一个欢场女子的回忆录

芬妮希尔 一个欢场女子的回忆录 英
MEMOIRS OF FANNY HILL


By John Cleland


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LETTER THE FIRST

I sit down to give you an undeniable proof of my consideringyour desires as indispensable orders. Ungracious then as thetask may be, I shall recall to view those scandalous stages of mylife, out of which I emerged, at length, to the enjoyment of everyblessing in the power of love, health and fortune to bestow;whilst yet in the flower of youth, and not too late to employ theleisure afforded me by great ease and affluence, to cultivate anunderstanding, naturally not a despicable one, and which had,even amidst the whirl of loose pleasures I had been tossed in,exerted more observation on the characters and manners of theworld than what is common to those of my unhappy profession,who, looking on all though or reflection as their capital enemy,keep it at as great a distance as they can, or destroy it withoutmercy.

Hating, as I mortally do, all long unnecessary prefaces, I shallgive you good quarter in this, and use no farther apology, thanto prepare you for seeing the loose part of my life, written withthe same liberty that I led it.

Truth! stark, naked truth, is the word; and I will not so muchas take the pains to bestow the strip of a gauze wrapper on it,but paint situations such as they actually rose to me in nature,careless of violating those laws of decency that were never madefor such unreserved intimacies as ours; and you have too muchsense, too much knowledge of the originals, to sniff prudishlyand out of character at the pictures of them. The greatest men,those of the first and most leading taste, will not scrupleadorning their private closets with nudities, though, incompliance with vulgar prejudices, they may not think themdecent decorations of the staircase, or salon.

This, and enough, premised, I go souse into my personalhistory. My maiden name was Frances Hill. I was born at asmall village near Liverpool, in Lancashire, of parents extremelypoor, and, I piously believe, extremely honest.

My father, who had received a maim on his limbs, thatdisabled him from following the more laborious branches ofcountry drudgery, got, by making nets, a scanty subsistence,which was not much enlarged by my mother's keeping a littleday-school for the girls in her neighborhood. They had hadseveral children; but none lived to any age except myself, whohad received from nature a constitution perfectly healthy.My education, till past fourteen, was no better than veryvulgar: reading, or rather spelling, an illegible scrawl, and a littleordinary plain work, composed the whole system of it; and thenall my foundation in virtue was no other than a total ignoranceof vice, and the shy timidity general to our sex, in the tender ageof life, when objects alarm or frighten more by their novelty thananything else. But then, this is a fear too often cured at theexpense of innocence, when Miss, by degrees, begins no longerto look on a man as a creature of prey that will eat her.

My poor mother had divided her time so entirely between herscholars and her little domestic cares, that she had spared verylittle to my instruction, having, from her own innocence from allill, no hint or thought of guarding me against any.

I was now entering on my fifteenth year, when the worst ofills befell me in the loss of my fond, tender parents, who wereboth carried off by the small-pox, within a few days of eachother; my father dying first, and thereby by hastening the deathof my mother: so that I was now left an unhappy friendlessorphan (for my father's coming to settle there, was accidental, hebeing originally a Kentisrman). That cruel distemper which hadproved so fatal to them, had indeed seized me, but with suchmild and favourable symptoms, that I was presently out ofdanger, and what then I did not know the value of, was entirelyunmarked I skip over here an account of the natural grief andaffliction which I felt on this melancholy occasion. A little time,and the giddiness of that age, dissipated too soon my reflectionson that irreparable loss; but nothing contributed more toreconcile me to it, than the notions that were immediately putinto my head, of going to London, and looking out for a service,in which I was promised all assistance and advice from oneEsther Davis, a young woman that had beer down to see herfriends, and who, after the stay of a few days, was returned toher place.

As I had now nobody left alive in the village, who hadconcerned enough about what should become of me, to start anyobjections to this scheme, and the woman who took care of meafter my parents' death, rather encouraged me to pursue it, Isoon came to a resolution of making this launch into the wideworld, by repairing to London, in order to seek my fortune, aphrase which, by the bye, has ruined more adventurers of bothsexes, from the country, than ever it made or advanced.

Nor did Esther Davis a little comfort and inspirit me toventure with her, by piquing my childish curiosity with the finesights that were to be seen in London: the Tombs, the Lions, theKing, the Royal Family, the fine Plays and Operas, and, in short,all the diversions which fell within her sphere of life to come at;the detail of all which perfectly turned the little head of me.Nor can I remember, without laughing, the innocentadmiration, not without a spice of envy, with which we poorgirls, whose church-going clothes did not rise above dowlasshifts and stuff gowns, beplaced with silver: all which weimagined grew in London, and entered for a great deal into mydetermination of trying to come in for my share of them.The idea however of having the company of a towns-womanwith her, was the trivial, and all the motives that engaged Estherto take charge of me during my journey to town, where she toldme, after the manner and style, "as how several maids out of thecountry had made themselves and all their kind for ever: that bypreserving their virtue, some had taken so with their masters,that they had married them, and kept them coaches, and livedvastly grand and happy; and some, may-hap, came to beDuchesses; luck was all, and why not I, as well as another?";with other almanacs to this purpose, which set me a tip-toe tobegin this promising journey, and to leave a place which, thoughmy native one, contained no relations that I had reason toregret, and was grown insupportable to me, from the change ofthe tenderest usage into a cold air of charity, with which I wasentertained, even at the only friend's house that I had the leastexpectation of care and protection from. She was, however, sojust to me, as to manage the turning into money the littlematters that remained to me after the debts and burial chargeswere allowed for, and, at my departure, put my whole fortuneinto my hands; which consisted of a very slender wardrobe,packed up in a very portable box, and eight guineas, withseventeen shillings in silver, stowed in a spring-pouch, whichwas a greater treasure than I ever had seen together, and which Icould not conceive there was a possibility of running out; andindeed, I was so entirely taken up with the joy of seeing myselfmistress of such an immence sum, that I gave very littleattention to a world of good advice which was given me with it.Places, then, being taken for Esther and me in the Chesterwaggon, I pass over a very immaterial scene of leave-taking, atwhich I droped a few tears betwixt grief and joy; and, for thesame reasons of insignificance, skip over all that happened to meon the road, such as the waggoner's looking liquorish on me, theschemes laid for me by some of the passengers, which weredefeated by the valiance of my guardian Esther; who, to do herjustice, took a motherly care of me, at the same time that shetaxed me for the protection by making me bear all travellingcharges, which I defrayed with the unmost cheerfulness, andthought myself much obliged to her into the bargain.

She took indeed great care that we were not overrated, orimposed on, as well as of managing as frugally as possible;expensiveness was not her vice.

It was pretty late in a summer evening when we reached thetown, in our slow conveyance, though drawn by six at length. Aswe passed through the greatest streets that led to our inn, thenoise, of the coaches, the hurry, the crowds of foot passengers,in short, the new scenery of the shops and houses, at oncepleased and amazed me.

But guess at my mortification and surprise when we came tothe inn, and our things were landed and delivered to us, whenmy fellow traveller and protectress, Esther Davis, who had usedme with the utmost tenderness during the journey, and preparedme by no preceedings signs for the stunning blow I was toreceive, when I say, my only dependence and friend, in thisstrange place, all of a sudden assumed a strange and cool airtowards me, as if she dreaded my becoming a burden to her.Instead, then, of proffering me the continuance of herassistance and good offices, which I relied upon, and never morewanted, she thought herself, it seems, abundantly acquitted ofher engagements to me, by having brought me safe to myjourney's end, and seeing nothing in her procedure towards mebut what natural and in order, began to embrace me by the wayof taking leave, whilst I was so confounded, so struck, that I hadnot spirit or sense enough so much as to mention my hopes orexpectations from her experience, and knowledge of the placeshe had brought me to.

Whilst I stood thus stupid and mute, which she doubtlessattributed to nothing more than a concern at parting, this ideaprocured me perhaps a slight alleviation of it, in the followingharangue: "That now we were got safe to London, and that shewas obliged to go to her place, she advised me by all means toget into one as soon as possible; that I need not fear getting one;there were more places than parish-churches; that she advisedme to go to an intelligence office; that if she heard of any thingstirring, she would find me out and let me know; that in themeantime, I should take a private lodging, and acquaint herwhere to send to me; that she wished me good luck, and hoped Ishould always have the grace to keep myself honest, and notbringing a disgrace on my parentage." With this; she took herleave of me, and left me, as it were, on my own hands, full aslightly as I had been put into hers.

Left thus alone, absolutely destitute and friendless I beganthen to feel most bitterly the severity of this separation, thescene of which had passed in a little room in the inn; and nosooner was her back turned, but the affliction I felt at myhelpless strange circumstances, burst out into a flood of tears,which infinitely relieved the oppression of my heart; though Istill remained stupified, and most perfectly perplexed how todispose of myself.

One of the waiters coming in, added yet more to myuncertainty, by asking me, in a short way, if I called foranything? to which I replied innocently: "No." But I wished himto tell me where I might get a lodging for that night. He said hewould go and speak to his mistress, who accordingly came, andtold me drily, without entering in the least into the distress shesaw me in, that I might have a bed for a shilling, and that, asshe supposed I had some friends in town (there I fetched a deepsigh in vain!), I might provide for myself in the morning.It is incredible what trifling consolations the human mind willseize in its greatest afflictions. The assurance of nothing morethan a bed to lie on that night, calmed my agonies; and beingashamed to acquaint the mistress of the inn that I had no friendsto apply to in town, I proposed to myself to proceed, the verynext morning, to an intelligence office, to which I was furnishedwith written directions on the back of a ballad, Esther had givenme. There I counted on getting information of any place thatsuch a country girl as I might be fit for, and where I could getinto any sort of being, before my little stock should beconsumed; and as to a character, Esther had often repeated tome, that I might depend on her managing me one; nor, howeveraffected I was at her leaving me thus, did I entirely cease to relyon her, as I began to think, good-naturedly, that her procedurewas all in course, and that is was only my ignorance of life thathad made me take it in the light I at first did.

Accordingly, the next morning I dressed myself as clean and asneat as my rustic wardrobe would permit me; and having left mybox, with special recommendation, with the landlady, I venturedout by myself, and without any more difficulty than can besupposed of a young country girl, barely fifteen, and to whomevery sign or shop was a gazing trap, I got to the wished forintelligence office.

It was kept by an elderly woman, who sat at the receipt ofcustom, with a book before her in great form and order, andseveral scrolls made out, of directions for places.

I made up then to this important personage, without lifting upmy eyes or observing any of the people round me, who wereattending there on the same errand as myself, and dropping hercurtsies nine deep, just made a shift to stammer out my businessto her.

Madam heard me out, with all the gravity and brow of a pettyminister of State, and seeing at one glance over my figure what Iwas, made me no answer, but to ask me the preliminary shilling,on receipt of which she told me places for women too slight builtfor hard work: but that she would look over her book, and seewhat was to be done for me, desiring me to stay a little, till shehad dispatched some other customers.

On this I drew back a little, most heartily mortified at adeclaration which carried with it a killing uncertainly, that mycircumstances could not well endure.

Presently, assuming more courage, and seeking some diversionfrom my uneasy thoughts, I ventured to lift up my head a little,and sent my eyes on a course round the room, where they metfull tilt with those of a lady (for such my extreme innocencepronounced her) sitting in a corner of the room, dressed in avelvet mantle (in the midst of summer), with her bonnet off;squat, fat, red-faced, and at least fifty.

She looked as if she would devour me with her eyes, staring atme from head to foot, without the least regard to the confusionand blushes her eyeing me so fixedly put me to, and which wereto her, no doubt, the strongest recommendation and marks ofmy being fit for her purpose. After a little time, in which my air,person and whole figure had undergone a strict examination,which I had, on my part, tried to render favourable to me, byprimming, drawing up my neck, and setting my best looks, sheadvanced and spoke to me with the greatest demureness:"Sweet-heart, do you want a place?

"Yes, and please you," (with a curtsey down to the ground).Upon this she acquainted me she was actually come to theoffice herself, to look out for a servant; that she believed I mightdo, with a little of her instruction; that she could take my verylooks for a sufficient character; that London was a very wicked,vile, place; that she hoped I would be tractable, and keep out ofbad company; in short, she said all to me that an oldexperienced practitioner in town could think of, and which wasmuch more than was necessary to take in an artlessinexperienced country maid, who was even afraid of becoming awanderer about the streets, and therefore gladly jumped at thefirst offer of a shelter, especially from so grave and matron-like alady, for such my flattering fancy assured me this new mistressof mine was, I being actually hired under the nose of the goodwoman that kept the office, whose shrewed smiles and shrugs Icould not help observing, and innocently interpreted them asmarks of being pleased at my getting into place so soon: but, as Iafterwards came to know, these Beldams understood oneanother very well, and this was a market where Mrs. Brown, mymistress, frequently attended, on the watch for any fresh goodsthat might offer there, for the use of her customers, and her ownprofit.

Madam was, however, so well pleased with her bargain thatfearing I presume, lest better advice or some accident mightoccasion my slipping through her fingers, she would officiouslytake me in a coach to my inn, where, calling herself for my box,it was, I being present, delivered without the least scruple orexplanation as to where I was going.

This being over, she bid the coachman drive to a shop in St.Paul's Churchyard, where she bought a pair of gloves, which shegave me, and thence renewed her directions to the coachman todrive to her house in ——— street, who accordingly landed us atthe door, after I had been cheered up and entertained by theway with the most plausible flams, without one syllable fromwhich I could conclude anything but that I was, by the greatestluck, fallen into the hands of kindest mistress, not to say friend,that the vast world could afford; and accordingly I entered herdoors with most complete confidence and exultation, promising,myself that, as soon as I could be a little settled, I wouldacquaint Esther Davis with my rare good fortune.

You may be sure the good opinion of my place was notlessened by the appearance of a very handsome back parlor, intowhich I was led and which seemed to me magnificentlyfurnished, who had never seen better rooms than the ordinaryones in inns upon the road. There were two gilt pier-glasses, anda buffet, on which a few pieces of plate, set out to the mostshew, dazzled, and altogether persuaded me that I must be gotinto a very reputable family.

Here my mistress first began her part, with telling me that Imust have good spirits, and learn to be free with her; that shehad not taken me to be a common servant, to do domesticdrudgery, but to be a kind of companion to her; and that if Iwould be a good girl, she would do more than twenty mothersfor me; to all which I answered only by the profoundest and theawkwardest curtsies, and a few monosyllables, such as "'yes! no!to be sure!"

Presently my mistress touched the bell, and in came astrapping maid-servant, who had let us in. "Here, Martha," saidMrs. Brown, "I have just hired this young woman to look aftermy linen; so step up and show her her chamber; and I chargeyou to use her with as much respect as you would myself, for Ihave taken a prodigious liking to her, and I do not know what Ishall do for her."

Martha, who was an arch-jade, and, being used to this decoy,had her cue perfect, made me a kind of half curtsy, and askedme to walk up with her; and accordingly showed me a neatroom, two pair of stairs backwards, in which there was ahandsome bed, where Martha told me I was to lie with a younggentlewoman, a cousin of my mistress, who she was sure wouldbe vastly good to me. Then she ran out into such affectedencomiums on her good mistress! her sweet mistress! and howhappy I was to light upon her! and that I could not have bespokea better; with other the like gross stuff, such as would itself havestarted suspicions in any but such an unpractised simpleton,who was perfectly new to life, and who took every word she saidin the very sense she laid out for me to take it; but she readilysaw what a penetration she had to deal with, and measured mevery rightly in her manner of whistling to me, so as to make mepleased with my cage, and blind to the wires.

In the midst of these false explanations of the nature of myfuture service, we were rung for down again, and I wasreintroduced into the same parlour, where there was a table laidwith three covers; and my mistress had now got with her one ofher favourite girls, a notable manager of her house, and whosebusiness it was to prepare and break such young fillies as I wasto the mounting block; and she was accordingly, in that view,alloted me for a bed-fellow, and, to give her the more authority,she had the title of cousin conferred on her by the venerablepresident of this college.

Here I underwent a second survey, which ended in the fullapprobation of Mrs. Phoebe Ayres, the name of my tutoresselect, to whose care and instruction I was affectionatelyrecommended.

Dinner was now set on table, and in pursuance of treating meas a companion, Mrs. Brown, with a tone to cut off all dispute,soon over-ruled my most humble and most confusedprotestations against sitting down with her Ladyship, which myvery short breeding just suggested to me could not be right, or inthe order of things.

At table, the conversation was chiefly kept up by the twomadams and carried on in double meaning expressions,interrupted every now and then by kind assurances to me, alltending to confirm and fix my satisfaction with my presentcondition: augment it they could not, so very a novice was Ithen.

It was here agreed that I should keep myself up and out ofsight for a few days, till such clothes could be procured for meas were fit for the character I was to appear in, of my mistress'scompanion, observing withal, that on the first impressions of myfigure much might depend; and, as they rightly judged, theprospect of exchanging my country clothes for London finery,made the clause of confinement digest perfectly well with me.But the truth was, Mrs. Brown did not care that I should be seenor talked to by any, either of her customers, or her Does (as theycalled the girls provided for them), till she secured a goodmarket for my maidenhead, which I had at least all theappearances of having brought into her Ladyship's service.To slip over minutes of no importance to the main of mystory, I pass the interval to bed time, in which I was more andmore pleased with the views that opened to me, of an easyservice under these good people; and after supper being shewedup to bed, Miss Phoebe, who observed a kind of reluctance inme to strip and go to bed, in my shift, before her, now the maidwas withdrawn, came up to me, and beginning with unpinningmy handkerchief and gown, soon encouraged me to go on withundressing myself; and, blushing at now seeing myself naked tomy shift, I hurried to get under the bed-clothes out of sight.Phoebe laughed and was not long before she placed herself bymy side. She was about five and twenty, by her most suspiciousaccount, in which, according to all appearances, she must havesunk at least ten good years; allowance, too, being made for thehavoc which a long course of hackneyship and hot waters musthave made of her constitution, and which had already broughton, upon the spur, that stale stage in which those of herprofession are reduced to think of showing company, instead ofseeing it.

No sooner then was this precious substitute of my mistresslaid down, but she, who was never out of her way when anyoccasion of lewdness presented itself, turned to me, embracedand kissed me with great eagerness. This was new, this was odd;but imputing it to nothing but pure kindness, which, for ought Iknew, it might be the London way to express in that manner, Iwas determined not to be behind-hand with her, and returnedher the kiss and embrace, with all the fervour that perfectinnocence knew.

Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, andwandered over my whole body, with touches, squeezes,pressures, that rather warmed and surprised me with theirnovelty, than they either shocked or alarmed me.

The flattering praises she intermingled with these invasions,contributed also not a little to bribe my passiveness; and,knowing no ill, I feared none, especially from one who hadprevented all doubts of her womanhood, by conducting myhands to a pair of breasts that hung loosely down, in a size andvolume that full sufficiently distinguished her sex, to me at least,who had never made any other comparison.

I lay then all tame and passive as she could wish, whilst herfreedom raised no other emotion but those of a strange, and, tillthen, unfelt pleasure. Every part of me was open and exposed tothe licentious courses of her hands, which, like a lambent fire,ran over my whole body, and thawed all coldness as they went.My breasts, if it is not too bold a figure to call so two hard,firm, rising hillocks, that just began to shew themselves, orsignify anything to the touch, employed and amused her handsawhile, till, slipping down lower, over a smooth track, she couldjust feel the soft silky down that had but a few months beforeput forth and garnished the mount-pleasant of those parts, andpromised to spread a grateful shelter over the sweet seat of themost exquisite sensation, and which had been, till that instant,the seat of the most insensible innocence. Her fingers played andstrove to twine in the young tendrils of that moss, which naturehas contrived at once for use and ornament.

But, not contented with these outer posts, she now attemptsthe main spot, and began to twitch, to insinuate, and at lengthto force an introduction of a finger into the quick itself, in sucha manner, that had she not proceeded by insensible gradationsthat inflamed me beyond the power of modesty to oppose itsresistance to their progress, I should have jumped out of bed andcried for help against such strange assaults.

Instead of which, her lascivious touches had lighted up a newfire that wantoned through all my veins, but fixed with violencein that center appointed them by nature, where the first strangehands were now busied in feeling, squeezing, compressing thelips, then opening them again, with a finger between, till an"Oh!" expressed her hurting me, where the narrowness of theunbroken passage refused it entrance to any depth.

In the meantime, the extension of my limbs, languidstretching, sighs, short heavings, all conspired to as-ure thatexperienced wanton that I was more pleased than offended ather proceedings, which she seasoned with repeated kisses andexclamations, such as "Oh! what a charming creature thou art!What a happy man will he be that first makes a woman of you!Oh! that I were a man for your sake!" with the like brokenexpressions, interrupted by kisses as fierce and salacious as everI received from the other sex.

For my part, I was transported, confused, and out of myself;feelings so new were too much for me. My heated and alarmedsenses were in a tumult that robbed me of all liberty of thought;tears of pleasure gushed from my eyes, and somewhat assuagedthe fire that raged all over me.

Phoebe, herself, the hackneyed, thorough-bred Phoebe, towhom all modes and devices of pleasure were known andfamiliar, found, it seems, in this exercise her those arbitrarytastes, for which there is no accounting. Not that she hated men,or did not even prefer them to her own sex; but when she metwith such occasions as this was, a satiety of enjoyments in thecommon road, perhaps, too a great secret bias, inclined her tomake the most of pleasure, wherever she could find it, withoutdistinction of sexes. In this view, now well assured that she had,by her touches, sufficiently inflamed me for her purpose, sherolled down the bed clothes gently, and I saw myself stretchednaked, my shift being turned up to my neck, whilst I had nopower or sense to oppose it. Even my growing blushes expressedmore desire than modesty, whilst the candle, left (to be sure notundesignedly) burning, threw a full light on my whole body."No!" says Phoebe, "you must not, my sweet girl, think to hideall these treasures from me. My sight must be feasted as mytouch. I must devour with my eyes this springing bosom. Sufferme to kiss it. I have not seen it enough. Let me kiss it oncemore. What firm, smooth, white flesh is here! How delicatelyshaped! Then this delicious down! Oh! let me view the small,dear, tender cleft! This is too much, I cannot bear it! I must! Imust!" Here she took my hand, and in a transport carried itwhere you will easily guess. But what a difference in the state ofthe same thing! A spreading thicket of bushy curls marked thefull grown, complete woman. Then the cavity to which sheguided my hand easily received it; and as soon as she felt itwithin her, she moved herself to and fro, with so rapid afriction, that I presently withdrew it, wet and clammy, wheninstantly Phoebe grew more composed, after two or three sighs,and heart-fetched Oh's! and giving me a kiss that seemed toexhale her soul through her lips, she replaced the bed-clothesover us. What pleasure she had found I will not say; but this Iknow, that the first sparks of kindling nature, the first ideas ofpollution, were caught by me that night; and that theacquaintance and communication with the bad of our sex, isoften as fatal to innocence as all the seductions of the other. Butto go on. When Phoebe was restored to that calm, which I wasfar from the enjoyment of myself, she artfully sounded me on allthe points necessary to govern the designs of my virtuousmistress on me, and by my answers, drawn from pureundissembled nature, she had no reason but to promise herselfall imaginable success, so far as it depended on my ignorance,easiness and warmth of constitution.

After a sufficient length of dialogue, my bedfellow left me tomy rest, and I fell asleep, through pure weariness, from theviolent emotions I had been led into, when nature which hadbeen too warmly stirred and fermented to subside withoutallaying by some means or other relieved me by one of thoseluscious dreams, the transports of which are scarce inferior tothose of waking real action.

In the morning I awoke about ten, perfectly gay and refreshed.Phoebe was up before me, and asked me in the kindest mannerhow I did, how I had rested, and if I was ready for breakfast?carefully, at the same time, avoiding to increase the confusionshe saw I was in, at looking her in the face, by any hint of thenight's bed scene. I told her if she pleased I would get up, andbegin any work she would be pleased to set me about. Shesmiled; presently the maid brought in the tea equipage, and Ijust huddled my clothes on, when in waddled my mistress. Iexpected no less than to be told of, if not chid for, my laterising, when I was most agreeably disappointed by hercompliments on my pure and fresh looks. I was "a bud ofbeauty" (this was her style), "and how vastly all the fine menwould admire me!" to all which my answers did not, I can assureyou, wrong my breeding; they were as simple and silly as theycould wish, and, no doubt, flattered them infinitely more thanhad they proved me enlightened by education and a knowledgeof the world.

We breakfasted, and the tea things were scarce removed, whenin were brought two bundles of linen and wearing apparel: inshort, all the necessaries for rigging me out, as they termed it,completely.

Imagine to yourself, Madam, how my little coquet heartfluttered with joy at the sight of a white lutestring, floweredwith silver, scoured indeed, but passed on me for spick and spannew, a Brussels lace cap, braited shoes, and the rest inproportion, all second-hand finery, and procured instantly forthe occasion, by the diligence and industry of the good Mrs.Brown, who had already a chapman for me in the house, beforewhom my charms were to pass in review; for he had not only, incourse, insisted on a previous sight of the premises, but also onimmediate surrendering to him, in case of his agreeing for me;concluding very wisely, that such a place as I was in, was of thehottest to trust the keeping of such a perishable commodity in,as a maidenhead.

The care of dressing and tricking me out for the market, wasthen left to Phoebe, who acquitted herself, if not well, at leastperfectly to the satisfaction of everything but my impatience ofseeing myself dressed. When it was over, and I viewed myself inthe glass, I was no doubt, too natural, too artless, to hide mychildish joy at the change: a change, in the real truth, for muchthe worse, since I must have much better become the neat easysimplicity of my rustic dress than the awkward, untoward,tawdry finery that I could not conceal my strangeness to.Phoebe's compliments, however, in which her own share indressing me was not forgot, did not a little confirm me in thefirst notions I had ever entertained concerning my person;which, be it said without vanity, was then tolerable to justify ataste for me, and of which it may not be out of place here tosketch you an unflattered picture.

I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which, as I beforeremarked, was barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectlystraight, thin waisted, and light and free without owing anythingto stays; my hair was a glossy auburn, and as soft as silk,flowing down my neck in natural curls, and did not a little to setoff the whiteness of a smooth skin; my face was rather tooruddy, though its features were delicate, and the shape was aroundish oval, except where a pit on my chin had far from adisagreeable effect; my eyes were as black as can be imagined,and rather languishing than sparkling, except on certainoccasions, when I have been told they struck fire fast enough;my teeth, which I ever carefully preserved, were small, even andwhite; my bosom was finely raised, and one might then discernrather the promise than the actual growth of the round, firmbreast, that in a little time made that promise good. In short, allthe points of beauty that are most universally in request, I had,or at least my vanity forbid me to appeal from the decision ofour sovereign judges the men, who all, that I ever knew at last,gave it thus highly in my favour; and I met with, even in myown sex, some that were above denying me that justice, whilstothers praised me yet more unsuspectedly, by endeavouring todetract from me, in points of person and figure that I obviouslyexcelled in. This is, I own, too strong of self praise; but I shouldbe ungrateful to nature, and to a form to which I owe suchsingular blessings of pleasure and fortune, were I to suppress,through an affectation of modesty, the mention of such valuablegifts.

Well then, dressed I was, and little did it then enter into myhead that all this gay attire was no more than decking the victimout for sacrifice, whilst I innocently attributed all to merefriendship and kindness in the sweet good Mrs. Brown; who, Iwas forgetting to mention, had, under pretence of keeping mymoney safe, got from me, without the least hesitation, thedriblet (so I now call it) which remained to me after the expensesof my journey.

After some little time most agreebly spent before the glass, inscarce self-admiration, since my new dress had by much thegreatest share in it, I was sent for down to the parlour, wherethe old lady saluted me, and wished me joy of my new clothes,which she was not ashamed to say, fitted me as if I had wornnothing but the finest all my life-time; but what was it she couldnot see me silly enough to swallow? At the same time, shepresented me to another cousin of her own creation, an elderlygentleman, who got up, at my entry into the room, and on mydropping a curtsy to him, saluted me, and seemed a littleaffronted that I had only presented my cheek to him: a mistake,which, if one, he immediately corrected, by gluing his lips tomine, with an ardour which his figure had not at all disposed meto thank him for: his figure, I say, than which nothing could bemore shocking or detestable: for ugly and disagreeable wereterms too gentle to convey a just idea of it.

Imagine to yourself, a man rather past threescore, short andill-made, with a yellow cadaverous hue, great goggle eyes, thatstared as if he was strangled; an out-mouth from two moreproperly tusks than teeth, livid lips, and breath like a Jake's:then he had a peculiar ghastliness in his grin, that made himperfectly frightful, if not dangerous to women with child; yet,made as he was thus in mock of man, he was so blind to hisown staring deformities, as to think himself born to please, andthat no woman could see him with impunity: in consequence ofwhich idea, he had lavished great sums on such wretches ascould gain upon themselves to pretend love to his person, whilstto those who had not art or patience to dissemble the horror itinspired, he behaved even brutally. Impotence, more thannecessity, made him seek in variety, the provocative that waswanting to raise him to the pitch of enjoyment, which he toooften saw himself baulked of, by the failure of his powers: andthis always threw him into a fit of rage, which he wreaked, asfar as he durst, on the innocent objects of his fit of momentarydesire.

This then was the master to which my conscientiousbenefactress, who had long been his purveyor in this way, haddoomed me, and sent for me down purposely for hisexamination. Accordingly she made me stand up before him,turned me round, unpinned my handkerchief, remarked to himthe rise and fall, the turn and whiteness of a bosom justbeginning to fill; then made me walk, and took even a handlefrom the rusticity of my charms: in short, she omitted no pointof jockeyship; to which he only answered by gracious nods ofapprobation, whilst he looked goats and monkeys at me: for Isometimes stole a corner glance at him, and encountering hisfiery, eager stare, looked another way from pure horror andaffright, which he, characteristically, attributed to nothing morethan maiden modesty, or at least the affectation of it.

However, I was soon dismissed, and reconducted to my roomby Phoebe, who stuck close to me, not leaving me alone, and atleisure to make such reflections as might naturally rise to anyone, not an idiot, on such a scene as I had just gone through;but to my shame be it confessed, that just was my invinciblestupidity, or rather portentous innocence, that I did not yet openmy eyes to Mrs. Brown's designs, and saw nothing in this titularcousin of hers but a shockingly hideous person, which did not atall concern me, unless that my gratitude for my benefactressmade me extend my respect to all her cousinhood.

Phoebe, however, began to sift the state and pulses of myheart toward this monster, asking me how I should approve ofsuch a fine gentelman for a husband. (Fine gentleman, I supposeshe called him, from his being daubed with lace.) I answered hervery naturally, that I had no thoughts of a husband, but that if Iwas to choose one, it should be among my own degree, sure! somuch had my aversion to that wretch's hideous figure indisposedme to all "fine gentlemen," and confounded my ideas, as if thoseof that rank had been necessarily cast in the same mould that hewas. But Phoebe was not to be put off so, but went on with herendeavours to melt and soften me for the purposes of myreception into that hospitable house: and whilst she talked of thesex in general, she had no reason to despair of a compliance,which more than one reason showed her would be easily enoughobtained of me; but then she had too much experience not todiscover that my particular fixed aversion to that frightful cousinwould be a block not so readily to be removed, as suited theconsummation of their bargain, and sale of me.

Mother Brown had in the meantime agreed the terms with thisloquorice old goat, which I afterwards understood were to befifty guineas peremptory, for the liberty of attempting me, and ahundred more at the complete gratification of his desires, in thetriumph over my virginity: and as for me, I was to be leftentirely at the discretion of his liking and generosity. Thisunrighteous contract being thus settled, he was so eager to beput in possession, that he insisted on being introduced to drinktea with me that afternoon, when we were to be left alone; norwould he hearken to the procuress's remonstrances, that I wasnot sufficiently prepared, and ripened for such an attack; that Iwas too green and untamed, having been scarce twenty-fourhours in the house: it is the character of lust to be impatient,and his vanity arming him against any supposition of other thanthe common resistance of a maid on those occasions, made himreject all proposals of a delay, and my dreadful trial was thusfixed, unknown to me, for that very evening.

At dinner, Mrs. Brown and Phoebe did nothing but run riot inpraise of this wonderful cousin, and how happy that womanwould be that he would favour with his addresses; in short mytwo gossips exhausted all their rhetoric to persuade me to acceptthem: "that the gentleman was violently smitten with me at firstsight; that he would make my fortune if I would be a good girland not stand in my own light; that I should trust his honour;that I should be made for ever, and have a chariot to go abroadin," with all such stuff as was fit to turn the head of such a sillyignorant girl as I then was: but luckily here my aversion hadtaken already such deep root in me, my heart was so stronglydefended from him by my senses, that wanting the art to maskmy sentiments, I gave them no hopes of their employersucceeding, at least very easily, with me. The glass too marchedpretty quick, with a view, I suppose, to make a friend of thewarmth of my constitution, in the minutes of the imminentattack.

Thus they kept me pretty long at table, and about six in theevening, after I had retired to my apartment, and the tea boardwas set, enters my venerable mistress, followed close by thatsatyr, who came in grinning in a way peculiar to him, and by hisodious presence, confirmed me in all the sentiments ofdetestation which his first appearance had given birth to.He sat down fronting me, and all tea time kept ogling me in amanner that gave me the utmost pain and confusion, all themark of which he still explained to be my bashfulness, and notbeing used to see company.

Tea over, the commoding old lady pleady urgent business(which indeed was true) to go out, and earnestly desired me toentertain her cousin kindly till she came back, both for my ownsake and her; and then, with a "Pray, sir, be very good, be verytender to the sweet child," she went out of the room, leaving mestaring, with my mouth open, and unprepared by thesuddenness of her departure, to oppose it.

We were now alone; and on that idea a sudden fit of tremblingseized me. I was so afraid, without a precise notion of why, andwhat I had to fear, that I sat on the settee, by the fire side,motionless and petrified, without life or spirit, not knowing howto look or how to stir.

But long I was not suffered to remain in this state ofstupefaction: the monster squatted down by me on the settee,and without farther ceremony or preamble, flings his arms aboutmy neck, and drawing me pretty forcibly towards him, obligedme to receive, in spite of my struggles to disengage from him,his pestilential kisses, which quite overcame me. Finding methen next to senseless, and unresisting, he tears off my neckhandkerchief, and laid all open there, to his eyes and hands: stillI endured all without flinching, till emboldened by my sufferanceand silence, for I had not the power to speak or cry out, heattempted to lay me down on the settee, and I felt his hand onthe lower part of my naked thighs, which were crossed, andwhich he endeavoured to unlock. Oh then! I was roused out ofmy passive endurance, and springing from him with an activityhe was not prepared for, threw myself at his feet, and beggedhim, in the most moving tone, not to be rude, and that he wouldnot hurt me. "Hurt you, my dear?" says the brute, "I intend youno harm. Has not the old lady told you that I love you? that Ishall do handsomely by you?"

"She has indeed, sir," said I, "but I cannot love you, indeed Icannot! pray let me alone! yes! I will love you dearly if you willlet me alone and go away." But I was talking to the wind, forwhether my tears, my attitude, or the disorder of my dressproved fresh incentives, or whether he was now under thedominion of desires he could not bridle, but snorting andfoaming with lust and rage, he renews his attack, seizes me, andagain attempts to extend and fix me on the settee: in which hesucceeded so far as to lay me along, and even to toss mypetticoats over my head, and lay my thighs bare, which Iobstinately kept close, nor could he, though he attempted withhis knee to force them open, effect it so as to stand fair for beingmaster of the main avenue; he was unbuttoned, both waistcoatand breeches, yet I only felt the weight of his body upon me,whilst I lay struggling with indignation, and dying with terrors;but he stopped all of a sudden, and got off, panting, blowing,cursing, and repeating "old and ugly!" for so I had very naturallycalled him in the heat of my defence.

The brute had, it seems, as I afterwards understood, broughton, by his eagerness and struggle, the ultimate period of his hotfit of lust, which his power was too short-lived to carry himthrough the full execution of; of which my thighs and linenreceived the effusion.

When it was over he bid me, with a tone of displeasure, getup: "that he would not do me the honour to think of me anymore; that the old b——h might look out for another cully; thathe would not be fooled so by ever a country mock modesty inEngland; that he supposed I had left my maidenhead with somehobnail in the country, and was come to dispose of my skim-milk in town" with a volley of the like abuse; which I listened towith more pleasure than ever fond woman did to protestationsof love from her darling minion: for, incapable as I was ofreceiving any addition to my perfect hatred and aversion to him,I looked on this railing, as my security against his renewing hismost odious caress.

Yet, plain as Mrs. Brown's views were now come out, I hadnot the heart, or spirit to open my eyes to them: still I could notpart with my dependence on that beldam, so much did I thinkmyself hers, soul and body: or rather, I sought to deceive myselfwith the continuation of my good opinion of her, and choose towait the worst at her hands, sooner than be turned out to starvein the streets, without a penny of money or a friend to apply tothese fears were my folly.

While this confusion of ideas was passing in my head, and Isat pensively by the fire, with my eyes brimming with tears, myneck still bare, and my cap fallen off in the struggle, so that myhair was in the disorder you may guess, the villain's lust began, Isuppose, to be again in flow, at the sight of all that bloom ofyouth which presented itself to his view, a bloom yet unenjoyed,and of course not yet indifferent to him.

After some pause, he asked me with a tone of voice mightilysofter, whether I would make it up with him before the old ladyreturned, and all should be well; he would restore me to hisaffections, at the same time offering to kiss me and feel mybreasts. But now my extreme aversion, my fears, myindignation, all acting upon me, gave me a spirit not natural tome, so that breaking loose from him, I ran to the bell and rangit, with such violence and effect as to bring up the maid to knowwhat was the matter, or whether the gentleman wantedanything; and before he could proceed to greater extremities, shebounced into the room, and seeing me stretched on the floor, myhair all dishevelled, my nose gushing out blood, which did not alittle tragedize the scene, and my odious persecutor still intent ofpushing his brutal point, unmoved by all my cries and distress,she was herself confounded and did not know what to do.As much, however, as Martha might be prepared andhardened to transactions of this sort, all womanhood must havebeen out of her heart could she have seen this unmoved. Besidesthat, on the face of things, she imagined that matters had gonegreater lengths than they really had, and that the courtesy of thehouse had been actually consummated on me, and flung: me intothe condition I was in: in this notion she instantly took my part,and advised the gentleman to go down and leave me to recovermyself, and "that all would be soon over with me; that whenMrs. Brown and Phoebe, who were gone out, were returned,they would take order for everything to his satisfaction; thatnothing would be lost by a little patience with the poor tenderthing; that for her part she was frightened; she could not tellwhat to say to such doings; but that she would stay by me tillmy mistress came home." As the wench said all this in a resolutetone, and the monster himself began to perceive that thingswould not mend by his staying, he took his hat and went out ofthe room murmuring and pitting his brows like an old ape, sothat I was delivered from the horrors of his detestable presence.As soon as he was gone, Martha very tenderly offered me herassistance in anything, and would have got me some hartshorndrops and put me to bed; which last I, at first, positivelyrefused, in the fear that the monster might return and take me atthat disadvantage. However, with much persuasion andassurances that I should not be molested that night she prevailedon me to lie down; and indeed I was so weakened by mystruggles, so dejected by my fearful apprehension, so terror-struck, that I had not power to sit up, or hardly to give answersto the questions with which the curious Martha plied andperplexed me.

Such too, and so cruel was my fate, that I dreaded the sight ofMrs. Brown, as if I had been the criminal, and she the personinjured; a mistake which you will not think so strange, ondistinguishing that neither virtue nor principles had the leastshare in the defence I had made, but only the particular aversionI had conceived against this first brutal and frightful invader ofmy tender innocence.

I passed then the time till Mrs. Brown came home, under allthe agitations of fear and despair that may easily be guessed.About eleven at night my two ladies came home, and havingreceived rather a favourable account from Martha, who had rundown to let them in, for Mr. Crofts (that was the name of mybrute) was gone out of the house, after waiting till he had tiredhis patience for Mrs. Brown's return, they came thundering upstairs, and seeing me pale, my face bloody, and all the marks ofthe most thorough dejection, they employed themselves more tocomfort and re-inspirit me than in making me the reproaches Iwas weak enough to fear, I who had so many juster and strongerto retort upon them.

Mrs. Brown withdrawn, Phoebe came presently to bed to me,and what with the answers she drew from me, what with herown method of palpably satisfying herself, she soon discoveredthat I had been more frightened than hurt; upon which Isuppose, being herself seized with sleep, and reserving herlectures and instructions till the next morning, she left me,properly speaking, to my unrest; for, later tossing and turningthe greatest part of the night, and tormenting myself with thefalsest notions and apprehensions of things, I fell, through merefatigue into a kind of delirious doze, out of which I waked late inthe morning, in a violent fever: a circumstance which wasextremely critical to reprieve me, at least for a time, from theattacks of a wretch, infinitely more terrible to me than deathitself.

The interested care that was taken of me during my illness, inorder to restore me to a condition of making good the bawd'sengagements, or of enduring further trials, had, however, suchan effect on my grateful disposition that I even thought myselfobliged to my un-doers for their attention to promote myrecovery; and, above all, for the keeping out of my sight of thatbrutal ravisher, the author of my disorder, on their finding I wastoo strongly moved at the bare mention of his name.

Youth is soon raised, and a few days were sufficient toconquer the fury of my fever: but, what contributed most to myperfect recovery and to my reconciliation with life, was thetimely news that Mr. Crofts, who was a merchant ofconsiderable dealings, was arrested at the King's suit, for nearlyforty thousand pounds, on account of his driving a certaincontraband trade, and that his affairs were so desperate, thateven were it in his inclination, it would not be in his power torenew his designs upon me: for he was instantly thrown into aprison, which it was not likely he would get out of in haste.Mrs. Brown, who had touched his fifty guineas, advanced toso little purpose, and lost all hopes of the remaining hundred,began to look upon my treatment of him with a more favourableeye; and as they had observed my temper to be perfectlytractable and conformable to their views, all the girls thatcomposed her flock were suffered to visit me, and had their cueto dispose me, by their conversation, to a perfect resignation ofmyself to Mrs. Brown's direction.

Accordingly they were let in upon me, and all that frolic andthoughtless gaiety in which those giddy creatures consume eitherleisure, made me envy a condition of which I only saw the fairside; insomuch, that the being one of them became even myambition: a disposition which they all carefully cultivated; and Iwanted now nothing but to restore my health, that I might beable to undergo the ceremony of the initiation.

Conversation, example, in short all, contributed, in that house,to corrupt my native parity, which had taken no root ineducation; whilst now the inflammable principal of pleasure, soeasily fired at my age, made strange work within me, and all themodesty I was brought up in the habit, not the instruction of,began to melt away like dew before the sun's heat; not tomention that I made a vice of necessity, from the constant fearsI had of being turned out to starve.

I was soon pretty well recovered, and at certain hours allowedto range all over the house, but cautiously kept from seeing anycompany till the arrival of Lord B——, from Bath, to whom Mrs.Brown, in respect to his experienced generosity on suchoccasions, proposed to offer the perusal of that trinket of mine,which bears so great an imaginary value; and his lordship beingexpected in town in less than a fortnight, Mrs. Brown judged Iwould be entirely renewed in beauty and freshness by that time,and afforded her the chance of a better bargain than she haddriven with Mr. Crofts.

In the meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it, broughtover, so tame to their whistle, that, had my cage door been setopen, I had no idea that I ought to fly anywhere, sooner thanstay where I was; nor had I the least sense of regretting mycondition, but waited very quietly for whatever Mrs. Brownshould order concerning me; who on her side, by herself and heragents, took more than the necessary precautions to lull and layasleep all just reflections on my destiny.

Preachments of morality over the left shoulder; a life of joypainted in the gayest colours; caresses, promises, indulgenttreatment; nothing, in short, was wanting to domesticate meentirely and to prevent my going out anywhere to get betteradvice. Alas! I dreamed of no such thing.

Hitherto I had been indebted only to the girls of the house forthe corruption of my innocence: their luscious talk, in whichmodesty was far from respected, their description of theirengagements with men, had given me a tolerable insight into thenature and mysteries of their profession, at the same time thatthey highly provoked an itch of florid warm-spirited bloodthrough every vein: but above all, my bed fellow Phoebe, whosepupil I more immediately was, exerted her talents in giving methe first tinctures of pleasure: whilst nature, now warmed andwantoned with discoveries so interesting, piqued a curiositywhich Phoebe artfully whetted, and leading me from question toquestion of her own suggestion, explained to me all themysteries of Venus. But I could not long remain in such a houseas that, without being an eye-witness of more than I couldconceive from her descriptions.

