeenthinkingofthestoryoftheoldcashierthesetwodays;itcamesoopportunelyuponthereflectionsmydreamhadsuggestedtome.
haveinotanimportantlessontolearnfromallthis?
alltheobjectswhichsurroundusarethen,inreality,somanytalismanswhencegoodandevilinfluencesareemitted,anditisforustochoosethemwisely,soastocreateahealthyatmosphereforourminds.
feelingconvincedofthistruth,isetaboutmakingasurveyofmyattic.
thefirstobjectonwhichmyeyesrestisanoldmapofthehistoryoftheprincipalmonasteryinmynativeprovince.ihadunrolleditwithmuchsatisfaction,andplaceditonthemostconspicuouspartofthewall.whyhadigivenitthisplace?oughtthissheetofoldworm-eatenparchmenttobeofsomuchvaluetome,whoamneitheranantiquarynorascholar?isnotitsrealimportanceinmysightthatoneoftheabbotswhofoundeditboremyname,andthatishall,perchance,beabletomakemyselfagenealogicaltreeofitfortheedificationofmyvisitors?
letusbanishitintomydeepestdrawer.
andthishappyfamilyofgreuzes!whatjoyinthechildrenseyes!
whatsweetreposeintheyoungwomansface!whatreligiousfeelinginthegrandfatherscountenance!maygodpreservetheirhappinesstothem!
butletushangbyitssidethepictureofthismother,whoweepsoveranemptycradle.humanlifehastwofaces,bothofwhichwemustdaretocontemplateintheirturn.
letmehide,too,theseridiculousmonsterswhichornamentmychimneypiece.platohassaidthat"thebeautifulisnothingelsethanthevisibleformofthegood."ifitisso,theuglyshouldbethevisibleformoftheevil,and,byconstantlybeholdingit,themindinsensiblydeteriorates.
butaboveall,inordertocherishthefeelingsofkindnessandpity,letmehangatthefootofmybedthisaffectingpictureofthelastsleep!
neverhaveibeenabletolookatitwithoutfeelingmyhearttouched.
anoldwoman,clothedinrags,islyingbyaroadside;herstickisatherfeet,andherheadrestsuponastone;shehasfallenasleep;herhandsareclasped;murmuringaprayerofherchildhood,shesleepsherlastsleep,shedreamsherlastdream!
thegrowinggirlalreadyseesthatlifeisatask,butshestillsingsasshefulfillsit.
shemusteconomizethebreadofto-day,havehereyeuponthemorrow,takecareofthesick,andsustainthefeeble;shemustact,inshort,thatpartofanearthlyprovidence,soeasywhengodgivesushisaid,sohardwhenheforsakesus.sheisstillstrong,butsheisanxious;shesingsnolonger!
yetafewyears,andallisovercast.thehusbandshealthisbroken;hiswifeseeshimpineawaybythenowfirelesshearth;coldandhungerfinishwhatsicknesshadbegun;hedies,andhiswidowsitsonthegroundbythecoffinprovidedbythecharityofothers,pressinghertwohalf-nakedlittleonesinherarms.shedreadsthefuture,sheweeps,andshedroopsherhead.
liethere,thoupoorway-weariedwoman!theleaveswillservetheeforawinding-sheet.nightwillshedhertearsofdewoverthee,andthebirdswillsingsweetlybythyremains.thyvisitherebelowwillnothaveleftmoretracethantheirflightthroughtheair;thynameisalreadyforgotten,andtheonlylegacythouhasttoleaveisthehawthornsticklyingforgottenatthyfeet!
well!someonewilltakeitup——somesoldierofthatgreathumanhostwhichisscatteredabroadbymiseryorbyvice;forthouartnotanexception,thouartaninstance;andunderthesamesunwhichshinessopleasantlyuponall,inthemidstofthesefloweringvineyards,thisripecorn,andthesewealthycities,entiregenerationssuffer,succeedeachother,andstillbequeathtoeachthebeggarsstick!
ah!ifwewouldwatchforeverythingthatmightimproveandinstructus;ifthearrangementsofourdailylifeweresodisposedastobeaconstantschoolforourminds!butoftenestwetakenoheedofthem.
manisaneternalmysterytohimself;hisownpersonisahouseintowhichheneverenters,andofwhichhestudiestheoutsidealone.eachofusneedhavecontinuallybeforehimthefamousinscriptionwhichonceinstructedsocrates,andwhichwasengravedonthewallsofdelphibyanunknownhand:
knowthyself.