One day, about twelve at noon, being thoroughly recovered ofmy fever, I happened to be in Mrs. Brown's dark closet, where Ihad not been half an hour, resting upon the maid's bed, before Iheard a rustling in the bed-chamber, separated from the closetonly by two sash doors, before the glasses of which were drawntwo yellow damask curtains, but not so close as to exclude thefull view of the room from any person in the closet.

I instantly crept softly and posted myself so, that seeingeverything minutely, I could not myself be seen; and who shouldcome in but the venerable mother Abbess herself! handed in by atall, brawny young Horse-grenadiers, moulded in the Herculesstyle: in fine, the choice of the most experienced dame, in thoseaffairs, in all London.

Oh! how still and hush did I keep at my stand, lest any noiseshould baulk my curiosity, or bring Madam into the closet!But I had not much reason to fear either, for she was entirelytaken up with her present great concern, that she had no senseof attention to spare to anything else.

Droll was it to see that clumsy fat figure of her's flop down onthe foot of the bed, opposite to the closet door so that I had afull front view of all her charms.

Her paramour sat down by her: he seemed to be a man of veryfew words, and a great stomach; for proceeding instantly toessentials, he gave her some hearty smacks, and thrusting hishands into her breasts, disengaged them from her stays, in scornof whose confinement they broke loose, and sagged down, navel-low at least. A more enormous pair did my eyes never behold,nor of a worse colour, flagging, soft, and most lovinglycontiguous: yet such as they were, this great beef-eater seemedto paw them with a most unenviable lust, seeking in vain toconfine or cover one of them with a hand scarce less than ashoulder of mutton. After toying with them thus some time, as ifthey had been worth it, he laid her down pretty briskly, andcanting up her petticoats, made barely a mask of them to herbroad red face, that blushed with nothing but brandy.

As he stood on one side, unbuttoning his waistcoat andbreeches, her fat brawny thighs hung down, and the wholegreasy landscape lay fairly open to my view; a wide openmouthed gap, overshaded with a grizzly bush, seemed held outlike a beggar's wallet for its provision.

But I soon had my eyes called off by a more striking objectthat entirely engrossed them.

Her sturdy stallion had now unbuttoned, and produced naked,stiff and erect, that wonderful machine, which I had never seenbefore, and which, for the interest my own seat of pleasurebegan to take furiously in it, I stared at with all the eyes I had:however, my senses were too much flurried, too muchconcentered in that now burning spot of mine, to observeanything more than in general the make and turn of thatinstrument; from which the instinct of nature, yet more than allI had heard of it, now strongly informed me, I was to expect thatsupreme pleasure which she had placed in the meeting of thoseparts so admirably fitted for each other.

Long, however, the young spark did not remain before givingit two or three shakes, by way of brandishing it, he threwhimself upon her, and his back being now towards me, I couldonly take his being ingulphed for granted, by the directions hemoved in, and the impossibility of missing so staring a mark;and now the bed shook, the curtains rattled so that I couldscarce hear the sighs and murmurs, the heaves and pantings thataccompanied the action, from the beginning to the end; thesound and sight of which thrilled to the very soul of me, andmade every vein of my body circulate liquid fires: the emotiongrew so viol-lent that it almost intercepted my respiration.Prepared then, and disposed as I was by the discourse of mycompanions, and Phoebe's minute detail of everything, nowonder that such a sight gave the last dying blow to my nativeinnocence.

Whilst they were in the heat of the action, guided by natureonly, I stole my hand up my petticoats, and with fingers on fire,seized and yet more inflamed that center of all my senses: myheart palpitated, as if it would force its way through my bosom:I breathed with pain; I twisted my thighs, squeezed andcompressed the lips of that virgin slit, and followingmechanically the example of Phoebe's manual operation on it, asfar as I could find admission, brought on at last the criticalecstasy, the melting flow, into which nature, spent with excessof pleasure, dissolves and dies away.

After which, my senses recovered coolness enough to observethe rest of the transaction between this happy pair.

The young fellow had just dismounted, when the old ladyimmediately sprung up, with all the vigour of youth, derived, nodoubt, from her late refreshment; and making him sit down,began in her turn to kiss him, to pat and pinch his cheeks, andplay with his hair: all which he received with an air ofindifference and coolness that showed him to be much alteredfrom what he was when he first went on to the breach.

My pious governess, however, not being above calling inauxiliaries, unlocks a little case of cordials that stood near thebed, and made him pledge her in a very plentiful dram: afterwhich, and a little amorous parley, Madam set herself downupon the same place, at the bed's foot; and the young fellowstanding sidewise by her, she, with the greatest effronteryimaginable, unbuttons his breeches, and removing his shirt,draws out his affair, so shrunk and diminished, that I could notbut remember the difference, now crest-fallen, or just faintlylifting its head: but our experience matron very soon, by chaffingit with her hands, brought it to swell to that size and erection Ihad before seen it up to.

I admired then, upon a fresh account, and with a nicer survey,the texture of that capital part of man: the flaming red head as itstood uncapt, the whiteness of the shaft, and the shrub growthof curling hair that embrowned the foots of it, the roundish bagthat dangled down from it, all exacted my eager attention, andrenewed my flame. But, as the main affair was now at the pointthe industrious dame had laboured to bring it to, she was not inthe humour to put off the payment of her pains, but layingherself down, drew him gently upon her, and thus they finished,in the same manner as before, the old last act.

This over, they both went out lovingly together, the old ladyhaving first made him a present, as near as I could observe, ofthree or four pieces; he being not only her particular favouriteon account of his performances, but a retainer to the house;from whose sight she had taken great care hitherto to secret me,lest he might not have had patience to wait for my lord's arrival,but have insisted on being his taster, which the old lady wasunder too much subjection to him to dare dispute with him; forevery girl of the house fell to him in course, and the old ladyonly now and then got her turn, in consideration of themaintenance he had, and which he could scarce be accused ofnot earning from her.

As soon as I heard them go down-stairs, I stole up softly to myown room, out of which I had luckily not been missed; there Ibegan to breathe more free, and to give a loose to those warmemotions which the sight of such an encounter had raised in me,I laid me down on the bed, stretched myself out, joining andardently wishing, and requiring any means to divert or allay therekindled rage and tumult of my desires, which all pointedstrongly to their pole: man. I felt about the bed as if I sought forsomething that I grasped in my waking dream, and not findingit, could have cried for vexation; every part of me plowing withsimulated fires. At length, I resorted to the only present remedy,that of vain attempts at digitation, where the smallness of thetheatre did not yet afford room enough for action, and where thepain my fingers gave me, in striving for admission, though theyprocured me a slight satisfaction for the present, started anapprehension which I could not be easy till I had communicatedto Phoebe and received her explanations upon it.

The opportunity, however, did not offer till next morning, forPhoebe did not come to bed till long after I was gone to sleep. Assoon then as we were both awake, it was but in course to bringour ly-a-bed chat to hand, on the subject of my uneasiness: towhich a recital of the love scene I had thus, by chance, beenspectatress of, served for a preface.

Phoebe could not hear it to the end without more than oneinterruption by peals of laughter, and my ingenuous way ofrelating matters did not a little heighten the joke to her.

But, on her sounding me how the sight had affected me,without mincing or hiding the pleasurable emotions it hadinspired me with, I told her at the same time that one remarkhad perplexed me, and that very considerably. "Aye!" says she,"what was that?" "Why," replied I, "having very curiously andattentively compared the size of that enormous machine, whichdid not appear, at least to my fearful imagination, less than mywrist, and at least three of my hand-fuls long, to that of thetender small part of me which was framed to receive it, I couldnot conceive its being possible to afford it entrance withoutdying, perhaps in the greatest pain, since she well knew thateven a finger thrust in there hurt me beyond bearing. As to mymistress's and yours, I can very plainly distinguish the differentdimensions of them from mine, palpable to the touch, andvisible to the eye; so that, in short, great as the promisedpleasure may be, I am afraid of the pain of the experiment."Phoebe at this redoubled her laugh, and whilst I expected avery serious solution of my doubts and apprehensions in thismatter, only told me that "she never heard of a mortal woundbeing given in those parts, by that terrible weapon, and thatsome she knew younger, and as delicately made as myself, hadoutlived the operation; that she believed, at the worst, I shouldtake a great deal of liking; that true it was, there was a greatdiversity of sizes in those parts, owing to nature, child-bearing,frequent over-stretching with unmerciful machines, but that at acertain age and habit of body, even the most experienced inthose affairs could not well distinguish between the maid andthe woman, supposing too an absence of all artifice, in theirnatural situation: but that since chance had thrown in my wayone sight of that sort, she would procure me another, thatshould feast my eyes more delicately, and go a great way in thecure of my fears from that imaginary disproportion".

On this she asked me if I knew Polly Phillips? "Undoubterly,"says I, "the fair girl which was so tender of me when I was sick,and has been, as you told me, but two months in the house.""The same," says Phoebe. "You must know then, she is kept by ayoung Genoes merchant, whom his uncle, who is immenselyrich, and whose darling he is, on a pretex of settling someaccounts, but in reality to humour his inclinations for travelling,and seeing the world. He met casually with this Polly once incompany, and taking a likning to her, makes it worth her whileto keep entirely to him. He comes to her here twice or thrice aweek, and she receives him in the light closet up one pair ofstairs, where he enjoys her in a taste, I suppose, peculiar to theheat, or perhaps the caprices of his own country, I say no more,but to-morrow being his day, you shall see what passes betweenthem, from a place only known to your mistress and myself."You may be sure, in the ply I was now taking, I had noobjection to the proposal, and was rather a tip-toe for itsaccomplishments.

At five in the evening next day, Phoebe, punctual to herpromise, came to me as I sat alone in my own room, andbeckoned me to follow her.

We went down the back stairs very softly, and opening thedoor of a dark closet, where there was some old furniture kept,and some cases of liquor, she drew me in after her, and fastenedthe door upon us, we had no light but what came through a longcrevice in the partition between ours and the light closet, wherethe scene of action lay; so that sitting on those low cases, wecould, with the greatest ease, as well as clearness, see all objects(ourselves unseen), only by applying our eyes close to thecrevice, where the moulding of a panel had warped, or started alittle on the other side.

The young gentleman was the first person I saw, with his backdirectly towards me, looking at a print. Polly was not yet come:in less than a minute though, the door opened, and she came in;and at the noise the door made he turned about, and come tomeet her, with an air of the greatest tenderness and satisfaction.After saluting her, he led her to a coach that fronted us, wherethey both sat down, and the young Genoes helped her to a glassof wine, with some Naples biscuits on a salver.

Presently, when they had exchanged a few kisses, andquestions in broken English on one side, he began to unbutton,and, in fine, stript unto his shirt.

As if this had been the signal agreed on for pulling off all theirclothes, a scheme which the heat of the season perfectlyfavoured, Polly began to draw her pins, and as she had no staysto unlace, she was in a trice, with her gallant's officiousassistance, undressed to all but her shift.

When he saw this, his breeches were immediately loosened,waist and knee bands, and slipped over his ankles, clean off; hisshirt collar was unbottoned too: then, first giving Polly anencouraging kiss, he stole, as it were, the shift off the girl, whobeing, I suppose, broke and familiarized to this humour, blushedindeed, but less than I did at the apparition of her, now standingstark naked, just as she came ont of the hands of pure nature,with her black hair loose and a-float down her dazzling whiteneck and shoulders, whilst the deepened carnation of her cheekswent off gradually into the hue of glazed snow: for such were theblended tints polish of her skin.

This girl could not be above eighteen: her face regular andsweet featured, her shape exquisite; nor could I help envying hertwo ripe enchanting breasts, finely plumped out in flesh, butwithal so round, so firm, that they sustained themselves, inscorn of any stay: then their nipples, pointing different ways,marked their pleasing separation; beneath them lay the delicioustract of the belly, which terminated in a parting of rift scarcediscerning, that modesty seemed to retire downward, and seekshelter between two plump fleshy thighs: the curling hair thatoverspread its delightful front, clothed it with the richest sablefur in the universe: in short, she was evidently a subject for thepainters to court her, sitting to them for a pattern female beauty,in all the true pride and pomp of nakedness.

The young Italian (still in his shirt) stood gazing andtransported at the sight of beauties that might have fired a dyinghermit; his eager eyes devoured her, as she shifted attitudes athis discretion: neither were his hands excluded their share of thehigh feast, but wandered, on the hunt of pleasure, over everypart and inch of her body, so qualified to afford the mostexquisite sense of it.

In the mean time time, one could not help observing the swellof his shirt before, that bolstered out, and pointed out thecondition of things behind the curtain: but he soon removed it,by slipping his shirt over his head; and now, as to nakedness,they had nothing to reproach one another.

The young gentleman, by Phoebe's guess, was about two andtwenty; tall and well limbed. His body was finely formed, and ofa most vigorous make, square shouldered, and broad chested:his face was not remarkable any way, but for a nose inclining tothe Roman, eyes large, black, and sparkling, and a ruddiness inhis cheeks that was the more a grace; for his complexion was ofthe brownest, not of that dusky dun colour which excludes, theidea of freshness, but of that clear, olive gloss, which glowingwith life, dazzles perhaps less than fairness, and yet pleasesmore, when it pleases at all. His hair being too short to tie fellno lower than his neck, in short easy curls; and he had a fewsprigs about his paps, that garnished his chest in a style ofstrength and manliness. Then his grand movement, whichseemed to rise out of a thicket of curling hair, that spread fromthe root all over his thighs and belly up to the navel, stood stiffand upright, but of a size to frighten me, by sympathy for thesmall tender part which was the object of its fury, and whichnow lay exposed to my fairest view; for he had, immediately onstoppings off his shirt, gently pushed her down on the couch,which stood conveniently to break her willing fall. Her thighswere spread out to their utmost extention, and discoveredbetween them the mark of the sex, the red-centered cleft offlesh, whose lips vermillioning inwards, expressed a small rubyline in sweet miniature, such as Guide's touch or colouring:could never attain to the life or delicacy of.

Phoebe, at this, gave me a gentle jog, to prepare me for awhisper question: "Whether I thought my little maiden-head wasmuch less?" But my attention was too much engrossed, too muchinwrapped with all I saw, to be able to give her any answer.By this time the young gentelman had changed her posturefrom lying breadth to length-wise on the coach: but her thighswere still spread, and the mark lay fair for him, who nowkneeling between them, displayed to us a side view of that fierceerect machine of his, which threatened no less than splitting thetender victim, who lay smiling at the uplifted stroke, nor seemedto decline it. He looked upon his weapon himself with somepleasure, and guiding it with his hand to the inviting; slit, drewaside the lips, and lodged it (after some thrusts, which Pollyseemed even to assist) about half way; but there it stuck, Isuppose from its growing thickness: he draws it again, and justwetting it with spittle, re-enters, and with ease sheathed it nowup to the hilt, at which Polly gave a deep sigh, which was quiteanother tone than one of pain; he thrusts, she heaves, at firstgently, and in a regular cadence; but presently the transportbegan to be too violent to observe any order or measure; theirmotions were too rapid, their kisses too fierce' and fervent fornature to support such fury long: both seemed to me out ofthemselves: their eyes darted fires: "Oh! oh! I can't bear it. It istoo much. I die. I am going," were Polly's expressions of extasy:his joys were more silent: but soon broken murmurs, sighs heart-fetched, and at length a dispatching thrust, as if he would haveforced himself up her body, and then the motionless languor ofall his limbs, all shewed that the die-away moment was comeupon him; which she gave signs of joining with by, the wildthrowing of her hands about, closing her eyes, and giving a deepsob, in which she seemed to expire in an agony of bliss.

When he had finished his stroke, and got from off her, she laystill without the least motion, breathless, as it should seem, withpleasure. He replaced her again breadth-wise on the couch,unable to sit up, with her thighs open, between which I couldobserve a kind of white liquid, like froth, hanging about theoutward lips of that recently opened wound, which now glowedwith a deeper red. Presently she gets up, and throwing her armsround him, seemed far undelighted with the trial he had put herto, to judge, at least by the fondness with which she eyed, andhung upon him.

For my part, I will not pretend to describe what I felt over meduring this scene; but from that instant, adieu all fears of whatman can do unto me! they were now changed into such ardentdesires, such ungovernable longings, that I could have by thesleeve, and offered him the bauble, which I now imagined theloss of would be a gain I could not too soon procure myself.Phoebe, who had more experience, and to whom such sightswere not so new, could not however, be unmoved at so warm ascene; and drawing me away softly from the peeping hole, forfear of being overheard, guided me as the door as possible, allpassive and obedient to her least signals.

Here was no room either to sit or lie, but making me standwith my back towards the door, she lifted up my petticoats, andwith her busy fingers fell to visit and explore that part of me,where I was perfectly sick and ready to die with desire; that thebare touch of her finger, in that critical place, had the effect of afire to a train, and her hand instantly made her sensible to whata pitch I was wound up, and melted by the sight she had thusprocured me. Satisfied then with her success, in allaying a heatthat would have made me impatient of seeing the continuationof the transactions between our amourous couple, she broughtme again to the crevice, so favourable to our curiosity.

We had certainly been but a few instants away from it, andyet on our return we saw everything in good forwardness forrecommencing the tender hostilities.

The young foreigner was sitting down, fronting us, on thecoach, with Polly upon one knee, who had her arms round hisneck, whilst the extreme whiteness of her skin was notundelightfully contrasted by the smooth glossy brown of herlover's.

But who could count the fierce, unnumbered kisses given andtaken? In which I could often discover their mouths were doubletongued, and seemed to favour the mutual insertion with thegreatest gust and delight.

In the meantime, his red-headed champion, that had so latelyfled the pit, quelled and abashed, was now recovered to the topof his condition, perked and crested up between Polly's thighs,who was not wanting, on her part, to coax and keep it in goodhumour, stroking it, with her head down, and receiving even itsvelvet tip between the lips of not its proper mouth: whether itwas to render it more glib and easy of entrance, I could not tell;but it had such an effect, that the young gentleman seemed byhis eyes, that sparkled with more excited lustre, and hisinflamed countenance, to receive increase of pleasure. He gotup, and taking Polly in his arms, embraced her, and saidsomething too softly for me to hear, leading her withal to thefoot of the couch, and taking delight to slap her thighs andposteriors with that stiff sinew of his, which hit them with aspring that he gave it with his hand, and made them resoundagain, but her about as much as he meant to hurt her, for sheseemed to have as frolic a taste as himself.

But guess my surprise, when I saw the lazy young rogue liedown on his back, and gently pull down Polly upon him, whogiving way to his humour, stradled, and with her handsconducted her blind favourite to the right place; and followingher impulse, ran directly upon the flaming point of this weaponof pleasure, which she staked herself upon, up pierced, andinfixed to the extremest hair breadth of it: thus she sat on him afew instants, enjoying and relishing her situation, whilst hetoyed with her provoking breasts. Sometimes she would stoop tomeet his kiss: but presently the sting of pleasure spurred themup to fiercer action; then began the storm of heaves, which, fromthe undermost combatant, were thrust at the same time, hecrossing his hands over her, and drawing her home to him witha sweet violence: the inverted strokes of anvil over hammer soonbrought on the critical period, in which all the signs of a closeconspiring extasy informed us of the point they were at.For me, I could bear to see no more; I was so overcome, soinflamed at the second part of the same play, that, mad to anintolerable degree, I hugged, I clasped Phoebe, as if she hadwherewithal to relieve me. Pleased however with, and pityingthe taking she could feel me in, she drew towards the door, andopening it softly as she could, we both got off undiscovered, andreconducted me to my own room, where, unable to keep mylegs, in the agitation I was in, I instantly threw myself down onthe bed, where I lay transported, though ashamed at what I felt.Phoebe lay down by me, and asked me archly, "if, now that Ihad seen the enemy, and fully considered him, I was still afraidof him? or did I think I could come to a close engagement withhim?" To all which, not a word on my side; I sighed, and couldscarcely breathe. She takes hold of my hand, and having rolledup her own petticoats, forced it half strivingly, towards thoseparts, where, now grown more knowing, I missed the mainobject of my wishes; and finding not even the shadow of what Iwanted, where every thing was so fiat, or so hollow, in thevexation I was in at it. I should have withdrawn my hand, butfor fear of disobliging her. Abandoning it then entirely to hermanagement, she made use of it as she thought proper, toprocure herself rather the shadow than the substance of anypleasure. For my part, I now pined for more solid food, andpromised tacitly to myself that I would not be put off muchlonger with this foolery of woman to woman, of Mrs. Brown didnot soon provide me with the essential specific. In short, I hadall the air of not being able to wait the arrival of my lord B——,though he was now expected in a very fews days: nor did I waitfor him, for love itself took charge of the disposal of me, in spiteof interest, or gross lust.

It was now two days after the closet scene, that I got up aboutsix in the morning, and leaving my bedfellow fast asleep, stoledown, with no other thought than of taking a little fresh air in asmall garden, which our back parlour opened into, and fromwhich my confinement debarred me, at the times company cameto my house; but now sleep and silence reigned all over it.I opened the parlour door, and well surprised was I at seeing,by the side of a fire half-out, a young gentleman in the old lady'selbow chair, with his legs laid upon another, fast asleep, and leftthere by his thoughtless companions, who had drank him down,and then went off with every one but his mistress, whilst hestayed behind by the courtesy of the old matron, who would notdisturb or turn him out in that condition at one in the morning;and beds, it is more than probable there were none to spare. Onthe table still remained the punch bowl and glasses, stewedabout in their usual disorder after a drunken revel.

But when I drew nearer, to view the sleeping estray, heavens!what a sight! No! term of years, no turn of fortune could evereraze the lightninglike impression his form made on me. Yes!dearest object of my earliest passion, I command for ever theremembrance of thy first appearance to my ravished eyes, it callsthee up, present; and I see thee now.

Figure to yourself, Madam, fair stripling between eighteen andnineteen, with his head reclined on one of the sides of the chair,his hair disordered curls, irregularly shading a face, on which allthe roseate bloom of youth and all the manly graces conspired tofix my eye sand heart; even the languour and paleness of hisface, in which the momentary triumph of the lily over the rosewas owing to the excesses of the night, gave an inexpressiblesweetness to the finest features imaginable: his eyes, closed insleep, displayed the meeting edges of their lids beautifullybordered with long eye-lashes; over which no pencil could havedescribed two more regular arches than those that graced hisforehead, which was high, perfectly white and smooth; then apair of vermilion lips, pouting and swelling to the touch, as if abee had freshly stung them, seemed to challenge me to get thegloves off this lovely sleeper, had not the modesty and respect,which in both sexes are inseparable from a true passion, checkedmy impulses.

But on seeing his shirt collar unbottoned, and bosom whiterthan a drift of snow, the pleasure of considering it could notbribe me to lengthen it, at the hazard of a health that began tobe my life's concern. Love, that made me timid, taught me to betender too: with a trembling hand I took hold of one of his, andwaking him as gently as possible, he started, and looking, atfirst a little wildly, said with a voice that sent its harmonioussound to my heart: "Pray, child, what-a-clock is it?" I told him,and added that he might catch cold if he slept longer with hisbreast open in the cool of the morning air. On this he thankedme with a sweetness perfectly agreeing with that of his featuresand eyes; the last now broad open, and eagerly surveying me,carried the surightly fires they sparkled with directly to myheart.

It seems, that having drank too freely before he came upon therake with some of his young companions, he had put himself outof a condition to go through all the weapons with them, andcrown the night with a getting a mistress; so that seeing me in aloose undress, he did not doubt but I was one of the misses ofthe house, sent in to repair his loss of time; but though he seizedthat notion, and a very obvious one it was, without hesitation,yet, whether my figure made a more than ordinary impressionon him, or whether it was his natural politeness, he addressedme in a manner far from rude, though still on the foot of one ofthe house pliers come to amuse him; and giving me the first kissthat I ever relished from man in my life, asked me if I couldfavour him with my company, assuring me that he would makeit worth my while: but had not even new-born love, that truerefiner of lust, opposed so sudden a surrender, the fear of beingsurprised by the house was a sufficient bar to my compliance.I told him then, in a tone set by love itself, that for reasons Ihad not time to explain to him. I could not stay with him, andmight even ever see him again, with a sigh at these words, whichbroke from the bottom of my heart. My conqueror, who, as heafterwards told me, had been struck with my appearance, andliked me as much as he could think of liking any one in mysupposed way of life, asked me briskly at once, if I would bekept by him, and that he would take a lodging for me directly,and relieve me from any engagements he presumed I might beunder to the house.

Rash, sudden, undigested, even dangerous as this offer mightbe from a perfect stranger, and that stranger a giddy boy, theprodigious love I was struck with for him, had put a charm intoevery objection: I not resisting, and blinded me to everyobjection; I could, at that instant, have died for him: think if Icould resist an invitation to live with him! Thus my heart,beating strong to the proposal, dictated my answer, after scarcea minute's pause, that I would accept of his offer, and make myescape to him in what way he pleased, and that I would beentirely at his disposal, let it be good or bad. I have often sincewondered that so great an easiness did not disgust him, or makeme too cheap in his eyes, but my fate had so appointed it, thatin his fears of the hazzard of the town, he had been some timelooking out for a girl to take into keeping, and my personhappening to hit his fancy, it was by one of those miraclesreserved to love, that we struck the bargain in the instant, whichwe sealed by an exchange of kisses, that the hopes of a moreuninterrupted enjoyment engaged him to content himself with.Never, however, did dear youth carry in his head morewherewith to justify the turning of a girl's head, and making herset all consequences at defiance, for the sake of following agallant.

For, besides all the perfections of manly beauty which wereassembled in his form, he had an air of neatness and gentility,certain smartness in the carriage and port of his head, that yetmore distinguished him; his eyes were sprightly and full ofmeaning; his looks had in them something at once sweet andcommanding; his complexion out-bloomed the lovely colouredrose, whilst its inimitable tender vivid glow clearly saved it fromthe reproach of wanting life, of raw and dough-like, which iscommonly made of those so extremely fair as he was.

Our little plan was, that I should get out about seven the nextmorning (which I could readily promise, as I knew where to getthe key of the street door) and he would wait at the end of thestreet with a coach to convey me safe off; after which, we wouldsend, and clear any debt incurred by my stay at Mrs. Brown's,who, he only judged, in gross, might not care to part with one,he thought, so fit to draw custom to the house.

I then just hinted to him not to mention in the house hishaving seen such a person as me, for reasons I would explain tohim more at leisure. And then, for fear of miscarrying, by beingseen together, I tore myself from him with a bleeding heart, andstole up softly to my room, where I found Phoebe still fastasleep, and hurrying off my few clothes, lay down by her, with amixture of joy and anxiety, that may be easier conceived thanexpressed.

The risks of Mrs. Brown's discovering my purpose, ofdisappointments, misery, ruin, all vanished before this new-kindled flame. The seeing, the touching, the being, if but for anight, with this idol of my fond virgin heart, appeared to me ahappiness above the purchase of my liberty or life. He might useme ill, let him: he was the master, happy, too happy, even toreceive death at so dear a hand.

To this purpose were the reflections of the whole day, ofwhich every minute seemed to me a little eternity. How oftendid I visit the clock! nay, was tempted to advance the tedioushand, as if that would have advanced the time with it! Hadthose of the house had the least observations on me, they musthave remarked something extraordinary from the discomposure Icould not help betraying; especially when at dinner mention wasmade of the charmingest youth having been there, and stayedbreakfast. "Oh! he was such a beauty!... I should have died forhim!... they would pull caps for him!..." and the like fooleries;which, however, was throwing oil on a fire I was sorely put to itto smother the blaze of.

The fluctuations of my mind, the whole day, produced onegood effect: which was, that, through mere fatigue, I slepttolerably well till five in the morning, when I got up, and havingdressed myself, waited, under the double tortures of fear andimpatience, for the appointed hour. It came at last, the dear,critical, dangerous hour came; and now, supported only by thecourage love lent me, I ventured, a tip-toe, down stairs, leavingmy box behind, for fear of being surprized with it in going out.I got to the street door, the key whereof was always laid onthe chair by our bed side, in trust with Phoebe, who having notthe least suspicion of my entertaining any design to go fromthem (nor, indeed, had I, but the day before), made no reserveor concealment of it from me. I opened the door with great ease;love, that emboldened, protected me too: and now, got safe intothe street, I saw my new guardian angel waiting at a coach door,ready open. How I got to him I know not: I suppose I flew; but Iwas in the coach in a trice, and he by the side of me, with hisarms clasped round me, and giving me the kiss of welcome. Thecoachman had his orders, and drove to them.

My eyes were instantly filled with tears, but tears of the mostdelicious delight; to find myself in the arms of that beauteousyouth, was a rapture that my little hear swam in; past or futurewere equally out of the question with me; the present was asmuch as all my powers of life were sufficient to bear thetransport of, without fainting. Nor were the most tenderembraces, the most soothing expressions wanting on his side, toassure me of his love, and of never giving me cause to repent thebold step I had taken, in throwing myself thus entirely upon hishonour and generosity. But, alas! this was no merit in me, for Iwas drove to it by a passion too impetuous for me to resist, and,I did what I did, because I could not help it.

In an instant, for time was now annihilated with me, we werelanded at a public house in Chelsea, hospitably commodious forthe reception of duet parties of pleasure, where a breakfast ofchocolate was prepared for us.

An old jolly stager, who kept it, and understood life perfectlywell, breakfasted with us, and leering archly at me, gave us bothjoy, and said, "we were well paired, i' faith! that a great manygentlemen and ladies used his house, but he had never seen ahandsomer couple... he was sure I was a fresh piece... I lookedso country, so innocent! well my spouse was a lucky man!..." allwhich, common landlord's cant, not only pleased and soothedme, but helped to diver my confusion at being with my newsovereign, whom, the minute approached, I began to fear to bealone with: a timidity which true love had a greater share inthan even maiden bashful-ness.

I wished, I doated, I could have died for him; and yet, I knownot how, or why I dreaded the point which had been the objectof my fiercest wishes; my pulses beat fears, amidst a flush of thewarmest desires. This struggle of the passions, however, thisconflict betwixt modesty and lovesick longings, made me burstagain into tears; which he took, as he had done before, only forthe remains of concern and emotion at the suddenness of mychange of condition, in committing myself to his care; and, inconsequence of that idea, did and said all that he thought wouldmost comfort and re-inspirit me.

After breakfast, Charles (the dear familiar name I must takethe liberty henceforward to distinguish my Adonis by), with asmile full of meaning, took me gently by the hand, and said:"Come, my dear, I will show you a room that commands a fineprospect over some gardens"; and without waiting for an answer,in which he relieved me extremely, he led me up into a chamber,airy and lightsome, where all seeing of prospects was out of thequestion, except that of a bed, which had all the air ofrecommending the room to him.

Charles had just slipped the bolt of the door, and running,caught me in his arms, and lifting me from the ground, with hislips glued to mine, bore me trembling, panting, dying with softfears and tender wishes, to the bed; where his impatience wouldnot suffer him to undress me, more than just unpinning myhandkerchief and gowns, and unlacing my stays.

My bosom was now bare, and rising in the warmest throbs,presented to his sight and feeling the firm hard swell of a pair ofyoung breast, such as may be imagined of a girl not sixteen,fresh out of the country, and never before handled: but eventheir pride, whiteness, fashion, pleasing resistance to the touch,could not bribe his restless hands from roving; but, giving themthe loose, my petticoats and shift were soon taken up, and theirstronger center of attraction laid open to their tender invasion.My fears, however, made me mechanically close my thighs; butthe very touch of his hand insinuated between them, disclosedthem and opened a way for the main attack.

In the mean time, I lay fairly exposed to the examination ofhis eyes and hands, quiet and unresisting; which confirmed himthe opinion he proceeded so cavalierly upon, that I was nonovice in these matters, since he had taken me out of a commonbawdy house, nor had I said one thing to prepossess him of myvirginity; and if I had, he would sooner have believed that I tookhim for a cully that would swallow such an improbability, thanthat I was still mistress of that darling treasure, that hiddenmine, so eagerly sought after by the men, and which they neverdig for, but to destroy.

Being now too high wound up to bear a delay, he unbuttoned,and drawing out the engine of love assaults, drove it currently,as at a ready made breach... Then! then! for the first time, did Ifeel that stiff horn-hard gristle, battering against the tender part;but imagine to yourself his surprise, when he found, afterseveral vigorous pushes, which hurt me extremely, that he madenot the least impression.

I complained, but tenderly complained: "I could not bear it...indeed he hurt me!..." Still he thought no more, than that beingso young, the largeness of his machine (for few men coulddispute size with him) made all the difficulty; and that possibly Ihad not been enjoyed by any so advantageously made in thatpart as himself: for still, that my virgin flower was yet un-cropped, never entered into his head, and he would havethought it idling with time and words, to have questioned meupon it.

He tried again, still no admittance, still no penetration; but hehad hurt me yet more, while my extreme love made me bearextreme pain, almost without a groan. At length, after repeatedfruitless trials, he lay down panting by me, kissed my fallingtears, and asked me tenderly "what was the meaning of so muchcomplaining? and if I had not borne it better from other than Idid from him?" I answered, with a simplicity framed topersuade, that he was the first mam that ever served me so.Truth is powerful, and it is not always that we do not believewhat we eagerly wish.

Charles, already disposed by the evidence, of his senses tothink my pretences to virginity not entirely apocryphal, smothersme with kisses, begs me, in the-name of love, to have a littlepatience, and that he wilt be as tender of hurting me as hewould be of himself..

Alas! it was enough I knew his pleasure to submit joyfully tohim, whatever pain I foresaw it would cost, me.

He now resumes his attempts in more form: first, he put oneof the pillows under me, to give the blank of his aim a morefavourable elevation, and another Under my head, in ease of it;then spreading my thighs, and placing himself standing betwenthem, made them rest upon his; applying then the point of hismachine to the slit, into which he sought entrance, it was sosmall, he could scarce assure himself of its being rightly pointed.He looks, he feels, and satisfies himself: there driving on withfury, its prodigious stiffness, thus impacted, wedgelike, breaksthe union of those parts, and gained him just the insertion of thetip of it, lip deep; which being sensible of, he improved hisadvantage, and following well his stroke, in a straight line,forcibly deepens his penetration; but put me to such intolerablepain, from the separation of the sides of that soft passage by ahard thick body, I could have screamed out; but, as I wasunwilling to alarm the house, I held in my breath, and crammedmy petticoat, which was; turned up over my face, into mymouth, and bit it through in the agony. At length, the tendertexture of that tract giving way to such fierce tearing andrending, he pierced something further into me: and now,outrageous and no longer his own master, but borne headlongaway by the fury and over-mettle of that member, now exertingitself with a kind of native rage, he breaks in, carries all beforehim, and one violent merciless lunge, sent it, imbrued, andreeking with virgin blood, up to the very hilt in me... Then! thenall my resolution deserted me: I screamed out, and fainted awaywith the sharpness of the pain; and, as he told me afterwards,on his drawing out, when emission was over with him, mythighs were instantly all in a stream of blood, that flowed fromthe wounded torn passage.

When I recovered my senses, I found myself undressed and a-bed, in the arms of the sweet relenting murderer of my virginity,who hung mourning tenderly over me, and holding in his hand acordial, which, coming from the still dear author of so muchpain, I could not refuse; my eyes, however, moistened withtears, and languishingly turned upon him, seemed to reproachhim with his cruelty, and ask him, if such were the rewards oflove. But Charles, to whom I was now infinitely endeared by hiscomplete triumph over a maidenhead, where he so littleexpected to find one, in tenderness to that pain which he hadput me to, in procuring himself the height of pleasure,smothered his exultation, and employed himself with so muchsweetness, so much warmth, to sooth, to caress, and comfort mein my soft complainings, which breathed, indeed, more love thanresentment, that I presently drowned all sense of pain in thepleasure of seeing him, of thinking that I belonged to him: hewho was now the absolute disposer of my happiness, and, in oneword, my fate.

The sore was, however, too tender, the wound too bleedingfresh, for Charles's good-nature to put my patience presently toanother trial; but as I could not stir, or walk a-cross the room,he ordered the dinner to be brought to the bed side, where itcould not be otherwise than my getting down the wing of a fowl,and two or three glasses of wine, since it was my adored youthwho both served, and urged them on me, with that sweetirresistible authority with which love had invested him over me.After dinner, and everything but the wine was taken away,Charles very impudently asks a leave, he might read the grant ofin my eyes, to come to bed to me, and accordingly falls toundressing; which I could not see the progress of withoutstrange emotions of fear and pleasure.

He is now in bed with me the first time, and in broad day; butwhen thrusting up his own shirt and my shift, he laid his nakedglowing body to mine... oh insupportable delight! oh!superhuman rapture! what pain could stand before a pleasure sotransporting? I felt no more the smart of my wounds below; but,curling round him like the tendril of a vine, as if I feared anypart of him should be untouched or unpressed by me, I returnedhis strenuous embraces and kisses with a fervour and gust onlyknown to true love, and which mere lust never rise to.

Yes, even at this time, that all the tyranny of the passions isfully over, and that my veins roll no longer but a cold tranquilstream, the remembrance of those passages that most affectedme in my youth, still cheers and refreshes me; let me proceedthen. My beauteous youth was now glued to me in all the foldsand twists that we could make our bodies meet in; when, nolonger able to rein in the fierceness of refreshed desires, he giveshis steed the head, and gently insinuating his thighs betweenmine, stopping my mouth with kisses of humid fire, makes afresh eruption, and renewing his thrusts, pierces, tears, andforces his way up the torn tender folds, that yielded himadmission with a smart little less severe that when the breachwas first made I stifled, however, my cries, and bore him withthe passive fortitude of an heroine; soon his thrusts, more andmore furious, cheeks flushed with a deeper scarlet, his eyesturned up in the fervent fit, some dying sighs, and an agonizingshudder, announced the approaches of that extatic pleasure, Iwas yet in too much pain to come in for my share of.

Nor was it till after a few enjoyments had numbed andblunted the sense of the smart, and given me to feel thetitillating inspersion of balsamic sweets, drew from me thedelicious return, and brought down all my passion, that I arrivedat excess of pleasure through excess of pain. But, whensuccessive engagements had broke and inured me, I began toenter into the true unalloyed relish of that pleasure of pleasures,when the warm gush darts through all the ravished inwards;what floods of bliss! what melting transports! what agonies ofdelight! too fierce, too mighty for nature to sustain?... well hasshe therefore, no doubt provided the relief of a deliciousmomentary dissolution, the approaches of which are intimatedby a dear delirium, a sweet thrill, on the point of emitting thoseliquid sweets, in which enjoyment itself is drowned, when onegives the languishing stretch out, and die at the discharge. How often, when the rage and tumult of my senses hadsubsided, after the melting flow, have I, in a tender meditation,asked myself cooly the question, if it was in nature for any of itscreatures to be so happy as I was? Or, what were all fears of theconsequence, put in the scale of one night's enjoyment, of anything so transcendently the taste of my eyes and heart, as thatdelicious, fond, matchless youth.

Thus we spent the whole afternoon, till supper time in acontinued circle of love delights, kissing, turtle-billing, toying,and all the rest of the feast. At length, supper was served in,before which Charles had, for I do not know what reason,slipped his clothes on; and sitting down by the bed side, wemade table and tablecloth of the bed and sheets, whilst hesuffered nobody to attend or serve but himself. He ate with avery good appetite, and seemed charmed to see me eat. For mypart, I was so transported with the comparison of the delights Inow swam in, with the insipidity of all my past scenes of life,that I thought them sufficiently cheap, at even the price of myruin, or the risk of their not lasting. The present possession wasall my little head could find room for.

We lay together that night, when, after playing repeated prizesof pleasure, nature, overspent and satisfied, gave us up to thearms of sleep: those of my dear youth encircled me, theconsciousness of which made even that sleep more delicious.Late in the morning I waked, first; and observing my loverslept profoundly, softly disengaged myself from his arms,scarcely daring to breathe, for fear of shortening his repose; mycap, my hair, my shift, were all in disorder, from the rufflings Ihad undergone; and I took this opportunity to adjust and setthem as well as I could: whilst, every now and then, looking atthe sleeping youth, with inconceivable fondness and delight, andreflecting on all the pain he had put me to, tacitly owned thatthe pleasure had overpaid me for my sufferings.

It was then broad day. I was sitting up in the bed, the clothesof which were all tossed, or rolled off, by the unquietness of ourmotions, from the sultry heat of the weather; nor could I refusemyself a pleasure that solicited me so irresistibly, as this fairoccasion of feasting my sight with all those treasures of youthfulbeauty I had enjoyed, and which lay now almost entirely naked,his shirt being trussed up in a perfect wisp, which the warmth ofthe season and room made me easy about the consequence of. Ihung over him enamoured indeed! and devoured all his nakedcharms with only two eyes, when I could have wished them atleast an hundred for the fuller enjoyment of the gaze.

Oh! could I paint his figure as I see it now, still present to mytransported imagination! a whole length of an all perfect manlybeauty in full view. Think of a face without a fault, glowing withall the opening bloom and verdant freshness of an age, in whichbeauty is of either sex, and which the first down over his upperlip scarce began to distinguish.

The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seemed toexhale an air sweeter and purer than what it drew in: ah! whatviolence did it not cost me to refrain the so tempted kiss!Then a neck exquisitely turned, graved behind and on thesides with fais hair, playing freely in natural ringlets, connectedhis head to a body of the most perfect form, and of the mostvigorous contexture, in which all the strength of manhood wasconcealed, and softened to appearance by the delicacy of hiscomplexion, the smoothness of his skin, and the plumpness ofhis flesh.

The platform of his snow white bosom, that was laid out in amanly proportion, presented, on the vermilion summit of eachpap, the idea of a rose about to blow.

Nor did his shirt hinder me from observing the symmetry ofhis limbs, that exactness of shape, in the fall of it towards theloins, where the waist ends and the rounding swell of the hipscommences; where the skin, sleek, smooth, and dazzling white,burnishes on; the stretch-over firm, plump, ripe flesh, thatcrimped' and ran into dimples at the least pressure, or that thetouch could not rest upon, but slid over on the surface of themost polished ivory.

His thighs, finely fashioned, and with a florid glossyroundness, gradually tapering away to the knees, seemed pillarsworthy to support that beauteous frame at the bottom of which Icould not, without some remains of terror, some tender emotionstoo, fix my eyes on that terrible machine, which had, not longbefore, with such fury broke into, torn, and almost ruined thosesoft, tender parts of mine, that had not yet done smarting withthe effects of its rage; but behold it now! crest fallen, recliningits half-caped vermilion head over one of his thighs, quiet,pliant, and to all appearances incapable of the mischiefs andcruelty it had committed. Then the beautiful growth of the hair,in short and soft curls round its roots, its whiteness, branchedveins, the supple softness of the shaft, as it lay foreshortened,rolled and shrunk up into a squat thickness, languid, and borneup from between his thighs, by its globular appendage, thatwondrous treasure bag of nature's sweets, which revelled round,and pursed up in the only wrinkles that are known to please,perfected the prospect, and altogether formed the mostinteresting moving picture in nature, and surely infinitelysuperior to those nudities furnished by the painters, statuaries,or any art, which are purchased at immense prices; whilst thesight of them in actual life is scarce sovereignly tasted by anybut the few whom nature has endowed with a fire ofimagination, warmly pointed by a truth of judgment to thespring-head, the originals of beauty, of nature's unequalledcomposition, above all the imitations of art, or the reach ofwealth to pay their price.

But every thing must have an end. A motion made by thisangelic youth, in the listlessness of goingoff sleep, replaced hisshirt and the bed clothes in a posture that shut up that treasuryfrom longer view.

I lay down then, and carrying my hands to that part of me inwhich the objects just seen had begun to raise a mutiny, thatprevailed over the smart of them, my fingers now openedthemselves an easy passage; but long I had not time to considerthe wide difference there, between the maid and the nowfinished woman, before Charles waked, and turning towards me,kindly enquired how I had rested? and, scarce giving me time toanswer, imprinted on my lips one of his burning rapture kisses,which darted a flame to my heart, that from thence radiated toevery part of me; and presently, as if he had proudly meantrevenge for the survey I had smuggled of all his naked beauties,he spurns off the bed clothes, and trussing up my shift as highas it would go, took his turn to feast his eyes on all the giftsnature had bestowed on my person; his busy hands, too, rangedintemperately over every part of me. The delicious austerity andhardness of my yet unripe budding breasts, the whiteness andfirmness of my flesh, the freshness and regularity of my features,the harmony of my limbs, all seemed to confirm him in hissatisfaction with his bargain; but when curious to explore thehavock he had made in the centre of his over fierce attack, henot only directed his hands there, but with a pillow put under,placed me favourably for his wanton purpose of inspection.Then, who can express the fire his eyes glistened, his handsglowed with! whilst sighs of pleasure, and tender brokenexclamations, were all the praises he could utter. By this timehis machine, stiffly risen at me, gave me to see it in its higheststate and bravery. He feels it himself, seems pleased at itscondition, and, smiling loves and graces, seizes one of my hands,and carries it, with gentle compulsion, to this pride of nature,and its richest master piece.

I, struggling faintly, could not help feeling what I could notgrasp, a column of the whitest ivory, beautifully streaked withblue veins, and carrying, fully un-capt, a head of the liveliestvermilion: no horn could be harder or stiffer; yet no velvet moresmooth or delicious to the touch. Presently he guided my handlower, to that part in which nature, and pleasure keep theirstores in concert, so aptly fastened and hung on to the root oftheir first instrument and minister, that not improperly he mightbe styled their purse-bearer too: there he made me feeldistinctly, through their soft cover, the contents, a pair ofroundish balls, that seemed to play within, and elude allpressure, but the tenderest, from without.

But now this visit of my soft, warm hand, in those so sensibleparts, had put every thing into such ungovernable fury,disdaining all further preluding, and taking advantage of mycommodious posture, he made the storm fall where I scarcepatiently expected, and where he was sure to lay it: presently,then, I felt the stiff intersection betwen the yielding, divided lipsof the wound, now open for life; where the narrowness no longerput me to intolerable pain, and afforded my lover no moredifficulty than what heightened his pleasure, in the strictembrace of that tender, warm sheath, round the instrument itwas so delicately adjusted to, and which now cased home, sogorged me with pleasure, that it perfectly suffocated me andtook away my breath; then the killing thrusts! the unnumberedkisses! every one of which was a joy inexpressible; and that joylost in a crowd of yet greater blisses! But this was a disorder tooviolent in nature to last long: the vessels, so stirred andintensely heated, soon boiled over, and for that time put out thefire; meanwhile all this dalliance and disport had so farconsumed the morning, that it became a kind of necessity to laybreakfast and dinner into one.

In our calmer intervals Charles gave the following account ofhimself, every tittle of which was true. He was the only son of afather, who, having a small post in the revenue, rather overlivedhis income, and had given this young gentleman a very slendereducation: no profession had he bred him up to, but designed toprovide for him in the army, by purchasing him an ensign'scommission, that is to say, provided he could raise the money,or procure it by interest, either of which clauses was rather to bewished than hoped for by him. On no better a plan, however,had his improvident father suffered this youth, a youth of greatpromise, to run up to the age of manhood, or near it at least, innext to idleness; and had, besides, taken no sort of pains to givehim even the common premonitions against the vices of thetown, and the dangers of all sorts which wait the unexperiencedand unwary in it. He lived at home, and at discretion with hisfather, who himself kept a mistress; and for the rest, providedCharles did not ask him for money, he was indolently kind tohim: he might lie out when he pleased, any excuse would serve,and even his reprimands were so slight, that they carried withthem rather an air of connivance at the fault, than any seriouscontrol or constraint. But, to supply his calls for money, Charles,whose mother was dead, had, by her side, a grandmother, whodoated upon him. She had a considerable annuity to live on, andvery regularly parted with every shilling she could spare, to thisdarling of her's, to the no little heart-burn of his father; who wasvexed, not that she, by this means, fed his son's extravagance,but that she preferred Charles to himself; and we shall too soonsee what a fatal turn such a mercenary jealousy could operate onthe breast of a father.

Charles was, however, by the means of his grandmother'slavish fondness, very sufficiently enabled to keep a mistress, soeasily contented as my love made me; and my good fortune, forsuch I must ever call it, threw me in his way, in the mannerabove related, just as he was on the look-out for one.

As to temper, the even sweetness of it made him seem bornfor domestic happiness: tender, naturally polite, and gentle-manner'd; it could never be his fault, if ever jars, or animositiesruffled a calm he was so qualified every way to maintain orrestore. Without those great or shining qualities that constitute agenius, or are fit to make a noise in the world, he had all thosehumble ones that compose the softer social merit: plain commonsense, set off with every grace of modesty and good nature,made him, if not admired, what is much happier: universallybeloved and esteemed. But, as nothing but the beauties of hisperson had at first attracted my regard and fixed my passion,neither was I then a judge of the internal merit, which I hadafterwards full occasion to discover, and which, perhaps, in thatseason of giddiness and levity, would have touched my heartvery little, had it been lodged in a person less the delight of myeyes, and idol of my senses. But to return to our situation.After dinner, which we ate a-bed in most voluptuous disorder,Charles got up, and taking a passionate leave of me for a fewhours, went to town, where concerting matters with a youngsharp lawyer, they went together to my late venerable mistress's,from whence I had, but the day before, made my elopement, andwith whom he was determined to settle accounts, in a mannerthat should cut off all after reckonings from that quarter.Accordingly they went; but by the way, the Templar, hisfriend, on thinking over Charles's information, saw reason togive their visit another turn, and, instead of offering satisfaction,to demand it.

On being let in, the girls of the house flocked round Charles,whom they knew, and from the earlyness of my escape, andtheir perfect ignorance of his ever having so much as seen me,not having the least suspicion of his being accessory to my flight,they were, in their way, making up to him; and as to hiscompanion, they took him probably for a fresh cully. But theTemplar soon checked their forwardness, by enquiring for theold lady, with whom he said, with a grave-like countenance, thathe had some business to settle.

Madam was immediately sent for down, and the ladies beingdesired to clear the room, the lawyer asked her, severely, if shedid know, or had not decoyed, under pretence of hiring as aservant, a young girl, just come out of the country, calledFrances or Fanny Hill, describing me withal as particularly as hecould from Charlie's description.

It is peculiar to vice to tremble at the enquiries of justice; andMrs. Brown, whose conscience was not entirely clear upon myaccount, as knowing as she was of the town as hackneyed as shewas in bluffing through all the dangers of her vocation, couldnot help being alarmed at the questions, especially when hewent on to talk of a Justice of peace, Newgate, the Old Bailey,indictments for keeping a disorderly house, pillory, carting, andthe whole process of that nature. She, who, it is likely, imaginedI had lodged an information against her house, looked extremelyblank, and began to make a thousand protestations and excuses.However, to abridge, they brought away triumphantly my box ofthings, which, had she not ben under an awe, she might havedisputed with them; and not only that, but a clearance anddischarge of any demands on the house, at the expense of nomore than a bowl of arrack-punch, the treat of which, togetherwith the choice of the house conveniences, was offered and notaccepted. Charles all the time acted the chance companion of thelawyer, who had brought him there, as he knew the house, andappeared in no wise interested in the issue; but he had thecollateral pleasure of hearing all that I told him verified, as faras the bawd's fears would give her leave to enter into myhistory, which, if one may guess by the composition she soreadily came into, were not small.

Phoebe, my kind tutoress Phoebe, was at the time gone out,perhaps in search of me, or their cooked-up story had not, it isprobable, passed smoothly.

This negociation had, however, taken up some time, whichwould have appeared much longer to me, left as I was, in astrange house, if the landlady, a motherly sort of a woman, towhom Charles had liberally recommended me, had not come upand borne me company. We drank tea, and her chat helped topass away the time very agreeably, since he was our theme; butas the evening deepened, and the hour set for his return waselapsed, I could not dispel the gloom of impatience, and tenderfears which gathered upon me, and which our timid sex are aptto feel in proportion to their love.

Long, however, I did not suffer: the sight of him over-paid me;and the soft reproach I had prepared for him, expired before itreached my lips.

I was still a-bed, yet unable to use my legs otherwise thanawkwardly, and Charles flew to me, catches me in his arms,raised and extending mine to meet his dear embrace, and givesme an account, interrupted by many a sweet parenthesis ofkisses, of the success of his measures.

I could not help laughing at the fright of the old woman hadbeen put into, which my ignorance, and indeed my want ofinnocence, had far from prepared me from bespeaking. She had,it seems, apprehended that I fled the shelter to some relation Ihad recollected in town, on my dislike of their ways andproceedings towards me, and that this application came fromthence; for, as Charles had rightly judged, not one neighbourhad, at that still hour, seen the circumstance of my escape intothe coach, or, at least, noticed him; neither had any in thehouse, the least hint of suspicion of my having spoken to him,much less of my having clapt up such a sudden bargain with aperfect stranger, thus the greatest improbability is not alwayswhat we should most mistrust.

We supped with all the gaiety of two young giddy creatures atthe top of their desires; and as I had given up to Charles thewhole charge of my future happiness, I thought of nothingbeyond the exquisite pleasure of possessing him.

He came to bed in due time; and this second night, the painbeing pretty well over, I tasted, in full draught, all the transportsof perfect enjoyment: I swam, I bathed in bliss, till both fellasleep, through the natural consequences of satisfied desires,and appeased flames; nor did we wake but to renewed raptures.Thus, making the most of love, and life did we stay in thislodging in Chelsea about ten days; in which time Charles tookcare to give his excursions from home a favourable gloss, and tokeep his footing with his fond indulgent grand-mother, fromwhom he drew constant and sufficient supplies for the charge Iwas to him, and which was very trifling, in comparison with hisformer less regular course of pleasure.

Charles removed me then to a private ready furnished lodgingin D.... street, St. James's, where he paid half a guinea a weekfor two rooms and a closet on the second floor, which he hadbeen some time looking out for, and was more convenient forthe frequency of his visits, than where he had at first placed me,in a house, which I cannot say but I left with regret, as it wasinfinitely endeared to me by the first possession of my Charles,and the circumstance of losing, there, that jewel, which cannever be twice lost. The landlord, however, had no reason tocomplain of any thing, but of a procedure in Charles too liberalnot to make him regret the loss of us.

Arrived at our new lodging, I remember I thought themextremely fine, though ordinary enough, even at that price; but,had it been a dungeon that Charles had brought me to, hispresence would have made a little Versailles.

The landlady, Mrs. Jones, waited on us to our apartment, andwith great volubility of tongue, explained to us all itsconveniences: "that her own maid should wait on us... that thebest of quality had lodged at her house... that her first floor waslet to a foreign secretary of an embassy, and his lady... that Ilooked like a very good natured lady..." At the word lady, Iblushed out of flattered vanity: this was strong for a girl of mycondition; for though Charles had the precaution of dressing mein a less tawdry flaunting style than were the clothes I escapedto him in, and of passing me for his wife, that she had secretlymarried, and kept private (the old story) on account of hisfriends, I dare swear this appeared extremely apocryphal to awoman who knew the town so well as she did; but that was theleast of her concern: it was impossible to be less scruple-riddenthan she was; and the advantage of letting her rooms being hersole object, the truth itself would have far from scandalized her,or broke her bargain.

A sketch of her picture, and personal history, will dispose youto account for the part she is to act in my concern.

She was about forty six years old, tall, meagre, red-haired,with one of those trivial ordinary faces you meet with everywhere, and go about unheeded and un-mentioned. In her youthshe had been kept by a gentleman, who, dying, left her fortypounds a year during her life, in consideration of a daughter hehad by her: which daughter, at the age of seventeen, she sold,for not a very considerable sum neither, to a gentleman who wasgoing on envoy abroad, and took his purchase with him, wherehe used her with the utmost tenderness, and it is thought, wassecretly married to her: but had constantly made a point of hernot keeping up the least correspondence with a mother baseenough to make a market of her own flesh and blood. However,as she had not nature, nor, indeed, any passion but that ofmoney, this gave her no further uneasiness, then, as she therebylost a handle of squeezing pres-sents, or other after-advantages,out of the bargain. Indifferent then, by nature of constitution, toevery other pleasure but that of increasing the lump, by anymeans whatever, she commenced a kind of private procuress, forwhich she was not amiss fitted, by her grave decent appearance,and sometimes did a job in the match-making way; in short,there was, nothing that appeared to her under the shape of gain,that she would not have undertaken. She knew most of the waysof the town, having not only herself been upon, but kept upconstant intelligences in promoting a harmony between the twosexes, in private pawn-broking, and other profitable secrets. Sherented the house she lived in, and made the most of it, by lettingit out in lodgings; though she was worth, at least, near three orfour thousand pounds, she would not allow herself even thenecessaries, of life, and pinned her subsistence entirely on whatshe could squeeze out of her lodgers.

When she saw such a young pair come under her roof, herimmediate notions, doubtless, were how she should make themost money of us, by every means that money might be made,and which, she rightly judged, our situations and inexperiencewould soon beget her occasions of.

In this hopeful sanctuary, and under the clutches of thisharpy, did we pitch our residence. It will not be might materialto you, or very pleasant to me, to enter into a detail of all thepetty cut-throat ways and means with which she used to fleeceus; all which Charles indolently chose to bear with, rather thantake the trouble of removing, the difference of expense beingscarce attended to by a young gentleman who had no ideas ofstint, or even economy, and a raw country girl who knewnothing of the matter.

Here, however, under the wings of my sovereignly beloved,did the most delicious hours of my life flow on; my Charles Ihad, and, in him, every thing my fond heart could wish ordesire. He carried me to plays, operas, masquerades, and everydiversion of the town; all which pleased me, indeed, but pleasedme infinitely the more for his being with me, and explainingevery thing to me, and enjoying perhaps, the natural impressionsof surprise and admiration, which such sights, at the first, neverfail to excite in a country girl, new to the delights of them; butto me, they sensibly proved the power and dominion of the solepassion of my heart over me, a passion in which soul and bodywere concentered, and left me no room for any other relish oflife but love.

As to the men I saw at those places, or at any other, theysuffered so much in the comparison my eyes made of them withmy all-perfect Adonis, that I had not the infidelity even of onewandering thought to reproach myself with upon his account. Hewas the universe to me, and all that was not him, was nothing tome.

My love, in fine, was so excessive, that is arrived atannihilating every suggestion or kindling spark of jealousy; for,one idea only, tending that way, gave me such exquisite torment,that my self-love, and dread of worse than death, made me forever renounce and defy it: nor had I, indeed, occasion; for, wereI to enter here on the recital of several instances wherein Charlessacrificed to me women of much greater importance than I darehint (which, considering his form, was no such wonder), I might,indeed, give you full proof of his unshaken constancy to me; butwould not you accuse me of warming up against a feast, whichmy vanity ought long ago to have been satisfied with?

In our cessations from active pleasure, Charles framed himselfone, in instructing me, as far as his own lights reached, in agreat many points of life, that I was, in consequence of my no-education, perfectly ignorant of: nor did I suffer one word to fallin vain from the mouth of my lovely teacher: I hung on everysyllable he uttered, and received, as oracles, all he said; whilstkisses were all the interruption I could not refuse myself thepleasure of admitting, from lips that breathed more than Arabiansweetness, I was in a little time enabled, by the progress I hadmade, to prove the deep regard I had paid to all that he had saidto me: repeating it to him almost word for word; and to shewthat I was not entirely the parrot, but that I reflected upon, thatI entered into it, I joined my own comments, and asked himquestions of explanation.

My country accent, and the rusticity of my gait, manners, anddeportment, began now sensibly to wear off: so quick was myobservation, and so efficacious my desire of growing every dayworthier of his heart.

As to money, though, he brought me constantly all hereceived, it was with difficulty he even got me to give it room inmy bureau; and what clothes I had, he could prevail on me toaccept of on no other foot, than that of pleasing him by thegreater neatness in my dress, beyond which I had no ambition. Icould have made a pleasure of the greatest toil, and worked myfingers to the bone, with joy, to have supported him: guess,then, if I could harbour any idea of being burthensome to him,and this disinterested turn in me was so unaffected, so much thedictate of my heart, that Charles could not but feel it: and if hedid not love me as much as I did him (which was the constantand only matter of sweet contention between us), he managedso, at least, as to give me the satisfaction of believing itimpossible for man to be more tender, more true, more faithfulthan he was.

Our landlady, Mrs. Jones, came frequently up to myapartment, from whence I never stirred on any pretext withoutCharles; nor was it long before she wormed out, without muchart, the secret of our having cheated the church of a ceremony,and, in course, of the terms we lived together upon; acircumstance which far from displeased her, considering thedesigns she had upon me, and which, alas! she will have toosoon, room to carry into execution. But in the meantime, herown experience of life let her see, that any attempt, howeverindirect or disguised, to divert or break, at least presently, sostrong a cement of hearts as ours was, could only end in losingtwo lodgers, of whom she had made very competent advantages,if either of us came to smoke her commission, for a commissionshe had from one of her customers, either to debauch, or get meaway from my keeper at any rate.

But the barbarity of my fate soon saved her the task ofdisuniting us. I had now been eleven months with this life of mylife, which had passed in one continued rapid stream of delight:but nothing so violent was ever made to last. I was about threemonths gone with a child by him, a circumstances would haveadded to his tenderness, had he ever left me room to believe itcould receive an addition, when the mortal, the unexpected blowof separation fell upon us. I shall gallop post-over theparticulars, which I shudder yet to think of, and cannot; to thisinstant, reconcile myself how, or by what means I could out-liveit.

Two live-long days had I lingered through without hearingfrom him, I who breathed, who existed but in him, and hadnever yet seen twenty-four hours pass without seeing or hearingfrom him. The third day my impatience was so strong, myalarms had been so severe, that I perfectly sickened with them;and being unable to support the shock longer, I sunk upon thebed, and ringing for Mrs. Jones, who had far from comforted meunder my anxieties, she came up, and I had scarce breath andspirit enough to find words to beg of her, if she would save mylife, to fall upon some means of finding out, instantly, what wasbecome of its only prop and comfort. She pitied me in a waythat rather sharpened my affliction than suspended it, and wentout upon this commission.

For she had but to go to Charles's house, who lived but aneasy distance, in one of the streets that run into Covent Garden.There she went into a public house, and from thence sent for amid servant, whose name I had given her, as the properest toinform her.

The maid readily came, and as readily, when Mrs. Jonesenquired of her what had become of Mr. Charles, or whether hewas gone out of town, acquainted her with the disposal of hermaster's son, which, the very day after, was no secret to theservants. Such sure measures had he taken, for the most cruelpunishment of his child for having more interest with hisgrandmother than he had, though he made use of a pretence,plausible enough, to get rid of him in this secret abrupt manner,for fear her fondness should have interposed a bar to his leavingEngland, and proceeding on a voyage he had concerted for him;which pretext was, that it was indispensably necessary to securea considerable inheritance that devolved to him by the death of arich merchant (his own brother) at one of the factories in theSouth Seas, of which he had lately received advice, together witha copy of the will.

In consequence of which resolution, to send away his son, hehad, unknown to him, made the necessary preparations forfitting him out, struck a bargain with the captain of a ship,whose punctual execution of his orders he had secured, by hisinterest with his principal owners and patron; and, in short,concerted his measures so secretly, and effectually, that whilstthe son thought he was going down to the river, that would takehim a few hours, he was stopt on board of a ship, debarred fromwriting, and more strictly watched than a State criminal.Thus was the idol of my soul torn from me, and forced on along voyage, without taking leave of one friend, or receiving oneline of comfort, except a dry explanation and instructions, fromhis father, how to proceed when he should arrive at his destinedport, enclosing, withal, some letters of recommendation to afactor there: all these particulars I did not learn minutely tillsome time after.

The maid, at the same time, added, that she was sure thisusage of her sweet young master would be the death of hisgrand-mamma, as indeed it proved true; for the old lady, onhearing it, did not survive the news a whole month, and as herfortune consisted in an annuity, out of which she had laid up noreserves, she left nothing worth mentioning to her so fatallyenvied darling, but absolutely refused to see his father beforeshe died.

When Mrs. Jones returned, and I observed her looks, theyseemed so unconcerned, and even nearest to pleased, that I halfflattered myself she was going to set my tortured heart at ease,by bringing me good news; but this, indeed, was a cruel delusionof hope: the barbarian, with all the coolness imaginable, stabsme to the heart, in telling me, succinctly, that he was sent away,at least, on a four years' voyage (here she stretched maliciously),and that I could not expect, in reason, ever to see him again:and all this with such pregnant circumstances, that I could notescape giving them credit, as they were, indeed, too true!She had hardly finished her report before I fainted away, andafter several successive fits, all the while wild and senseless, Imiscarried of the dear pledge of my Charles's love; but thewretched never die when it is fittest they should die, and womenare hard-lived! to a proverb.

The cruel and interested care taken to recover me, saved anodious life: which, instead of the happiness and joys it hadoverflower in, all of a sudden presented no view before me ofany thing but the depth of misery, horror, and the sharpestaffliction.

Thus I lay six weeks, in the struggles of youth andconstitution, against the friendly efforts of death, which Iconstantly invoked to my relief and deliverance, but whichproved too weak for my wish. I recovered at length, but into astate of stupefaction and despair, that threatened me with theloss of my senses, and a mad house.

Time, however, that great comforter in ordinary, began toassuage the violence of my suffering, and to-numb my feeling ofthem. My health returned to me, though I still retained an air ofgrief, dejection, and languor, which taking off from theruddiness of my country complexion, rendered it rather moredelicate and affecting.

The landlady had all this while officiously provided, and seenthat I wanted for nothing: and as soon as she saw me retrievedinto a condition of answering her purpose, one day, after we haddined together, she congratulated me on my recovery, the meritof which she took entirely to herself, and all this by way ofintroduction to a most terrible, and scurvy epilogue: "You arenow," says she, "Miss Fanny, tolerably well, and you are verywelcome to stay in these lodgings as; long as you please! you seeI have asked you for nothing this long time, but truly I have acall to make up a sum of money, which must be answered." And,with that, presents me with a bill of arrears for rent, diet,apothecaries' charges, nurse, etc., sum total twenty-threepounds, seventeen and six-pence: towards discharging of which Ihad not in the world (which she well knew) more than sevenguineas, left by chance, of my dear Charles's common stock,with me. At the same time, she desired me to tell her whatcourse I would take for payment. I burst out into a flood oftears, and told her my condition: that I would sell what fewclothes I had, and that, for the rest, would pay her as soon aspossible. But my distress, being favourable to her view, onlystiffened her the more.

She told me, very cooly, that "she was indeed sorry for mymisfortunes, but that she must do herself justice, though itwould go to the very heart of her to send such a tender youngcreature to prison...." At the word "prison!" every drop of myblood chilled, and my fright acted so strongly upon me, that,turning as pale and faint as a criminal at the first sight of hisplace of execution, I was on the point of swooning. My landlady,who wanted only to terrify me to a certain point, and not tothrow me into a state of body inconsistent with her designs uponit, began to sooth me again, and told me, in a tone composed tomore pity and gentleness, that "it would be my own fault, if shewas forced to proceed to such extremities; but she believed therewas a friend to be found in the world, who would make upmatters to both our satisfactions, and that she would bring himto drink tea with us that very afternoon, when she hoped wewould come to a right understanding in our affairs." To all this,not a word of answer; I sat mute, confounded, terrified.

Mrs. Jones, however, judging rightly that it was time to strikewhile the impressions were so strong upon me, left me to myselfand to all the terrors of an imagination, wounded to death bythe idea of going to prison, and, from a principle of self-preservation, snatching at every glimpse of redemption from it.In this situation I sat near half an hour, swallowed up in griefand despair, when my landlady came in, and observing a death-like dejection in my countenance, still in pursuance of her plan,put on a false pity, and bidding me be of good heart: "Things,"she said, "would be but my own friend"; and closed with tellingme "she had brought a very honourable gentleman to drink teawith me, who would give me the best advice how to get rid of allmy troubles." Upon which, without waiting for a reply, she goesout, and returns with this very honourable gentleman, whosevery honourable procuress she had been, on this, as well asother occasions.

The gentleman, on his entering the room, made me a very civilbow, which I had scarce strength, or presence of mind enough toreturn a curtsey to; when the landlady, taking upon her to do allthe honours of the first interview (for I had never, that Iremember, seen the gentleman before), sets a chair for him,another for herself. All this while not a word on either side; astupid stare was all the face I could put on this strange visit.The tea was made, and the landlady, unwilling, I suppose, tolose any time, observing my silence and shyness before thisentire stranger: "Come, Miss Fanny," says she, in a coarsefamiliar style, and tone of authority, "hold up your head, child,and do not let sorrow spoil that pretty face of yours. What!sorrows are only for a time; come, be free, here is a worthygentleman who has heard of your misfortunes, and is willing toserve you; you must be better acquainted with him, do not younow stand upon your punctilios, and this and that, but makeyour market while you may."

At this so delicate, and eloquent harangue, the gentleman,who saw I loooked frighted and amazed, and, indeed, incapableof answering, took her up for breaking things in so abrupt amanner, as rather to shock than incline me to an acceptance ofthe good he intended me then, addressing himself to me, told me"he was perfectly acquainted with my whole story, and everycircumstance of my distress which he owned was a cruel plungefor one of my youth and beauty to fall into.... that he had longtaken a liking to my person, for which he appealed to Mrs.Jones, there present; but finding me so deeply engaged toanother, he had lost all hopes of succeeding, till he had heardthe sudden reverse of fortune that had happened to me, onwhich he had given particular orders to my landlady to see that Ishould want for nothing; and that, had he not been forcedabroad to the Hague, on affairs he could not refuse himself to,he would himself have attended me during my sickness;... thaton his return, which was the day before, he had, on learning myrecovery, desired my landlady's good offices to introduce him tome, and was as angry, at least, as I was shocked, at the mannerin which she had conducted herself towards obtaining him thathappiness; but, that to show me how much he disdained herprocedure, and how far he was from taking any ungenerousadvantage of my situation, and from exacting any security formy gratitude, he would before my face, that instant, dischargemy debt entirely to my landlady, and give me her receipt in full;after which I should be at liberty either to reject or grant hissuit, as he was much above putting any force upon myinclinations."

Whilst he was exposing his sentiments to me, I ventured justto look up to him, and observed his figure, which was that of avery well-looking gentleman, well made, of about forty, dressedin a suit of plain clothes, with a large diamond ring on one of hisfingers, the lustre of which played in my eyes as he waved hishand in talking, and raised my notions of his importance. Inshort, he might pass for what is commonly called a comely blackman, with an air of distinction natural to his birth andcondition.

To all his speeches, however, I answered only in tears thatflower plentifully to my relief, and choking up my voice, excusedme from speaking, very luckily, for I should not have knownwhat to say.

The sight, however, moved him, as he afterwards told me,irresistibly, and by way of giving me some reason to be lesspowerfully afflicted, he drew out his purse, and calling for penand ink, which the landlady was prepared for, paid her everyfarthing of her demand, independent of a liberal gratificationwhich was to follow unknown to me, and taking a receipt in full,very tenderly forced me to secure it, by guiding my hand, whichhe had thrust it into, so as to make me passively put it into mypocket.

Still I continued in a state of stupidity, or melancholic despair,as my spirits could not yet recover from the violent shocks thatthey had received; and the accommodating landlady had actuallyleft the room, and me alone with this strange gentleman, before Ihad observed it, and then I observed it without alarm, for I wasnow lifeless, and indifferent to every thing.

The gentleman, however, no novice in affairs of this sort, drewnear me; and, under the pretence of comforting me, first withhis handkerchief dried my tears as they ran down my cheeks:presently he ventured to kiss me on my part, neither resistancenor compliance. I sat stock still; and now looking on myself asbought by the payment that had been transacted before me.I did not care what became of my wretched body: and wantinglife, spirits, or courage to oppose the least struggle, even that ofthe modesty of my sex, I suffered, tamely, whatever thegentleman pleased; who proceeding insensibly from freedom tofreedom, insinuating his hand between my handkerchief andbosom, which he handled at discretion: finding thus no repulse,and that every thing favoured, beyond expectation, thecompletion of his desires, he took me in his arms, and bore me,without life or motion, to the bed, on which laying me gentlydowned, and having me at what advantage he pleased, I did notso much as know what he was about, till recovering from atrance of lifeless insensibility, I found him buried in me, whilst Ilay passive and innocent of the least sensations of pleasure: adeath-cold corpse could scarce have less life or sense in it. Assoon as he had thus pacified a passion which had too littlerespected the condition I was in, he got off, and afterrecomposing the disorder of my clothes, employed himself withthe utmost tenderness to calm the transports of remorse andmadness at myself, with which I was seized, too late, I confess,for having suffered on that bed, the embraces of an utterstranger I tore my hair, wrung my hands, and beat my breastlike a mad woman. But when my new master, for in that light Ithen viewed him, applied himself to appease me, as my wholerage was levelled at myself, no part of which I thought myselfpermitted to aim at him, I begged of him with more submissionthan anger, to leave me alone, that I might, at least, enjoy myaffliction in quiet. This he positively refused, for fear, as hepretended, I should do myself a mischief. Violent passionsseldom last long, and those of women least of any. A dead stillcalm succeeded this storm, which ended in a profuse shower oftears.

Had any one, but a few instants before, told me that I shouldhave ever known any man but Charles, I would have spit in hisface or had I been offered infinitely a greater sum of money thanthat I saw paid for me, I had spurned the proposal in cold blood.But our virtues and our vices depend too much on ourcircumstances; unexpectedly beset as I was, betrayed by a mindweakened by a long severe affliction, and stunned with theterrors of a goal, my defeat will appear the more excusable, sinceI certainly was not present at, or a party in any sense to it.However, as the first enjoyment is decisive, and he was nowover the bar, I thought I had no longer a right to refuse thecaresses of one that had got that advantage over me, no matterhow obtained; conforming myself then to this maxim, Iconsidered myself as so much in his power, that I endured hiskisses and embraces without affecting struggles or anger; notthat he, as yet, gave me any pleasure, or prevailed over theaversion of my soul, to give myself up to any sensation of thatsort; what I suffered, I suffered out of a kind of gratitude, and asa matter of course what had passed.

He was, however, so regardful as not to attempt the renewalof those extremities which had thrown me, just before, into suchviolent agitations; but, now secure of possession, contentedhimself with bringing me to temper by degrees, and waiting atthe hand of time for those fruits of generosity and courtship,which he since often reproached himself with having gatheredmuch too green, when, yielding to the inability to resist him, andoverborne by desires, he had wreaked his passion on a merelifeless, spiritless body, dead to all purpose of joy, since takingnone, it ought to be supposed incapable of giving any. This is,however, certain; my heart never thoroughly forgave him themanner in which I had fallen to him, although, in point ofinterest, I had fallen to him, I had reason to be pleased that hefound, in my person, wherewithal to keep him from leaving meas easily as he had had me.

The evening was, in the mean time, so far advanced, that themaid came in to lay the cloth for supper, when I understood,with joy, that my landlady, whose sight was present poison tome, was not to be with us.

Presently a neat and elegant supper was introduced, and abottle of Burgundy, with the other necessaries, were set on adumb-waiter.

The maid quitting the room, the gentleman insisted, with atender warmth, that I should sit up in the elbow chair by thefire, and see him eat, if I could not be prevailed on to eat myself.I obeyed with a heart full or affliction, at the comparison itmade between those delicious tete-a-tetes with my very dearyouth, and this forced situation, this new awkward scene,imposed and obtruded on me a cruel necessity.

At supper, after a great many arguments used to comfort andreconcile me to my fate, he told me that his name was H...,brother to the Earl of L.... and that having, by the suggestions ofmy landlady, been led to see me, he had found me perfectly tohis taste, and given her a commission to procure me at any rate,and that at length he had succeeded, as much to his satisfactionas he passionately wished it might be to mine adding, withal,some flattering assurances, that I should have no cause to repentmy knowledge of him.

I had now got down at least half a partridge, and three or fourglasses of wine, which he compelled me to drink by way ofrestoring nature, but whether there was any thing extraordinaryput into the wine, or whether there wanted no more to revivethe natural warmth of my constitution, and give fire to the oldtrain, I began no longer to look with that constraint, not to saydisguise, on Mr. H...., which I had hitherto done but, withal,there was not the least grain of love mixed with this softening ofmy sentiments: any other man would have been just the same tome as Mr. H..., that stood in the same circumstances, and haddone for me, and with me, what he had done.

There are not, on earth at least, eternal griefs; mine were, ifnot at an end, at least suspended: my heart, which had been solong overloaded with anguish and vexation, began to dilate andopen to the last gleam of diversion or amusement. I wept a little,and my tears relieved me; I sighed, and my sighs seemed tolighten me of a load that oppressed me; my countenance grew, ifnot cheerful, at least more composed and free.

Mr. H..., who had watched, perhaps brought on this change,knew too well not to seize it: he thrust the table imperceptiblyfrom between us, and bringing his chair to face me, he soonbegan, after preparing me by all the endearments of assuranceand protestations, to lay hold of my hands, to kiss me, and oncemore to make free with my bosom, which, being at full libertyfrom the disorder of a loose dishabile, now panted andthrobbed, less with indignation than with fear and bashfulness,at being used so familiarly by still a stranger. But he soon gaveme greater occasion to exclaim, by stooping down and slippinghis hands above my garters; thence he strove to regain the pass,which he had before found so open, and unguarded; but now hecould not unlock the twist of my thighs; I gently complained,and begged him to let me alone; told him I was not well.However, he saw there was more form and ceremony in myresistance, than good earnest; he made his conditions fordesisting from pursuing his point, that I should be put instantlyto bed, whilst he gave certain orders to the landlady, and that hewould return in an hour, when he hoped to find me morereconciled to his passion for me, than I seemed at present. Ineither assented nor denied, but my air and manner of receivinghis proposal, gave him to see that I did not think myself enoughmy own mistress to refuse it.

Accordingly he went out and left me, when a minute or twoafter, before I could recover myself into any composure forthinking, the maid came in with her mistress's service, and asmall silver orringer of what she called a bridal posset, anddesired me to eat it as I went to bed, which consequently I did,and felt immediately a heat, a fire run like a hue-and-cry throughevery part of my body; I burnt, I glowed, and wanted even littleof wishing for any man.

The maid, as soon as I was lain down, took the candle away,and wishing me a good night, went out of the room, and shutthe door after her.

She had hardly time to get down stairs, before Mr. H....opened my room door softly, and came in, now undressed, in hisnight-gown and cap, with two lighted wax candles, and boltingthe door, gave me, though I expected him, some sort of alarm.He came a tip-toe to the bed side, and saying with a gentlewhisper: "Pray, my dear, do not be startled... I will be verytender and kind to you." He then hurried off his clothes, andleaped into bed, having given me openings enough, whilst hewas stripping, to observe his brawny structure, strong madelimbs, and rough shaggy breast.

The bed shook again when it received this new load. He lay onthe outside, where he kept the candles burning, no doubt for thesatisfaction of every sense, for as soon as he had kissed me, herolled down the bed clothes, and seemed transported with theview of all my person at full length, which he covered with aprofusion of kisses, sparing no part of me. Then, being on hisknees between my thighs, he drew up his shirt, and bared all hishairy thighs, and stiff staring truncheon, red top, and rootedinto a thicket of curls, which covered his belly to the novel, andgave it the air of a flesh brush; and soon I feel it joining close tomine, when he had drove the nail up to the head, and left nopartition but the intermediate hair on both sides.

I had it now, I felt it now, and, beginning to drive, he soongave nature such a powerful summons down to her favouritequarters, that she could no longer refuse repairing thither; all myanimals spirits then rushed mechanically to that center ofattraction, and presently, inly warmed, and stirred as I wasbeyond bearing, I lost all restraint, and yielding to the force ofthe emotion, gave down, as mere woman, those effusions ofpleasure, which, in the strictness of still faithful love, I couldhave wished to have kept in.

Yet oh! what an immense difference did I feel between thisimpression of a pleasure merely animal, and struck out of thecollision of the sexes, by a passive bodily effect, from that sweetfury, that rage of active delight which crowns the enjoyments ofa mutual love passion, where two hearts, tenderly and trulyunited, club to exalt the joy, and give it a spirit and soul thatbids defiance to that end which mere momentary desiresgenerally terminate in, when they die of a surfeit of satisfaction!Mr. H..., whom no distinctions of that sort seemed to distract,scarce gave himself or me breathing time from the lastencounter, but, as if he had tasked himself to prove that theappearances of his vigour were no signs hung out in vain, in afew minutes he was in a condition for renewing the onset; towhich, preluding with a storm of kisses, he drove the samecourse as before, with unbated fervour; and thus, in repeatedengagements, kept me constantly in exercise, till dawn ofmorning, in all which time he made me fully sensible of thevirtues of his firm texture of limbs, his square shoulders, broadchest, compact hard muscles, in short a system of manliness,that might pass for no bad image of our ancient sturdy barons,whose race is now so thoroughly refined and frittered away intothe more delicate and modern built frame of our pap-nervedsoftlings, who are as pale, as pretty, and almost as masculine astheir sisters.

Mr. H..., content, however, with having the day break uponhis triumph, resigned me up to the refreshment of a rest we bothwanted, and we soon dropped into a profound sleep.

Though he was some time awake before me, yet he did notoffer to disturb a repose he had given me so much occasion for;but on my first stirring, which was not till past ten o'clock, I wasobliged to endure one more trial of his manhood.

About eleven, in came Mrs. Jones, with two basins of therichest soup, which her experience in these matters had movedher to prepare. I pass over the fulsome compliments, the cant ofthe decent procuress, with which she saluted us both; butthough my blood rose at the sight of her, I supprest myemotions, and gave all my concerne to reflections on what wouldbe the consequence of this new engagement.

But Mr. H..., who penetrated my uneasiness, did not sufferme to languish under it, and acquainted me, that having taken asolid sincere affection to me, he would begin by giving me oneleading mark of it, in removing me out of a house which must,for many reasons, be irksome and disagreeable to me, intoconvenient lodgings, where he would take all imaginable care ofme; and desiring not to have any explanations with my landlady,or be impatient till he returned, he dressed and went out, havingleft me a purse with two and twenty guineas in it, being all hehad about him, as he express it, to keep my pocket still furthersupplied.

As soon as he was gone, I felt the usual consequence of thefirst launch into vice (for my love attachment to Charles neverappeared to me in that light). I was instantly borne away downthe stream without making back to the shore. My dreadfulnecessities, my gratitude, and above all, to say the plain truth,the dissipation and diversion I began to find in this newacquaintance, from the black corroding thoughts my heart hadbeen a prey to, ever since the absence of my dear Charles,concurred to stun all my contrary reflections. If I now thought ofmy first, my only charmer, it was still with the tenderness andregret of the fondest love, embittered with the consciousnessthat I was no longer worthy of him. I could have begged mybread with him all over the world, but wretch that I was! I hadneither the virtue or courage requisite not to outlive myseparation from him.

Yet, had not my heart been thus preengaged, Mr. H... mightprobably have been the sole master of it; but the place was full,and the force of conjectures alone had made him the possessorof my person; the charms of which had, by the bye, been hissole object and passion, and were, of course, no foundation for alove either very delicate or very durable.

He did not return till six in the evening', to take me away tomy new lodgings; and my moveables being soon packed, andconveyed into a hackney coach, it cost me but little regret totake my leave of a landlady whom I thought I had so muchreason not to be over pleased with; and as for her part, shemade no other difference to my staying or going, but what thatof the profit created.

We soon got to the house appointed for me, which was that ofa plain tradesman, who, on the score of interest, was entirely atMr. H...'s devotion, and who let him the first floor, verygenteelly furnished, for two guineas a week, of which I wasinstated mistress, with a maid to attend me.

He stayed with me that evening, and we had a supper from aneighbouring tavern, after which, and a gay glass or two, themaid put me to bed. Mr. H.... soon followed, andnotwithstanding the fatigues of the preceding night, I found noquarter nor remission from him: he piquet himself, as he toldme, on doing the honours of my new apartment.

The morning being pretty well advanced, we got to breakfast;and the ice now broke, my heart, no longer engrossed by love,began to take ease, and to please itself with such trifles Mr.H....'s liberal liking led him to make his court to the usual vanityof our sex. Silks, laces: ear rings, pearl necklace, gold watch, insort, all the trinkets and articles of dress were lavishly heapedupon me; the sence of which, if it did not create returns of love,forced a kind of grateful fondness, something like love: adistinction which it would be spoiling the pleasure of nine tenthsof the keepers in the town to make, and is, I suppose, the verygood reason why so few of them ever do make it.

I was now established the kept mistress in form, well lodged,with a very sufficient allowance, and lighted up with all thelustre of dress.

Mr. H.... continued kind and tender to me; yet, with all this, Iwas far from happy: for, besides my regrets for my dear youth,which, though often suspended or diverted, still returned uponme in certain melancholic moments with redoubled violence, Iwanted more society, more dissipation.

As to Mr. H.... he was so much my superior in every sense,that I felt it too much to the disadvantage of the gratitude Iowed him. Thus he gained my esteem, though he could not raisemy taste; I was qualified for no sort of conversation with him,except one sort, and that is a satisfaction which leaves tiresomeintervals, if not filled up by love, or other amusements.

Mr. H...., so experienced, so learned in the ways of women,numbers of whom had passed through his hands, doubtless,soon perceived this uneasiness, and, without approving, or likingme the better for it, had the complaisance to indulge me.He made suppers at my lodging, where he brought severalcompanions of his pleasures, with their mistresses; and by thismeans I got into a circle of acquaintance, that soon stripped meof all the remains of bashfulness and modesty which might beyet left of my country education, and were, to a just taste,perhaps, the greatest of my charms.

We visited one another in form, and mimicked, as near as wecould, all the miseries, the follies, and impertinencies of thewomen in quality, in the round of which they trifle away theirtime, without it ever entering their little heads, that on earththere cannot subsist any thing more silly, more flat, more insipidand worthless, than, generally considered, their system of life is:they ought to treat the men as their tyrants, indeed! were they tocondemn them to it.

But though, amongst the kept mistresses (and I was nowacquainted with a good many, besides some useful matrons, wholive by their connexions with them), I hardly knew one that didnot perfectly detest their keepers, and, of course, made little orno scruple of any infidelity they could safely accomplish, I hadstill no notion of wronging mine: for, besides that no mark ofjealousy on his side started me the hint, or gave me theprovocation to play him a trick of that sort, and that hisconstant generosity, politeness, and tender attention to pleaseme, forced a regard to him, that, without affecting my heart,insured him my fidelity, no object had yet presented that couldovercome the habitual liking I had contracted for him and I wason the eve of obtaining, from the movements of his ownvoluntary generosity, a modest provision for life, when anaccident happened which broke all the measures he had resolvedupon in my favour.

I had now lived near seven months with Mr. H.... when oneday returning to my lodgings, from a visit in the neighbourhood,where I used to stay longer, I found the street door open, andthe maid of the house standing at it, talking with some of heracquaintance, so that I came in without knocking and, as Ipassed by, she told me Mr. H.... was above. I slept up stairs intomy own bed-chamber, with no other thought than of pulling offmy hat etc., and then to wait upon him in the dining room, intowhich my bed-chamber had a door, as is common enough.Whilst I was untying my hat strings, I fancied I heard my maidHannah's voice and a sort of tustle, which raised my curiosity; Istole softly to the door, where a knot in the wood had beenslipped out, and afforded a very commanding peep-hole to thescene then in agitation, the actors of which had been toearnestly employed to hear my opening my own door, from thelanding place of the stairs, into my bedchamber.

The first sight that struck me was Mr. H.... pulling andhauling this coarse country strammel towards a couch that stoodin a corner of the dining-room; to which the girl made only asort of awkward holdening resistance, crying out so loud, that I,who listened at the door, could scarce hear her: "Pray Sir,don't.., let me alone... I am not for your turn... You cannot,sure, demean yourself with such a poor body as I... Lord! Sir,my mistress may come home... I must not indeed... I will cryout..." All of which did not hinder her from insensibly sufferingherself to be brought to the foot of the couch, upon which apush of no mighty violence served to give her a very easy fall,and my gentleman having got up his hands to the strong hold ofher Virtue, she, no doubt, thought it was time to give up theargument, and that all further defense would be vain: and he,throwing her petticoats over her face, which was now as red asscarlet, discovered a pair of stout, plump, substantial thighs,and tolerably white; he mounted them round his haps, andcoming out with his drawn weapon, stuck it in the cloven sport,where he seemed to find a less difficult entrance than perhapshe had flattered himself with (for, by the way, this blouse hadleft her place in the country, for a bastard), and, indeed, all hismotions shewed he was lodged pretty much at large. After hehad done, his Deare gets up, drops her petticoats down, andsmooths her apron and handkerchief. Mr. H.... looked a littlesilly, and taking out some money, gave it her, with an airindifferent enough, bidding her be a good girl, and say nothing.Had I loved this man, it was not in nature for me to have hadpatience to see the whole scene through: I should have broke inand played the jealous princess with a vengeance. But that wasnot the case: my pride alone was hurt, my heart not, and I couldeasier win upon myself to see how far he would go, till I had nouncertainty upon my conscience.