CHAPTER XII
theendoftheyear
december30th,p.m.
iwasinbed,andhardlyrecoveredfromthedeliriousfeverwhichhadkeptmeforsolongbetweenlifeanddeath.myweakenedbrainwasmakingeffortstorecoveritsactivity;mythoughts,likeraysoflightstrugglingthroughtheclouds,werestillconfusedandimperfect;attimesifeltareturnofthedizzinesswhichmadeachaosofallmyideas,andifloated,sotospeak,betweenalternatefitsofmentalwanderingandconsciousness.
thus,yieldingtotheoscillationsofahalf-recoveredreason,iallowedmymindtofollowitsvariousimpulseswithouttroublingmyselftoseparatetherealfromtheimaginary;iglidedsoftlyfromonetotheother,andmydreamsandwakingthoughtssucceededcloselyupononeanother.
now,whilemymindiswanderinginthisunsettledstate,see,underneaththeclockwhichmeasuresthehourswithitsloudticking,afemalefigureappearsbeforeme!
atfirstsightisawenoughtosatisfymethatshewasnotadaughterofeve.inhereyewasthelastflashofanexpiringstar,andherfacehadthepallorofanheroicdeath-struggle.shewasdressedinadraperyofathousandchangingcolorsofthebrightestandthemostsombrehues,andheldawitheredgarlandinherhand.
afterhavingcontemplatedherforsomemoments,iaskedhername,andwhatbroughtherintomyattic.hereyes,whichwerefollowingthemovementsoftheclock,turnedtowardme,andshereplied:
iraisedmyselfonmyelbowinsurprise,whichsoongaveplacetobitterresentment.
"ah!youwantthanks,"criedi;"butfirstletmeknowwhatfor?
"rejoice,thoupasser-by:hewhomwehaveburiedherecannotliveagain."
iwaswakenedbyahandtakingmine;andopeningmyeyes,irecognizedthedoctor.
afterhavingfeltmypulse,henoddedhishead,satdownatthefootofthebed,andlookedatme,rubbinghisnosewithhissnuffbox.ihavesincelearnedthatthiswasasignofsatisfactionwiththedoctor.
"well!sowewantedoldsnub-nosetocarryusoff?"saidm.lambert,inhishalf-joking,half-scoldingway."whatthedeuceofahurrywewerein!itwasnecessarytoholdyoubackwithbotharmsatleast!"
"thenyouhadgivenmeup,doctor?"askedi,ratheralarmed.
"notatall,"repliedtheoldphysician."wecantgiveupwhatwehavenotgot;andimakeitarulenevertohaveanyhope.wearebutinstrumentsinthehandsofprovidence,andeachofusshouldsay,withambroisepare:itendhim,godcureshim!"
m.lambertshruggedhisshoulders.
iwasabouttosmile,butthedoctorlookedangry.
doyouconsidereveryeveningwhathasbeenwholesomeorunwholesomeforyou,withthesamecarethatyoubringtotheexaminationofyourexpenditure?youmaysmile;buthaveyounotbroughtthisillnessonyourselfbyathousandindiscretions?"
ibegantoprotestagainstthis,andaskedhimtopointouttheseindiscretions.theolddoctorspreadouthisfingers,andbegantoreckonuponthemonebyone.
"primo,"criedhe,"wantofexercise.youliveherelikeamouseinacheese,withoutair,motion,orchange.consequently,thebloodcirculatesbadly,thefluidsthicken,themuscles,beinginactive,donotclaimtheirshareofnutrition,thestomachflags,andthebraingrowsweary.
"secundo.irregularfood.capriceisyourcook;yourstomachaslavewhomustacceptwhatyougiveit,butwhopresentlytakesasullenrevenge,likeallslaves.
"tertio.sittinguplate.insteadofusingthenightforsleep,youspenditinreading;yourbedsteadisabookcase,yourpillowsadesk!
atthetimewhentheweariedbrainasksforrest,youleaditthroughthesenocturnalorgies,andyouaresurprisedtofindittheworseforthemthenextday.
"quinto"
"ah!enough,enough,doctor!"criedi."pray,donotcarryyourexaminationfarther;donotattachasenseofremorsetoeachofmypleasures."
theolddoctorrubbedhisnosewithhissnuffbox.