The least delicate of all affairs of this sort being now over, Iretired softly into my closet, where I began to consider what Ishould do. My first scheme naturally, was to rush in andupbraid them; this, indeed, flattered my present emotions andvexations, as it would have given immediate vent to them; but,on second thoughts, not being so clear as to the consequence tobe apprehended from such a step, I began my discovery still asafer season, when dissembly my discovery till a safer season,when Mr. H.... should have perfected the settlement he hadmade overtures to me of, and which I was not to think such aviolent explanation, as I was indeed not equal to themanagement of, could possibly forward, and might destroy. Onthe other hand, the provocation seemed too gross, too flagrantnot to give me some thoughts of revenge; the very start of whichidea restored me to perfect composure; and delighted as I waswith the confused plan of it in my head, I was easily mistressenough of myself to support the part of ignorance I hadprescribed to myself; and as all this circle of reflections wasinstantly over, I stole a tip-toe to the passage door, and openingit with a noise, passed for having that moment come home; andafter a short pause, as if to pull off my things, I opened the doorinto the dining room, where I fund the dowdy blowing the fire,and my faithful shepherd walking about the room, and wistling,as cool and unconcerned as if nothing had happened. I think,however, he had not much to brag of having out-dissembled me:for I kept up, nobly, the character of our sex for art, and wentup to him with the same open air of frankness as I had everreceived him. He stayed but a little while, made some excuse fornot being able to stay the evening with me, and went out.As for the wench, she was now spoiled, at least for myservant; and scarce eight and forty hours were gone round,before her insolence, on what had passed betwen Mr. H.... andher, gave me so fair an occasion to turn her away, at a minute'swarning, that, not to have done it would have been the wonder;so that he could neither disapprove it nor find in it the leastreason to suspect my original motive. What became of herafterwards, I know not; but generous as Mr. H.... was, heundoubtedly made her amends: though, I dare answer, that hekept up no further commerce with her of that sort; as hisstooping to such a coarse morsel, was only a sudden sally oflust, on seeing a wholesome looking, buxom country wench, andno more strange than hunger, or even a whimsical appetite'smaking a fling meal of neck-beef, for change of diet.

Had I considered this escapade of Mr. H.... in no more thanthat light and contented myself with turning away the wench, Ihad thought and acted right; but, flushed as I was withimaginary wrongs, I should have held Mr. H... to have beencheaply off, if I had not pushed my revenge farther, and repaidhim, as exactly as could for the soul of me, in the same coin.Nor was this worthy act of justice long delayed: I had it toomuch at heart. Mr. H... had, about a fortnight before, taken intohis service a tenant's son, just come out the country, a veryhandsome young lad, scarce turned of nineteen, fresh as a rose,well sharped and clear limbed: in short, a very good excuse forany woman's liking, even though revenge had been out of thequestion; any woman, I say, who was disprejudiced, and thatwit and spirit enough to prefer a point of pleasure to a point ofpride.

Mr. H... had clapped a livery upon him; and his chief employwas, after being shewn my lodgings, to bring and carry letters ormessages between his master and me; and as the situation of allkept ladies is not the fittest to inspire respect, even to themeanest of mankind, and, perhaps, less of it from the mostignorant, I could not help observing that this lad, who was, Isuppose, acquainted with my relation to his master by his fellowservants, used to eye me in that bashful confused way, moreexpressive, more moving and readier caught at by our sex, thanany other declarations whatever: my figure had, it seems, struckhim, and modest and innocent as he was, he did not himselfknow that the pleasure he took in looking at me was love, ordesire; but his eyes, naturally wanton, and now inflamed withpassion, spoke a great deal more than he durst have imaginedthey did. Hitherto, indeed, I had only taken notice of thecomeliness of the youth, but without the least design: my pridealone would have guarded me from a thought that way, had notMr. H....'s condescension with my maid, where there was nothalf the temptation, in point of person, set me a dangerousexample; but now I began to look on this stripling as every waya delicious instrument of my designed retaliation upon Mr. H....of an obligation for which I should have made a conscience todie in his debt.

In order then to pave the way for the accomplishment of myscheme, for two or three times that the young fellow came to mewith messages, I managed so, or without affectation to have himadmitted to my bed side, or brought to me at my toilet, where Iwas dressing; and by carelessly shewing or letting him, as ifwithout meaning or design, sometimes my bosom rather morebare than it should be; sometimes my hair, of which I had a veryfine head, in the natural flow of it while combing; sometimes aneat leg, that had unfortunately slipt its garter, which I made noscruple of tying before him, easily gave him the impressionsfavourable to my purpose, which I could perceive to sparkle inhis eyes, and glow in his cheeks: then certain slight squeezes bythe hand, as I took letters from him, did his businesscompletely.

When I saw him thus moved, and fired for my purpose, Iinflamed him yet more, by asking him several leading questions,such as: "Had he a mistress?... was she prettier than me?...could he love such a one as I was?..." and the like; to all whichthe blushing simpleton answered to my wish, in a strain ofperfect nature, perfect undebauched innocence, but with all theawkwardness and simplicity of country breeding.

When I thought I had sufficiently ripened him for the laudablepoint I had in view, one day that I expected him at a particularhour, I took care to have the coast clear for the reception Idesigned him; and, as I laid it, he came to the dining room door,tapped at it, and, in my bidding him come in; he did so, andshut the door after him. I desired him, then, to bolt it on theinside, pretending it would not otherwise keep shut.

I was then lying at length upon that very couch, the scene ofMr. H....'s polite joys, in an undress, which was with all the artof negligence flowing loose, and in a most tempting disorder: nostays, no hoop..., no incumbrance whatever. On the other hand,he stood at a little distance, that gave me a full view of a finefeatured, shapely, healthy country lad, breathing the sweets offresh blooming youth; his hair, which was of a perfect shiningblack, played to his face in natural side curls, and was set outwith a smart tuck-up behind; new buckskin breechs, that,clipping close, shewed the shape of a plump, well made thigh;white stockings, garter-laced livery, shoulder knot, altogethercomposed a figure of pure flesh and blood, and appeared underno disgrace from the lowness of a dress, to which a certainspruce neatness seems peculiarly fitted.

I bid him come towards me, and give me his letter, at thesame time throwing down, carelessly, a book I had in my hands.He coloured, and came within reach of delivering me the letter,which he held out, awkwardly enough, for me to take, with hiseyes rivetted on my bosom, which was, through the designeddisorder of my handkerchief, sufficiently bare, and rather thanhid.

I, smiling in his face, took the letter, and immediately catchinghold of his shirt sleeve, drew him towards me, blushing, andalmost trembling; for surely his extreme bashfulness, and utterinexperience called for, at least, all the advances to encouragehim: his body was now conveniently inclined toward me, andjust softly chucking his beardless chin, I asked him: "If he wasafraid of a lady?..." and with that took, and carrying his handsto my breasts, I press it tenderly to them. They were now finelyfurnished, and raised in flesh, so that, panting with desire, theyrose and fell, in quick heaves, under his touch: at this, the boy'seyes began to lighten with all the fires of inflamed nature, andhis cheeks flushed with a deep scarlet: tongue-tied with joy,rapture, and bashfulness, he could not speak, but then his looks,his emotion, sufficiently satisfied me that my train had taken,and that I had no disappointment to fear.

My lips, which I threw in his way, so that he could not escapekissing them, fixed, fired, and emboldened him: and now,glancing my eyes towards that part of his dress which coveredthe essential object of enjoyment, I plainly discovered the swelland commotion there; and as I was now too far advanced to stopin so fair a way, and was indeed no longer able to containmyself, or wait the slower progress of his maiden bash-fulness(for such it seemed, and really was), I stole my hands upon histhighs, down one of which I could both see and feel a stiff hardbody, confined by his breeches, that my fingers could discoverno end to. Curious then, and eager to unfold so alarming amystery, playing, as it were, with his buttons, which werebursting ripe from the active force within, those of his waistbandand fore-flap flew open at a touch, when out IT started; andnow, disengaged from the shirt, I saw, with wonder andsurprise, what? not the play thing of a boy, not the weapon of aman, but a Maypole, of so enormous a standard, that hadproportions been observed, it must have belonged to a younggiant. Yet I could not, without pleasure, behold, and evenventure to feel, such a length, such a breadth of animated ivory!perfectly well turned and fashioned, the proud stiffness of whichdistented its skin, whose smooth polish and velvet softnessmight vie with that of the most delicate of our sex, and whoseexquisite whiteness was not a little set off by a sprout of blackcurling hair round the root: through the jetty springs of whichthe fair skin shewed as in a fine evening you may have remarkedthe clear light through the branchwork of distant trees over-topping the summit of a hill: then the broad of blueish-castedincarnate of the head, and blue serpentines of its veins,altogether composed the most striking assemblage of figure andcolours in nature. In short, it stood an object of terror anddelight.

But what was yet more surprising, the owner of this naturalcuriosity, through the want of occasions in the strictness of hishome breeding, and the little time he had been in town nothaving afforded him one; was hitherto an absolute stranger, inpractice at least, to the use of all that manhood he was so noblystocked with; and it now fell to my lot to stand his first trial ofit, if I could resolve to run the risks of its disproportion to thattender part of me, which such an oversized machine was very fitto lay in ruins.

But it was now of the latest to deliberate, for, by this time, theyoung fellow, over heated with the present objects, and too highmetled to be longer curbed in by that modesty and awe whichhad hitherto restrained him, ventured, under the strongerimpulse, and instructive promptership of nature alone, to sliphis hands, trembling with eager impetuous desires, under mypetticoats; and seeing, I suppose, nothing extremely severe in mylooks, to stop or dash him, he feels out, and seizes, gently, thecenter spot of his ardours. Oh then! the fiery touch of his lingersdetermines me, and my fears melting away before the glowingintolerable heat, my thighs disclose of themselves, and yield allliberty to his hand: and now, a favourable movement giving mypetticoats a toss, the avenue lay too fair, too open to be missed.He is now upon me: I had placed myself with a jerk under him,as commodious and open as possible to his attempts, whichwere untoward enough, for his machine, meeting with no inlet,bore and battered stiffly against me in random pushes, nowabove, now below, now beside his point; till, burning withimpatience from its irritating touches, I guided gently, with myhand, this furious fescue to where my young novice was now tobe taught his first lesson of pleasure. Thus he nicked, at length,the warm and insufficient orifice; but he was made to find nobreach impracticable, and mine, though so often entered, wasstill far from wide enough to take him easily in.

By my direction, however, the head of his unwieldy machinewas so critically pointed, that, feeling him fore-right against thetender opening, a favourable motion from me met his timelythrust, by which the lips of it, strenuously dilated, gave way tohis thus assisted impetuosity, so that we might both feel that hehad gained a lodgment. Pursuing then his point, he soon, byviolent, and, to me, most painful piercing thrusts, wedgeshimself at length so far in, as to be now tolerably secure of hisentrance: here he stuck, and I now felt such a mixture ofpleasure and pain, as there is no giving a definition of. I dreadedalike his splitting me farther up, or his withdrawing; I could notbear either to keep or part with him. The sense of pain,however, prevailing, from his prodigious size and stiffness,acting upon me in those continued rapid thrusts, with which hefuriously pursued his penetration, made me cry out gently: "Oh,my dear, you hurt me!" This was enough to check the tenderrespectful boy even in his mid-career; and he immediately drewout the sweet cause of my complaint, whilst his eyes eloquentlyexpressed, at once, his grief for hurting me, and his reluctance atdislodging from quarters, of which the warmth and closenesshad given him a gust of pleasure, that he was now desire mad tosatisfy, and yet too much a novice not to be afraid of mywithholding his relief, on account of the pain he had put me to.But I was, myself, far from being pleased with his having toomuch regarded my tender exclaims; for now, more fired with theobject before me, as it still stood with the fiercest erection,unbonneted, and displayed its broad vermilion head, I first gavethe youth a re-encouraging kiss, which he repaid me with afervour that seemed at once to thank me, and bribe my furthercompliance; and soon replaced myself in a posture to receive, atall risk, the renewed invasion, which he did not delay aninstant: for, being presently remounted, I once more felt thesmooth hard gristle forcing an entrance, which he achievedrather easier than before. Pained, however, as I was, with hisefforts of gaining a complete admission, which he was soregardful as to manage by gentle degrees, I took care not tocomplain. In the mean time, the soft strait passage graduallyloosens, yields, and, stretched to its utmost bearing, by thestick, thick, indriven engine, sensible, at once, to the ravishingpleasure of the feel and the pain of the distension, let him inabout half way, when all the most nervous activity he nowexerted, to further his penetration, gained him not an inch of hispurpose: for, whilst he hesitated there, the crisis of pleasureovertook him, and the close compressure of the warmsurrounding flow drew from him the ecstatic gush, even beforemine was ready to meet it, kept up by the pain I had endured inthe course of the engagement, from the insufferable size of hisweapon, though it was not as yet in above half its length.I expected then, but without wishing it, that he would draw,but was pleasingly disappointed: for he was not to be let off so.The well breathed youth, hot-mettled, and flush with genialjuices, was now fairly in for making me know my driver. Assoon, then, as he had made a short pause, waking, as it were,out of the trance of pleasure (in which every sense seemed lostfor a while, whilst, with his eyes shut, and short quickbreathings, he had yielded down his maiden tribute), he stillkept his post, yet unsated with enjoyment, and solacing in theseso new delights; till his stiffness, which had scarce perceptiblyremitted, being thoroughly recovered to him, who had not onceunsheathed, he proceeded afresh to cleave and open to himselfan entire entry into me, which was not a little made easy to himby the balsamic injection, with: which he had just plentifullymoistened the whole internals of the passage. Redoubling, then,the active energy of his thrusts, favoured by the fervidappetency of my motions, the soft oiled wards can no longerstand so effectual a picklock, but yield, and open him anentrance. And now, with conspiring nature, and my industry,strong to aid him, he pierces, penetrates, and at length, winninghis way inch by inch, gets entirely in, and finally, a home madethrust sheaths it up to the guard; on the information of which,from the close jointure of our bodies (insomuch that the hair onboth sides perfectly interweaved and incircled together), the eyesof the transported youth sparkled with more joyous fires, and allhis looks and motions acknowledged excess of pleasure, which Inow began to share, for I felt him in my very vitals! I was quitesick with delight! stirred beyond bearing with its furiousagitations within me, and gorged and crammed, even to asurfeit. Thus I lay gasping, panting under him, till his brokenbreathings, faultering accents, eyes twinkling with humid fires,lunges more furious, and an increased stiffness, gave me to hailthe approaches of the second period: it came... and the sweetyouth, overpowered with the ecstasy, died away in my arms,melting a flood that shot in genial warmth into the innermostrecesses of my body; every conduit of which, dedicated to thatpleasure, was on flow to mix with it. Thus we continued forsome instants, lost, breathless, senseless of every thing, and inevery part but those favourite ones of nature, in which all thatwe enjoyed of life and sensation was now totally concentered. When our mutual trance was a little over, and the youngfellow had withdrawn that delicious stretcher, with which hehad most plentifully drowned all thoughts of revenge, in thesense of actual pleasure, the widened wounded passage refundeda stream of pearly liquids, which flowed down my thighs, mixedwith streaks of blood, the marks of the ravage of that monstrousmachine of his, which had now triumphed over a kind of secondmaidenhead. I stole, however, my handkerchief to those parts,and wiped them as dry as I could, whilst he was re-adjustingand buttoning up.

I made him sit down by me, and as he had gathered couragefrom such extreme intimacy, he gave me an aftercourse ofpleasure, in a natural burst of tender gratitude and joy, at thenew scenes of bliss I had opened to him: scenes positively new,as he had never before had the least acquaintance with thatmysterious mark, the cloven stamp of female distinction, thoughnobody better qualified than he to penetrate into its deepestrecesses, or do it nobler justice. But when, by certain motions,certain unquietness of his hands, that wandered not withoutdesign, I found he languished for satisfying a curiosity, naturalenough, to view and handle those parts which attract andconcenter the warmest force of imagination, charmed, as I was,to have any occasion of obliging and humouring his youngdesires, I suffered him to proceed as he pleased, without checkor control, to the satisfaction of them.

Easily, then, reading in my eyes the full permission of myselfto all his wishes, he scarce pleased himself more than me; when,having insinuated his hand under my petticoat and shift, hepresently removed those bars to the sight, by slily lifting themupwards, under favour of a thousand kisses, which he thought,perhaps, necessary to divert my attention from what he wasabout. All my drapery being now rolled up to my waist, I threwmyself into such a posture upon the couch, as gave up to him, infull view, the whole region of delight, and all the luxuriouslandscape around it. The transported youth devoured every thingwith his eyes, and tried, with his fingers, to lay more open to hissight the secrets of that dark and delicious deep: he opens thefolding lips, the softness of which, yielding entry to any thing ofa hard body, close round it, and oppose the sight; and feelingfurther, meets with, and wonder at, a soft fleshy excrescence,which, limber and relaxed after the late enjoyment, now grew,under the touch and examination of his fiery fingers, more andmore stiff and considerable, till the titillating ardours of that sosensible part made me sigh, as if he had hurt me; on which hewithdrew his curious probing fingers, asking me pardon, as itwere, in a kiss that rather increased the flame there.

Novelty ever makes the strongest impressions, and inpleasures, especially; no wonder then, that he was swallowed upin raptures of admiration of things so interesting by their nature,and now seen and handled for the first time. On my part, I wasrichly overpaid for the pleasure I gave him, in that of examiningthe power of those objects thus abandoned to him, naked andfree to his loosest wish, over the artless, natural stripling: hiseyes streaming fire, his cheeks glowing with a florid red, hisfervid frequent sighs, whilst his hands convulsively squeezed,opened, pressed together again the lips and sides of that deepflesh wound, or gently twitched the over-growing moss; and allproclaimed the excess, the riot of joys, in having his wantonnessthus humoured. But he did not long abuse my patience, for theobjects before him had now put him by all his, and, coming outwith that formidable machine of his, he lets the fury loose, andpointing it directly to the pouting-lip mouth, that bid him sweetdefiance in dumb shew, squeezes in his head, and, driving withrefreshed rage, breaks in, and plugs up the whole passage of thatsoft pleasure-conduit pipe, where he makes all shake again, andput, once more, all within me into such an uproar, as nothingcould still, but a fresh inundation from the very engine of thoseflames, as well as from all the springs with which nature floatsthat reservoir of joy, when risen to its floodmark.

I was now so bruised, so battered, so spent with thisovermatch, that I could hardly stir, or raise myself, but laypalpitating, till the ferment of my senses subsiding by degrees,and the hour striking at which I was obliged to dispatch myyoung man, I tenderly advised him of the necessity there was forparting; at which I felt so much displeasure as he could do, whoseemed eagerly disposed to keep the field, and to enter on afresh action. But the danger was too great, and after some heartykisses of leave, and recommendations of secrecy and discretion,I forced myself to send him away, not without assurances ofseeing him again, to the same purpose, as soon as possible, andthrust a guinea into his hands: not more, less, being too flush ofmoney, a suspicion or discovery might arise from thence; havingeverything to fear from the dangerous indiscretion of that age inwhich young fellows would be too irresistible, too charming, ifwe had not that terrible fault to guard against.

Giddy and intoxicated as I was with such satiating draughts ofpleasure, I still lay on the couch, supinely stretched out, in adelicious languor diffused over all my limbs, hugging myself forbeing thus revenged to my heart's content, and that in a mannerso precisely alike, and on the identical spot in which I hadreceived the supposed injury. No reflections on the consequencesever once perplexed me, nor did I make myself one singlereproach for having, by this step, completely entered myself intoa profession more decried than disused. I should have held itingratitude to the pleasure I had received, to have repented of it;and since I was now over the bar, I thought, by plunging headand ears into the stream I was hurried away by, to drown allsense of shame or reflection.

Whilst I was thus making these laudable dispositions, andwhispering to myself a kind of tacit vow of incontinency, entersMr. H... The consciousness of what I had been doing deepenedyet the glowing of my cheeks, flushed with the warmth of thelate action, which, joined to the piquant air of my dishabile,drew from Mr. H.... a compliment on my looks, which he wasproceeding to bask the sincerity of with proofs, and that with sobrisk an action, as made me tremble for fear of a discovery fromthe condition those parts were left in from their late severehandling: the orifice dilated and inflamed, the lips swollen withtheir uncommon distension, the ringlets pressed down, crushedand uncurled with the over flowing moisture that had weteverything round it; in short, the different feel and state ofthings would hardly have passed upon one of Mr. H.....'s nicetyand experience unaccounted for but by the real cause. But herethe woman saved me: I pretended a violent disorder of my head,and a feverish heat, that indisposed me too much to receive hisembraces. He gave in to this, and good naturedly desisted. Soonafter, an old lady coming in made a third, very apropos for theconfusion I was in, and Mr. H...., after bidding me take care ofmyself, and recommending me to my repose, left me much atease and relieved by his absence.

In the close of the evening, I took care to have prepared forme a warm bath of aromatik and sweet herbs; in which havingfully laved and solaced myself, I came out voluptuouslyrefreshed in body and spirit.

The next morning waking pretty early, after a night's perfectrest and composure, it was not without some dread anduneasiness that I thought of what innovation that tender softsystem of mine might have sustained, from the shock of amachine so sized for its destruction.

Struck with this apprehension, I scarce dared to carry myhand thither, to inform myself of the state and posture of things.But I was soon agreeably cured of my fears.

The silky hair that covered round the borders, now smoothedand re-pruned, had resumed its wonted curl and trimness; thefleshy pouting lips that had stood the brunt of the engagement,were no longer swollen or moisture-drenched; and neither they,nor the passage into which they opened, that had suffered sogreat a dilation, betrayed any the least alteration, outwardly orinwardly, to the most curious research, notwithstanding thelaxity that naturally follows the warm bath.

This continuation of that grateful stricture which is in us, tothe men, the very jet of their pleasure, I owed, it seems, to ahappy habit of body, juicy, plump and furnished, towards thetexture of those parts, with a fullness of soft springy flesh, thatyielding sufficiently, as it does, to almost any distension soonrecovers itself so as to re-tighten that strict compression of itsmantlings and folds, which form the sides of the passage,wherewith it so tenderly embraces and closely clips any foreignbody introduced into it, such as my exploring finger then was.Finding then every thing in due tone and order, I remembermy fears, only to make a jest of them to myself. And now,palpably mistress of any size of man, and triumphing in mydouble achievement of pleasure and revenge, I abandoned myselfentirely to the ideas of all the delight I had swam in. I laystretching out, glowingly alive all over, and tossing with burningimpatience for the renewal of joys that had sinned but in a sweetexcess; nor did I lose my longing, for about ten in the morning,according to expectation, Will, my new humble sweetheart, camewith a message from his master, Mr. H...., to know how I did. Ihad taken care to send my maid on an errand into the city, thatI was sure would take up time enough; and, from the people ofthe house, I had nothing to fear, as they were plain good sort offolks, and wise enough to mind no more other people's businessthan they could well help.

All dispositions then made, not forgetting that of lying in bedto receive him, when he was entered the door of my bedchamber, a latch, that I governed by a wire, descended andsecured it.

I could not but observe that my young minion was as muchspruced out as could be expected from one in his condition: adesire of pleasing that could not be indifferent to me, since itproved that I pleased him; which, I assure you, was now a pointI was not above having in view.

His hair trimly dressed, clean linen, and, above all, a hale,ruddy, wholesome country look, made him out as pretty a pieceof woman's meat as you could see, and I should have thoughtany one much out of taste, that could not have made a heartymeal of such a morsel as nature seemed to have designed for thehighest diet of pleasure.

And why should I here suppress the delight I received fromthis amiable creature, in remarking each artless look, eachmotion of pure indissembled nature, betrayed by his wantoneyes; or shewing, transparently, the glow and suffusion of bloodthrough his fresh, clear skin, whilst even his stury rusticpressure wanted not their peculiar charm? Oh! but, say you, thiswas a young fellow of too low a rank of life to deserve so great adisplay. May be so: but was my condition, strictly considered,one jot more exalted? or, had I really been much above him, didnot his capacity of giving such exquisite pleasure sufficientlyraise and enoble him, to me, at least? Let who would, for mecherish, respect, and reward the painter's, the statuary's, themusician's art, in proportion to the delight taken in them: but atmy age, and with my taste for pleasure, a taste stronglyconstitutional to me, the talent of pleasing, with which naturehas endowed a handsome person, formed to me the greatest ofall merits; compared to which, the vulgar prejudices in favour oftitles, dignities, honours, and the like, held a very low rankindeed. Nor perhaps would the beauties of the body be so muchaffected to be held cheap, were they, in their nature, to bebought and delivered. But for me, whose natural philosophy allresided in the favourite center of sense, and who was ruled byits powerful instinct in taking pleasure by its right handle, Icould scarce have made a choice more to my purpose.

Mr. H....'s loftier qualifications of birth, fortune and sense,laid me under a sort of subjection and constraint, that were farfrom making harmony in the concert of love; nor had he,perhaps, thought me worth softening that superiority to; but,with this lad, I was more on the level which love delights in.We may say what we please, but those we can be the easiestand freest with, are ever those we like, not to say love the best.With this stripling, all whose art of love was the action of it, Icould, without check of awe or restraint, give a loose to jay, andexecute every scheme of dalliance my fond fancy might put meon, in which he was, in every sense, a most exquisitecompanion. And now my great pleasure lay in humouring all thepetulances, all the wanton frolic of a raw novice just fledged,and keen on the burning scent of his game, but unbroken to thesport: and, to carry on the figure, who could better read thewood than he, or stand fairer for the heart of the hunt?

He advanced then to my bed side, and whilst he faultered outhis message, I could observe his colour rise, and his eyes lightenwith joy, in seeing me in a situation as favourable to his loosestwishes, as if he had bespoke the play.

I smiled, and put out my hand towards him, which he kneeleddown to (a politeness taught him by love alone, that greatmaster of it) and greedily kissed. After exchanging a fewconfused questions and answers, I asked him if he would cometo bed to me, for the little time I could venture to detain him.This was just asking a person, dying with hunger, to feast uponthe dish on earth the most to his palate. Accordingly, withoutfurther reflection, his clothes were off in an instant; when,blushing still more at this new liberty, he got under the bedclothes I held up to receive him, and was now in bed with awoman for the first time in his life.

Here began the usual tender preliminaries, as delicious,perhaps, as the crowning act of enjoyment itself; which theyoften beget an impatience of, that makes pleasure destructive ofitself, by hurrying on the final period, and closing that scene ofbliss, in which the actors are generally too well pleased withtheir parts, not to wish them an eternity of duration.

When we had sufficiently graduated our advances towards themain point, by toying, kissing, clipping, feeling my breasts, nowround and plump, feeling that part of me I might call a furnacemouth, from the prodigious intense heat his fiery touches hadrekindled there, my young sportsman, emboldened by the veryfreedom he could wish, wontonly takes my hand, and carries itto that enormous machine of his, that stood with a stiffness! ahardness! an upward bend of erection! and which, together withit bottom dependence, the inestimable bulse of ladies jewels,formed a grand showout of goods indeed! Then its dimensions,mocking either grasp or span, almost renewed my terrors. I could not conceive how, or by what means I could take, orput such a bulk out of sight. I stroked it gently, on which themutinous rogue seemed to swell, and gather a new degree offierceness and insolence; so that finding it grew not to be trifledwith any longer, I prepared for rubbers in good earnest.

Slipping then a pillow under me, that I might give him thefairest play, I guided officiously with my hand this furiousbattering ram, whose ruby head, presenting nearest theresemblance of a heart, I applied to its proper mark, which layas finely elevated as we could wish; my hips being borne up, andmy thighs at their utmost extension, the gleamy warmth thatshot from it, made him feel that he was at the mouth of theindraught, and driving fore right, the powerfully divided lips ofthat pleasure-thirsty channel received him. He hesitated a little;then, settled well in the passage, he makes his way up thestraights of it, with a difficulty nothing more than pleasing,widening as he went so as to distend and smooth each softfurrow: our pleasure increasing deliciously, in proportion to ourpoints of mutual touch increased in that so vital part of mewhich I had now taken him, all indriven, and completelysheathed; and which, crammed as it was, stretched splittingripe, gave it so gratefully straight an accommodation! so strict afold! a suction so fierce! that gave and took unutterable delight.We had now reached the closest point of union; but when hebeckened to come on the fiercer, as if I had ben actuated by afear of losing him, in the height of my fury, I twist my legsround his naked loins, the flesh of which, so firm, so springy tothe touch, quivered again under the pressure; and now I hadhim every way encircled and begirt; and having drawn him hometo me, I kept him fast there, as if I had sought to unite bodieswith him at that point. This bred a pause of action, a pleasurestop, whilst that delicate glutton, my nether mouth, as full as itcould hold, kept palating, with exquisite relish, the morsel thatso deliciously ingorged it. But nature could not long endure apleasure that it so highly provoked without satisfying it:pursuing then its darling end, the battery recommenced withredoubled exertion; nor lay I inactive on my side, butencountering him with all the impetuosity of motion I wasmistress of, the downy cloth of our meeting mount was now ofreal use to break the violence of the tilt; and soon, indeed! thehighwrought agitation, the sweet urgency of this to-and-frofriction, raised the titillation on me to its height; so that findingmyself on the point of going, and loath to leave the tenderpartner of my joys behind me, I employed all the forwardingmotions and arts my experience suggested to me, to promote hiskeeping me company to our journey's end. I not only thentightened the pleasure-girth round my restless inmate, by asecret spring of friction and compression that obeys the will inthose parts, but stole my hand softly to that store bag of nature'sprime sweets, which is so pleasingly attached to its conduit pipe,from which we receive them; there feeling, and most gentlyindeed, squeezing those tender globular reservoirs, the magictouch took instant effect, quickened, and brought on upon thespur the symptoms of that sweet agony, the melting moment ofdissolution, when pleasure dies by pleasure, and the mysteriousengine of it overcomes the titillation it has raised in those parts,by plying them with the stream of a warm liquid, that in itselfthe highest of all titillations, and which they thirstily expressand draw in like the hot natured leach, which, to cool itself,tenaciously extracts all the moisture within its sphere ofexecution. Chiming then to me, with exquisite consent, as Imelted away, his oily balsamic injection, mixing deliciously withthe sluices in flow from me, sheathed and blunted all the stingsof pleasure, whilst a voluptuous languor possest, and stillmaintained us motionless, and fast locked in one another's arms.Alas! that these delights should be no longer-lived; for now thepoint of pleasure, unedged by enjoyment, and all the brisksensations flattened upon us, resigned us up to the cool cares ofinsipid life. Disengaging myself then from his embrace, I madehim sensible of the reasons there were for his present leavingme; on which, though reluctantly, he put on his clothes, with aslittle expedition, however, as he could help, wantonlyinterrupting himself, between whiles, with kisses, touches andembraces I could not refuse myself to. Yet he happily returnedto his master before he was missed; but, at taking leave, I forcedhim (for he had sentiments enough to refuse it) to receive moneyenough to buy a silver watch, that great article of subalternfinery, which he at length accepted of, as a remembrance he wascarefully to preserve of my affections.

And here, Madam, I ought, perhaps, to make you an apologyfor this minute detail of things, that dwelt so strongly upon mymemory, after so deep an impression; but, besides that thisintrigue bred one great revolution in my life, which historicaltruth requires I should not sink from you, may I not presumethat so exalted a pleasure ought not to be ungratefully forgotten,or suppressed by me, because I found it in a character in lowlife; where, by the by, it is oftener met with, purer, and moreunsophisticated, than among the false, ridiculous refinementswith which the great suffer themselves to be so grossly cheatedby their pride: the great! than whom, there exist few amongstthose they call the vulgar, who are more ignorant of, or whocultivate less, the art of living than they do; they, I say, who forever mistake things the most foreign to the nature of pleasureitself; whose capital favourite object is enjoyment of beauty,wherever that rare incaluable gift is found, without distinction ofbirth, or station.

As love never had, so now revenge had no longer any share inmy commerce in this handsome youth. The sole pleasures ofenjoyment were now the link I held to him by: for though naturehad done such great maters for him in his outward form, andespecially in that superb piece of furniture she had so liberallyenriched him with; though he was thus qualified to give thesenses their richest feast, still there was something more wantingto create in me, and constitute the passion of love. Yet Will hadvery good qualities too: gentle, tractable, and, above all,grateful; silentious, even to a fault: he spoke, at any time, verylittle, but made it up emphatically with action; and, to do himjustice, he never gave me the least reason to complain, either ofany tendency to encroach upon me for the liberties I allowedhim, or of his indiscretion in blabbing them. There is, then, afatality in love, or have loved him I must; for he was really atreasure, a bit for the Bonne Bouche of a duchess; and, to saythe truth, my liking for him was so extreme, that it wasdistinguishing very nicely to deny that I loved him.

My happiness, however, with him did not last long, but foundan end from my own imprudent neglect. After having taken evensuperfluous precautions against a discovery, our success inrepeated meetings emboldened me to omit the barely necessaryones. About a month after our first intercourse, one fatalmorning (the season Mr. H.... rarely or never visited me in) Iwas in my closet, where my toilet stood, in nothing but my shift,a bed gown and under petticoat. Will was with me, and bothever too well disposed to baulk an opportunity. For my part, awhim, a wanton toy had just taken me, and I had challenged myman to execute it on the spot, who hesitated not to comply withmy humour: I was set in the arm chair, my shift and petticoatup, my thighs wide spread and mounted over the arms of thechair, presenting the fairest mark to Will's drawn weapon, whichhe stood in act to plunge into me, when, having neglected tosecure the chamber door, and that of the closet standing a-jar,Mr. H.... stole in upon us, before either of us was aware, andsaw us precisely in these convicting attitudes.

I gave a great scream, and dropped my petticoat: the thunder-struck lad stood trembling and pale, waiting his sentence ofdeath. Mr. H.... looked sometimes at one, sometimes at theother, with a mixture of indignation and scorn; and, withoutsaying a word, spun upon his heel and went out.

As confused as I was, I heard him very distinctly turn the key,and lock the chamber door upon us, so that there was no escapebut through the dining room, where he himself was walkingabout with distempered strides, stamping in a great chafe, anddoubtless debating what he would do with us.

In the mean time, poor William was frightened out of hissenses, and, as much need as I had of spirits myself, I wasobliged to employ them all to keep his a little up. The misfortuneI had now brought upon him, endeared him the more to me, andI could have joyfully suffered any punishment he had not sharedin. I watered, plentifully, with my tears, the face of thefrightened youth, who sat, not having strength to stand, as coldand as lifeless as a statue.

Presently Mr. H.... comes in to us again, and made us gobefore him into the dining room, trembling and dreading theissue, Mr. H.....sat down on a chair whilst we stood likecriminals under examination; and, beginning with me, asked me,with an even firm tone of voice, neither soft nor severe, butcruelly indifferent, what I could say for myself, for havingabused him in so unworthy a manner, with his own servant too,and how he had deserved this of me?

Without adding to the guilt of my infidelity, that of anaudacious defence of it, in the old style of a common kept miss,my answer was modest, and often interrupted by my tears, insubstance as follows: "That I never had a single thought ofwronging him" (which was true), "till I had seen him taking thelast liberties with my servant wench" (here he colouredprodigiously), "and that my resentment at that, which I wasover-awed from giving vent to by complaints, or explanationswith him, had driven me to a course that I did not pretend tojustify; but that as to the young man, he was entirely faultless;for that, in the view of making him the instrument of myrevenge, I had down right seduced him to what he had done;and therefore hoped, whatever he determined about me, hewould distinguish between the guilty and the innocent; and that;for the rest, I was entirely at his mercy."

Mr. H.... on hearing what I said, hung his head a little; butinstantly recovering himself, he said to me, as near as I canretain, to the following purpose:

"Madam, I owe shame to myself, and confess you have fairlyturned the tables upon me. It is not with one of your cast ofbreeding and sentiments, that I allow you so much reason onyour side, as great difference of the provocations: be it sufficientthat I should enter into a discussion of the very to have changedmy resolution, in consideration of what you reproach me with;and I own, too, that your clearing that rascal there, is fair andhonest in you. Renew with you I cannot: the affront is too gross.I give you a week's warning to get out of these lodgings;whatever I have given you, remains to you; and as I never intendto see you more, the landlord will pay you fifty pieces on myaccount, with which, and every debt paid, I hope you will own Ido not leave you in a worse condition than what I took you upin, or that you deserve of me. Blame yourself only that it is nobetter."

Then, without giving me time to reply, he addressed himself tothe young fellow:

"For you, spark, I shall, for your father's sake, take care ofyou: the town is no place for such an easy fool as thou art; andto-morrow you shall set out, under the charge of one of my men,well recommended, in my name, to your father, not to let youreturn and be spoil'd here."

At these words he went out, after my vainly attempting tostop him, by throwing myself at his feet. He shook me off,though he seemed greatly moved too, and took Will away withhim, who, I dare swear, thought himself very cheaply off.I was now once more a-drift, and left upon my own hands, bya gentleman whom I certainly did not deserve. And all theletters, arts, friends, entreaties that I employed within the weekof grace in my lodging, could never win on him so much as tosee me again. He had irrevocably pronounced my doom, andsubmission to it was my only part. Soon after he married a ladyof birth and fortune, to whom, I have heard he proved anirreproachable husband.

As for poor Will, he was immediately sent down to the countryto his father, who was an easy farmer, where he was not fourmonths before an inn-keepers' buxom young widow, with a verygood stock, both in money and trade, fancied, and perhaps pre-acquainted with his secret excellencies, married him: and I amsure there was, at least, one good foundation for their livinghappily together.

Though I should have been charmed to see him before hewent, such measures were taken, by Mr. H....'s orders, that itwas impossible; otherwise I should certainly have endeavouredto detain him in town, and would have spared neither offers norexpense to have procured myself the satisfaction of keeping himwith me. He had such powerful holds upon my inclinations aswere not easily to be shaken off, or replaced; as to my heart, itwas quite out of the question: glad, however, I was from mysoul, that nothing worse, and as things turned out, nothingbetter could have happened to him.

As to Mr. H..., though views of conveniency made me, at first,exert myself to regain his affection, I was giddy and thoughtlessenough to be much easier reconciled to my failure than I oughtto have been; but as I never had loved him, and his leaving megave me a sort of liberty that I had often longed for, I was sooncomforted; and flattering myself, that the stock of youth andbeauty I was going to trade with, could hardly fail of procuringme a maintenance, I saw myself under the necessity of trying myfortune with them, rather, with pleasure and gaiety, than withthe least idea of despondency.

In the mean time, several of my acquaintances among thesisterhood, who had soon got wind of my misfortune, flocked toinsult me with their malicious consolations. Most of them hadlong envied me the affluence and splendour I had beenmaintained in; and though there was scarce one of them that didnot at least deserve to be in my case, and would probably,sooner or later, come to it, it was equally easy to remark, evenin their affected pity, their secret pleasure at seeing me thusdiscarded, and their secret grief that it was no worse with me.Unaccountable malice of the human heart! and which is notconfined to the class of life they were of.

But as the time approached for me to come to some resolutionhow to dispose of myself, and I was considering, round where toshift my quarters to, Mrs. Cole, a middle aged discreet sort ofwoman, who had been brought into my acquaintance by one ofthe misses that visited me, upon learning my situation, came tooffer her cordial advice and service to me; and as I had alwaystaken to her more than to any of my female acquaintances, Ilistened the easier to her proposals. And, as it happened, I couldnot have put myself into worse, or into better hands in allLondon: into worse, because keeping a house of conveniency,there were no lengths in lewdness she would not advise me togo, in compliance with her customers; no schemes, or pleasure,or even unbounded debauchery, she did not take even a delightin promoting: into a better, because nobody having had moreexperience of the wicked part of the town than she had, wasfitter to advise and guard one against the worst dangers of ourprofession; and what was rare to be met with in those of her's,she contented herself with a moderate living profit upon herindustry and good offices, and had nothing of their greedyrapacious turn. She was really too a gentlewoman born andbred, but through a train of accidents reduced to this course,which she pursued, partly through necessity, partly throughchoice, as never woman delighted more in encouraging a briskcirculation of the trade, for the sake of the trade itself, or betterunderstood all the mysteries and refinements of it, than she did;so that she was consummately at the top of her profession, anddealt only with customers of distinction: to answer the demandsof whom she kept a competent number of her daughters inconstant recruit (so she called those whom their youth andpersonal charms recommended to her adoption andmanagement: several of whom, by her means, and through hertuition and instructions, succeeded very well in the world).This useful gentlewoman upon whose protection I now threwmyself, having her reasons of state, respecting Mr. H...., for notappearing too much in the thing herself, sent a friend of her's,on the day appointed for my removal, to conduct me to my newlodgings at a brush-maker's in E—— street, Covent Garden, thevery next door to her own house, where she had noconveniences to lodge me herself: lodgings that, by having beenfor several successions tenanted by ladies of pleasures, thelandlord of them was familiarized to their ways; and providedthe rent was paid, every thing else was as easy and commodiousas one could desire.

The fifty guineas promised me by Mr. H...., at his parting withme, having been duly paid me, all my clothes and moveableschested up, which were at least of two hundred pounds value, Ihad them conveyed into a coach, where I soon followed them,after taking a civil leave of the landlord and his family, withwhom I had never lived in a degree of familiarity enough toregret the removal; but still, the very circumstance of its being aremoval, drew tears from me. I left, too, a letter of thanks forMr. H...., from whom I concluded myself, as I really was,irretrievably separated.

My maid I had discharged the day before, not only because Ihad her of Mr. H...., but that I suspected her of having somehow or other been the occasion of his discovering me, inrevenge, perhaps, for my not having trusted her with him.We soon got to my lodgings, which, though not so handsomelyfurnished, nor so showy as those I left, were to the full asconvenient, and at half price, though on the first floor. Mytrunks were safely landed, and stowed in my apartments, wheremy neighbour, and now gouvernante, Mrs. Cole, was ready withmy landlord to receive me, to whom she took care to set me outin the most favourable light, that of one from whom there wasthe clearest reason to expect the regular payment of his rent: allthe cardinal virtues attributed to me, would not have had halfthe weight of that recommendation alone.

I was now settled in lodgings of my own, abandoned to myown conduct, and turned loose upon the town, to sink or swim,as I could manage with the current of it; and what were theconsequences, together with the number of adventures whichbefell me in the exercise of my new profession, will compose themater of another letter: for surely it is high time to put a period!to this.

I am,

MADAM,Yours, etc., etc., etc.

THE END OF THE FIRST LETTER


Ebd

E-BooksDirectory.com LETTER THE SECOND

Madam:

If I have delayed the sequel of my history, it has been purelyto allow myself a little breathing time not without some hopes,that, instead of pressing me to a continuation, you would haveacquitted me of the task of pursuing a confession, in the courseof which my self-esteem has so many wounds to sustain.I imagined, indeed, that you would have been cloyed and tiredwith uniformity of adventures and expressions, inseparable froma subject of this sort, whose bottom, or groundwork being, inthe nature of things eternally one and the same, whatevervariety of forms and modes the situations are susceptible of,there is no escaping a repetition of near the same images, thesame figures, the same expressions, with this furtherinconvenience added to the disgust it creates, that the wordsJoys, Ardours, Transports, Extasies and the rest of those patheticterms so congenial to, so received in the Practice of Pleasure,flatten and lose much of their due spirit and energy by thefrequency they indispensably recur with, in a narrative of whichthat Practice professedly composes the whole basis. I musttherefore trust to the candour of your judgment, for yourallowing for the disadvantage I am necessarily under in thatrespect; and to your imagination and sensibility, the pleasingtaks of repairing it, by their supplements, where my descriptionsflag or fail: the one will readily place the pictures I presentbefore your eyes; the other give life to the colours where theyare dull, or worn with too frequent handling.

What you say besides, by way of encouragement concerningthe extreme difficulty of continuing so long in one strain, in amean tempered with taste, between the revoltingness of gross,rank and vulgar expressions, and the ridicule of mincingmetaphors and affected circumlocutions, is so sensible, as wellas good-natured, that you greatly justify me to myself for mycompliance with a curiosity that is to be satisfied so extremely atmy expense.

Resuming now where I broke off in my last, I am in my way toremark to you, that it was late in the evening before I arrived atmy lodgings, and Mrs. Cole, after helping me to range andsecure my things, spent the whole evening with me in myapartment, where we supped together, in giving me the bestadvice and instruction with regard to the new stage of myprofession I was now to enter upon; and passing thus from aprivate devotee to pleasure into a public one, to become a moregeneral good, with all the advantages requisite to put my personout to use, either for interest or pleasure, or both. "But then,"she observed, "as I was a kind of new face upon the town, thatis, was an established rule and myster of trade, for me to passfor a maid and dispose of myself as such on the first goodoccasion, without prejudice, however, to such diversions as Imight have a mind to in the interim; for that nobody could be agreater enemy than she was to the losing of time. That shewould, in the mean time, do her best to find out a properperson, and would undertake to manage this nice point for me,if I would accept of her aid and advice to such good purpose,that, in the loss of a fictitious maidenhead, I should reap all theadvantages of a native one."

As too great a delicacy of sentiments did not extremely belongto my character at that time, I confess, against myself, that Iperhaps too readily closed with a proposal which my candor andingenuity gave me some repugnance to: but not enough tocontradict the intention of one to whom I had now thoroughlyabandoned the direction of all my steps. For Mrs. Cole had, I donot know how unless by one of those unaccountable invinciblesympathies that, nevertheless, from the strongest links,especially of female friendship, won and got entire possession ofme. On her side, she pretended that a strict resemblance, shefancied she saw in me, to an only daughter whom she had lost atmy age, was the first motive of her taking to me so affectionatelyas she did. It might be so: there exist a slender motives ofattachment, that, gathering force from habit and liking, haveproved often more solid and durable than those founded onmuch stronger reasons; but this I know, that though I had noother acquaintance with her, than seeing her at my lodgings,when I lived with Mr. H..., where she had made errands to sellme some millinery ware, she had by degrees insinuated herselfso far into my confidence, that I threw myself blindly into herhands, and came, at length, to regard, love, and obey herimplicitly; and, to do her justice, I never experienced at herhands other than a sincerity of tenderness, and care for myinterest, hardly heard of in those of her profession. We partedthat night, after having settled a perfect unreserved agreement;and the next morning Mrs. Cole came, and took me with her toher house for the first time.

Here, at the first sight of things, I found every thing breathean air of decency, modesty and order.

In the outer parlour, or rather shop, sat three young women,rather demurely employed on millinery work, which was thecover of a traffic in more precious commodities; but threebeautifuller creatures could hardly be seen. Two of them wereextremely fair, the eldest not above nineteen; and the third,much about that age, was a piquant brunette, whose blacksparking eyes, and perfect harmony of features and shape, lefther nothing to envy in her fairer companions. Their dress toohad the more design in it, the less it appeared to have, being in ataste of uniform correct neatness, and elegant simplicity. Thesewere the girls that composed the small domestic flock, which mygoverness trained up with surprising order and management,considering the giddy wildness of young girls once got upon theloose. But then she never continued any in her house, whom,after a due noviciate, she found un-tractable, or unwilling tocomply with the rules of it. Thus she had insensibly formed alittle family of love, in which the members found so sensiblytheir account, in a rare alliance of pleasure and interest, and of anecessary outward decency, with unbounded secret liberty, thatMrs. Cole, who had picked them as much for their temper astheir beauty, governed them with ease to herself and them too.To these pupils then of hers, whom she had prepared, shepresented me as a new boarder, and one that was to beimmediately admitted to all the intimacies of the house; uponwhich these charming girls gave me all the marks of a welcomereception, and indeed of being perfectly pleased with my figure,that I could possibly expect from any of my own sex: but theyhad been effectually brought to sacrifice all jealousy, orcompetition of charms, to a common interest, and considered mea partner that was bringing no despicable stock of goods into thetrade of the house. They gathered round me, viewed me on allsides; and as my admission into this joyous troop made a littleholiday, the shew of work was laid aside; and Mrs. Cole givingme up, with special recommendation, to their caresses andentertainment, went about her ordinary business of the house.The sameness of our sex, age, profession, and views, sooncreased as unreserved a freedom and intimacy as if we had beenfor years acquainted. They took and shewed me the house, theirrespective apartments, which were furnished with every articleof convenience and luxury; and above all, a spacious drawing-room, where a select revelling band usually met, in generalparties of pleasure; the girls supping with their sparks, andacting their wanton pranks with unbounded licentiousness;whilst a defiance of awe, modesty or jealousy were theirstanding rules, by which, according to the principles of theirsociety, whatever pleasure was lost on the side of sentiment,was abundantly made up to the senses in the poignancy ofvariety, and the charms of ease and luxury. The authors andsupporters of this secret institution would, in the height of theirhumour, style themselves the restorers of the golden age and itssimplicity of pleasures, before their innocence became sounjustly branded with the names of guilt and shame.

As soon then as the evening began, and the shew of a shopwas shut, the academy opened; the mask of mock-modesty wascompletely taken off, and all the girls delivered over to theirrespective calls of pleasure or interest with their men: and noneof that sex was promiscuously admitted, but only such as Mrs.Cole was previously satisfied with their character and discretion.In short, this was the safest, politest, and, at the same time, themost thorough house of accommodation in town: every thingbeing conducted so, that decency made no intrenchment uponthe most libertine pleasures; in the practice of which, too, thechoice familiars of the house had found the secret so rare anddifficult, of reconciling even all the refinements of taste anddelicacy, with the most gross and determinate gratifications ofsensuality.

After having consumed the morning in the dear endearmentsand instructions of my new acquaintance, we went to dinner,when Mrs. Cole, presiding at the head of her club, gave me thefirst idea of her management and address, in inspiring these girlswith so sensible a love and respect for her. There was nostiffness, no reserve, no airs of pique, or little jealousies, but allwas unaffectedly gay, cheerful and easy.

After dinner, Mrs. Cole, seconded by the young ladies,acquainted me that there was a chapter to be held that night inform, for the ceremony of my reception into the sisterhood; andin which, with all due reserve to my maidenhead, that was to beoccasionally cooked up for the first proper chapman. I was toundergo a ceremonial of initiation they were sure I should not bedispleased with.

Embarked as I was, and moreover captivated with the charmsof my new companions, I was too much prejudiced in favour ofany proposal they could make, to as much as hesitate an assent;which, therefore, readily giving in the style of a carte blanche, Ireceived fresh kisses of compliment from them all, in approval ofmy docility and good nature. Now I was "a sweet girl... I cameinto things with a good grace... I was not affectedly coy... Ishould be the pride of the house," and the like.

This point thus adjusted, the young women left Mrs. Cole totalk and concert matters with me, when she explained to me,that "I should be introduced that very evening, to four of herbest friends, one of whom she had, according to the custom ofthe house, favoured with the preference of engaging me in thefirst party of pleasure;" assuring me, at the same time, "that theywere all young gentlemen agreeable in their persons, andunexceptionable in every respect; that united, and holdingtogether by the band of common pleasures, they composed thechief support of her house, and made very liberal presents to thegirls that pleased and humoured them, so that they were,properly speaking, the founders and patrons of this littleseraglio. Not but that she had, at proper seasons, othercustomers to deal with, whom she stood less upon punctiliowith, than with these; for instance, it was not on one of themshe could attempt to pass me for a maid; they were not only tooknowing, too much town-bred to bite at such a bait, but theywere such generous benefactors to her, that it would beunpardonable to think of it."

Amidst all the flutter and emotion which this promise ofpleasure, for such I conceived it, stirred up in me, I preserved somuch of the woman, as to feign just reluctance enough to makesome merit, of sacrificing it to the influence of my patroness,whom I likewise, still in character, reminded of it perhaps beingright for me to go home and dress, in favour of my firstimpressions.

But Mrs. Cole, in opposition to this, assured me, "that thegentlemen I should be presented to were, by their rank and tasteof things, infinitely superior to the being touched with any glareof dress or ornaments, such slick women rather confound andoverlay than set off their beauty with; that these veteranvoluptuaries knew better than not to hold them in the highestcontempt: they with whom the pure native charms alone couldpass current, and who would at any time leave a sallow, washy,painted duchess on her own hands, for a ruddy, healthy firmfleshed country maid; and as for my part, that nature had doneenough for me, to set me above owing the least favour to art;"concluding withal, that for the instant occasion, there was nodress like an undress.

I thought my governess too good a judge of these matters, notto be easily overruled by her: after which she went on preachingvery pathetically the doctrine of passive obedience and non-resistance to all those arbitrary tastes of pleasure, which are bysome styled the refinements, and by others the depravations ofit; between whom it was not the business of a simple girl, whowas to profit by pleasing, to decide, but to conform to. Whilst Iwas edifying by these wholesome lessons, tea was brought in,and the young ladies, returning, joined company with us.After a great deal of mixed chat, frolic and humour, one ofthem, observing that there would be a good deal of time on andbefore the assembly hour, proposed that each girl shouldentertain the company with that critical period of her personalhistory, in which she first exchanged the maiden state forwomanhood. The proposal was approved, with only onerestriction of Mrs. Cole, that she, on account of her age, and I,on account of my titular maidenhead, should be excused, at leasttill I had undergone the forms of the house. This obtained me adispensation, and the promotress of this amusement was desiredto begin.

Her name was Emily; a girl fair to excess, and whose limbswere, if possible, too well made, since their plump fulness wasrather to the prejudice of that delicate slimness required by thenicer judges of beauty; her eyes were blue, and streamedinexpressible sweetness, and nothing could be prettier than hermouth and lips, which closed over a range of the evenest andwhitest teeth. Thus she began:

"Neither my extraction, nor the most critical adventure of mylife, is sublime enough to impeach me of any vanity in theadvancement of the proposal you have approved of. My fatherand mother were, and for aught I know, are still, farmers in thecountry, not above forty miles from town: their barbarity to me,in favour of a son, on whom alone they vouchsafed to bestowtheir tenderness, had a thousand times determined me to flytheir house, and throw myself on the wide world; but, at length,an accident forced me on this desperate attempt at the age offifteen. I had broken a chinabowl, the pride and idol of boththeir hearts; and as an unmerciful beating was the least I had todepend on at their hands, in the silliness of these tender years, Ileft the house, and, at all adventures, took the road to London.How my loss was resented I do not know, for till this instant Ihave not heard a syllable about them. My whole stock was twobroad pieces of my godmother's, a few shillings, silver shoe-buckles and a silver thimble. Thus equipped, with no moreclothes than the ordinary ones I had on my back, and frightenedat every foot or noise I heard behind me, I hurried on; and Idare sweare, walked a dozen miles before I stopped, throughmere weariness and fatigue. At length I sat down on a style,wept bitterly, and yet was still rather under increasedimpressions of fear on the account of my escape; which made medread, worse than death, the going back to my unnaturalparents. Refreshed by this little repose, and relieved by mytears, I was proceeding onward, when I was overtaken by asturdy country lad, who was going to London to see what hecould do for himself there, and, like me, had given his friendsthe slip. He could not be above seventeen, was ruddy, wellfeatured enough, with uncombed flaxen hair, a little flapped hat,kersey frock, yarn stockings, in short, a perfect plough boy. Isaw him come whistling behind me, with a bundle tied to theend of a stick, his travelling equipage. We walked by oneanother for some time without speaking; at length we joinedcompany, and agreed to keep together till we got to our journey'send; what his designs or ideas were, I know not: the innocenceof mine I can solemnly protest.

"As night drew on, it became us to look out for some inn orshelter; to which perplexity another was added, and that was,what we should say for ourselves, if we were questioned. Aftersome puzzle, the young fellow started a proposal, which Ithought the finest that could be; and what was that? why, thatwe should pass for husband and wife: I never dreamed ofconsequences. We came presently, after having agreed on thisnotable experience, to one of those hedge accommodations forfoot passengers, at the door of which stood an old crazy beldam,who seeing us trudge by, invited us to lodge there. Glad of anycover, we went in, and my fellow traveller, taking all upon him,called for what the house afforded, and we supped together asman and wife; which, considering our figures and ages, couldnot have passed on any one but such as any thing could pass on.But when bed-time came on, we had neither of us the courage tocontradict our first account of ourselves; and what wasextremely pleasant, the young lad seemed as perplexed as I washow to evade lying together, which was so natural for the statewe had pretended to. Whilst we were in this quandary, thelandlady takes the candles, and lights us to our apartment,through a long yard, at the end of which it stood, separate fromthe body of the house. Thus we suffered ourselves to beconducted, without saying a word in opposition to it; and there,in a wretched room, with a bed answerable, we were left to passthe night together, as a thing quite of course. For my part, I wasso incredibly innocent, as not even to think much more harm ofgoing into bed with the young man, than with one of our dairywenches; nor had he, perhaps, any other notions than those ofinnocence, till such a fair occasion put them into his head."Before either of us undressed, however, he put out thecandle; and the bitterness of the weather made it a kind ofnecessity for me to go into bed: slipping then my clothes off, Icrept under the bedclothes, where I found the young striplingalready nestled, and the touch of his warm flesh rather pleasedthan alarmed me. I was indeed too much disturbed with thenovelty of my condition to be able to sleep; but then I had notthe least thought of harm. But oh! how powerful are theinstincts of nature! how little is there wanting to set them inaction! The young man, sliding his arm under my body, drew megently towards him, as if to keep himself and me warmer; andthe heat I felt from joining our breasts, kindled another that Ihad hitherto never felt, and was, even then, a stranger to thenature of. Emboldened, I suppose, by my easiness, he venturedto kiss me, and I insensibly returned it; without knowing theconsequence of returning it: for, on this encouragement, heslipped his hand all down from my breast to that part of mewhere the sense of feeling is so exquisitely critical, as I thenexperienced by its instant taking fire upon the touch, andglowing with a strange tickling heat: there he pleased himselfand me, by feeling, till growing a little too bold with me, he hurtme, and made me complain. Then he took my hand, which heguided, not unwillingly on my side, between the twist of hisclosed thighs, which were extremely warm; there he lodged andpressed it, till raising it by degrees, he made me feel the prouddistinction of his sex from mine. I was frightened at the novelty,and drew back my hand; yet, pressed and spurred on bysensations of a strange pleasure, I could not help asking himwhat that was for? He told me he would shew me if I would lethim; and without waiting for my answer, which he prevented bystopping my mouth with kisses I was far from disrelishing, hegot upon me, and inserting one of his thighs between mine,opened them so as to make way for himself, and fixed me to hispurpose; whilst I was so much out of my usual sense, sosubdued by the present power of a new one, that, between farand desire, I lay utter passive, till the piercing pain rouzed andmade me cry out. But it was too late: he was too firm fixed inthe saddle for me to compass flinging him, with all the strugglesI could use, some of which only served to further his point, andat length an irresistible thrust murdered at once my maidenhead,and almost me. I now lay a bleeding witness of the necessityimposed on our sex, to gather the first honey off the thorns."But the pleasure rising as the pain subsided, I was soonreconciled to fresh trials, and before morning, nothing on earthcould be dearer to me than this rifler of my virgin sweets: hewas every thing to me now.

"How we agreed to join fortunes: how we came up to towntogether, where we lived some time, till necessity-parted us, anddrove me into this course of life, to which I had been long agobettered and torn to pieces before I came to this age, as muchthrough my easiness, as through inclination, had it not been formy finding refuge in this house: these are all circumstanceswhich pass the mark I proposed, so that here my narrativeends."

In the order of our sitting, it was Harriet's turn to go on.Amongst all the beauties of our sex, that I had before, or havesince seen, few indeed were the forms that could disputeexcellence with her's; it was not delicate, but delicacy itselfincarnate, such was the symmetry of her small but exactlyfashioned limbs. Her complexion, fair as it was, appeared yetmore fair, from the effect of two black eyes, the brilliancy ofwhich gave her face more vivacity than belonged to the colour ofit, which was only defended from paleness, by a sweetlypleasing blush in her cheeks, that grew fainter and fainter, till atlength it died away insensibly into the overbearing white. Thenher miniature features joined to finish the extreme sweetness ofit, which was not belied by that of a temper turned to indolence,languor, and the pleasures of love. Pressed to subscribe hercontingent, she smiled, blushed a little, and thus complied withour desires:

"My father was neither better nor worse than a miller near thecity of York; and both he and my mother dying whilst I was aninfant, I fell under the care of a widow and childless aunt,housekeeper to my lord N..., at his seat in the county of...,where she brought me up with all imaginable tenderness. I wasnot seventeen, as I am not now eighteen, before I had, onaccount of my person purely (for fortune I had notoriouslynone), several advantageous proposals; but whether nature wasslow in making me sensible in her favourite passion, or that Ihad not seen any of the other sex who had stirred up the leastemotion or curiosity to be better acquainted with it, I had, tillthat age, preserved a perfect innocence, even of thought: whilstmy fears of I did not now well know what, made me no moredesirous of marrying than of dying. My aunt, good woman,favoured my timorousness, which she loooked on as childishaffection, that her own experience might probably assure herwould wear off in time, and gave my suitors proper answers forme.

"The family had not been down at that seat for years, so thatit was neglected, and committed entirely to my aunt, and twoold domestics to take care of it. Thus I had the full range of aspacious lonely house and gardens, situated at about half a miledistance from any other habitation, except, perhaps, a stragglingcottage or so.

"Here, in tranquillity and innocence, I grew up without anymemorable accident, till one fatal day I had, as I had often donebefore, left my aunt asleep, and secure for some hours, afterdinner; and resorting to a kind of ancient summer house, atsome distance from the house, I carried my work with me, andsat over a rivulet, which its door and window faced upon. Here Ifell into a gentle breathing slumber, which stole upon my senses,as they fainted under the excessive heat of the season at thathour; a cane couch, with my work basked for a pillow, were allthe conveniences of my short repose; for I was soon awaked andalarmed by a flounce, and noise of splashing in the water. I gotup to see what was the matter; and what indeed should it be butthe son of a neighbouring gentleman, as I afterwards found (for Ihad never seen him before), who had strayed that way with hisgun, and heated by his sport, and the sultriness of the day, hadbeen tempted by the freshness of the clear stream; so thatpresently stripping, he jumped into it on the other side, whichbordered on a wood, some trees whereof, inclined down to thewater, formed a pleasing shady recess, commodious to undressand leave his clothes under.

"My first emotions at the sight of this youth, naked in thewater, were, with all imaginable respect to truth, those ofsurprise and fear; and, in course, I should immediately have runout, had not my modesty, fatally for itself, interposed theobjection of the door and window being so situated, that it wasscarce possible to get out, and make my way along the bank tothe house, without his seeing me: which I could not bear thethought of, so much ashamed and confounded was I at havingseen him. Condemned then to stay till his departure shouldrelease me, I was greatly embarrassed how to dispose of myself:I kept some time betwixt terror and modesty, even from lookingthrough the window, which being an old fashioned casement,without any light behind me, could hardly betray any one's beingthere to him from within; then the door was so secure, thatwithout violence, or my own consent, there was no opening itfrom without.

"But now, by my own experience, I found it too true, thatobjects which affright us, when we cannot get from them, drawour eyes as forcibly as those that please us. I could not longwithstand that nameless impulse, which, without any desire ofthis novel sight, compelled me towards it; emboldened too bymy certainty of being at once unseen and safe, I ventured bydegrees to cast my eyes on an object so terrible and alarming tomy virgin modesty as a naked man.

"But as I snatched a look, the first gleam that struck me, wasin general the dewy lustre of the whitest skin imaginable, whichthe sun playing upon made the reflection of it perfectly beamy.His face, in the confusion I was in, I could not well distinguishthe lineamints of, any farther than that there was a great deal ofyouth and freshness in it. The frolic and various play of all hisfine polished limbs, as they appeared above the surface, in thecourse of his swimming or wantoning with the water, amusedand insensibly delighted me; sometimes he lay motionless, on hisback, waterborne, and dragging after him a fine head of hair,that, floating, swept the stream in a bush of black curls. Thenthe overflowing water would make a separation between hisbreast and glossy white belly; at the bottom of which I could notescape observing so remarkable a distinction, as a black mossytuft, out of which appeared to emerge a round, softish, limber,white something, that played every way, with ever the leastmotion or whirling eddy. I cannot say but that part chiefly, by akind of natural instinct, attracted, detained, captivated myattention: it was out of the power of all my modesty tocommand my eye away from it; and seeing nothing so verydreadful in its appearance, I insensibly looked away all my fears:but as fast as they gave way, new desires and strange wishestook place, and I melted as I gazed. The fire of nature, that hadso long lain dormant or concealed, began to break out, and mademe feel my sex for the first time. He had now changed hisposture, and swam prone on his belly, striking out with his legsand arms; finer modeled than which could not have been cast,whilst his floating locks played over a neck and shoulders whosewhiteness they delightfully set off. Then the luxuriant swell offlesh that rose from the small of his back, and terminates itsdouble cope at where the thighs are set off, perfectly dazzled onewith its watery glistening gloss.

"By this time I was so affected by this inward involution ofsentiments, so softened by this sight, that now, betrayed into asudden transition from extreme fears to extreme desires, I foundthese last so strong upon me, the heat of the weather tooperhaps conspiring to exalt their rage, that nature almost faintedunder them. Not that I so much as knew precisely what waswanting to me: my only thought was, that so sweet a creature,as this youth seemed to me, could only make me happy; butthen, the little likelihood there was of compassing anacquaintance with him, or perhaps of ever seeing him again,dashed my desires, and turned them into torments. I was stillgazing, with all the powers of my sight, on this bewitchingobject, when, in an instant, down he went. I had heard of suchthings as a cramp seizing on even the best swimmers, andoccasioning their being drowned; and imagining this so suddeneclipse to be owing to it, the inconceivable fondness thisunknown lad had given birth to, distracted me with the mostkilling terrors; insomuch, that my concern giving the wings, Iflew to the door, opened it, ran down to the canal, guidedthither by the madness of my fears for him, and the intensedesire of being an instrument to save him, though I was ignoranthow, or by what means to effect it: but was it for fears, and apassion so sudden as mine, to reason! All this took up scarce thespace of a few moments. I had then just life enough to reach thegreen borders of the waterpiece, where wildly looking round forthe young man, and missing him still, my fright and concernsunk me down in a deep swoon, which must have lasted mesome time; for I did not come to myself, till I was roused out ofit by a sense of pain that pierced me to the vitals, and awakedme to the the most surprising circumstance of finding myself notonly in the arms of this very young gentleman I had been sosolicitous to save; but taken at such an advantage in myunresisting condition, that he had actually completed hisentrance into me so far, that weakened as I was by all thepreceding conflicts of mind I had suffered, and struck dumb bythe violence of my surprise, I had neither the power to cry out,nor the strength to disengage myself from his strenuousembraces, before, urging his point, he had forced his way andcompletely triumphed over my virginity, as he might now as wellsee by the streams of blood that followed his drawing out, as hehad felt by the difficulties he had met with consummating hispenetration. But the sight of the blood, and the sense of mycondition, had (as he told me afterwards), since theungovernable rage of his passion was somewhat appeased, nowwrought so far on him, that at all risks, even of the worstconsequences, he could not find in his heart to leave me, andmake off, which he might easily have done. I still lay alldiscomposed in bleeding ruin, palpitating, speechless, unable toget off, and frightened, and fluttering like a poor woundedpartridge, and ready to faint away again at the sense of whathad befallen me. The young gentleman was by me, kneeling,kissing my hand, and with tears in his eyes, beseeching me toforgive him, and offering all the reparation in his power. It iscertain that could I, at the instant of regaining my senses, havecalled out, or taken the bloodiest revenge, I would not be stuckat it; the violation was attended too with such aggravatingcircumstances, though he was ignorant of them, since it was tomy concern for the preservation of his life, that I owed my ruin."But how quick is the shift of passions from one extreme toanother! and how little are they acquainted with the humanheart who dispute it! I could not see this amiable criminal, sosuddenly the first object of my love, and as suddenly of my justhate, on his knees, bedewing my hands with his tears, withoutrelenting. He was still stark-naked, but my modesty had beenalready too much wounded, in essentials, to be so much shockedas I should have otherwise been with appearances only; in short,my anger ebbed so fast, and the tide of love returned so strongupon me, that I felt it a point of my own happiness to forgivehim. The reproaches I made him were murmured in so soft atone, my eyes met his with such glances, expressing morelanguor than resentment, that he could not but presume hisforgiveness was at no desperate distance; but still he would notquit his posture of submission, till I had pronounced his pardonin form; which after the most fervent entreaties, protestations,and promises, I had not the power to withhold. On which, withthe utmost marks of a fear of again offending, he ventured tokiss my lips, which I neither declined nor resented: but on mymild expostulation with him upon the barbarity of his treatment,he explained the mystery of my ruin, if not entirely to theclearance, at least much to the alleviation of his guilt, in the eyesof a judge so partial in his favour as I was grown.

"It seems that the circumstance of his going down, or sinking,which in my extreme ignorance I had mistaken for somethingvery fatal, was no other than a trick of diving, which I had notever heard, or at least attended o, the mention of: and he was solong-breathed at it, that in the few moments in which I ran outto save him, he had not yet emerged, before I fell into theswoon, in which, as he rose, seeing me extended on the bank,his first idea was, that some young woman was upon somedesign of frolic or diversion with him, for he knew I could nothave fallen asleep there without his having seen me before:agreebly to which notion he had ventured to approach, andfinding me without sign of life, and still perplexed as he waswhat to think of the adventure, he took me in his arms at allhazards, and carried me into the summer-house, of which heobserved the door open: there he laid me down on the couch,and tried, as he protested in good faith, by several means tobring me to myself again, till fired, as he said, beyond allbearing by the sight and touch of several parts of me, whichwere unguardedly exposed to him, he could no longer govern hispassion; and the less, as he was not quite sure that his first ideaof this swoon being a feint, was not the very truth of the case;seduced then by this flattering notion, and overcome by thepresent, as he styled them, super-human temptations, combinedwith the solitude and seeming security of the attempt, he wasnot enough his own master not to make it. Leaving me then justonly whilst he fastened the door, he returned with redoubledeagerness to his prey: when, finding me still entranced, heventured to place me as he pleased, whilst I felt, no more thanthe dead, what he was about, till the pain he put me to rousedme just in time enough to be witness of a triumph I was not ableto defeat, and now scarce regretted: for as he talked, the tone ofhis voice sounded, methought, so sweetly in my ears, thesensible nearness of so new and interesting an object to me,wrought so powerfully upon me, that, in the rising perception ofthings in a new and pleasing light, I lost all sense of the pastinjury. The young gentleman soon discerned the symptoms of areconciliation in my softened looks, and hastening to receive theseal of it from my lips, pressed them tenderly to pass his pardonin the return of a kiss so melting fiery, that the impression of itbeing carried to my heart, and thence to my new discoveredsphere of Venus, I was melted into a softness that could refusehim nothing. When now he managed his caresses andendearments so artfully, as to insinuate the most soothingconsolations for the past pain and the most pleasingexpectations of future pleasure, but whilst mere modesty keptmy eyes from seeing his and rather declined them, I had aglimpse of that instrument of mischief which was now, obviouslyeven to me, who had scarce had snatches of a comparativeobservation of it, resuming its capacity to renew it, and grewgreatly alarming with its increase of size, as he bore it no doubtdesignedly, hard and stiff against one of my hands carelesslydropt; but then he employed such tender prefacing, suchwinning progressions, that my returning passion of desire beingnow so strongly prompted by the engaging circumstances of thesight and incendiary touch of his naked glowing beauties, I yieldat length at the force of the present impressions, and heobtained of my tacit blushing consent all the gratifications ofpleasure left in the power of my poor person to bestow, after hehad cropt its richest flower, during my suspension of life, andabilities to guard it. Here, according to the rule laid down, Ishould stop; but I am so much in notion, that I could not if Iwould. I shall only add, however, that I got home without theleast discovery, or suspicion of what had happened. I met myyoung ravisher several times after, whom I now passionatelyloved and who, though not of age to claim a small butindependent fortune, would have married me; but as theaccident that prevented it, and its consequences, which threwme on the public, contain matters too moving and serious tointroduce at present, I cut short here."

Louisa, the brunette whom I mentioned at first, now took herturn to treat the company with her history. I have already hintedto you the graces of her person, than which nothing could bemore exquisitely touching; I repeat touching, as a just distinctionfrom striking, which is ever a less lasting effect, and moregenerally belongs to the fair complexions; but leaving thatdecision to every one's taste, I proceed to give you Louisa'snarrative as follows:

"According to practical maxims of life, I ought to boast of mybirth, since I owe it to pure love, without marriage; but this Iknow, it was scarce possible to inherit a stronger propensity tothat cause of my being than I did. I was the rare production ofthe first essay of a journeyman cabinet-maker, on his master'smaid: the consequence of which was a big belly, and the loss ofa place. He was not in circumstances to do much for her; andyet, after all this blemish, she found means, after she had dropther burthen, and disposed of me to a poor relation in thecountry, to repair it by marrying a pastry-cook here in London,in thriving business; on whom she soon, under favour of thecomplete ascendant he had given her over him, passed me for achild she had by her first husband. I had, on that footing, beentaken home, and was not six years old when this father-in-lawdied, and left my mother in tolerable circumstances, and withoutany children by him. As to my natural father, he had betakenhimself to the sea; where, when the truth of things came out, Iwas told that he died, not immensely rich you may think, sincehe was no more than a common sailor. As I grew up, under theeyes of my mother, who kept on the business, I could not butsee, in her severe watchfulness, the marks of a slip, which shedid not care should be hereditary; but we no more choose ourpassions than our features or complexions, and the bent of minewas so strong to the forbidden pleasure, that it got the better, atlength, of all her care and precaution. I was scarce twelve yearsold, before that part which she wanted so much to keep out ofharm's way, made me feel its impatience to be taken notice of,and come into play; already had it put forth the signs offorwardness in the sprout of a soft down over it, which hadoften fluttered, and I might also say, grown under my constanttouch and visitation, so pleased was I with what I took to be akind of title to womanhood, that state I pined to be entered of,for the pleasures I conceived were annexed to it; and now thegrowing importance of that part to me, and the new sensationsin it, demolished at once all my girlish play-things andamusements. Nature now pointed me strongly to more soliddiversions, while all the stings of desire settled so fiercely in thatlittle centre of them, that I could not mistake the spot I wanteda playfellow in.

"I now shunned all company in which there was no hopes ofcoming at the object of my longings, and used to shut myself up,to indulge in solitude some tender meditation on the pleasure Istrongly perceived the overture of, in feeling and examining whatnature assured me must be the chosen avenue, the gates forunknown bliss to enter at, that I panted after.

"But these meditations only increased my disorder, and blewthe fire that consumed me. I was yet worse when, yielding atlength to the insupportable irritations of the little fairy charmthat tormented me, I seized it with my fingers, teazing it to noend. Sometimes, in the furious excitations of desire, I threwmyself on the bed, spread my thighs abroad, and lay as it wereexpecting the longed-for relief, till finding my illusion, I shut andsqueezed them together again, burning and fretting. In short,this develish thing, with its impetuous girds and itching fires,led me such a life, that I could neither, night or day, be at peacewith it or myself. In time, however, I thought I had gained aprodigious prize, when figuring to myself that my fingers weresomething of the shape of what I pined for, I worked my way inwith one of them with great agitation and delight; yet notwithout pain too did I deflower myself as far as it could reach;proceeding with such a fury of passion, in this solitary and lastshift of pleasure, as extended me at length breathless on the bedin an amorous melting trance.

"But frequency of use dulling the sensation, I soon began toperceive that this work was but a paultry shallow expedient, thatwent but a little way to relieve me, and rather raised more flamethan its dry and insignificant titillation could rightly appease."Man alone, I almost instinctively knew, as well as by what Ihad industriously picked up at weddings and christenings, waspossessed of the only remedy that could reduce this rebelliousdisorder; but watched and overlooked as I was, how to come atit was the point, and that, to all appearance, an invincible one;not that I did not rack my brains and invention how at once toelude my mothers vigilance, and procure myself the satisfactionof my impetuous curiosity and longings for this mighty anduntasted pleasure. At length, however, a singular chance did atonce the work of a long course of alertness. One day that we haddined at an acquaintance over the way, together with agentlewoman-lodger that occupied the first floor of our house,there started an indispensable necessity for my mother's goingdown to Greenwich to accompany her: the party was settled,when I do not know what genius whispered me to plead aheadache, which I certainly had not, against my being includedin a jaunt that I had not the least relish for. The pretext,however, passed, and my mother, with much reluctance,prevailed with herself to go without me; but took particular careto see me safe home, where she consigned me into the hands ofan old trusty maidservants, who served in the shop, for we hadnot a male creature in the house.

"As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up andlie down on our lodger's bed, mine not being made, with acharge to her at the same time not to disturb me, as it was onlyrest I wanted. This injunction probably proved of eminentservice to me. As soon as I was got into the bedchamber, Iunlaced my stays, and threw myself on the outside of thebedclothes, in all the loosest undress. Here I gave myself up tothe old insipid privy shifts of my self-viewing, self-touching self-enjoying, in fine, to all the means of self knowledge I coulddevise, in search of the pleasure that fled before me, andtantalized with that unknown something that was out of myreach; thus all only served to enflame myself, and to provokeviolently my desires, whilst the one thing needful to theirsatisfaction was not at hand, and I could have bit my finger forrepresenting it so ill. After then wearying and fatiguing myselfwith grasping shadows, whilst that most sensible part of medisdained to content itself with less than realities, the strongyearnings, the urgent struggles of nature towards the meltingrelief, and the extreme self-agitations I had used to come at it,had wearied and thrown me into a kind of unquiet sleep: for, if Itossed and threw about my limbs in proportion to the distractionof my dreams, as I had reason to believe I did, a bystander couldnot have helped seeing all for love. And one there was it seems;for waking out of my very short slumber, I found my handlocked in that of a young man, who was. kneeling at my bed-side, and begging my pardon for his boldness: but that being ason to the lady to whom, this bed-chamber, he knew, belonged,he had slipped by the servant of the shop, as he supposed,unperceived, when finding me asleep, his first ideas were towithdraw; but that he had been fixed and detained there by apower he could better account for, than resist.

"What shall I say? my emotions of fear and surprise wereinstantly subdued by those of the pleasure I bespoke in greatpresence of mind from the turn this adventure might take. Heseemed to me no other than a pitying angel, dropt out of theclouds: for he was young and perfectly handsome, which wasmore than even I had asked for, man, in general, being all thatmy utmost desires had pointed at. I thought then I could not puttoo much encouragement into my eyes and voice; I regretted noleading advances; no matter for his after-opinion of myforwardness, so it might bring him to the point of answering mypressing demands of present case; it was not now with histhoughts but his actions that my business immediately lay. Iraised then my head, and told him, in a soft tone, that tended toprescribe the same key to him, that his mamma was gone outand would not return till late at night: which I thought no badhint; but as it proved, I had nothing of a novice to deal with.The impressions I had made on him from the discoveries I hadbetrayed of my person in the disordered motions of it, during hisview of me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me, so fixed andcharmingly prepared him, that, had I known his dispositions, Ihad more to hope from his violence, than to fear from hisrespect; and even less than the extreme tenderness which Ithrew into my voice and eyes, would have served to encouragehim to make the most of the opportunity. Finding then that hiskisses, imprinted on my hand, were taken as tamely as he couldwish, he rose to my lips; and glewing his to them, made me sofaint with overcoming joy and pleasure, that I fell back, and hewith me, in course, on the bed, upon which I had, by insensiblyshifting from the side to near the middle, invitingly, made roomfor him. He is now lain down by me, and the minutes being tooprecious to consume in ultimate ceremony, or dalliance, myyouth proceeds immediately to those extremities, which all mylooks, humming and palpitations, had assured him he mightattempt without the fear of a repulse: those rogues the men,read us admirably on these occasions. I lay then at lengthpanting for the imminent attack, with wishes far beyond myfears, and for which it was scarce possible for a girl, barelythirteen, but tall and well grown, to have better dispositions. Hethrew up my petticoat and shift, whilst my thighs were, by aninstinct of nature, unfolded to their best; and my desires had sothoroughly destroyed all modesty in me, that even their beingnow naked and all laid open to him, was part of the prelude thatpleasure deepened my blushes at, more than same. But when hishand, and touches, naturally attracted to their center, made mefeel all their wantonness and warmth in, and round it, oh! howimmensely different a sense of things, did I perceive there, thanwhen under my own insipid handling! And now his waistcoatwas unbuttoned, and the confinement of the breeches burstthrough, when out started to view the amazing, pleasing objectof all my wishes, all my dreams, all my love, the king memberindeed! I gazed at, I devoured it, at length and breadth, with myeyes intently directed to it, till his; getting upon me, and placingbetween my thighs, took from me the enjoyment of its sight, togive me a far more grateful one, in its touch, in that part whereits touch is so exquisitely affecting. Applying it then to theminute opening, for such at that age it certainly was, I met withtoo much good will, I felt with too great a rapture of pleasurethe first insertion of it, to heed much the pain that followed: Ithought nothing too dear to pay for this the richest treat of thesense; so that, split up, torn, bleeding, mangled I was stillsuperiorly pleased, and hugged the author of all this deliciousruin. But when, soon after, he made his second attack, sore asevery thing was, the smart was soon put away by the sovereigncordial; all my soft complainings were silenced, and the painmelting fast away into pleasure. I abandoned myself over to allits transports, and gave it the full possession of my whole bodyand soul; for now all thought was at an end with me; I lived inwhat I felt only. And who could describe those feelings, thoseagitations, yet exalted by the charm of their novelty andsurprise? when that part of me which had so hungered for thedear morsel that now so delightfully crammed, forced all myvital sensations to fix their home there, during the stay of mybeloved guest; who too soon paid me for his hearty welcome, ina dissolvent, richer far than that I have heard of some queentreating her paramour with, in liquified pearl, and ravishinglypoured into me, where, now myself too much melted to give it adry reception, I hailed it with the warmest confluence on myside, amidst all those ecstatic raptures, not unfamiliar I presumeto this good company. Thus, however, I arrived at the very topof all my wishes, by an accident unexpected indeed, but not sowonderful; for this young gentleman was just arrived in townfrom college, and came familiarly to his mother at herapartment, where he had once before been, though, by merechance. I had not seen him: so that we knew one another byhearing only; and finding me stretched on his mother's bed, hereadily concluded from her description, who it was. The rest youknow.

"This affair had however no ruinous consequences, the younggentleman escaping then, and many more times undiscovered.But the warmth of my constitution, that made the pleasures oflove a kind of necessary of life to me, having betrayed me intoindiscretions fatal to my private fortune, I fell at length to thepublic; from which, it is probable, I might have met with theworst of ruin, if my better fate had not thrown me into this safeand agreeable refuge."

Here Louisa ended; and these little histories having broughtthe time for the girls to retire, and to prepare for the revels ofthe evening, I staid with Mrs. Cole, till Emily came, and told usthe company was met, and waited for us.

Mrs. Cole on this, taking me by the hand, with a smile ofencouragement, led me up stairs, preceded by Louisa, who wascome to hasten us, and lighted us with two candles, one in eachhand.

On the landing-place of the first pair of stairs, we were met bya young gentleman, extremely well dressed, and a very prettyfigure, to whom I was to be indebted for the first essay of thepleasures of the house. He saluted me with great gallantry, andhanded me into the drawing room, the floor of which wasoverspread with a Turkey carpet, and all its furniturevoluptuously adapted to every demand of the most studiedluxury; now too it was, by means of a profuse illumination,enlivened by a light scarce inferior, and perhaps more favourableto joy, more tenderly pleasing, than that of broad sunshine.On my entrance into the room, I had the satisfaction! to heara buzz of approbation run through the whole company, whichnow consisted of four gentlemen, including my particular (thiswas the cant term of the house for one's gallant for the time), thethree young-women, in a neat flowing dishabille, the mistress ofthe academy, and myself. I was welcomed and saluted by a kissall round, in which, however, it was easy to-discover, in thesuperior warmth of that of the men, the distinction of the sexes. Awed, and confounded as I was, at seeing myself surrounded,caressed, and made court to by so many strangers, I could notimmediately familiarize myself to all that air of gaiety and joy,which dictated their compliments, and animated their caresses.They assured me that I was so perfectly to their taste, as tohave but one fault against me, which I might easily be cured of,and that was my modesty: this, they observed, might pass for abeauty the more with those who wanted it for a heigh tener; buttheir maxim was, that it was an impertinent mixture, and dashedthe cup so as to spoil the sincere draught of pleasure; theyconsidered it accordingly as their mortal enemy, and gave it noquarter wherever they met with it. This was a prologue notunworthy of the revels that ensued.

In the midst of all the frolic and wantonness, which thisjoyous band had presently, and all naturally, run into, an elegantsupper was served in, and we sat down to it, my spark electplacing himself next to me, and the other couples without orderor ceremony. The delicate cheer and good wine soon banished allreserve; the conversation grew as lively as could be wished,without taking too loose a turn: these professors of pleasureknew too well, how to stale impressions of it, or evaporate theimagination of words, before the time of action. Kisses howeverwere snatched at times, or where a handkerchief round the neckinterposed its feeble barrier, it was not extremely respected: thehands of the men went to work with their usual petulance, tillthe provocation on both sides rose to such a pitch, that myparticulars's proposal for beginning the country dances wasreceived with instant assent: for, as he laughingly added, hefancied the instruments were in tune. This was a signal forpreparation, that the complaisant Mrs. Cole, who understoodlife, took for her cue of disappearing; no longer so fit forpersonal service herself, and content with having settled theorder of battle, she left us the field, to fight it out at discretion.As soon as she was gone, the table was removed from themiddle, and became a side-board; a couch was brought into itsplace, of which when I whisperingly inquired the reason, of myparticular, he told me, "that as it was chiefly on my account thathis convention was met, the parties intended at once to humourtheir taste of variety in pleasures, and by an open publicenjoyment, to see me broke of any taint of reserve or modesty,which they looked on as the poison of joy; that though theyoccasionally preached pleasure, and lived up to the text, theydid not enthusiastically set up for missionaries, and onlyindulged themselves in the delights of a practical instruction ofall the pretty women they liked well enough to bestow it upon,and who fell properly in the way of it; but that as such aproposal might be too violent, too shocking for a youngbeginner, the old standers were to set an example, which hehoped I would not be averse to follow, since it was to him I wasdevolved in favour of the first experiment; but that still I wasperfectly at my liberty to refuse the party, which being in itsnature one of pleasure, supposed an exclusion of all force orconstraint."

My countenance expressed, no doubt, my surprise as mysilence did my acquiescence. I was now embarked, andthoroughly determined on any voyage the company would takeme on.

The first that stood up, to open the ball, were a cornet ofhorse, and that sweetest of olive-beauties, the soft and amorousLouisa. He led her to the couch (nothing loth), on which he gaveher the fall, and extended her at length with an air of roughnessand vigour, relishing high of amorous eagerness and impatience.The girl, spreading herself to the best advantage, with her headupon the pillow, was so concentered in that she was about, thatour presence was the least of her care and concern. Herpetticoats, thrown up with her shift, discovered to the companythe finest turned legs and thighs that could be imagined, and inbroad display, that gave us a full view of that delicious cleft offlesh, into which the pleasing hair, grown mount over it, partedand presented a most inviting entrance, between two closehedges, delicately soft and pouting. Her gallant was now ready,having disencumbered himself from his clothes, overloaded withlace, and presently, his shirt removed, shewed us his forces athigh plight, bandied and ready for action. But giving us no timeto consider the dimensions, he threw himself instantly over hischarming antagonist who received him as he pushed at oncedead at mark, like a heroine, without flinching; for surely neverwas girl constitutionally truer to the taste of joy, or sincerer inthe expressions of its sensations, than she was: we could observepleasure lighten in her eyes, as he introduced his plenipotentiaryinstrument into her; till, at length, having indulged her to itsutmost reach, its irritations grew so violent, and gave her thespurs so furiously, that collected within herself, and lost to everything but the enjoyment of her favourite feelings, she retardedhis thrusts with a just concert of spring heaves, keeping time soexactly with the most pathetic sighs, that one might havenumbered the strokes in agitation by their distinct murmurs,whilst her active limbs kept wreathing and intertwisting withhis, in convulsive folds: then the turtle-billing kisses, and thepoignant painless lovebites, which they both exchanged, in arage of delight, all conspiring towards the melting period. It sooncame on, when Louisa, in the ravings of her pleasure-frensy,impotent of all restraint, cried out: "Oh Sir!... Good Sir! pray donot spare me! ah! ah!..." All her accents now faultering intoheart-fetched sighs, she closed her eyes in the sweet death, inthe instant of which we could easily see the signs in the quiet,dying, languid posture of her late so furious driver, who wasstopped of a sudden, breathing short, panting, and, for thattime, giving up the spirit of pleasure. As soon as he wasdismounted, Louisa sprung up, shook her petticoats, andrunning up to me, gave me a kiss, and drew me to the side-board, to which she was herself handed by her gallant, wherethey made me pledge them in a glass of wine, and toast a drollhealth of Louisa's proposal in high frolic.

By this time the second couple was ready to enter the lists:which were a young baronet, and that delicatest of charmers, thewinning, tender Harriet. My gentle esquire came to acquaint mewith it, and brought me back to the scene of action.