"yousee,"saidhe,moregently,andrisingatthesametime,"youwouldescapefromthetruth.youshrinkfrominquiry——aproofthatyouareguilty.habemusconfitentemreum!butatleast,myfriend,donotgoonlayingtheblameontime,likeanoldwoman."
thereuponheagainfeltmypulse,andtookhisleave,declaringthathisfunctionwasatanend,andthattherestdependeduponmyself.
whenthedoctorwasgone,isetaboutreflectinguponwhathehadsaid.
althoughhiswordsweretoosweeping,theywerenotthelesstrueinthemain.howoftenweaccusechanceofanillness,theoriginofwhichweshouldseekinourselves!perhapsitwouldhavebeenwisertolethimfinishtheexaminationhehadbegun.
butistherenotanotherofmoreimportance——thatwhichconcernsthehealthofthesoul?amisosureofhavingneglectednomeansofpreservingthatduringtheyearwhichisnowending?havei,asoneofgodssoldiersuponearth,keptmycourageandmyarmsefficient?shallibereadyforthegreatreviewofsoulswhichmustpassbeforehimwhoisinthedarkvalleyofjehoshaphat?
darestthouexaminethyself,omysoul!andseehowoftenthouhasterred?
withthesewordshewentaway,andhisbrother,leftalone,begantocrybitterly.hisfather,whoheardhim,immediatelyrantohim,andtriedtoconsolehimbypromisingtogivehimwhateverhedesired.
"canyougivemesight?"askedthechild.
"fatedoesnotpermitit,"saidthemagician.
"then,"criedtheblindboy,eagerly,"iaskyoutoputoutthesun!"
whoknowswhethermypridehasnotprovokedthesamewishonthepartofsomeoneofmybrotherswhodoesnotsee?
buthowmuchoftenerhaveierredthroughlevityandwantofthought!
and,nevertheless,itisbythisverythoughtlessnessthatthefameofsomemeniscreated.itrisesgradually,likeoneofthosemysteriousmoundsinbarbarouscountries,towhichastoneisaddedbyeverypasserby;eachonebringssomethingatrandom,andaddsitashepasses,withoutbeingablehimselftoseewhetherheisraisingapedestaloragibbet.whowilldarelookbehindhim,toseehisrashjudgmentshelduptheretoview?
twoorthreetimessheventuredafewwords,doubtlessintheattempttojustifyherself;butthemaninthegreatcoatbeganagainimmediatelywithhisloudandangryvoice,hissavagelooks,andhisthreateningevolutionsintheair.ifollowedhimwithmyeyes,vainlyendeavoringtocatchawordashepassed,untilhedisappearedbehindthehill.
icursedtheunknownsavageinmyheart,andifeltindignantthatthesecrimesagainstthesacredpeaceofhomecouldnotbepunishedastheydeserve,wheniheardhisvoiceapproachingnearer.hehadturnedthepath,andsoonappearedbeforemeatthetopoftheslope.
thefirstglance,andhisfirstwords,explainedeverythingtome:inplaceofwhatihadtakenforthefurioustonesandterriblelooksofanangryman,andtheattitudeofafrightenedvictim,ihadbeforemeonlyanhonestcitizen,whosquintedandstuttered,butwhowasexplainingthemanagementofsilkwormstohisattentivedaughter.
iturnedhomeward,smilingatmymistake;butbeforeireachedmyfaubourgisawacrowdrunning,iheardcallsforhelp,andeveryfingerpointedinthesamedirectiontoadistantcolumnofflame.
amanufactoryhadtakenfire,andeverybodywasrushingforwardtoassistinextinguishingit.
justbeforeihaderredfromwantofconsideration;nowitwasfromselfishnessandcowardice.
withwhatsatisfactionhaveisometimesverifiedthevicesofthepoorman,inordertoshowthathismiseryisthepunishmenthedeserves!
oh!letusnotgofarther——letusnotgofarther!iinterruptedthedoctorsexamination,buthowmuchsadderisthisone!wepitythediseasesofthebody;weshudderatthoseofthesoul.
iwashappilydisturbedinmyreveriebymyneighbor,theoldsoldier.
nowithinkofit,iseemalwaystohaveseen,duringmyfever,thefigureofthisgoodoldman,sometimesleaningagainstmybed,andsometimessittingathistable,surroundedbyhissheetsofpasteboard.