And, surely, never did one of her profession accompany herdispositions, for the barefaced part she was engaged to play,with such a peculiar grace of sweetness, modesty and yieldingcoyness, as she did. All her air and motions breathed onlyunreserved, unlimited complaisance without the least mixture ofimpudence, or prostitution. But what was yet more surprising,her spark elect, in the midst of the dissolution of a public openenjoyment, doated on her to distraction, and had, by dint of loveand sentiments, touched her heart, though for a while therestraint of their engagement to the house laid him under a kindof necessity of complying with an institution which himself hadhad the greatest share establishing.

Harriet was then led to the vacant couch by her gallant,blushing as she looked at me, and with eyes made to justify anything, tenderly bespeaking of me the most favourableconstruction of the step she was thus irresistibly drawn into.Her lover, for such he was, sat her down at the foot of thecouch, and passing his arm round her neck, preluded with a kissfervently applied to her lips, that visibly gave her life and spiritto go through with the scene; and as he kissed, he gentlyinclined her head, till it fell back on a pillow disposed to receiveit, and leaning himself down all the way with her, at oncecountenanced and endeared her fall to her. There, as if he hadguessed our wishes, or meant to gratify at once his pleasure andhis pride, in being the master, by the title of present possession,of beauties delicate beyond imagination, he discovered herbreast to his own touch, and our common view; but oh! whatdelicious manual of love devotion; how inimitable fine moulded!small, round, firm, and excellently white; then the grain of theirskin, so soothing, so flattering to the touch! and of beauty. Whenhe had feasted his eyes with the their nipples, that crownedthem, the sweetest buds touch and perusal, feasted his lips withkisses of the highest relish, imprinted on those all delicious twin-orbs, he proceeded downwards.

Her legs still kept the ground; and now, with the tenderestattention not to shock or alarm her too suddenly, he, by degrees,rather stole than rolled up her petticoats; at which, as if a signalhad been given, Louisa and Emily took hold of her legs, in purewantonness, and, in ease to her, kept them stretched wideabroad. Then lay exposed, or, to speak more properly, displayedthe greatest parade in nature of female charms. The wholecompany, who, except myself, had often seen them, seemed asmuch dazzled, surprised and delighted, as any one could be whohad now beheld them for the first time. Beauties so excessivecould not but enjoy the privileges of eternal novelty. Her thighswere so exquisitely fashioned, that either more in, or more out offlesh than they were, they would have declined from that pointof perfection they presented. But what infinitely enriched andadorned them, was the sweet intersection formed, where theymet, at the bottom of the smoothest, roundest, whitest belly, bythat central furrow which nature had sunk there, between thesoft relievo of two pouting ridges, and which, in this girl, was inperfect symmetry of delicacy and miniature with the rest of herframe. No! nothing in nature could be of a beautifuller cut; then,the dark umbrage of the downy spring moss that over-arched it,bestowed, on the luxury of the landscape, a touching warmth, atender finishing, beyond the expression of words, or even thepaint of thought.

Her truly enamoured gallant, who had stood absorbed andengrossed by the pleasure of the sight long enough to afford ustime to feast ours (no fear of glutting!) addressed himself atlength to the materials of enjoyment, and lifting the linen veilthat hung between us and his master member of the revels,exhibited one whose eminent size proclaimed the owner a truewoman's hero. He was, besides in every other respect, anaccomplished gentleman, and in the bloom and vigour of youth.Standing then between Harriet's legs, which were supported byher two companions at their widest extension, with one hand hegently disclosed the lips of that luscious mouth of nature, whilstwith the other, he stooped his mighty machine to its lure, fromthe height of his stiff stand-up towards his belly; the lips, keptopen by his fingers, received its broad shelving head of coralhue: and when he had nestled it in, he hovered there a little,and the girls then delivered over to his hips the agreeable officeof supporting her thighs; and now, as if he meant to spin out hispleasure, and give it the more play for its life, he passed up hisinstrument so slow that we lost sight of it inch by inch, till atlength it was wholly taken into the soft laboratory of love, andthe mossy mounts of each fairly met together. In the mean time,we could plainly mark the prodigious effect the progressions ofthis delightful energy wrought in this delicious girl, graduallyheightening her beauty as they heightened her pleasure. Hercountenance and whole frame grew more animated; the faintblush of her cheeks, gaining ground on the white, deepened intoa florid vivid vermillion glow, her naturally brilliant eyes nowsparkled with ten-fold lustre; her languor was vanished, and sheappeared quick, spirited and alive all over. He had now fixed,nailed, this tender creature, with his home-driven wedge, so thatshe lay passive by force, and unable to stir, till beginning to playa strain of arms against this vein of delicacy, as he urged the to-and-fro con-friction, he awakened, roused, and touched her so tothe heart, that unable to contain herself, she could not but replyto his motions, as briskly as her nicety of frame would admit of,till the raging stings of the pleasure rising towards the point,made her wild with the intolerable sensations of it, and she nowthrew her legs and arms about at random, as she lay lost in thesweet transport; which on his side declared itself by quicker,eager thrusts, convulsive gasps, burning sighs, swift laboriousbreathing, eyes darting humid fires: all faithful tokens of theimminent approaches of the last gasp of joy. It came on atlength: the baronet led the extasy, which she critically joined in,as she felt the melting symptoms from him, in the nick of which,gluing more ardently than ever his lips to hers, he shewed all thesigns of that agony of bliss being strong upon him, in which hegave her the finishing titillation; inly thrilled with which, we sawplainly that she answered it down with all effusion of spirit andmatter she was mistress of, whilst a general soft shudder ranthrough all her limbs, which she gave a stretch out, and laymotionless, breathless, dying with dear delight; and in the heightof its expression, showing, through the nearly closed lids of hereyes, just the edges of their black, the rest being rolled stronglyupwards in their extasy; then her sweet mouth appearedlanguish-ingly open, with the tip of her tongue leaningnegligently towards the lower range of her white teeth, whilstnatural ruby colour of her lips glowed with heightened life. Wasnot this a subject to dwell upon? And accordingly her lover stillkept on her, with an abiding delectation, till compressed,squeezed and distilled to the last drop, he took leave with onefervent kiss, expressing satisfied desires, but unextinguishedlove.

As soon as he was off, I ran to her, and sitting down on thecouch by her, rais'd her head, which she declined gently, andhung on my bosom, to hide her blushes and confusion at whathad passed, till by degrees she re-composed herself, andaccepted of a restorative glass of wine from my spark, who hadleft me to fetch it to her, whilst her own was readjusting hisaffaire and buttoning up; after which he led her, leaninglanguish-ingly upon him, to oar stand of view round the couch.And now Emily's partner had taken her out for her share inthe dance, when this transcendently fair and sweet temperedcreature readily stood up; and if a com-extreme pretty features,and that florid health and complexion to put the rose and lilyout of countenance, extreme pretty features, and that floridhealth and bloom for which the country girls are so lovely, mightpass her for a beauty, this she certainly was, and one of themost striking of the fair ones.

Her gallant began first, as she stood, to disengage, her breasts,and restore them to the liberty of nature, from the easyconfinement of no more than a pair of jumps; but on theircoming out to view, we thought a new light was added to theroom, so superiourly shining was their whiteness; then they rosein so happy a swell as to compose her a well horned fullness ofbosom, that had such an effect on the eye as to seem flashhardened into marble, of which it emulated the polished gloss,and far surpassed even the whitest, in the life and lustre of itscolours, white weined with blue. Who could refrain from suchprovoking enticements in reach? he touched her breasts, firstlightly, when the glossy smoothness of the skin eluded his hand,and made it slip along the surface; he pressed them, and thespringy flesh that filled them, thus pitted by force, rose againreboundingly with his hand, and on the instant defaced thepressure: and alike indeed was the consistence of all those partsof her body throughout, where the fulness of flesh compacts andconstitutes all that fine firmness which the touch is so highlyattached to. When he had thus largely pleased himself with thisbranch of dalliance and delight, he trussed up her petticoat andshift, in a wisp to her waist, where being tucked in, she stoodfairly naked on every side; a blush at this overspread her lovelyface, and her eyes downcast to the ground, seemed to be forquarter, when she had so great a right to triumph in all thetreasures of youth and beauty that she now so victoriouslydisplayed. Her legs were perfectly well shaped and her thighs,which she kept pretty close, shewed so white, so round, sosubstantial and abounding in firm flesh, that nothing couldafford a stronger recommendation to the luxury of the touch,which he accordingly did not fail to indulge in. Then gentlyremoving her hand, which in the first emotion of naturalmodesty, she had carried thither, he gave us rather a glimpsethan a view of that soft narrow chink running its little lengthdownwards, and hiding the remains of it between her thighs; butplain was to be seen the fringe of light-brown curls, in beauteousgrowth over it, that with their silk gloss created a pleasingvariety from the surrounding white, whose lustre too, theirgentle embrowning shade, considerably raised. Her spark thenendeavoured, as she stood, by disclosing her thighs, to gain us acompleter sight of that central charm of attraction, but notobtaining it so conveniently in that attitude, he led her to thefoot of the couch, and bringing it to one of the pillows gentlyinclined her head down, so that as she leaned with it over hercrossed hands, straddling with her thighs wide spread, andjutting her body out, she presented a full back view of herperson, naked to her waist. Her posteriors, plump, smooth, andprominent, formed luxuriant tracts of animated snow, thatsplendidly filled the eye, till it was commanded down the partingor separation of those exquisitely white cliffs, by their narrowvale, and was there stopt, and attracted by the emboweredbottom-savity, that terminated this delightful vista and stoodmoderately gaping from the influence of her bended posture, sothat the agreeable interior red of the sides of the orifice cameinto view, and with respect to the white that dazzled round it,gave somewhat the idea of a pink slash in the glossiest whitesatin. Her gallant, who was a gentleman about thirty, somewhatinclined to a fatness that was in no sort displeasing, improvingthe hint thus tendered him of this mode of enjoyment, aftersetting her well in this posture, and encouraging her with kissesand caresses to stand him thro', drew out his affair readyerected, and whose extreme length, rather disproportioned to itsbreadth, was the more surprising, as that excess is not often thecase with those of his corpulent habit; making then the right anddirect application, he drove it up to the guard, whilst the roundbulge of those Turkish beauties of her's, tallying with the hollowmade with the bent of his belly and thighs, as he curvedinwards, brought all those parts, surely not un-delightfully, intowarm touch, and close conjunction; his hands he kept passinground her body, and employed in toying with her enchantingbreasts. As soon too as she felt him at home as he could reach,she lifted her head a little from the pillow, and turning her neck,without much straining, but her cheeks glowing with the deepestscarlet, and a smile of the tenderest satisfaction, met the kiss hepressed forward to give her as they were thus close joinedtogether: when leaving him to pursue his delights, she hid againher face and blushes with her hands and pillow, and thus stoodpassively and as favourably too as she could, whilst he keptlaying at her with repeated thrusts and making the meeting fleshon both sides resound again with the violence of them; then everas he backened from her, we could see between them part of hislong white staff foamingly in motion, till, as he went on againand closed with her, the interposing hillocks took it out of sight.Sometimes he took his hands from the semi-globes of her bosom,and transferred the pressure of them to those large ones, thepresent subjects of his soft blockade, which he squeezed,grasped and played with, till at length in pursuit of driving, sohotly urged, brought on the height of the fit, with suchoverpowering pleasure, that his fair partner became nownecessary to support him, panting, fainting and dying as hedischarged; which she no sooner felt the killing sweetness of,than unable to keep her legs, and yielding to the mightyintoxication, she reeld, and falling forward on the couch, made ita necessity for him, if he would preserve the warm-pleasurehold, to fall upon her, where they perfected, in a continuedconjunction of body and extatic flow, their scheme of joys forthat time.

As soon as he had disengaged, the charming Emily got up, andwe crowded round her with congratulations and other officiouslittle services; for it is to be noted, that though all modesty andreserve were banished from the transaction of these pleasures,good manners and politeness were inviolably observed: therewas no gross ribaldry, no offensive or rude behaviour, orungenerous reproaches to the girls for their compliance With thehumours and desires of the men. On the contrary, nothing waswanting to soothe, encourage, and soften the sense of theircondition to them. Men know not in general how much theydestroy of their own pleasure, when they break through therespect and tenderness due to our sex, and even to those of itwho live only by pleasing them. And this was a maxim perfectlywell understood by these polite voluptuaries, these profoundadepts in the great art and science of pleasure, who nevershewed these votaries of theirs a more tender respect than at thetime of those exercises of their complaisance, when theyunlocked their treasures of concealed beauty, and shewed out inthe pride of their native charms, ever more touching surely thanwhen they parade it in the artificial ones of dress and ornament.The frolic was now come round to me, and it being my turn ofsubscription to the will and pleasure of my particular elect, aswell as to that of the company, he came to me, and saluting mevery tenderly, with a flattering eagerness, put me in mind of thecompliances my presence there authorized the hopes of, and atthe same time repeated to me, "that if all this force of examplehad not surmounted any repugnance I might have to concur withthe humours and desires of the company, that though the playwas bespoke for my benefit, and great as his own privatedisappointment might be, he would suffer any thing, sooner thanbe the instrument of imposing a disagreeable task."

To this I answered, without the least hesitation, or mincinggrimace, "that had I not even contracted a kind of engagement tobe at his disposal without the least reserve, the example of suchagreeable companions would alone determine me, and that I wasin no pain about any thing but my appearing to so great adisadvantage after such superior beauties." And take notice thatI thought, as I spoke. The frankness of the answer pleased themall; my particular was complimented on his acquisition, and, byway of indirect flattery to me, openly envied me.

Mrs. Cole, by the way, could not have given me a greatermark of her regard than in managing for me the choice of thisyoung gentleman for my master of the ceremonies: for,independent of his noble birth and the great fortune he was heirto, his person was even uncommonly pleasing, well shaped andtall; his face marked with the small-pox, but no more than whatadded a grace of more manliness to features rather turned tosoftness and delicacy, was marvellously enlivened by eyes whichwere of the clearest sparkling black; in short he was one whomany woman would, in the familiar style, ready call a very prettyfellow.

I was now handed by him to the cockpit of our match, where,as I was dressed in nothing but a white morning gown, hevouchsafed to play the male Abigail on this occasion, and sparedme the confusion that would have attended the forwardness ofundressing myself: my gown then was loosen'd in a trice, and Idivested of it; my stays next offered an obstacle which readilygave way, Louisa very readily furnished a pair of scissors to cutthe lace; off went that shell and dropping my uppercoat, I wasreduced to my under one and my shift, the open bosom of whichgave the hands and eyes all the liberty they could wish. Here Iimagined the stripping was to stop, but I reckon short; myspark, at the desire of the rest, tenderly begged, that I would notsuffer the small remains of a covering to rob them of a full viewof my whole person; and for me, who was too flexiblyobsequious to dispute any point with them, and who consideredthe little more that remained as very immaterial, I readilyassented to whatever he pleased-In an instant, then, my underpetticoat was untied and at my feet, and my shift drawn over myhead, so that my cap, slightly fastened, came off with it, andbrought all my hair down (of which, be it again rememberedwithout vanity, that I had a very fine head) in loose disorderlyringlets, over my neck and shoulders, to the no unfavourable set-off of my skin.

I now stood before my judges in all the truth of nature, towhom I could not appear a very disagreeable figure, if youplease to recollect what I have beforesaid of my person, whichtime, that at certain periods of life robs use every instant of ourcharms, had, at that of mine, then greatly improved into full andopen, bloom, for I wanted some months of eighteen. My breasts,which in the state of nudity are ever capital points, now in nomore than in graceful plenitude, maintained a firmness andsteady independence of any stay or support, that dared andinvited the test of the touch. Then I was as tall, as slim-shapedas could be consistent with all that juicy plumpness of flesh,ever the most grateful to the senses of sight and touch, which Iowed to the health and youth of my constitution. I had not,however, so thoroughly renounced all innate shame, as not tosuffer great confusion at the state I saw myself in; but the wholetroop round me, men and women, relieved me with every markof applause and satisfaction, even flattering attention to raiseand inspire me with even sentiments of pride on the figure Imade, which my friend gallantly protested, infinitely outshoneall other birthday finery whatever; so that had I leave to setdown, for sincere, all the compliments these connoisseursoverwhelmed me with upon this occasion, I might flatter myselfwith having passed my examination with the approbation of thelearned.

My friend, however, who for this time had alone the disposalof me, humoured their curiosity, and perhaps his own, so far,that he placed me in all the variety of postures and lightsimaginable, pointing out every beauty under every aspect of it,not without such parentheses, of kisses, such inflammatoryliberties of his roving hands, as made all shame fly before them,and a blushing glow give place to a warmer one of desire, whichled me even to find some relish in the present scene.

But in this general survey, you may be sure, the most materialspot of me was not excused the strictest visitation; nor was itbut agreed, that I had not the least reason to be diffident ofpassing even for a maid, on occasion; so inconsiderable a flawhad my preceding adventures created there, and so soon had theblemish of an over-stretch been repaired and worn out at anyage, and in my naturally small make in that part.

Now, whether my partner had exhausted all the modes ofregaling the touch or sight, or whether he was now ungovernablywound up to strike, I know not; but briskly throwing off hisclothes, the prodigious heat bred by a close room, a great fire,numerous candles, and even the inflammatory warmth of thesescenes, induced him to lay aside his shirt too, when hisbreeches, before loosened, now gave up their contents to view,and shew'd in front the enemy I had to engage with, stifflybearing up the port of its head imhooded, and glowing red. ThenI plainly saw what I had to trust to: it was one of those just true-sized instruments, of which the masters have a better commandthan the more unwieldy, inordinate sized one are generallyunder. Straining me then close to his bosom, as he stood upforeright against me, and applying to the obvious niche itspeculiar idol, he aimed at inserting it, which, as I forwardlyfavoured, he effected at once, by canting up my thighs over hisnaked hips, and made me receive every inch, and close home;so-that stuck upon the pleasure-pivot, add clinging round hisneck, in which and in his hair I hid my face, burn-ingly flushingwith present feeling as much as with shame, my bosom glued tohim; he carried me once round the couch, on which he then,without quitting the middle-fastness, or dischannelling, laid medown, and began with pleasure-grist. But so provokinglypredisposed and primed as we were, by all the moving sights ofthe night, our imagination was too much heated not to melt usof the soonest; and accordingly I no sooner felt the warm spraydarted up my inwards-, from him, but I was punctually on flow,to share the momentary extasy; but I had yet greater reason toboast of our harmony: for finding that all the flames of desirewere not yet quenched within me, but that rather, like wettedcoals, I glowed the fiercer for this sprinkling, my hot-mettledspark, sympathizing with me, and loaded for a double fire,recontinued the sweet battery with undying vigour; greatlyencouraged to accommodate all my motions to his bestadvantage and delight; kisses, squeezes, tender murmurs, allcame into play, till our joys growing more turbulent and riotous,threw us into a fond disorder, and as they raged to a point, boreus far from our selves into an ocean of boundless pleasures, intowhich we both plunged together in a transport of taste. Now allthe impressions of burning desire, from the lively scenes I hadbeen spectatress of, ripened the heat of this exercise, andcollecting to a head, throbbed and agitated me withinsupportable irritations: I perfectly fevered and maddened withtheir excess. I bid not now enjoy a calm of reason enough toperceive, but I extatically, indeed, felt the power of such rareand exquisite provocatives, as the examples of the night hadproved towards thus exalting our pleasures: which, with greatjoy. I sensibly found my gallant shared in, by his nervous andhome expressions of it: his eyes flashing eloquent flames, hisaction infuriated with the stings of it, all conspiring to raise mydelight, by assuring me of his. Lifted then to the utmost pitch ofjoy that human life can bear, undestroyed by excess, I touchedthat sweetly critical point, whence scarce prevented by theinjection from my partner, I dissolved, and breaking out into adeep drawn sigh, sent my whole sensitive soul down to thatpassage where escape was denied it, by its being so deliciouslyplugged and choked up. Thus we lay a few blissful instants,overpowered, still, and languid; till, as the sense of pleasurestagnated, we recovered from our trance, and he slipt out of me,not however before he had protested his extreme satisfaction bythe tenderest kiss and embrace, as well as by the most cordialexpressions.

The company, who had stood round us in a profound silence,when all was over, helped me to hurry on my clothes in aninstant, and complimented me on the sincere homage they couldnot escape observing had been done as they termed it—to thesovereignty of my charms, in my receiving a double payment oftribute at one juncture. But my partner, now dressed again,signalized, above all, a fondness unbated by the circumstance ofrecent enjoyment; the girls too kissed and embraced me,assuring me that for that time, or indeed any other, unless Ipleased, I was to go through no farther public trials, and that Iwas now consummatedly initiated, and one of them.

As it was an inviolable law for every gallant to keep to hispartner, for the night especially, and even till he relinquishedpossession over to the community, in order to preserve apleasing property, and to avoid the disgusts and indelicacy ofanother arrangement, the company, after a short refection ofbiscuits and wine, tea and chocolate, served in at now about onein the morning, broke up, and went off in pairs. Mrs. Cole hadprepared my spark and me an occasion field-bed, to which weretired, and there ended the night in one continued strain ofpleasure, sprightly and uncloyed enough for us not to haveformed one wish for its ever knowing an end. In the morning,after a restorative breakfast in bed, he got up, and with verytender assurance of a particular regard for me, left me to thecomposure and refreshment of a sweet slumber; waking out ofwhich, and getting up to dress before Mrs. Cole should come in,I found in one of my pockets a purse of guineas, which he hadslipt there; and just as I was musing on a liberality I hadcertainly not expected, Mrs. Cole came in, to whom Iimmediately communicated the present, and naturally offeredher whatever share she pleased: but assuring me that thegentleman had very nobly rewarded her, she would on no terms,no entreaties, no shape I could put it in, receive any part of it.Her denial, she observed, was no affectation of grimace, andproceeded to read me such admirable lessons on the economy ofmy person and my purse, as I became amply paid for my generalattention and conformity to in the course of my acquaintancewith the town. After which, changing the discourse, she fell onthe pleasures of the preceding night, where I learned, withoutmuch surprise, as I began to enter on her character, that she hadseen every thing that had passed, from a convenient placemanaged solely for that purpose, and of which she readily mademe the confidante.

She had scarce finished this, when the little troop of love girls,my companions, broke in, and renewed their compliments andcaresses.. I observed with pleasure, that the fatigues andexercises of the night had not usurped in the least on the life oftheir complexion, or the freshness of their bloom: this I found,by their confession, was owing to the management and advice ofour rare directress. They went down then to figure it, as usual,in the shop; whilst I repaired to my lodging, where I employedmyself till I returned to dinner at Mrs. Cole's.

Here I staid in constant amusement, with one or other of thesecharming girls, till about five in the evening; when seized with asudden drowsy fit, I was prevailed on to go up and doze it off onHarriet's bed, who left me on it to my repose. There then I laiddown in my clothes, and fell fast asleep, and had now enjoyed,by guess, about an hour's rest, when I was pleasingly disturbedby my new and favourite gallant, who, enquiring for me, wasreadily directed where to find me. Coming then into mychamber, and seeing me lie alone, with my face turned from thelight towards the inside of the bed, he, without more ado, justslipped off his breeches, for the greater ease and enjoyment ofthe naked touch; and softly turning up my petticoats and shiftbehind, opened the prospect of the back avenue to the genialseat of pleasure; where, as I lay at my side length, incliningrather face downward, I appeared full fair, and liable to beentered. Laying himself gently down by me, he invested mebehind, and giving me to feel the warmth of his body, as heapplied his thighs and belly close to me, and the endeavours ofthat machine, whose touch has something so exquisitely singularin it, to make its way good into me. I awaked pretty muchstartled at first, at seeing who it was, disposed myself to turn tohim, when he gave me a kiss, and desiring me to keep myposture, just lifted up my upper thigh, and ascertaining the rightopening, soon drove it up to the farthest: satisfied with which,and solacing himself with lying so close in those parts, hesuspended motion, and thus steeped in pleasure, kept me lyingon my side, into him, spoon-fashion, as he termed it, from thesnug indent of the back part of my thighs, and all upwards, intothe space of the bending between his thighs and belly; till, aftersome time, that restless and turbulent inmate, impatient bynature of longer quiet, urged him to action, which nowprosecuting with all the usual train of toying, kissing, and thelike, ended at length in the liquid proof on both sides, that wehad not exhausted, or at less were quickly recruited of lastnight's draughts of pleasure in us.

With this noble and agreeable youth lived I in perfect joy andconstancy. He was full bent on keeping me to himself, for thehoney-month at least; but his stay in London was not even solong, his father, who had a post in Ireland, taking him abruptlywith him, on his repairing thither. Yet even then I was nearkeeping hold of his affection and person, as he had proposed,and I had consented to follow him in order to go to Ireland afterhim, as soon as he could be settled there; but meeting with anagreeable and advantageous match in that kingdom, he chose thewiser part, and forebore sending for me, but at the same timetook care that I should receive a very magnificent present, whichdid not however compensate for all my deep regret on my loss ofhim.

This event also created a chasm in our little society, whichMrs. Cole, on the foot of her usual caution, was in no haste tofill up; but then it redoubled her attention to procure me, in theadvantages of a traffic for a counterfeit maidenhead, someconsolation for the sort of widowhood I had been left in; andthis was a scheme she had never lost prospect of, and onlywaited for a proper person to bring it to bear with.

But I was, it seems, fated to be my own caterer in this, as Ihad been in my first trial of the market.

I had now passed near a month in the enjoyment of all thepleasures of familiarity and society with my companions, whoseparticular favourites (the baronet excepted, who soon after tookHarriet home) had all, on the terms of community established inthe house, solicited the gratification of their taste for variety inmy embraces; but I had with the utmost art and address, onvarious pretexts, eluded their pursuit, without giving them causeto complain; and this reserve I used neither out of dislike ofthem, nor disgust of the thing, but my true reason was myattachment to my own, and my tenderness of invading thechoice of my companions, who outwardly exempt, as theyseemed, from jealousy, could not but in secret like me the betterfor the regard I had for, without making a merit of it to them.Thus easy, and beloved by the whole family, did I get on; whenone day, that, about five in the afternoon, I stepped over to afruit shop in Covent Garden, to pick some table fruit for myselfand the young women, I met with the following adventure.Whilst I was chaffering for the fruit I wanted, I observedmyself followed by a young gentleman, whose rich dress firstattracted my notice; for the rest, he had nothing remarkable inhis person, except that he was pale, thin-made, and venturedhimself upon legs rather of the slenderest. Easy was it toperceive, without seeming to perceive it, that it was me hewanted to be at; and keeping his eyes fixed on me, till he cameto the same basket that I stood at, and cheapening, or rathergiving the first price asked for the fruit, began his approaches.Now most certainly I was not at all out of figure to pass for amodest girl. I had neither the feathers, nor fumet of a taudrytown-miss: a straw hat, a white gown, clean linen, and above all,a certain natural and easy air of modesty (which the appearancesof never forsook me, even on those occasions that I most broukein upon it, in practice) were all signs that gave him no openingto conjecture my condition. He spoke to me; and this addressfrom a stranger throwing a blush into my cheeks, that still sethim wider of the truth, I answered him, with an awkwardnessand confusion the more apt to impose, as there really was amixture of the genuine in them. But when proceeding, on thefoot of having broken the ice, to join discourse, he went intoother leading questions, I put so much innocence, simplicity,and even childishness, into my answers, that on no betterfoundation, liking my person as he did, I will not answer for it,he would have been sworn for my modesty. There is, in short, inthe men, when once they are caught, by the eye especially, afund of cullibility that their lordly wisdom little dreams of, andin virtue of which the most sagacious of them are seen so oftenour dupes. Amongst other queries he put to me, one was,whether I was married? I replied, that I was too young to thinkof that this many a year. To that of my age, I answered, andsunk a year upon him, passing myself for not above seventeen.As to my way of life, I told him I had served an apprenticeshipto a milliner in Preston, and was come to town after a relation,that I had found, on my arrival, was dead, and now livedjourney-woman to a milliner in town. That last article, indeed,was not much of the side of what I pretended to pass for; but itdid pass, under favour of the growing passion I had inspired himwith. After he had next got out of me, very dexterously as hethought, what I had no sort of design to make reserve of, myown, my mistress's name, and place of abode, he loaded me withfruit, all the rarest and dearest he could pick out and sent mehome, pondering on what might be the consequence of thisadventure.

As soon then as I came to Mrs. Cole's, I related to her all thatpassed, on which she very judiciously concluded, that if he didnot come after me there was no harm done, and that, if he did,as her presage suggested to her he would, his character and hisviews should be well sifted, so as to know whether the game wasworth the springes; that in the mean time nothing was easierthan my part in it, since no more rested on me than to followher cue and promptership throughout, till the last act.

The next morning, after an evening spent on his side, as weafterwards learnt, in perquisitions into Mrs. Cole's character inthe neighbourhood (than which nothing could be morefavourable to her designs upon him), my gentleman came in hischariot to the shop, where Mrs. Cole alone had an inkling of hiserrand. Asking then for her, he easily made a beginning ofacquaintance by bespeaking some millinery ware; when, as I satwithout lifting my eyes, and pursuing the hem of a ruffle withthe utmost composure and simplicity of industry, Mrs. Cole tooknotice, that the first impressions I made on him ran no risk ofbeing destroyed by those of Louisa and Emily, who were thensitting at work by me. After vainly endeavouring to catch myeyes in rencounter with him (I held my head down, affecting akind of consciousness of guilt for having, by speaking to himgiven him encouragement and means of following me), and aftergiving Mrs. Cole direction when to bring the things homeherself, and the time he should expect them, he went out, takingwith him some goods, that he paid for liberally, for the bettergrace of his introduction.

The girls all this time did not in the least smoak the mysteryof this new customer; but Mrs. Cole, as soon as we wereconveniently alone, insured me, in virtue of her long experiencein these matters, "that for this bout my charms had not missedfire; for by his eagerness, his manner and looks, she was sure hehad it: the only point now in doubt was his character andcircumstances, which her knowledge of the town would soongain her the sufficient acquaintance with, to take measure upon."And effectively, in a few hours, her intelligence served her sowell, that she learned that this conquest of mine was no otherthan Mr. Norbert, a gentleman originally of great fortune, which,with a constitution naturally not the best, he had vastlyimpaired by his over-violent pursuit of the vices of the town; inthe course of which, having worn out and staled all the morecommon modes of debauchery, he had fallen into a taste ofmaiden-hunting; in which chase he had ruined a number of girls,sparing no expense to compass his ends, and generally usingthem well till tired, or cooled by enjoying, or springing a newface, he could with more ease disembarrass himself of the oldones, and resign them to their fate, as his sphere ofachievements of that sort lay only amongst such as he couldproceed with by way of bargain and sale.

Concluding from these premises, Mrs. Cole observed, that acharacter of this sort was ever a lawful prize; that the sin wouldbe, not to make the best of our market of him; and that shethought such a girl as I only too good for him at any rate, and onany terms.

She went then, at the hour appointed, to his lodgings in one ofour inns of court, which were furnished in a taste of grandeurthat had a special eye to all the conveniences of luxury andpleasure. Here she found him in ready waiting; and afterfinishing her business of pretence, and a long conduit ofdiscussions concerning her trade, which she said was very bad,the qualities of her servants, apprentices, journey-women, thediscourse naturally landed at length on me, when Mrs. Cole,acting admirably the good old prating gossip, who lets everything escape her when her tongue is set in motion, cooked himup a story so plausible of me, throwing in every now and thensuch strokes of art, with all the simplest air of nature, in praiseof my person and temper, as finished him finely for her purpose,whilst nothing could be better counterfeited than her innocenceof his. But when now fired and on edge, he proceeded to drophints of his design and views upon me, after he had with muchconfusion and pains brought her to the point (she kept as longaloof from it as she thought proper) of understanding him,without now affecting to pass for a dragoness of virtue, by flyingout into those violent and ever suspicious passions, she stuckwith the better grace and effect to the character of a plain, goodsort of woman, that knew no harm, and that getting her bread inan honest way, was made of stuff easy and flexible enough to bewrought to his ends, by his superior skill and address; but,however, she managed so artfully that three or four meetingstook place, before he could obtain the least favourable hope ofher assistance; without which, he had, by a number of fruitlessmessages, letters, and other direct trials of my disposition,convinced himself there was no coming at me, all which tooraised at once my character and price with him.

Regardful, however, of not carrying these difficulties to such alength as might afford time for starting discoveries, or incidents,unfavourable to her plan, she at last pretended to be won overby mere dint of entreaties, promises, and, above all, by thedazzling sum she took care to wind him up to the specificationof, when it was now even a piece of art to feign, at once, ayielding to the allurements of a great interest, as a pretext forher yielding at all, and the manner of it such as might persuadehim she had never dipped her virtuous fingers in an affair ofthat sort.

Thus she led him through all the gradations of difficulty, andobstacles, necessary to enhance the value of the prize he aimedat; and in conclusion, he was so struck with the little beauty Iwas mistress of, and so eagerly bent on gaining his ends of me,that he left her no room to boast of her management in bringinghim up to her mark, he drove so plump of himself into everything tending to make him swallow the bait. Not but, in otherrespects, Mr. Norbert was not clear sighted enough, or that hedid not perfectly know the town, and even by experience, thevery branch of imposition now in practice upon him: but we hadhis passion our friend so much, he was so blinded and hurriedon by it, that he would have thought any undeception a very illoffice done to his pleasure. Thus concurring, even precipitately,to the point she wanted him at, Mrs. Cole brought him at last tohug himself on the cheap bargain he considered the purchase ofmy imaginary jewel was to him, at no more than three hundredguineas to myself, and a hundred to the brokers: being a slenderrecompense for all her pains, and all the scruples of conscienceshe had now sacrificed to him for this first time of her life;which sums were to be paid down on the nail, upon delivery ofmy person, exclusive of some no inconsiderable presents thathad been made in the course of the negociation: during which Ihad occasionally, but sparingly been introduced into hiscompany, at proper times and hours; in which it is incrediblehow little it seemed necessary to strain my natural disposition tomodesty higher, in order to pass it upon him for that a verymaid: all my looks and gestures ever breathing nothing but thatinnocence which the men so ardently require in us, for no otherend than to feast themselves with the pleasure of destroying it,and which they are so grievously, with all their skill, subject tomistakes in.

When the articles of the treaty had been fully agreed on, thestipulated payments duly secured, and nothing now remainedbut the execution of the main point, which centered in thesurrender of my person up to his free disposal and use, Mrs.Cole managed her objections, especially to his lodgings, andinsinuations so nicely, that it became his own mere notion andurgent request, that this copy of a wedding should be finished ather house: "At first, indeed, she did not care, not she, to havesuch doings in it... she would not for a thousand pounds haveany of the servants or apprentices know it... her precious goodname would be gone for ever...," with the like excuses. However,on superior objections to all other expedients, whilst she tookcare to start none but those which were most liable to them itcame round at last to the necessity of her obliging' him in thatconveniency, and of doing a little more where she had alreadydone so much.

The night then was fixed, with all possible respect to theeagerness of his impatience, and in the mean time Mrs. Cole hadomitted no instructions, nor even neglected any preparation,that might enable me to come off with honour, in regard to theappearance of my virginity, except that, favoured as I was bynature with all the narrowness of stricture in that part requisiteto conduct my designs, I had no occasion to borrow thoseauxiliaries of art that create a momentary one, easily discoveredby the test of a warm bath; and as to the usual sanguinarysymptoms of defloration, which, if not always, are generallyattendants on it, Mrs. Cole had made me the mistress of aninvention of her own, which could hardly miss its effect, and ofwhich more in its place.

Every thing then being disposed and fixed for Mr. Norbert'sreception, he was, at the hour of eleven at night, with all themysteries of silence and secrecy, let in by Mrs. Cole herself, andintroduced into her bedchamber, where, in an old-fashioned bedof her's, I lay, fully undressed, and panting, if not with the fearsof a real maid, at least with those perhaps greater of adissembled one which gave me an air of confusion andbashfulness that maiden-modesty had all the honour of, and wasindeed scarce distinguishable from it, even by less partial eyesthan those of my lover: so let me call him, for I ever thought theterm "cully" too cruel a reproach to the men, for their abusedweakness for us.

As soon as Mrs. Cole, after the old gossipery, on theseoccasions, used to young women abandoned for the first time tothe will of man, had left us alone in her room, which, by the byewas well lighted up, at his previous desire, that seemed to bodea stricter examination than he afterwards made, Mr. Norbert,still dressed, sprung towards the bed, where I got my headunder the clothes, and defended them a good while before hecould even get at my lips, to kiss them: so true it is, that a falsevirtue, on this occasion, even makes & greater rout andresistance than a true one. From thence he descended to mybreasts, the feel I disputed tooth and nail with him till tired withmy resistance, and thinking probable to give a better account tome, he hurried his clothes off in an instant, and came into bed.Mean while by the glimpse I stole of him, I could easilydiscover a person far from promising any such doughtyperformances as the storming of maidenheads generally requires,and whose flimsy consumptive texture gave him more the air ofan invalid that was pressed, than of a volunteer, on such hotservice.

At scarce thirty he had already reduced his strength ofappetite down to a wretched dependance on forced provocatives,very little seconded by the natural power of a body jaded, andracked off to the less by constant repeated over draughts ofpleasure, which had done the work of sixty winters on hissprings of live: leaving him at the same time all the fire and headof youth in his imagination, which served at once to torment andspur him down the precipice.

As soon as he was in bed, he threw off the bedclothes, which Isuffered him to force from my hold, and I now lay as exposed ashe could wish, not only to his attacks, but his visitation of thesheets; where in the various agitations of the body, through myendeavours to defend myself, he could easily assure himselfthere was no preparation, though, to do him justice, he seemed aless strict examinant than I had apprehended from soexperienced a practitioner. My shift then he fairly tore open,finding I made too much use of it to barricade my breasts, aswell as the more important avenue: yet in every thing else heproceeded with all the marks of tenderness and regard to me,whilst the art of my play was to shew none for him, I acted themall the niceties, apprehensions, and terrors, supposable for a girlperfectly innocent to feel, at so great a novelty as a naked manin bed with her for the first time. He scarce even obtained a kissbut what he ravished; I put his hand away twenty times from mybreasts, where he had satisfied himself of their hardness andconsistence, with passing for hitherto unhandled goods. Butwhen grown impatient upon the main point, he now threwhimself upon me, and first trying to examine me with his finger,sought to make himself further way, I complained of his usagebitterly: "I thought he would not have served a body so... I wasruined... I did not know what I had done..., I would get up, so Iwould...;" and at the same time kept my thighs so fast locked,that it was not for strength like his to force them open, or doany good. Finding thus my advantages, and that I had both myown and his motions at command, the deceiving him came soeasy, that it was perfectly playing upon velvet. In the mean timehis machine, which was one of those sizes that slip in and outwithout being minded, kept pretty stiffly bearing against thatpart, which the shutting my thighs barred access to; but finding,at length he could do no good by mere dint of bodily strength,he resorted to entreaties and arguments: to which I onlyanswered, with a tone of shame and timidity, "that I was afraidhe would kill me... Lord!..., would not be served so... I wasnever so used in all my born days..., I wondered he was notashamed of himself, so I did...," with such silly infantine moodsof repulse and complaint as I judged best adapted to express thecharacter of innocence, and affright. Pretending, however, toyield at length to the vehemence of his insistence, in action andwords, I sparing disclosed my thighs, so that he could just touchthe cloven inlet with the tip of his instrument: but as he fatiguedand toiled to get in, a twist of my body, so as to receive itobliquely, not only thwarted his admission, but giving a scream,as if he had pierced me to the heart, I shook him off me, withsuch violence that he could not with all his might to it, keep thesaddle: vexed indeed at this he seemed, but not in the style ofdispleasure with me for my skittishness; on the contrary, I dareswear he held me the dearer, and hugged himself for thedifficulties that even hurt his instant pleasure. Fired, however,now beyond all bearance of delay, he remounts, and begged ofme to have patience, stroking and soothing me to it by all thetenderest endearments and protestations of what he wouldmoreover do for me; at which, feigning to be somewhatsoftened, and abating of the anger that I had shewn at hishurting me so prodigiously, I suffered him to lay my thighsaside, and make way for a new trial; but I watched thedirections and management of his point so well, that no soonerwas the orifice in the least open to it, but I gave such a timelyjerk as seemed to proceed not from the evasion of his entry, butfrom the pain his efforts at it put me to: a circumstance too thatI did not fail to accompany with proper gestures, sighs and criesof complaint, of which, "that he had hurt me... he killed me... Ishould die...," were the most frequent interjections. But now,after repeated attempts, in which he had not made the leastimpression towards gaining his point, at least for that time, thepleasure rose so fast upon him, that he could not check or delayit, and in the vigour and fury which the approaches of the heightof it inspired him, he made one fierce-thrust, that had almostput me by my guard, and lodged it so far that I could feel thewarm inspersion just within the exterior orifice, which I had thecruelty not to let him finish there, but threw him out again, notwithout a most piercing loud exclamation, as if the pain had putme beyond all regard of being overheard. It was then easy toobserve that he was more satisfied, more highly pleased with thesupposed motives of his baulk of consummation, than he wouldhave-been at the full attainment of it. It was on this foot that Isolved to myself all the falsity I employed to procure him thatblissful pleasure in it, which most certainly he would not havetasted in the truth of things. Eased, however, and relieved byone discharge, he now applied himself to sooth, encourage, andto put me into humour and patience to bear his next attempt,which he began to prepare and gather force for, from all theincentives of the touch and sight which he could think of, byexamining every individual part of my whole body, which hedeclared his satisfaction with, in raptures of applause, kissesuniversally imprinted, and sparing no part of me, in all theeagerest wantonness of feeling, seeing, and toying. His vigour,however, did not return so soon, and I felt him more than oncepushing at the door, but so little in a condition to break in, thatI question whether he had the power to enter, had I held it everso open; but this he then thought me too little acquainted withthe nature of things, to have any regret or confusion about, andhe-kept fatiguing himself and me for a long time, before he wasin any state to resume his attacks with any prospect of successand then I breathed him so warmly, and kept him so at bay, thatbefore he had made any sensible progress in point ofpenetration, he was deliciously sweated, and wearied outindeed: so that it was deep in the morning before he achievedhis second let-go, about half way of entrance, I all the whilecrying and complaining of his prodigious vigour, and theimmensity of what I appeared to suffer splitting up with. Tired,however, at length, with such athletic drudgery, my championbegan now to give out, and to gladly embrace the refreshment ofsome rest. Kissing me then with much affection, andrecommending me to my repose, he presently fell fast asleep,which, as soon as I had well satisfied myself of, I with muchcomposure of body, so as not to wake him by any motion, withmuch ease and safety too, played of Mrs. Cole's device forperfecting the signs of my virginity. In each of the head bed-posts, just above where the bedsteads are inserted into them,there was a small drawer, so artfully adapted to the mouldingsof the timber-work, that it might have escaped even the mostcurious search: which drawers were easily opened or shut by thetouch of a spring, and were fitted each with a shallow glasstumbler, full of a prepared fluid blood, in which lay soaked, forready use, a sponge, that required no more than gently reachingthe hand to it, taking it out and properly squeezing between thethighs, when it yelded a great deal more of the red liquid thanwould save a girl's honour; after which, replacing it, andtouching the spring, all possibility of discovery, or even ofsuspicion, was taken away; and this was not the work of thefourth part of a minute, and of which ever side one lay, thething was equally easy and practicable, by the double care takento have each bed-post provided alike. True it is, that had hewaked and caught me in the act, it would at least have coveredme with shame and confusion; but them, that he did not, was,with the precautions I took, a risk of a thousand to one in myfavour.

At ease now, and out of all fear of any doubt or suspicion onhis side, I addressed myself in good earnest to my repose, butcould obtain none; and in about half an hour's time mygentleman waked again, and turning towards me, I feigned asound sleep, which he did not long respect; but girding himselfagain to renew the onset, he began to kiss and caress me, whennow making as if I just waked, I complained of the disturbance,and of the cruel pain that this little rest had stole my sensesfrom. Eager, however, for the pleasure, as well of consummatingan entire triumph over my virginity, he said every thing thatcould overcome my resistance, and bribe my patience to the end,which now I was ready to listen to, from being secure of thebloody proofs I had prepared of his victorious violence, though Istill thought it good policy not to let him in yet a while. Ianswered then only to his importunities in sighs and moans,"that I was so hurt, I could not bear it... I was sure he had doneme a mischief; that he had... he was such a bad man!" At this,turning down the clothes, and viewing the field of battle by theglimmer of a dying taper, he saw plainly my thighs, shift, andsheet, all stained with what he readily took for a virgin effusion,proceeding from his last half penetration: convinced, andtransported at which, nothing could equal his joy and exultation.The illusion was complete, no other conception entered his head,but that of his having been at work upon an unopened mine;which idea, upon so strong an evidence, redoubled at once histenderness for me, and his ardour for breaking it wholly up.Kissing me then with the utmost rapture, he comforted me, andbegged my pardon for the pain he had put me to: observingwithal, that it was only a thing in course; but the worst wascertainly past, and that with a little courage and constancy, Ishould get it once well over, and never after experience anything but the greatest pleasure. By little and little I sufferedmyself to be prevailed on, and giving, as it were, up to the pointof him, I made my thighs, insensibly spreading them, yield himliberty of access, which improving, he got a little within me,when by a well managed reception I worked the female screw sonicely, that I kept him from the easy mid-channel direction, andby dexterous wreathing and contortions, creating an artificialdifficulty of entrance, made him win it inch by inch, with themost laborious struggles, I all the while sorely complaining: tillat length, with might and main, winding his way in, he got itcompletely home, and giving my virginity, as he thought, thecoup le grace, furnished me with the cue of setting up a terribleoutcry, whilst he, triumphant and like a cock clapping his wingsover his down-trod mistress, pursued his pleasure: whichpresently rose, in virtue of this idea of a complete victory, to apitch that made me soon sensible of his melting period; whilst Inow lay acting the deep wounded, breathless, frightened,undone, no longer maid.

You would ask me, perhaps, whether all this time I enjoyedany perception of pleasure? I assure you, little or none, till justtowards the latter end, a faintish sense of it came onmechanically, from so long a struggle and frequent fret in thatever sensible part; but, in the first place, I had no taste for theperson I was suffering the embraces of, on a pure mercenaryaccount; and then, I was not entirely delighted with myself forthe jade's part I was playing, whatever excuses I might plead formy being brought into it; but then this insensibility kept me somuch the mistress of my mind and motions, that I could thebetter manage so close a counterfeit, through the whole scene ofdeception.

Recovered at length to a more shew of life, by his tendercondolences, kisses and embraces, I upbraided him, andreproached him with my ruin, in such natural terms, as added tohis satisfaction with himself, for having accomplished it; andguessing, by certain observations of mine, that it would berather favourable to him, to spare him, when he some time after,feebly enough, came on again to the assault, I resolutelywithstood any further endeavours, on a pretext that flattered hisprowess, of my being so violently hurt and sore, that I could notpossibly endure a fresh trial. He then graciously granted me arespite, and the next morning soon after advancing, I got rid offurther importunity, till Mrs. Cole, being rung for by him, camein and was made acquainted, in terms of the utmost joy andrapture, with his triumphant certainty of my virtue, and thefinishing stroke he had given it, in the course of the night: ofwhich, he added, she would see proof enough in bloodycharacters, on the sheets.

You may guess how a woman of her turn of address andexperience humoured the jest, and played him off with mixedexclamations of shame, danger, compassion for me, and of herbeing pleased that all was so well over: in which last, I believe,she was certainly sincere. And now, as the objection which shehad represented as an invincible one, to me lying the first nightat his lodgings (which were studiously calculated for freedom ofintrigues), on the account of my maiden fears and terrors, at thethought of going to a gentleman's chambers, and being alonewith him in bed, was surmounted, she pretended to persuademe, in favour to him, that I should go there to him, whenever hepleased, and still keep up all the necessary appearances ofworking with her, that I might not lose, with my character, theprospect of getting a good husband, and at the same time herhouse would be kept safer from scandal. All this seemed soreasonable, so considerate to Mr. Norbert, that he never onceperceived that she did not want him to resort to her house, lesthe might in time discover certain inconsistencies with thecharacter she had set out with to him: besides that this plangreatly flattered his own ease, and views of liberty.

Leaving me then to my much wanted rest, he got up, and Mrs.Cole, after settling with him all points relating to me, got himundiscovered out of the house. After which, as I was awake, shecame in, and gave me due praises for my success. Behaving toowith her usual moderation and disinterestedness, she refusedany share of the sum I had thus earned, and put me into such asecure and easy way of disposing of my affairs, which nowamounted to a kind of little fortune, that a child of ten years oldmight have kept the account and property of them safe in itshands.

I was now restored again to my former state of a keptmistress, and used punctually to wait on Mr. Norbert at hischambers whenever he sent a messenger for me, which Iconstantly took care to be in the way of, and managed with somuch caution, that he never once penetrated the nature of myconnections with Mrs. Cole; but indolently given up to ease andthe town dissipations, the perpetual hurry of them hindered himfrom looking into his own affairs, much less to mine.

In the mean time, if I may judge from my own experience,none are better paid, or better treated, during their reign, thanthe mistress of those who, enervate by nature, debaucheries, orage, have the least employment for the sex: sensible that awoman must be satisfied some way, they ply her with athousand little tender attentions, presents, caresses, confidences,and exhaust their inventions in means and devices to make upfor the capital deficiency; and even towards lessening that, whatarts, what modes, what refinements of pleasure have they notrecourse to, to raise their languid powers, and press nature intothe service of their sensuality? But here is their misfortune, thatwhen by a course of teasing, worrying, handling, wantonpostures, lascivious motions, they have at length accomplished aflashy enervate enjoyment, they at the same time light up aflame in the object of their passion, that, not having the meansthemselves to quench, drives her for relief into the next person'sarms, who can finish their work; and thus they become bawds tosome favourite, tried and approved of, for a more vigorous andsatisfactory execution; for with women, of our turn especially,however well our hearts may be disposed, there is a controllingpart, or queen-seat in us, that governs itself by its own maximsof state, amongst which not one is stronger, in practice with it,than, in the matter of is dues, never to accept the will for thedeed.

Mr. Norbert, who was much in this ungracious case, thoughhe professed to like me extremely, could but seldomconsummate the main-joy itself with me, without such a lengthand variety of preparations, as were at once wearisome andinflammatory.

Sometimes he would strip me stark naked on a carpet, by agood fire, when he would contemplate me almost by the hour,disposing me in all the figures and attitudes of body that it wassusceptible of being viewed in; kissing me in every part, themost secret and critical one so far from excepted that it receivedmost of that branch of homage. Then his touches were soexquisitely wanton, so luxuriously diffused and penetrative attimes, that he had made me perfectly rage with titillating fires,when, after all, and much ado, he had gained a short-livederection, he would perhaps melt it away in a washy sweat, or apremature abortive effusion, that provokingly mocked my eagerdesires: or, if carried home, how faultered and unnervous theexecution! how insufficient the sprinkle of a few heat-drops toextinguish all the flames he had kindled!

One evening, I cannot help remembering, that returning homefrom him, with a spirit he had raised in a circle his wand hadproved too weak to lay, as I turned the corner of a street, I wasovertaken by a young sailor, I was then in that spruce, neat,plain dress, which I ever affected and perhaps might have, in mytrip, a certain air of restlessness unknown to the composure ofcooler thoughts. However, he seized me as a prize, and withoutfarther ceremony threw his arms round my neck, and kissed meboisterously and sweetly. I looked at him with a beginning ofanger and indignation at his rudeness, that softened away intoother sentiments as I viewed him: for he was tall, manlycarriaged, handsome of body and face, so that I ended my stare,with asking him, in a tone turned to tenderness, what he meant;at which, with the same frankness and vivacity as he had begunwith me, he proposed treating me with a glass of wine. Now,certain it is, that had I been in a calmer state of blood than Iwas, had I not been under the dominion of unappeasedirritation; but I do not know how it was, my pressing calls, hisfigure, the occasion, and if you will, the powerful combination ofall these, with a start of curiosity to see the end of an adventure,so novel too as being treated like a common street-plyer, mademe give a silent consent; in short, it was not my head that I nowobeyed, I suffered myself to be towed along as it were by thisman-of-war, who took me under his arm as familialry as if hehad known me all his lifetime, and led me into the nextconvenient tavern, where we were shown into a little room onone side of the passage. Here, scarce allowing himself patient tillthe drawer brought in the wine called for, he fell directly onboard me: when, untucking my handkerchief, and giving me asnatching buss, he laid my breasts bare at once, which hehandled with that keenness of gust that abridges a ceremonialevermore tiresome than pleasing on such pressing occasions; andnow, hurrying towards the main point, we found no conveniencyto our purpose, two or three disabled chairs, and a rickety table,composing the whole furniture of the room. Without more ado,he plans me with my back standing against the wall, and mypetticoats up; and coming out with a splitter indeed, made itshine, as he brandished it, in my eyes; and going to work withan impetuosity and eagerness, bred very likely by a long fast atseat, went to give me a taste of it. I straddled, I humoured myposture, and did my best in short to buckle to it; I took part of itin, but still things did not go to his thorough liking; changingthem in a trice his system of battery, he leads me to the tableand with a master-hand lays my head down on the edge of it,and, with the other canting up my petticoats and shift, bares mynaked posteriors to his blind and furious guide; it forces its waybetween them, and I feeling pretty sensibly that it was not goingby the right door, and knocking desperately at the wrong one, Itold him of it:—"Pooh!" says he, "my dear, any port in a storm."Altering, however, directly his course, and lowering his point, hefixed it right, and driving it up with a delicious stiffness, madeall foam again, and gave me the tout with such fire and spirit,that in the fine disposition I was in when I submitted to him andstirred up so fiercely as I was, I got the start of him, and wentaway into the melting swoon, and squeezing him, whilst in theconvulsive grasp of it, drew from him such a plenteous bedewal,as pointed to my own effusion, perfectly floated those parts, anddrowned in a deluge all my raging conflagration of desire.When this was over, how to make my retreat was my concern;for, though I had been so extremely pleased with the difficultbetween this warm broadside, poured so briskly into me, andthe tiresome pawing and toying to which I had owed theunappeased flames that had driven me into this step, now I wascooler, I began to apprehend the danger of contracting anacquaintance with this, however agreeable stranger; who, on hisside, spoke of passing the evening with me and continuing ourintimacy, with an air of determination that made me afraid of itsbeing not so easy to get away from him as I could wish. In themean time I carefully concealed my uneasiness, and readilypretended to consent to stay with him, telling him I should onlystep to my lodgings to leave a necessary direction, and theninstantly return. This he very glibly swallowed, on the notion ofmy being one of those unhappy street-errants, who devotethemselves to the pleasure of the first ruffian that will stoop topick them up, and of course, that I would scarce bilk myself ofthe hire, by not returning make the most of the job. Thus heparted with me, not before, however, he had ordered in myhearing a supper, which I had the barbarity to disappoint him ofmy company too.

But when I got home, and told Mrs. Cole my adventure, sherepresented so strongly to me the nature and dangerousconsequences of my folly, particularly the risks to my health, inbeing so openlegged and free, that I not only took resolutionsnever to venture so rashly again, which I inviolably preserved,but passed a good many days in continual uneasiness, lest Ishould have met with other reasons, besides the pleasure of thatrencounter, to remember it; but these fears wronged my prettysailor, for which I gladly make him this reparation.

I had now lived with Mr. Norbert near a quarter of a year, inwhich space I circulated my time very pleasantly, between myamusements at Mrs. Cole's, and a proper attendance on thatgentleman, who paid me profusely for the unlimitedcomplaisance with which I passively humoured every caprice ofpleasure, and which had won upon him so greatly, that finding,as he said, all that variety in me alone, which he had sought forin a number of women, I had made him lose his taste forinconstancy, and new faces. But what was yet at least agreeable,as well as more nattering, the love I had inspired him with, breda deference to me, that was of great service to his health: forhaving by degrees, and with much pathetic representationsbrought him to some husbandry of it, and to insure the durationof his pleasures by moderating their use, and correcting thoseexcesses in them he was so addicted to, and which had shatteredhis constitution and destroyed his powers of life in the verypoint for which he seemed desirous to live, he was grown moredelicate, more temperate, and in course more healthy; hisgratitude for which was taking a turn very favourable for myfortune, when once more the caprice of it dashed the cup frommy lips.

His sister, lady L..., for whom he had a great affection,desiring him to accompany her down to Bath for her health, hecould not refuse her such a favour; and accordingly, though hecounted on staying away from me no more than a week atfarthest, he took his leave of me with an ominous heaviness ofheart, and left me a sum far above the state of his fortune, andvery inconsistent with the intended shortness of his journey; butit ended in the longest that can be, and is never but once taken:for, arrived at Bath, he was not there two days before he fellinto a debauch of drinking with some gentlemen, that threw himinto a high fever, and carried him off in four days' time, neveronce out of a delirium. Had he been in his senses to make a will,perhaps he might have made favourable mention of me in it.Thus, however, I lost him; and as no condition of life is moresubject to revolutions than that of a woman of pleasure, I soonrecovered my cheerfulness, and now beheld myself once morestruck off the list of kept mistresses, and returned into thebosom of the community, from which I had been in somemanner taken.

Mrs. Cole still continued her friendship, and offered me herassistance and advice towards another choice; but I was now inease and affluence enough to look about me at leisure; and as toany constitutional calls of pleasure, their pressure, or sensibility,was greatly lessened by a consciousness of the east with whichthey were to be satisfied at Mrs. Cole's house, where Louisa andEmily still continued in the old way; and my great favouriteHarriet used often to come and see me, and entertain me, withher head and heart full of the happiness she enjoyed with herdear baronet, whom she loved with a tenderness and constancy,even though he was her keeper, and what is yet more, had madeher independent, by a handsome provision for her and hers. Iwas then in this vacancy from any regular employ of my personin my way of business, when one day, Mrs. Cole, in the courseof the constant confidence we lived in, acquainted me that therewas one Mr. Barville, who used her house, just come to town,whom she was not a little perplexed about providing a suitablecompanion for; which was indeed a point of difficulty, as he wasunder the tyranny of a cruel taste: that of an ardent desire, notonly of being unmercifully whipped himself, but of whippingothers, in such sort, that though he paid extravagantly thosewho had the courage and complaisance to submit to his humour,there were few, delicate as he was in the choice of his subjects,who would exchange turns with him so terribly at the expense oftheir skin. But, what yet increased the oddity of this strangefancy was the gentleman being young; whereas it generallyattacks, it seems, such as are, through age, obliged to haverecourse to this experiment, for quickening the circulation oftheir sluggish juices, and determining a conflux of the spirits ofpleasure towards those flagging shrivelly parts, that rise to lifeonly by virtue of those titillating ardours created by thediscipline of their opposites, with which they have so surprisinga consent.

This Mrs. Cole could not well acquaint me with, in anyexpectation of my offering for service: for, sufficiently easy as Iwas in my circumstances, it must have been the temptation ofan immense interest indeed, that could have induced me toembrace such a job, neither had I ever expressed, nor indeed,felt the least impulse or curiosity to know more of a taste, thatpromised so much more pain than pleasure to those that stoodin no need of such violent goads: what then should move me tosubscribe myself voluntarily to a party of pain, foreknowing itsuch? Why, to tell the plain truth, it was a sudden caprice, agust of fancy for trying a new experiment, mixed with the vanityof approving my personal courage to Mrs. Cole, that determinedme, at all risks, to propose myself to her and relieve her fromany farther lookout. Accordingly, I at once pleased and surprisedher, with a frank and unreserved tender of my person to her andher friend's absolute disposal on this occasion.

My good temporal mother was, however, so kind as to use allthe arguments she could imagine to dissuade me: but, as I foundthey only turned on a motive of tenderness to me, I persisted inmy resolution, and thereby acquitted my offer of any suspicionof its not having been sincerely made, or out of complimentonly. Acquiescing then thankfully in it, Mrs. Cole assured me"that bating the pain I should be put to, she had no scruple toengage me to this party, which she assured me I should beliberally paid for, and which, the secrecy of the transactionpreserved safe from the ridicule that otherwise vulgarly attendedit; that for her part, she considered pleasure, of one sort orother, as the universal port of destination, and every wind thatblew thither a good one, provided it blew nobody any harm; thatshe rather compassionated, than blamed those unhappy persons,who are under a subjection they cannot shake off, to thosearbitrary tastes that rule their appetites of pleasures with anunaccountable control: tastes too, as infinitely diversified, assuperior to, and independent of all reasoning as the differentrelishes or palates of mankind in their viands, some delicatestomach nauseating plain meats, and finding no savour but inhighseasoned, luxurious dishes, whilst others again piquethemselves upon detesting them."

I stood now in no need of this preamble of encouragement, orjustification: my word was given, and I was determined to fulfillmy engagements. Accordingly the night was set, and I had allthe necessary previous instructions how to act and conductmyself. The dining room was duly prepared and lighted up, andthe young; gentleman posted there in waiting, for myintroduction to him.

I was then, by Mrs. Cole, brought in, and presented to him, ina loose dishabille fitted, by her direction, to the exercise I was togo through, all in the finest linen and a thorough white uniform:gown, petticoat, stocking, and satin slippers, like a victim led tosacrifice; whilst my dark auburn hair, falling in drop-curls overmy neck, created a pleasing distinction of colour from the rest ofmy dress.

As soon as Mr. Barville saw me, he got up, with a visible airof pleasure and surprise, and saluting me, asked Mrs. Cole, if sofine and delicate a creature would voluntarily submit to suchsufferings and rigours, as were the subject of his assignation.She answered him properly, and now, reading in his eyes thatshe could not too soon leave us together, she went out, afterrecommending to him to use moderation with so tender anovice.

But whilst she was employing his attention, mine had beentaken up with examining the figure and person of this unhappyyoung gentleman, who was thus unaccountably condemned tohave his pleasure lashed into him, as boys have their learning.He was exceedingly fair, and, smooth complexioned, andappeared to me no more than twenty at most, though he wasthree years older than what my conjectures gave him; but thenhe owed this favourable mistake to a habit of fatness, whichspread through a short, squab stature; and a round, plump,fresh coloured face gave him greatly the look of a Bacchus, hadnot an air of austerity, not to say sternness, very unsuitable evento his shape of face, dashed that character of joy, necessary tocomplete the resemblance. His dress was extremely neat, butplain, and far inferior to the ample fortune he was in fullpossession of; this too was a taste in him, and not avarice.As soon as Mrs. Cole was gone, he seated me near him, whennow his face changed upon me, into an expression of the mostpleasing sweetness and good humour, the most remarkable forits sudden shift from the other extreme, which I foundafterwards, when I knew more of his character, was owing to ahabitual state of conflict with, and dislike of himself, for beingenslaved to so peculiar a lust, by the fatality of a constitutionalascendant, that rendered him incapable of receiving anypleasure, till he submitted to these extraordinary means ofprocuring it at the hands of pain, whilst the constancy of thisrepining consciousness stamped at length that cast of sournessand severity on his features: which was, in fact, very foreign tothe natural sweetness of his temper.

After a competent preparation by apologies, andencouragement to go through my part with spirit and constancy,he stood up near the fire, whilst I went to fetch the instrumentsof discipline out of a closet hard by: these were several rods,made each of two or three strong twigs of birch tied together,which he took, handled, and viewed with as much pleasure, as Idid with a kind of shuddering presage.

Next we took from the side of the room a long broad bench,made easy to lie at length on by a soft cushion in a callico-cover;and everything being now ready, he took his coat and waistcoatoff; and at his motion and desire, I unbuttoned his breeches, androlling up his shirt rather above his waist, tucked it on securelythere; when directing naturally my eyes to that humoursonemaster-movement, in whose favaur all these dispositions weremaking, it seemed almost shrunk into his body, scarce showingits tip above the sprout of hairy curls that clothed those parts, asyou may have-seen a wren peeping its head out of the grass. Stooping them to untie his garters, he gave them to me for theuse of tying him down to the legs of the bench: a circumstanceno farther necessary than, as I suppose, it made part of thehumour of the thing, since he prescribed it to himself, amongstthe rest of the ceremonial.

I led him then to the bench, and according to my cue, playedat forcing him to lie down: which, after-some little show ofreluctance, for form-sake, he submitted to; he was straightwayextended flat upon his: belly, on the bench, with a pillow underhis face; and as he thus tamely lay, I tied him slightly hand andfeet, to the legs of it; which done, his shirt remaining-trussed upover the small of his back, I drew his breeches quite down to hisknees; and now he lay, in all the fairest, broadest display of thatpart of the back-view; in which a pair of chubby, smooth-cheeked and passing white posteriors rose cushioning upwardsfrom two stout, fleshful thighs, and ending their cleft, orseparation by an union at the small of the back, presented abold mark, that swelled, as it were, to meet the scourge.Seizing now one of the rods, I stood over him, and accordingto his direction, gave him in one breath, ten lashes with muchgood-will, and the utmost nerve and vigour of arm that I couldput to them, so as to make those fleshy orbs quiver again underthem; whilst he himself seemed no more concerned, or to mindthem, than a lobster would a flea-bite. In the mean time, I viewintently the effect of them, which to me at last appearedsurprisingly cruel: every lash had skimmed the surface of thosewhite cliffs, which they deeply reddened, and lapping round theside of the furthermost from me, cut specially, into the dimple ofit, such livid weals, as the blood either spun out from, or stoodin large drops on; and, from some of the cuts, I picked out eventhe splinters of the rod that had stuck in the skin. Nor was thisraw work to be wondered at, considering the greenness of thetwigs and the severity of the infliction, whilst the whole surfaceof the skin was so smooth-stretched over the hard and firm pulpof flesh that filled it, as to yield no play, or elusive swaggingunder the stroke: which thereby took place the more plump, andcut into the quick.

I was however already so moved at the piteous sight, that Ifrom my heart repented the undertaking, and would willing hadgiven over, thinking he had full enough; but, he encouraging andbeseeching me earnestly to proceed, I gave him ten more lashes;and then resting, surveyed the increase of bloody appearances.And at length, steeled to the height, by his stoutness insuffering, I continued the discipline, by intervals, till I observedhim wreathing and twisting his body, in a way that I couldplainly perceive was not the effect of pain, but of some new andpowerful sensation: curious to dive into the meaning of which,in one of my pauses of intermission, I approached, as he stillkept working, and grinding his belly against the cushion underhim: and first stroking the untouched and unhurt side of theflesh-mount next me, then softly insinuating my hand under histhigh, felt the posture things were in forwards, which wasindeed surprising: for that machine of him, which I had, by itsappearance, taken for an impalpable, or at least a verydiminutive subject, was now, in virtue of all that smart andhavoc of his skin behind, grown not only to a prodigiousstiffness of erection, but to a size that frighted even me: a non-pareil thickness indeed! the head of it alone filled the utmostcapacity of my grasp. And when, as he heaved and wriggled toand fro, in the agitation of his strange pleasure, it came intoview, it had something of the air of a round fillet of veal, andlike its owner, squab, and short in proportion to its breadth; butwhen he felt my hand there, he begged I would go on brisklywith my jerking, or he should never arrive at the last stage ofpleasure.

Resuming then the rode and the exercise of it, I had fairlyworn out three bundles, when, after an increase of struggles andmotion, and a deep sigh or two, I saw him lie still andmotionless; and now he desired me to desist, which I instantlydid; and proceeding to untie him, I could not but be amazed athis passive fortitude, on viewing the skin of his butchered,mangled posteriors, late so white, smooth and polished, now allone side of them a confused cut-work of weals, livid flesh,gashes and gore, insomuch that when he stood up, he couldscarce walk; in short, he was in sweet-briars.

Then I plainly perceived, on the cushion, the marks of aplenteous effusion, and already had his sluggard member run upto its old nestling-place, and enforced itself again, as if ashamedto shew its head; which nothing, it seems, could raise but stripesinflicted on its opposite neighbours, who were thus constantlyobliged to suffer for his caprice.

My gentleman had now put on his clothes and recomposedhimself, when giving me a kiss, and placing me by him, he sathimself down as gingerly as possible, with one side off thecushion, which was too sore for him to bear resting any part ofhis weight on.

Here he thanked me for the extreme pleasure I had procuredhim, and seeing, perhaps, some marks in my countenance ofterror and apprehension of retaliation on my own skin, for whatI had been the instrument of his suffering in his, he assured me,"he was ready to give up to me any engagement I might deemmyself under to stand him, as he had done me, but that if Iproceeding in my consent to it, he would consider the differenceof my sex, its greater delicacy and incapacity to undergo pain."Reheartened at which, and piqued in honour, as I thought, notto flinch so near the trial, especially as I well knew Mrs. Colewas an eye-witness, from her stand of espial, to the whole of ourtransaction, I was now less afraid of my skin, than of his notfurnishing me with an opportunity of signalizing my resolution.Consonant to this disposition was my answer, but my couragewas still more in my head, than in my heart; and as cowardsrush into danger they fear, in order to be the sooner rid of thepain of that sensation, I was entirely pleased with his hasteningmatters into execution.

He had then little to do, but to unloose the strings of mypetticoats, and lift them, together with my shift, navel-high,where he just tucked them up loosely, and might be slipt uphigher at pleasure. Then viewing me round with great seemingdelight, he laid me at length on my face upon the bench, andwhen I expected he would tie me, as I had done him, and heldout my hands, not without fear and a little trembling, he toldme, "he would by no means terrify me unnecessarily with such aconfinement; for that though he meant to put my constancy to atrial, the standing it was to be completely voluntary on my side,and therefore I might be at full liberty to get up whenever Ifound the pain too much for me." You cannot imagine how muchI thought myself bound, by being thus allowed to remain loose,and how much spirit this confidence in me gave me, so that Iwas even from my heart careless how much my flesh mightsuffer in honour of it.

All my back parts, naked half way up, were now fully at hismercy: and first, he stood at a convenient distance, delightinghimself with a gloating survey of the attitude I lay in, and of allthe secret stores I thus exposed to him in fair display. Then,springing eagerly towards me, he covered all those naked partswith a fond profusion of kisses; and now, taking hold of the rod,rather wantoned with me, in gentle inflictions on those tendertrembling masses of my flesh behind, than in any way hurtthem, till by degrees, he began to tingle them with smarterlashes, so as to provoke a red colour into them, which I knew, aswell by the flagrant glow I felt there, as by his telling me, theynow emulated the native roses of my other cheeks. When he hadthus amused himself with admiring, and toying with them, hewent on to strike harder, and more hard, so that I needed all mypatience not to cry out, or complain at least. At last, he twiggedme so smartly as to fetch blood in more than one lash: at sightof which he flung down the rod, flew to me, kissed away thestarting drops, and sucking the wounds eased a good deal of mypain. But now raising me on my knees, and making me kneelwith them straddling wide, that tender part of me, naturally theprovince of pleasure, not of pain, came in for its share ofsuffering: for now, eyeing it wistfully, he directed the rod so thatthe sharp ends of the twigs lighted there, so sensibly, that Icould not help wincing, and writhing my limbs with smart; sothat my contortions of body must necessarily throw it intoinfinite variety of postures and points of view, fit to feast theluxury of the eye. But still I bore every thing without crying out:when presently giving me another pause, he rushed, as it were,on that part whose lips, and round about, had felt this cruelty,and by way of reparation, glued his own to them; then heopened, shut, squeezed them, plucked softly the overgrowingmoss, and all this in a style of wild passionate rapture andenthusiasm, that expressed excess of pleasure; till betakinghimself to the rod again, encouraged by my passiveness, andinfuriated with this strange taste of delight, he made my poorposteriors pay for the ungovernableness of it; for now showingthem no quarter, the traitor cut me so, that I wanted but little offainting away, when he gave over. And yet I did not utter onegroan, or angry expostulation; but in my heart I resolved nothingso seriously, as never to expose myself again to the likeseverities.

You may guess then in what a curious pickle those soft flesh-cushions of mine were, all so red, raw, and in fine, terriblyclawed off; but so far from feeling any pleasure in it, that therecent smart made me pout a little, and not with the greatest airof satisfaction receive the compliments, and after-caresses of theauthor of my pain.

As soon as my clothes were huddled on in a little decency, asupper was brought in by the discreet Mrs. Cole herself, whichmight have piqued the sensuality of a cardinal, accompaniedwith a choice of the richest wines: all which she set before us,and went out again, without having, by a word or even by asmile, given us the least interruption or confusion, in thosemoments of secrecy, that we were not yet ripe to the admissionof a third too.

I sat down then, still scarce in charity with my butcher, forsuch I could not help considering him, and was moreover not alittle piqued at the gay, satisfied air of his countenance, which Ithought myself insulted by. But when the now necessaryrefreshment to me of a glass of wine, and a little eating (all thetime observing a profound silence) had somewhat cheered andrestored me to spirits, and as the smart began to go off, my goodhumour returned accordingly: which alteration not escaping him,he said and did every thing that could confirm me in, and indeedexalt it.

But scarce was supper well over, before a change so incrediblewas wrought in me, such violent, yet pleasingly irksomesensations took possession of me that I scarce knew how tocontain myself; the smart of the lashes was now converted intosuch a prickly heat, such fiery tinglings, as made me sigh,squeeze my thighs together, shift and wriggle about my seat,with a furious restlessness; whilst these itching ardours, thusexcited in those parts on which the storm of discipline hadprincipally fallen, detached legions of burning, subtile,stimulating spirits, to their opposite spot and centre ofassemblage, where their titillation raged so furiously, that I waseven stinging made with them. No wonder then that in such ataking, and devoured by flames that licked up all modesty andreserve, my eyes, now charged brimful of the most intensedesire, fired on my companion very intelligible signal of distress:my companion, I say, who grew in them every instant moreamiable, and more necessary to my urgent wishes and hopes ofimmediate ease.

Mr. Barville, no stranger, by experience, to these situations,soon knew the pass I was brought to soon perceived my extremedisorder; in favour of which, removing the table out of the way,he began a prelude that flattered me with instant relief, to whichI was not, however, so near as I imagined: for as he wasunbuttoned to me, and tried to provoke and rouse to action hisunactive torpid machine, he blushingly owned that no good wasto be expected from it, unless I took it in hand to re-excite itslanguid loitering powers, by just refreshing the smart of the yetrecent blood-raw cuts, seeing it could, no more than a boy's top,keep up without lashing. Sensible then that I should work asmuch for my own profit as his, I hurried my compliance with hisdesire, and abridging the ceremonial, whilst he leaned his headagainst the back of a chair, I had scarce gently made him feel thelash, before I saw the object of my wishes give signs of life, andpresently, as it were with a magic touch, is started up into anoble size and distinction indeed. Hastening then to give me thebenefit of it, he threw me down on the bench; but such was therefreshed soreness of those parts behind, on my leaning so hardon them, as became me to compass the admission of thatstupendous head of his machine, that I could not possibly bearit. I got up then, and tried, by leaning forwards, and turning thecrupper on my assailant, to let him at the back avenue: but hereit was likewise impossible to stand his bearing so fiercely againstme, in his agitations and endeavours to enter that way, whilsthis belly battered directly against the recent sore. What shouldwe do now? both intolerably heated: both in a fury; but pleasureis ever inventive for its own ends: he strips me in a trice starknaked, and placing a broad settee-cushion on the carpet beforethe fire, oversets me gently, topsy turvy, on it; and handling meonly at the waist, whilst you may be sure I favoured all mydispositions, brought my legs round his neck; so that my headwas kept from the floor only by my hands and the velvetcushion, which was now bespread with my flowing hair: thus Istood on my head and hands, supported by him in such manner,that whilst my thighs clung round him, so as to expose to hissight all my back figure, including the theatre of his bloodypleasure, the centre of my fore pair fairly bearded the ob-jest ofits rage, that now stood in fine condition to give me satisfactionfor the injuries of its neighbours. But as this posture wascertainly not the easiest, and our imaginations, wound up to theheight, could suffer no delay, he first, with the utmost eagernessand effort, just lip-lodged that broad acorn-fashioned head of hisinstrument; and still befriended by the fury with which he hadmade that impression, he soon stuffed in the rest; when now,with a pursuit of thrusts, fiercely urged, he absolutelyoverpowered and absorbed all sense of pain and uneasiness,whether from my wounds behind, my most untoward posture, orthe oversize of his stretcher, in an infinitely predominantdelight; when now all my whole spirits of life and sensationrushing, impetuously to the cock-pit, where the prize of pleasurewas hotly in dispute and clustering to a point there, I soonreceived the dear relief of nature from these over-violent strainsand provocations of it; harmonizing with which, my gallantspouted into me such a potent overflow of the balsamicinjection, as softened and unedged all those irritating stings of anew species of titillation, which I had been so intolerablymaddened with, and restored the ferment of my senses to somedegree of composure.

I had now achieved this rare adventure ultimately much moreto my satisfaction than I had bespoken the nature of it to turnout; nor was it much lessened, you may think, by spark's lavishpraises of my constancy and complaisance, which he gave weightto by a present that greatly surpassed my utmost expectation,besides his gratification to Mrs. Cole.

I was not, however, at any time re-enticed to renew with him,or resort again to the violent expedient of lashing nature intomore haste than good speed: which, by the way, I conceive actssomewhat in the manner of a dose of Spanish flies; with morepain perhaps, but less danger; and might be necessary to him,but was nothing less so than to me, whose appetite wanted thebridle more than the spur.

Mrs. Cole, to whom this adventurous exploit had more andmore endeared me, looked on me now as a girl after her ownheart, afraid of nothing, and, on a good account, hardly enoughto fight all the weapons of pleasure through. Attentive then, inconsequence of these favourable conceptions, to promote eithermy profit or pleasure, she had special regard for the first, in anew gallant of a very singular turn, that she procured for andintroduced to me.

This was a grave staid, solemn, elderly gentleman, whosepeculiar humour was a delight in combing fine tresses of hair;and as I was perfectly headed to his taste, he used to comeconstantly at my toilet hours, when I let down my hair as looseas nature, and abandoned it to him to do what he pleased withit; and accordingly he would keep me an hour or more in playwith it, drawing the comb through it, winding the curls roundhis fingers, even kissing it as he smoothed it; and all this led tono other use of my person, or any other liberties whatever, anymore than if a distinction of sexes had not existed.

Another peculiarity of taste he had, which was to present mewith a dozen pairs of the whitest kid gloves at a time: these hewould divert himself with drawing on me, and then biting offtheir finger ends; all which fooleries of a silly appetite, the oldgentleman paid more liberally for, than most others did for moreessential favours. This lasted till a violent cough, seizing andlaying him up, delivered me from this most innocent and insipidtrifler, for I never heard more of him after his first retreat.You may be sure a by-jod of this sort interfered with no otherpursuit, or plan of life; which I led, in truth, with a modesty andreserve that was less the work of virtue than of exhaustednovelty, a glut of pleasure, and easy circumstances, that mademe indifferent to any engagements in which pleasure and profitwere not eminently united; and such I could, with the lessimpatience, wait for at the hands of time and fortune, as I wassatisfied I could never mend my pennyworths, having evidentlybeen served at the top of the market, and even been pamperedwith dainties: besides that, in the sacrifice of a few momentaryimpulses, I found a secret satisfaction in respecting myself, aswell as preserving the life and freshness of my complexion.Louisa and Emily did not carry indeed their reserve so high as Idid; but still they were far from cheap or abandoned, thoughtwo of their adventures seemed to contradict this generalcharacter, which, for their singularity, I shall give you in course,beginning first with Emily's:

Louisa and she went one night to a ball, the first in the habitof a shepherdess, Emily in that of a shepherd: I saw them intheir dresses before they went, and nothing in nature couldrepresent a prettier boy than this last did, being so fair and welllimbed. They had kept together for some time, when Louisa,meeting an old acquaintance of hers, very cordially gives hercompanion the slip, and leaves her under the protection of herboy's habit, which was not much, and of her discretion, whichwas, it seems, still less. Emily, finding herself deserted,sauntered thoughtless about a while, and, as much for coolnessand air as any thing else, at length pulled off her mask and wentto the sideboard; where, eyed and marked out by a gentleman ina very handsome domino, she was accosted by, and fell into chatwith him. The domino, after a little discourse, in which Emilydoubtless distinguished her good nature and easiness more thanher wit, began to make violent love to her, and drawing herinsensibly to some benches at the lower end of the masqueraderoom, got her to sit by him, where he squeezed her hands,pinched her cheeks, praised and played with her fine hair,admired her complexion, and all in a style of courtship dashedwith a certain oddity, that not comprehending the mystery of,poor Emily attributed to his falling in with the humour of herdisguise; and being naturally not the cruellest of her profession,began to incline to a parley on those essentials. But here was thestress of the joke: he took her really for what she appeared tobe, a smock-faced boy; and she, forgetting her dress, and ofcourse ranging quite wide of his ideas, took all those address tobe paid to herself as a woman, which she precisely owed to hisnot thinking her one. However, this double error was pushed tosuch a height on both sides, that Emily, who saw nothing in himbut a gentleman of distinction by those points of dress to whichhis disguise did not extend, warmed too by the wine he hadplyed her with, and the caresses he had lavished upon her,suffered herself to be persuaded to go to a bagnio with him; andthus, losing sight of Mrs. Cole's cautions, with a blindconfidence, put herself into his hands, to be carried wherever hepleased. For his part, equally blinded by his wishes, whilst heregregious simplicity favoured his deception more than the mostexquisite art could have done, he supposed, no doubt, that hehad lighted on some soft simpleton, fit for his; purpose, or somekept minion broken to his hand, who understood him perfectlywell, and entered into his designs. But, be that as it would, heled her to a coach, went into it with her, and brought her to avery handsome apartment, with a bed in it; but whether it was abagnio or not, she could not tell, having spoken to nobody buthimself. But when they were alone together, and her inamoratobegan to proceed to those extremities which instantly discoverthe sex, she remarked, that no description could paint up to thelife, the mixture of pique, confusion and disappointment, thatappeared in his countenance, joined to the mournfulexclamation: "By heavens, a woman!" This at once opened hereyes, which had been shut in downright stupidity. However, asif he had meant to retrieve that escape, he still continued to toywith and fondle her, but with so staring an alteration fromextreme warmth into a chill and forced civility, that even Emilyherself could not but take notice of it, and now began to wishshe had paid more regard to Mrs. Cole's premonitions againstever engaging with a stranger. And now an excess of timiditysucceeded to an excess of confidence, and she thought herself somuch at his mercy and discretion, that she stood passivethroughout the whole progress of his prelude: for now, whetherthe impressions of so great a beauty had even made him forgiveher sex, or whether her appearance or figure in that dress stillhumoured his first illusion, he recovered by degrees a good partof his first warmth, and keeping Emily with her breeches stillunbuttoned, stript them down to her knees, and gently impellingher to lean down, with her face against the bed-side, placed herso, that the double way, between the double rising behind,presented the choice fair to him, and he was so fairly set on amis-direction, as to give the girl no small alarms for fear oflosing a maidenhead she had not dreamt of. However, hercomplaints, and a resistance, gentle, but firm, checked andbrought him to himself again; so that turning his steed's head, hedrove him at length in the right road, in which his imaginationhaving probably made the most of those resemblances thatflattered his taste, he got, with much ado, to his journey's end:after which, he led her out himself, and walking with her two orthree streets length, got her a chair, when making her a presentnot any thing inferior to what she could have expected, he lefther, well recommended to the chairmen, who, on her directions,brought her home.

This she related to Mrs. Cole and me the same morning, notwithout the visible remains of the fear and confusion she hadbeen in, still stamped on her countenance. Mrs. Cole's remarkwas, that her indiscretion proceeding from a constitutionalfacility, there were little hopes of any thing curing her of it, butrepeated severe experience. Mine was, that I could not conceivehow it was possible for mankind to run into a taste, not onlyuniversally odious, but absurd, and impossible to gratify; since,according to the notions and experience I had of things, it wasnot in nature to force such immense disproportions. Mrs. Coleonly smiled at my ignorance, and said nothing towards myundeception, which was not affected but by oculardemonstration, some months after, which a most singularaccident furnished me, and which I will here set down, that Imay not return again to so disagreeable a subject.

I had, on a visit intended to Harriet, who had taken lodgingsat Hampton-court, hired a chariot to go out thither, Mrs. Colehaving, promised to accompany me; but some indispensablebusiness intervening, to detain her, I was obliged to set outalone; and scarce had I got a third of my way, before the axle-tree broke down, and I was well off to get out, safe and unhurt,into a public-house, of a tolerable handsome appearance, on theroad. Here the people told me that the stage would come by in acouple of hours at farthest, upon; which, determining to wait forit, sooner than lose the jaunt I had got so far forward on, I wascarried into a very clean decent room, up one pair of stairs,which I took possession of for the time I had to stay, in right ofcalling for sufficient to do the house justice.

Here, whilst I was amusing myself with looking out of thewindow, a single horse-chaise stopt at the door, out of whichlightly leaped two young' gentlemen, for so they seemed, whocame in only as it were to bait and refresh a little, for they gavetheir horse to be held! in readiness against they came out. Andpresently I heard the door of the next room, where they were letin, and called about them briskly; and as soon as they wereserved, I could just hear that they shut and fastened the door onthe inside.

A spirit of curiosity, far from sudden, since I do not knowwhen I was without it, prompted me, without any particularsuspicion, or other drift or view, to see what they were, andexamine their persons and behaviour. The partition of our roomswas one of those moveable ones that, when taken down, servedoccasionally to lay them into one, for the conveniency of aslarger company; and now, my nicest search could not shew methe shadow of a peep-hole, a circumstance which probably hadnot escaped the review of the parties on the other side, whommuch it stood upon not to be deceived in it; but at length Iobserved a paper patch of the same colour as the wainscot,which I took to conceal some flaw; but then it was so high, thatI was obliged to stand upon a chair to reach it, which I did assoft as possible, and, with a point of a bodkin, soon pierced it,and opened myself espial room sufficient. And now, applying myeye close, I commanded the room perfectly, and could see mytwo young sparks romping and pulling one another about,entirely, to my imagination, in frolic and innocent play.

The eldes might be, on my nearest guess, towards nineteen, atall comely young man, in a white fustian frock, with a greenvelvet cape, and cut bob-wig.

The youngest could not be above seventeen, fair, ruddy,completely well made, and to say the truth, a sweet prettystripling: he was too, I fancy, a country lad, by his dress, whichwas a green plush frock, and breeches of the same, whitewaistcoat and stockings, a jockey cap, with his fellowish hair,long and loose, in natural curls.

But after a look of circumspection, which I saw the eldest castevery way round the room, probably in too much hurry and heatnot to overlook the very small opening I was posted at,especially at the height it was, whilst my eye close to it kept thelight from shining through and betraying it, he said something tohis companion that presently changed the face of things.For now the elder began to embrace, to press and kiss theyounger, to put his hands into his bosom, and give him suchmanifest signs of an amorous intention, as made me concludethe other to be a girl in disguise: a mistake that nature kept mein countenance for, for she had certainly made one, when shegave him the made stamp.

In the rashness then of their age, and bent as they were toaccomplish their project of preposterous pleasure, at the risk ofthe very worst of consequences, where a discovery was nothingless than improbable, they now proceeded to such lengths assoon satisfied me what they were.

For presently the eldest unbuttoned the other's breeches, andremoving the linen barrier, brought out to view a white shaft,middle sized, and scarce fledged, when after handling andplaying with it a little, with other dalliance, all received by theboy without other opposition than certain wayward coyness, tentimes-more alluring than repulsive, he got him so turned round,with his face from him, to a chair that stood hard by; whenknowing, I suppose, his office, the Ganymede now obsequiouslyleaned his head against the back of it, and projecting his body,made a fair mark, still covered with his shirt. As he thus stoodin a side view to me, but fronting his companion, who, presentlyunmasking his battery, produced an engine that certainlydeserved to be put to a better use, and very fit to confirm me inmy disbelief of the possibility of things; being pushed to odiousextremities, which I had built on the disproportion of parts; butthis disbelief I was now cured of, as by my consent all youngmen should likewise be, that their innocence may not bebetrayed into such snares, for want of knowing the extent oftheir danger: for nothing is more certain than that ignorance ofadvice is by no means a guard against it.

Slipping, then, aside the young lad's shirt, and tucking it upunder his clothes behind, he shewed to the open air thoseglobular fleshy eminences that compose the Mount Peasants ofRome, and which now, with all the narrow vale that intersectsthem, stood displayed and exposed to his attack; nor could Iwithout a shudder behold the dispositions he made for it. First,then, moistening well with spittle his instrument, obviously tomake it glib, he pointed, he introduced it, as I could plainlydiscern, not only from its direction and my losing sight of it, butby the writhing, twisting and soft murmured complaints of theyoung sufferer; but at length, the first straits of entrance beingpretty well go through, every thing seemed to move and gopretty currently on, as on a carpet road, without much rub orresistance; and now, passing one hand round his minions' hips,he got hold of his red-topped ivory toy, that stood perfectly stiff,and shewed, that if he was like his mother behind, he was likehis father before; this he diverted himself with, whilst, with theother he wantoned with his hair, and leaning forward over hisback, drew his face, from which the boy shook the loose curlsthat fell over it, in the posture he stood him in, and brought himtowards his, so as to receive a long breathed kiss; after which,renewing his driving, and thus continuing to harass his rear, theheight of the fist came on with its usual symptoms, anddismissed the action.