"well!sothebulletisfoundagain!"criedhe,takingmytwohandsintothemaimedonewhichwaslefthim;"ithasnotbeenwithouttrouble,icantellyou;thecampaignhasbeenlongenoughtowintwoclaspsin.
ihaveseennofewfellowswiththefeverbatterwindmillsduringmyhospitaldays:atleipsic,ihadaneighborwhofanciedachimneywasonfireinhisstomach,andwhowasalwayscallingforthefire-engines;butthethirddayitallwentoutofitself.butwithyouithaslastedtwenty-eightdays——aslongasoneofthelittlecorporalscampaigns."
"iamnotmistakenthen;youwerenearme?"
"well!ihadonlytocrossthepassage.thislefthandhasnotmadeyouabadnurseforwantoftheright;but,bah!youdidnotknowwhathandgaveyoudrink,anditdidnotpreventthatbeggarofafeverfrombeingdrowned——foralltheworldlikeponiatowskiintheelster."
theoldsoldierbegantolaugh,andi,feelingtoomuchaffectedtospeak,pressedhishandagainstmybreast.hesawmyemotion,andhastenedtoputanendtoit.
"by-the-bye,youknowthatfromto-dayyouhavearighttodrawyourrationsagain,"resumedhegayly;"fourmeals,likethegermanmeinherrs——nothingmore!thedoctorisyourhousesteward."
"wemustfindthecook,too,"repliedi,withasmile.
"sheisfound,"saidtheveteran.
"whoisshe?"
"genevieve."
"thefruit-woman?"
"whileiamtalkingsheiscookingforyou,neighbor;anddonotfearhersparingeitherbutterortrouble.aslongaslifeanddeathwerefightingforyou,thehonestwomanpassedhertimeingoingupanddownstairstolearnwhichwaythebattlewent.and,stay,iamsurethisisshe."
infactweheardstepsinthepassage,andhewenttoopenthedoor.
theportresscamein,quitedelighted.shebroughtmylinen,washedandmendedbyherself,withalittlebottleofspanishwine,thegiftofhersailorson,andkeptforgreatoccasions.iwouldhavethankedher,butthegoodwomanimposedsilenceuponme,underthepretextthatthedoctorhadforbiddenmetospeak.isawherarrangeeverythinginmydrawers,theneatappearanceofwhichstruckme;anattentivehandhadevidentlybeenthere,anddaybydayputstraighttheunavoidabledisorderconsequentonsickness.
asshefinished,genevievearrivedwithmydinner;shewasfollowedbymotherdenis,themilk-womanovertheway,whohadlearned,atthesametime,thedangerihadbeenin,andthatiwasnowbeginningtobeconvalescent.thegoodsavoyardbroughtmeanew-laidegg,whichsheherselfwishedtoseemeeat.
astheyweretakingthedinneraway,mycolleague,theoldcashier,enteredinhisturn.
iwaitedwithinexpressibleanxietyforhimtospeak;buthesatdownbyme,tookmyhand,andbeganrejoicingovermyrecovery,withoutsayingawordaboutourmasters.icouldnotendurethisuncertaintyanylonger.
"andthemessieursdurmer,"askedi,hesitatingly,"howhavetheytaken——theinterruptiontomywork?"
"therehasbeennointerruption,"repliedtheoldclerk,quietly.
"whatdoyoumean?"
"eachoneintheofficetookashareofyourduty;allhasgoneonasusual,andthemessieursdurmerhaveperceivednodifference."
thiswastoomuch.aftersomanyinstancesofaffection,thisfilledupthemeasure.icouldnotrestrainmytears.
thusthefewservicesihadbeenabletodoforothershadbeenacknowledgedbythemahundredfold!ihadsownalittleseed,andeverygrainhadfallenongoodground,andbroughtforthawholesheaf.ah!
yonder,oppositethebed,thepalegoddessinherdraperyofathousandchangingcolors,andwithherwitheredgarland,againappearsbeforeme;butthistimeiholdoutmyhandtoherwithagratefulsmile.
"adieu,belovedyear!whomibutnowunjustlyaccused.thatwhichihavesufferedmustnotbelaidtothee;forthouwastbutatractthroughwhichgodhadmarkedoutmyroad——agroundwhereihadreapedtheharvestihadsown.iwilllovethee,thouwaysideshelter,forthosehoursofhappinessthouhastseenmeenjoy;iwilllovetheeevenforthesufferingthouhastseenmeendure.neitherhappinessnorsufferingcamefromthee;butthouhastbeenthesceneforthem.descendagainthen,inpeace,intoeternity,andbeblest,thouwhohastleftmeexperienceintheplaceofyouth,sweetmemoriesinsteadofpasttime,andgratitudeaspaymentforgoodoffices."