The criminal scene they acted, I had the patience to see to anend, purely that I might gather more facts and certainty againstthem in my design to do their deserts instant justice; andaccordingly, when they had re-adjusted themselves; and werepreparing to go out, burning as I was with rage and indignation,I jumped down from the chair, in order to raise the house uponthem, but with such an unlucky impetuosity, that some nail orruggedness in the floor caught my foot, and flung me on my facewith such violence, that I fell senseless on the ground, and laythere some time before any one came to my relief: so that they,alarmed, I suppose, by the noise of my fall, had more than thenecessary time to make a safe retreat. This they effected, as Ilearnt, with a precipitation nobody could account for, until,when come to myself, and composed enough to speak, Iacquainted those of the house with the whole transaction I hadbeen evidence to.

When I came home again, and told Mrs. Cole this adventure,she very sensibly observed to me, that "there was no doubt ofthe due vengeance one time or other overtaking thesemiscreants, however they might escape for the present; and that,had I been the temporal instrument of it, I should have been putto a great deal more trouble and confusion than I imagined; that,as to the thing itself, the less said of it was the better; but thatthough she might be suspected of partiality, from its being thecommon cause of womankind, out of whose mouths this practicetended to take something more than bread, yet she protestedagainst any mixture of passion, with a declaration extorted fromher by pure regard to truth; which was, that whatever effect thisinfamous passion had in other ages and other countries, itseemed a peculiar blessing on our air and climate, that there wasa plaguespot visibly imprinted on all that are tainted with it, inthis nation at least, for that among numbers of that stamp whomshe had known, or at least were universally under thescandalous suspicion of it, she would not name an exceptionhardly to one of them, whose character was not, in all otherrespects, the most worthless and despicable that could be; striptof all the manly virtues of their own sex, and filled up with onlythe worst vices and follies of ours; that, in fine, they were scarceless execrable than ridiculous in their monstrous inconsistence,of loathing and contemning women, and at the same time apeingall their manners, airs, lisps, scuttle, and, in general, all theirlittle modes of affectation, which become them at least better,than they do these unsexed, male misses."

But here, washing my hands of them, I re-plunge into thestream of my history, which I may very properly ingraft aterrible sally of Louisa's, since I had some share in it myself, andhave besides engaged myself to relate it, in point of countenanceto poor Emily. It will add, too, one more example to thousands,in confirmation of the maxim, that women get once out ofcompass, there are no lengths of licentiousness, that they are notcapable of running.

One morning then, that both Mrs. Cole and Emily were goneout for the day, and only Louisa and I (not to mention thehouse-maid) were left in charge of the house, whilst we wereloitering away the time, in looking through the shop windows,the son of a poor woman, who earned very hard bread indeed bymending of stockings, in a stall in the neighbourhood, offered ussome nosegays, ranged round a small basket; by selling of whichthe poor boy eked out his mother's maintenance of them both:nor was he fit for any other way of livelihood, since he was notonly a perfect changeling, or idiot, but stammered so that therewas no understanding even those sounds his half-dozen animalsideas, at most, prompted him to utter.

The boys and servants in the neighbourhood had given himthe nick-name of good-natured Dick, from the soft simpleton'sdoing every thing he was bid at the first word, and from hisnaturally having no turn to mischief; then, by the way, he wasperfectly well made, stout, clean-limbed, tall of his age, asstrong as a horse, and, withal, pretty featured; so that he wasnot, absolutely, such a figure to be snuffled at neither, if yournicety could, in favour of such essentials, have dispensed with aface unwashed, hair tangled for want of combing, and so raggeda pliht, that he might have disputed points of shew with anyheathen philosopher of them all.

This boy we had often seen, and bought his flowers, out ofpure compassion, and nothing more; but just at this time as hestood presenting us his basket, a sudden whim, a start ofwayward fancy, seized Louisa; and, without consulting me, shecalls him in, and beginning to examine his nosegays, culls outtwo, one for herself, another for me, and pulling out half acrown, very currently gives it him to change, as if she had reallyexpected he could have changed it: but the boy, scratching hishead, made his signs explain his inability in place of words,which he could not, with all his struggles, articulate.

Louisa, at this, says: "Well, my lad, come up stairs with me,and I will give you your due," winking at the same time to me,and beckoning me to accompany her, which I did, securing firstthe street-door, that by this means, together with the shop,became wholly the care of the faithful house-maid.

As we went up, Louisa whispered me "that she had conceiveda strange longing to be satisfied, whether the general rule heldgood with regard to this changeling, and how far nature hadmade him amends, in her best bodily gifts, for her denial of thesublimer intellectual ones; begin, at the same time, myassistance in procuring her this satisfaction." A want ofcomplaisance was never my vice, and I was so far from opposingthis extravagant frolic, that now, bit with the same maggot, andmy curiosity conspiring with hers, I entered plump into it, on myown account.

Consequently, soon as we came into Louisa's bed-chamber,whilst she was amusing him with picking out his nosegays, Iundertook the lead, and began the attack. As it was not thenvery material to keep much measures with a mere natural, Imade presently free with him, though at my first motion ofmeddling, his surprise and confusion made him receive myadvances but awkwardly: nay, insomuch that he bashfully shied,and shied back a little; till encouraging him with my eyes,plucking him playfully by the hair, sleeking his cheeks, andforwarding my point by a number of little wantonnesses, I soonturned him familiar, and gave nature her sweetest alarm: so thataroused, and beginning to feel himself, we could, amidst all theinnocent laugh and grin I had provoked him into, perceive thefire lighting in his eyes, and, diffusing over his cheeks, blend itsglow with that of his blushes. The emotion in short of animalpleasure glared distinctly in the simpleton's countenance; yetstruck with the novelty of the scene, he did not know which wayto look or move; but tame, passive, simpering, with his mouthhalf open, in stupid rapture, stood and tractably suffered me todo what I pleased with him. His basket was dropt out of hishands, which Louisa took care of.

I had now, through more than one rent, discovered and felthis thighs, the skin of which seemed the smoother and fairer forthe coarseness, and even the dirt of his dress, as the teeth ofnegroes seem the whiter for the surrounded black; and poorindeed of habit, poor of understanding, he was, however,abundantly rich in personal treasures, such as flesh, firm,plump, and replete with the juices of youth, and robust well-knitlimbs. My fingers too had now got within reach of the true, thegenuine sensitive plant, which, instead of shrinking from thetouch, joys to meet it, and swells and vegetates under it: minepleasingly informed me that matters were so ripe for thediscovery we meditated, that they were too mighty for theconfinement they were ready to break. A waistband that Iunskewered, and a rag of a shirt that I removed, and whichcould not have covered a quarter of it, revealed the whole of theidiot's standard of distinction, erect, in full pride and display:but such a one! it was positively of so tremendous a size, thatprepared as we were to see something extraordinary, it still, outof measure, surpassed our expectation, and astonished even me,who had not been used to trade in trifles. In fine, it might haveanswered very well the making a skew of; its enormous headseemed, in hue and size, not unlike a common sheep's heart;then you might have trolled dice securely along the broad backof the body of it; the length of it too was prodigious; then therich appendage of the treasure-bag beneath, large in proportion,gathered and crisped up round in shallow furrows, helped to fillthe eye, and complete the proof of his being a natural, not quitein vain; since it was full manifest that he inherited, and largelytoo, the prerogative of majesty which distinguishes thatotherwise most unfortunate condition, and gave rise to thevulgar saying "That a fool's bauble is a lady's playfellow." Notwholly without reason: for, generally speaking, it is in love as itis in war, where the longest weapon carries it. Nature, in short,had done so much for him in those parts, that she perhaps heldherself acquitted in doing so little for his head.

For my part, who had sincerely no intention to push the jokefurther than simply satisfying my curiosity with the sight of italone, I was content, in spite of the temptation that stared me inthe face, with having raised a May-pole for another to hang agarland on: for, by this time, easily reading Louisa's desires inher wishful eyes, I acted the commodious part, and made her,who sought no better sport, significant terms of encouragementto go through stitch with her adventure; intimating too that Iwould stay and see fair play: in which, indeed, I had in view tohumour a new born curiosity, to observe what appearancesactive nature would put on in a natural, in the course of this herdarling operation.

Louisa, whose appetite was up, and who, like the industriousbee, was, it seems, not above gathering the sweet of so rare aflower, though she found it planted on a dunghill, was but tooreadily disposed to take the benefit of my cession. Urged thenstrongly by her own desires, and emboldened by me, shepresently determined to risk a trial of parts with the idiot, whowas by this time nobly inflamed for her purpose, by all theirritation we had used to put the principles of pleasureeffectually into motion, and to wind up the springs of its organto their supreme pitch; and it stood accordingly stiff andstraining, ready to burst with the blood and spirits that swelledit... to a bulk! No! I shall never forget it.

Louisa then, taking and holding the fine handle that soinvitingly offered itself, led the ductile youth, by that mastertoolof his, as she stept backward towards the bed; which he joyfullygave way to, under the incitations of instinct, and palpablydelivered up to the goad of desire.

Stopped then by the bed, she took the fall she loved, andleaned to the most, gently backward upon it, still holding fastwhat she held, and taking care to give her clothes a convenienttoss up, so that her thighs duly disclosed, and elevated, laidopen all the outward prospect of the treasury of love: the rose-lipt overture presenting the cockpit so fair, that it was not innature even for a natural to miss it. Nor did he: for Louisa, fullybent on grappling with it, and impatient of dalliance or delay,directed faithfully the point of the battering-piece, and boundedup with a rage of so varocious appetite, to meet and favour thethrust of insertion, that the fierce activity on both sides effectedit with such pain of distention, that Louisa cried out violently,that she was hurt beyond bearing, that she was killed. But it wastoo late: the storm was up, and force was on her to give way toit; for now the man-machine, strongly worked upon by thesensual passion, felt so manfully his advantages and superiority,felt withal the sting of pleasure so intolerable, that maddeningwith it, his joys began to assume a character of furiousness,which made me tremble for the too tender Louisa. He seemed, atthis juncture, greater than himself; his countenance, before sovoid of meaning, or expression, now grew big with theimportance of the act he was upon. In short, it was not now thathe was to be played the fool with. But, what is pleasant enough,I myself was awed into a sort of respect for him, by the comelyterrors his motions dressed him in: his eyes shooting sparks offire; his face glowing with ardours that gave another life to it;his teeth churning; his whole frame agitated with a ragingungovernable impetuosity: all sensibly betraying the formidablefierceness with which the genial instinct acted upon him. Buttingthen and goring all before him, and mad and wild like an ower-driven steer, he ploughs up the tender furrow all insensible toLouisa's complaints; nothing can stop, nothing can keep out afury like his: with which, having once got its head in, its blindrage soon made way for the rest, piercing, rending, and breakingopen all obstruction. The torn, split, wounded girl cries,struggles, invokes me to her rescue, and endeavours to get fromunder the young savage, or shake him off, but alas! in vain: herbreath, might as soon have strength to have quelled his roughassault, or put him out of his course. And indeed, all her effortsand struggles were managed with such disorder, that they servedrather to entangle, and fold her the faster in the twine of hisboisterous arms; so that she was tied to the stake, and obliged tofight the match out, if she died for it. For his part, instinct-ridden as he was, the expressions of his animal passion,partaking something of ferocity, were rather worrying thankisses, intermixed with ravenous love-bites on her cheeks andnecks, the prints of which did not wear out for some days after.Poor Louisa, however, bore up at length better than couldhave been expected: and though she suffered, and greatly too,yet, ever true to the good old cause, she suffered with pleasureand enjoyed her pain. And soon now, by dint of an enragedenforcement, the brute-machine, driven like a whirlwind, madeall smoke again, and wedging its way up, to the utmostextremity, left her, in point of penetration, nothing to fear or todesire: and now,

"Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth,"

(Shakespeare.)

Louisa lay, pleased to the heart, pleased to her utmostcapacity of being so, with every fibre in those parts, stretchedalmost to breaking, on a rack of joy, whilst the instrument of allthis over-fullness searched her senses with its sweet excess, tillthe pleasure gained upon her so, its point stung her so home,that catching at length the rage from her furious driver andsharing the riot of his wild rapture, she went wholly out of hermind into that favourite part of her body, the whole intensenessof which was so fervously filled, and employed: there alone sheexisted, all lost in those delirious transports, those extasies ofthe senses, which her winking eyes, the brightened vermilion ofher lips and cheeks, and sighs of pleasure deeply fetched, sopathetically expressed. In short, she was now as mere a machineas much wrought on, and had her motions as little at her owncommand, as the natural himself, who, thus broke in upon her,made her feel with a vengeance his tempestuous mettle hebattered with; their active loins quivered again with the violenceof their conflict, till the surge of pleasure, foaming and raging toa height, drew down the pearly shower that was, to allay thishurricane. The purely sensitive idiot then first shed those tearsof joy that attend its last moments, not without an agony ofdelight, and even almost a roar of rapture, as the gush escapedhim; so sensibly too for Louisa, that she kept him faithfulcompany, going off, in consent, with the old symptoms: adelicious delirium, a tremendous convulsive shudder, and thecritical dying: Oh! And now, on his getting off she lay pleasure-drenched, and regorging its essential sweets; but quite spent,and gasping for breath, without other sensation of life than inthose exquisite vibrations that trembled still on the strings ofdelight; which had been too intensively touched, and whichnature had so ravishingly stirred with, for the senses to bequickly at peace from.

As for the changeling, whose curious engine had been thussuccessfully played off, his shift of countenance and gesture hadeven something droll, or rather tragi-comic in it: there was nowan air of sad repining foolishness, superadded to his natural oneof no meaning and idiotism, as he stood with his label ofmanhood, now lank, unstiffened, becalmed, and flapping againsthis thighs, down which it reached half way, terrible even in itsfall, whilst under the dejection of spirit and flesh, whichnaturally followed his eyes, by turns, cast down towards hisstruck standard, or piteously lifted to Louisa, seemed to requireat her hands what he had so sensibly parted from to her, andnow ruefully missed. But the vigour of nature, soon returning,dissipated the blast of faintness which the common law ofenjoyment had subjected him to; and now his basket re-becamehis main concern, which I looked for, and brought him, whilstLouisa restored his dress to its usual condition, and afterwardspleased him perhaps more by taking all his flowers off hishands, and paying him, at his rate, for them, than if she hadembarrassed him by a present, that he would have been puzzledto account for, and might have put others on tracing the motivesof.

Whether she ever returned to the attack I know not, and, tosay truth, I believe not. She had had her freak out, and hadpretty plentifully drowned her curiosity in a glut of pleasure,which, as it happened, had no other consequence than that thelad, who retained only a confused memory of the transaction,would, when he saw her, forget her in favour of the nextwoman, tempted, on the report of his parts, to take him in.Louisa herself did not long outstay this adventure at Mrs. Cole's(to whom, by the bye, we took care not to boast of our exploit,till all fear of consequences were clearly over): for an occasionpresenting itself of proving her passion for a young fellow, at theexpense of her discretion, proceeding all in character, shepacked up her toilet, at half a day's warning, and went with himabroad, since which I entirely lost sight of her, and it never fellin my way to hear what became of her.

But a few days after she had left us, two very occasion, not towrong our training at Mrs. Cole's, especially favourites, and freeof her academy, easily obtained her consent for Emily's and myacceptance of a party of pleasure, at a little but agreeable house,belonging to one of them situated not far up the river Thames,on the Surrey side.

Every thing being settled, and it being a fine summer day, butrather of the warmest, we set out after dinner, and got to ourrendezvous about four in the afternoon; where, landing at thefoot of a neat, joyous pavilion, Emily and I were handed into itby our esquires, and there drank tea with a cheerfulness andgaiety, that the beauty of the prospect, the serenity of theweather, and the tender politeness of our sprightly gallants,naturally led us into.

After tea, and taking a turn in the garden, my particular, whowas the master of the house, and had in no sense schemed thisparty of pleasure for a dry one, proposed to us, with thatfrankness which his familiarity at Mrs. Cole's entitled him to, asthe weather was excessively hot, to bathe together, under acommodious shelter that he had prepared expressly for thatpurpose, in a creek of the river, with which a side-door of thepavilion immediately communicated, and where we might besure of having our diversion out, safe from interruption, andwith the utmost privacy.

Emily, who never refused anything, and I, who ever delightedin bathing, and had no exception to the person who proposed it,or to those pleasure it was easy to guess it implied, took care, onthis occasion, not to wrong our training at Mrs. Cole's, andagreed to it with as good a grace as we could. Upon which,without loss of time, we returned instantly to the pavilion, onedoor of which opened into a tent, pitched before it, that with itsmarquise, formed a pleasing defense again the sun, or theweather, and was besides as private as we could wish. The liningof it, embossed cloth, represented a wild forest foliage, from thetop, down to the sides, which, in the same stuff, were figuredwith fluted pilasters, with their spaces between filled withflower vases, the whole having a pay effect croon the eye,wherever you turned it.

Then it reached sufficiently into the water, yet containedconvenient benches round it, on the dry ground, either to keepour clothes, or..., or..., in short for more uses than resting upon.There was a side-table too, loaded with sweetmeats, jellies, andother eatables, and bottles of wine and cordials, by way ofoccasional relief from any rawness, or chill of the water, or fromany faintness from whatever cause; and in fact, my gallant, whounderstood chere entiere perfectly, and who, for taste (even ifyou would not approve this specimen of it) might have beencomptroller of pleasures to a Roman emperor, had left norequisite towards convenience or luxury unprovided.

As soon as we had looked round this inviting spot, and everypreliminary of privacy was duly settled, strip was the word:when the young gentlemen soon dispatched the undressing eachhis partner and reduced us to the naked confession of all thosesecrets of person which dress generally hides, and which thediscovery of was, naturally speaking, not to our disadvantage.Our hands, indeed, mechanically carried towards the mostinteresting part of us, screened, at first, all from the tufted cliffdownwards, till we took them away at their desire, andemployed them in doing them the same office, of helping offwith their clothes; in the process of which, there passed all thelittle wantonnesses and frolics that you may easily imagine.As for my spark, he was presently undressed, all to his shirt,the fore-lappet of which as he leaned languishingly on me, hesmilingly pointed to me to observe, as it bellied out, or rose andfell, according to the unruly starts of the motion behind it; but itwas soon fixed, for now taking off his shirt, and naked as aCupid, he shewed it me at so upright a stand, as prepared meindeed for his application to me for instant ease; but, though thesight of its fine size was fit enough to fire me, the cooling air, asI stood in this state of nature, joined to the desire I had ofbathing-first, enabled me to put him off, and tranquillize him,with the remark, that a little suspense would only set a keeneredge on the pleasure. Leading them the way, and shewing ourfriends an example of continency, which they were giving signsof losing respect to, we went hand in hand into the stream, till ittook us up to our necks, where the no more than gratefulcoolness of the wafer gave my senses a delicious refreshmentfrom the sultriness of the season, and made more alive, morehappy in myself, and, in course, more alert, and open tovoluptuous impressions.

Here I laved and wantoned with the water, or sportivelyplayed with my companion, leaving Emily to deal with hers atdiscretion. Mine, at length, not content with making me take theplunge over head and ears, kept splashing me, and provoking mewith all the little playful tricks he could devise, and which Istrove not to remain in his debt for. We gave, in short, a loose tomirth; and now, nothing would serve him but giving his handthe regale of going over every part of me, neck, breast, belly,thighs, and all the et caetera, so dear to the imagination, underthe pretext of washing and rubbing them; as we both stood inthe water, no higher now than the pit of our stomachs, andwhich did not hinder him from feeling, and toying with that leakthat distinguishes our sex, and it so wonderfully water-tight: forhis fingers, in vain dilating and opening it, only let more flamethan water into it, be it said without a figure. At the same timehe made me feel his own engine, which was so well wound up,as to stand even the working in water, and he accordingly threwone arm round my neck, and was endeavouring to get the betterof that harsher construction bred by the surrounding fluid; andhad in effect one hiway so far as to make me sensible of thepleasing stretch of those nether lips, from the in-drivingmachine; when, independent of my not liking that awkwardmode of enjoyment, I could not help interrupting him, in orderto become joint spectators of a plan of joy, in hot operationbetween Emily and her partner; who impatient of the fooleriesand dalliance of the bath, had led his nymph to one of thebenches on the green bank, where he was very cordiallyproceeding to teach her the difference betwixt jest and earnest.There, setting her on his knee, and gliding one hand over thesurface of that smooth polished snow-white skin of hers, whichnow doubly shone with a dew-bright lustre, and presented to thetouch something like what one would imagine of animated ivory,especially in those ruby-nippled globes, which the touch is sofond of and delights to make love to, with the other h waslusciously exploring the sweet secret of nature, in order to makeroom for a stately piece of machinery, that stood up-reared,between her thighs, as she continued siting on his lap, andpressed hard for instant intromission, which the tender Emily, ina fit of humour deliciously protracted, affected to decline, andelude the very pleasure she sighed for, but in a style ofwaywardness, so prettily put on, and managed, as to render itten times more poignant; then her eyes, all amidst the softestdying languishment, expressed, ait once a mock denial andextreme desire, whilst her sweetness was zested with a coynessso pleasingly provoking, her moods of keeping him off were soattractive, that they redoubled the impetuous rage with, which,he covered her with kisses: and kisses that, whilst she seemed toshy from or scuffle for, the cunning wanton contrived such slyreturns, of, as were, doubtless the sweeter for the gust she gavethem, of being stolen ravished.

Thus Emily, who knew no art but that which nature itself, infavour of her principal end, pleasure, had inspired her with, theart of yielding, coyed it indeed, but coyed it to the purpose; forwith all her straining, her wrestling, and striving to break fromthe clasp of his arms, she was so far wiser yet than to mean it,that in her struggles, it was visible she aimed at nothing morethan multiplying points of touch with him, and drawing yetcloser the folds that held them every where entwined, like twotendrils of a vine intercurling: together: so that the same effect,as when Louisa strove in good earnest to disengage from theidiot, was-now produced by different motives.

Mean while, their emersion out of the cold water had caused ageneral glow, a tender suffusion of heightened carnation overtheir bodies; both equally white and smoothskinned; so that astheir limbs were-thus amorously interwoven, in sweet confusion,it was scarce possible to distinguish who they respectivelybelonged to, but for the brawnier, bolder muscles of the strongersex.

In a little time, however, the champion was fairly in with her,and had tied at all points the true lover's knot; when now, adieuall the little refinements of a finessed reluctance; adieu thefriendly feint! She was presently driven forcibly out of the powerof using any art; and indeed, what art must not give way, whennature, corresponding with her assailant, invaded in the heart ofher capital and carried by storm, lay at the mercy of the proudconqueror, who had made his entry triumphantly andcompletely? Soon, however, to become a tributary: for theengagement growing hotter and hotter, at close quarters, shepresently brought him to the pass of paying down the dear debtto nature; which she had no sooner collected in, but, like aduellist who has laid his antagonist at his feet, when he hashimself received a mortal wound, Emily had scarce time toplume herself upon her victory, but, shot with the samedischarge, she, in a loud expiring sigh, in the closure of her eyes,the stretch-out of her limbs, and a remission of her whole frame,gave manifest signs that all was as it should be.

For my part, who had not with the calmest patience stood inthe water all this time, to view this warm action, I leanedtenderly on my gallant, and at the close of it, seemed to ask himwith my eyes, what he thought of it; but he, more eager tosatisfy me by his actions than by words or looks, as we shoaledthe water towards the shore, showed me the staff of love sointensely set up, that had not even charity, beginning at home inthis case, urged me to our mutual relief, it would have beencruel indeed to have suffered the youth to burst with straining,when the remedy was so obvious and so near at hand.

Accordingly we took a bench, whilst Emily and her spark, whobelonged it seems to the sea, stood at the side-board, drinking toour good voyage: for, as the last observed, we were well underweigh, with a fair wind up channel, and full-freighted; norindeed were we long before we finished our trip to Cythera, andunloaded in the old haven; but, as the circumstances-did notadmit of much variation, I shall spare you the description.At the same time, allow me to place you here an excuse I amconscious of owing you, for having, perhaps, too much affectedthe figurative style; though surely, it can pass nowhere moreallowable than in a subject which is so properly the province ofpoetry, nay, is poetry itself, pregnant with every flower ofimagination and loving metaphors, even were not the naturalexpressions, for respects of fashion and sound, necessarilyforbidden.

Resuming now my history, you may please to know, that whatwith a competent number of repetitions, all in the same strain(and, by the bye, we have a certain natural sense that thoserepetitions are very much to the taste), what with a circle ofpleasures delicately varied, there was not a moment lost to joyall the time we staid there, till late in the night we were re-escorted home by our esquires, who delivered us safe to Mrs.Cole, with generous thanks for our company.

This too was Emily's last adventure in our way: for scarce aweek after, she was, by an accident too trivial to detail to youthe particulars, found out by her parents, who were in goodcircumstances, and who had been punished for their partiality totheir son, in the loss of him, occasioned by a circumstance oftheir over indulgence to his appetite; upon which the so longengrossed stream of fondness, running violently in favour of thislost and inhumanly abandoned child whom if they had notneglected enquiry about, they might long before have recovered,they were now so over-joyed at the retrieval of her, that, Ipresume, it made them much less strict in examining the bottomof things: for they seemed very glad to take for granted, in thelump, every thing that the grave and decent Mrs. Cole waspleased to pass upon them; and soon afterwards sent her, fromthe country, handsome acknowledgment.

But it was not so easy to replace to our community the loss ofso sweet a member of it: for, not to mention her beauty, she wasone of those mild, pliant characters, that if one does not entirelyesteem, one can scarce help loving, which is not such a badcompensation neither. Owing all her weaknesses to good nature,and an indolent facility that kept her too much at the mercy offirst impressions, she had just sense enough to know that shewanted leading strings, and thought herself so much obliged toany who would take the pains to think for her, and guide her,that with a very little management, she was capable of beingmade a most agreeable, nay a most virtuous wife: for vice, it isprobable, had never been her choice, or her fate, if it had notbeen for occasion, or example, or had she not depended lessupon herself than upon her circumstances. This presumption herconduct afterwards verified: for presently meeting with a match,that was ready cut and dry for her, with a neighbour's son of herown rank, and a young man of sense and order, who took as thewidow of one lost at sea (for so it seems one of her gallants,whose name she had made free with, really was), she naturallystruck into all the duties of her domestic life, with as muchsimplicity of affection, with as much constancy and regularity,as if she had never swerved from a state of undebauchedinnocence from her youth.

These desertions had, however, now so far thinned Mrs. Cole'scluck that she was left with only me, like a hen with onechicken; but though she was earnestly entreated and encouragedto recruit her crops, her growing infirmities, and, above all, thetortures, of a stubborn hip gout, which she found would yield tono remedy, determined her to break up her business, and retirewith a decent pittance into the country, where I promisedmyself, nothing so sure, as my going down to live with her, assoon as I had seen a little more of life, and improved my smallmatters into a competency that would create in me anindependence on the world: for I was now, thanks to Mrs. Cole,wise enough to keep that essential in view.

Thus was I then to lose my faithful preceptress, as did thephilosophers of the town the white crow of her profession. Forbesides that she never ransacked her customers, whose tastestoo she ever studiously consulted, she never racked her pupilswith unconscionable extortions, nor ever put their hard earnings,as she called them, under the contribution of poundage. She wasa severe enemy to the seduction for innocence, and confined heracquisitions solely to those unfortunate young women, who,having lost it, were but the juster objects of compassion: amongthese, indeed, she picked out such as suited her views andtaking them under her protection, rescued them from the dangerof the public sinks of ruin and misery, to place, or for them, wellor ill, in the manner you have seen. Having then settled heraffairs, she set out on her journey, after taking the most tenderleave of me, and at the end of some excellent instructions,recommending me to myself, with an anxiety perfectly maternal.In short, she affected me so much, that I was not presentlyreconciled to myself for suffering her at any rate to go withoutme; but fate had, it seems, otherwise disposed of me.

I had, on my separation from Mrs. Cole, taken a pleasantconvenient house at Marylebone, but easy to rent and managefrom its smallness, which I furnished neatly and modestly.There, with a reserve of eight hundred pounds, the fruit of mydeference to Mrs. Cole's counsels, exclusive of clothes, somejewels, and some plate, I saw myself in purse for a long time, towait without impatience for what the chapter of accidents mightproduce in my favour.

Here, under the new character of a young gentlewoman whosehusband was gone to sea, I had marked me out such lines of lifeand conduct, as leaving me a competent liberty to pursue myviews either out of pleasure or fortune, bounded me neverthelessstrictly within the rules of decency and discretion: a disposition,in which you cannot escape observing a true pupil of Mrs. Cole.I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, whengoing out one morning pretty early to enjoy the freshness of it,in the pleasing outlet of the fields, accompanied only by a maid,whom I had newly hired, as we were carelessly walking amongthe trees, we were alarmed with the noise of a violent coughing:turning our heads towards which, we distinguished a plain welldressed elderly gentleman, who, attacked with a sudden fit, wasso much overcome, as to be forced to give way to it and sitdown at the foot of a tree, where he seemed suffocating with theseverity of it, being perfectly black in the face; not less movedthan frightened with which, I flew on the instant to his relief,and using the rote of practice I had observed on the likeoccasion, I loosened his cravat and clapped him on the back; butwhether to any purpose, or whether the cough had had itscourse, I know not, but the fit immediately went off; and nowrecovered to his speech and legs, he returned me thanks with asmuch emphasis as if I had saved his life. This naturally engaginga conversation, he acquainted me where he lived, which was at aconsiderable distance from where I met him, and where he hadstrayed insensibly on the same intention of a morning walk.He was, as I afterwards learned in the course of the intimacywhich this little accident gave birth to, an old bachelor, turnedof sixty, but of a fresh vigorous complexion, insomuch that hescarce marked five and forty, having never racked hisconstitution by permitting his desires to over-tax his ability.As to his birth and conditions, his parents, honest and failedmechanics, had, by the best traces he could get of them, left himan infant orphan on the parish; so that it was from a charity-school, that, by honesty and industry, he made his way into amerchant's counting house, from whence, being sent to a housein Cadiz, he there, by his talents and activity, acquired not onlya fortune, but an immense one, with which he returned to hisnative country; where he could not, however, fish out so muchas one single relation out of the obscurity he was born in. Takingthen a taste for refinement, and pleased to enjoy life, like amistress in the dark, he flowed his days in all the ease ofopulence, without the least parade of it; and, rather studying theconcealment than the shew of a fortune, looked down on a worldhe perfectly knew himself, to his wish, unknown and unmarkedby.

But, as I propose to devote a letter entirely to the pleasure ofretracing to you all the particulars of my acquaintance with thisever, to me, memorable friend, I shall, in this, transiently touchon no more than may serve, as mortar, to cement, or form theconnection of my history, and to obviate your surprise that oneof my blood and relish of life, should count a gallant of threescore such a catch.

Referring then to a more explicit narrative, to explain by whatprogressions our acquaintance, certainly innocent at first,insensibly changed nature, and run into unplatonic length, asmight well be expected from one of my condition of life, andabove all, from that principle of electricity that scarce ever failsof producing fire when the sexes meet. I shall only here acquaintyou, that as age had not subdued his tenderness for our sex,neither had it robbed him of the power of pleasing, sincewhatever he wanted in the bewitching charms of youth, heatoned for, or supplemented with the advantages of experience,the sweetness of his manners, and above all, his flatteringaddress in touching the heart, by an application to theunderstanding. From him it was I first learned, to any purpose,and not without infinite pleasure, that I had such a portion ofme worth bestowing some regard on; from him I received myfirst essential encouragement, and instructions how to put it inthat train of cultivation, which I have since pushed to the littledegree of improvement you see it at; he it was, who first taughtme to be sensible that the pleasures of the mind were superior tothose of the body; at the same time, that they were so far fromobnoxious to, or, incompatible with each other, that, besides thesweetness in the variety and transition, the one served to exaltand perfect the taste of the other, to a degree that the sensesalone can never arrive at.

Himself a rational pleasurist; as being much too wise to beashamed of the pleasures of humanity, loved me indeed, butloved me with dignity; in a mean equally removed from thesourness, of forwardness, by which age is unpleasinglycharacterized, and from that childish silly dotage that so oftendisgraces it, and which he himself used to turn into ridicule, andcompare to an old goat affecting the frisk of a young kid.In short, every thing that is generally unamiable in his seasonof life, was, in him, repaired by so many advantages, that heexisted a proof, manifest at least to me, that it is not out of thepower of age to please, if it lays out to please, and if, makingjust allowance, those in that class do not forget, that if must costthem more pains and attention, than what youth, the naturalspring-time of joy, stands in need of: as fruits out of seasonrequire proportionally more skill and cultivation, to force them. With this gentleman, who took me home soon after ouracquaintance commenced, I lived near eight months in whichtime, my constant complaisance and docility, my attention todeserve his confidence and love, and a conduct, in general,devoid of the least art and founded on my sincere regard andesteem for him, won and attached him so firmly to me, that,after having generously trusted me with a genteel, independentsettlement, proceeding to heap marks of affection on me, heappointed me, by an authentic will, his sole heiress andexecutrix: a disposition which he did not outlive two months,being taken from me by a violent cold that he contracted, as heunadvisedly ran to the window, on an alarm of fire at somestreets distant, and stood there naked-breasted, and exposed tothe fatal impressions of a damp night air.

After acquitting myself of the duty towards my deceasedbenefactor, and paying him a tribute of un-feigned sorrow,which a little time changed into a most tender, graceful memoryof him, which I shall ever retain, I grew somewhat comforted bythe prospect that now opened to me, if not of happiness, at leastof affluence and independence.

I saw myself then in the full bloom and pride of youth (for Iwas not yet nineteen), actually at the head of so large a fortune,as it would have been even the height of impudence in me tohave raised my wishes, much more my hopes to; and that thisunexpected elevation did not turn my head, I owed to the painsmy benefactor had taken to form and prepare me for it, as Iowed his opinion of my management of the vast possessions heleft me, to what he had observed of the prudential economy Ihad learned under Mrs. Cole, the reserve of which he saw I hadmade, was a proof and encouragement to him.

But, alas! how easily in the enjoyment of the greatest sweetsin life, in present possession, poisoned by the regret of an absentone! But my regret was a mighty and just one, since it had myonly truly beloved Charles for its object.

Given him up I had, indeed, completely, having never onceheard from him since our separation; which, as I foundafterwards, had been my misfortune, and not his neglect, for hewrote me several letters which had all miscarried; but forgottenhim I never had. And amidst all my personal infidelities, not onehad made a pin's point impression on a heart impenetrable tothe true love passion, but for him.

As soon, however, as I was mistress of this unexpectedfortune, I felt more than ever how dear he was to me, from itsinsufficiency to make me happy, whilst he was not to share itwith me. My earliest care, consequently, was to endeavour atgetting some account of him; but all my researches produced meno more light, than that his father had been dead for some time,not so well as even with the world; and that Charles had reachedhis port of destination in the South Seas, where, finding theestate he was sent to recover, dwindled to a trifle, by the loss oftwo ships in which the bulk of his uncle's fortune lay, he wascome away with the small remainder, and might, perhaps,according to the best advice, in a few months return to England,from whence he had, at the time of this my inquiry, been absenttwo years and seven months. A little eternity in love!

You cannot conceive with what joy I embraced the hopes thusgiven me of seeing the delight of my heart again. But, as theterm of months was assigned it, in order to divert and amuse myimpatience for his return, after settling my affairs with muchease and security, I set out on a journey for Lancashire, with anequipage suitable to my fortune, and with a design purely torevisit my place of nativity, for which I could not help retaininga great tenderness; and might naturally not be sorry to shewmyself there, to the advantage I was now in pass to do, after thereport Esther Davis had spread of my being spirited away to theplantations; for on no other supposition could she account forthe suppression of myself to her, since her leaving me soabruptly at the inn. Another favourite intention I had, to lookout for my relations, though I had none but distant ones, andprove a benefactress to them. Then Mrs. Cole's place ofretirement lying in my way, was not amongst the least of thepleasures I had proposed to myself in this expedition.

I had taken nobody with me but a discreet decent woman, tofigure it as my companion, besides my servants; and was scarcegot into an inn, about twenty miles from London, where I was tosup and pass the night, when such a storm of wind and raincome on, as made me congratulate myself on having got undershelter before it began.

This had continued a good half an hour, when bethinking meof some directions to be given to the coachman, I sent for him,not caring that his shoes should soil the very clean parlour, inwhich the cloth was laid, I stept into the hall kitchen, where hewas, and where, whilst I was talking to him, I slantinglyobserved two horsemen driven in by the weather, and bothwringing wet; one of whom was asking if they could not beassisted with a change, while their clothes were dried. But,heavens! who can express what I felt at the sound of a voice,ever present to my heart, and that it now rebounded at! or whenpointing my eyes towards the person it came from, theyconfirmed its information, in spite of so long an absence, and ofa dress one would have studied for a disguise: a horseman'sgreat coat, with a stamp-up cape, and his hat flapped... but whatcould escape the alertness of a sense truly guided by love? Atransport then like mine was above all consideration, or schemesof surprise; and I, that instant, with the rapidity of the emotionsthat I felt the spur of, shot into his arms, crying out, as I threwmine round his neck: "My life!... my soul!... my Charles!.." andwithout further power of speech, swooned away, under thepressing agitation of joy and surprise.

Recovered out of my entrancement, I found myself in mycharmer's arms, but in the parlour, surrounded by a crowdwhich this event had gathered round us, and which immediately,on a signal from the discreet landlady, who currently took himfor my husband, cleared the room, and desirably left us alone tothe raptures of this reunion; my joy at which had like to haveproved, at the expense of my life, its power superior to that ofgrief at our fatal separation.

The first object then, that my eyes opened on, was theirsupreme idol, and my supreme wish, Charles, on one knee,holding me fast by the hand and gazing on me with a transportof fondness. Observing my recovery, he attempted to speak, andgive vent to his patience of hearing my voice again, to satisfyhim once more that it was I; but the mightiness and suddennessOf the surprise continuing to stun him, choked his utterance: hecould only stammer out a few broken, half-formed, filteringaccents, which my ears greedily drinking in, spelt, and puttogether, so as to make out their sense: "After so long!... so cruelan absence!... my dearest Fanny!... can it?... can it be you?..."stifling me at the time with kisses, that, stopping my openingmouth, at once prevented the answer that he panted for, andincreased the delicious disorder in which all my senses wererapturously lost. However, amidst this crowd of ideas, and allblissful ones, there obtruded only one cruel doubt that poisonednearly all the transcendant happiness: and what was it, but mydread of its being too excessive to be real? I trembled now withmy fear of its being no more than a dream, and of waking out ofit into the horrors of finding it one. Under this fondapprehension, imagining I could not make too much of thepresent prodigious joy, before it would vanish and leave me inthe desert again, nor verify its reality too strongly, I clung tohim, I clasped him, as if to hinder him from escaping me again:"Where have you been?... how could you... could you leaveme?... Say you are still mine... that you still love me... and thus!thus!" (kissing him as if I would consolidated lips with him) "Iforgive you... forgive my hard fortune in favour of thisrestoration."

All these interjections breaking from me, in that wildness ofexpression that justly passes for eloquence in love, drew fromhim all the returns my fond heart could wish or require. Ourcaresses, our questions, our answers, for some time observed noorder; all crossing, or interrupting one another in sweetconfusion, whilst we exchanged hearts at our eyes, and renewedthe ratifications of a love unabated by time or absence: not abreath, not a motion, not a gesture on either side, but what wasstrongly impressed with it. Our hands, locked in each other,repeated the most passionate squeezes, so that their fiery thrillwent to the heart again.

Thus absorbed, and concentered in this unutterable delight, Ihad not attended to the sweet author of it being thoroughly wet,and in danger of catching cold; when, in good time, thelandlady, whom the appearance of my equipage (which, bye thebye Charles knew nothing of) had gained me an interest in, forme and mine interrupted us by bringing in a decent shift of linenand clothes; which now, somewhat recovered into a calmercomposure by the coming in of a third person, I pressed him totake the benefit of, with a tender con-cern and anxiety thatmade me tremble for his health.

The landlady leaving us again, he proceeded to shift; in the actof which, though he proceeded with all that modesty whichbecame these first solemner instants of our re-meeting, after solong an absence, I could not refrain certain snatches of my eyes,lured by the dazzling discoveries of his naked skin, that escapedhim as he changed his linen, and which I could not observe theunfaded life and complexion of without emotions of tendernessand joy, that had himself too purely for their object, to partakeof a loose or mis-timed desire.

He was soon dressed in these temporary clothes, whichneither fitted him, nor became the light my passion placed himin, to me at least; yet, as they were on him, they lookedextremely well, in virtue of that magic charm which love put intoevery thing that he-touched, or had relation to him: and where,indeed, was that dress that a figure like his would not give graceto? For now, as I eyed him more in detail, I could not butobserve the even favourable alteration which the time of hisabsence had produced in his person.

There were still the requisite lineaments, still the same vividvermillion and bloom reigning in his face; but now the roseswere more fully blown; the tan of his travels, and a beardsomewhat more distinguishable, had, at the expense of no moredelicacy than what he could well spare, given it an air ofbecoming manliness and maturity, that symmetrized nobly withthat air of distinction and empire with which nature hadstamped it, in a rare mixture with the sweetness of it; stillnothing had he lost of that smooth plumpness of flesh, which,glowing with freshness, blooms florid to the eye, and delicious tothe touch; then his shoulders were grown more square, his shapemore formed, more portly, but still free and airy. In short, hisfigure showed riper, greater, and perfecter to the experiencedeye, than in his tender youth; and now he was not much morethan two and twenty.

In this interval, however, I picked out of the broken, oftenpleasingly interrupted account of himself, that he was, at thatinstant, actually on his road to London, in not a very paramountplight or condition, having been wrecked on the Irish coast forwhich he had prematurely embarked, and lost the little all hehad brought with him from the South Seas: so that he had nottill after great shifts and hardships, in the company of his fellow-traveller, the captain, got so far on his journey; that so it was(having heard of his father's death and circumstances,) he hadnow the world to begin again, on a new account: a situation,which he assured me, in a vein of sincerity, that flowing fromhis heart, penetrated mine, gave him to farther pain, than thathe had not his power to make me as happy as he could wish. Myfortune, you will please to observe, I had not entered upon anyoverture of, reserving, to feast myself with the surprise of it tohim, in calmer instants. And, as to my dress, it could give himno idea of the truth, not only as it was mourning, but likewise ina style of plainness and simplicity that I had ever kept to withstudied art. He pressed me indeed tenderly to satisfy his ardentcuriosity, both with regard to my past and present state of life,since his being torn away from me: but I found means to eludehis questions, by answers that shewing his satisfaction at nogreat distance, won upon him to waive his impatience, in favourof the thorough confidence he had in my not delaying it, but forrespect I should in good time acquaint him with.

Charles, however, thus returned to my longing arms, tender,faithful, and in health, was already a blessing too mighty for myconception: but Charles in distress!... Charles reduced, andbroken down to his naked personal merit, was such acircumstance, in favour of the sentiments I had for him, asexceeded my utmost desire; and accordingly I seemed so visiblycharmed, so out of time and measure pleased at his mention ofhis ruined fortune, that he could account for it no way, but thatthe joy of seeing him again had swallowed up every other senseof concern.

In the mean time, my woman had taken, all possible care ofCharles's travelling companion; and as supper was coming in, hewas introduced to me, when I received him as became my regardfor all of Charles's acquaintance or friends.

We four then supped together, in the style of joy,congratulation, and pleasing disorder that you may guess. Formy part, though all these agitations had left me not the leaststomach, but for that uncloying feast, the sight of my adoredyouth, I endeavoured to force it, by way of example for him,who I conjectured must want such a recruit after riding; and,indeed, he; ate like a traveller, but gazed at, and addressed meall the time like a lover.

After the cloth was taken away, and the hour of repose cameon, Charles and I were, without further ceremony, in quality ofman and wife, shown up together to a very handsomeapartment, and, all in course, the bed, they said, the best in theinn.

And here, Decency, forgive me! if once more I violate thy lawsand keeping the curtains undrawn, sacrifice thee for the lasttime to that confidence, without reserve, with which I engagedto recount to you the most striking circumstances of my youthfuldisorders.

As soon, then, as we were in the room together, left toourselves, the sight of the bed starving the remembrance of ourfirst joys, and the thought of my being instantly to share it withthe dear possessor of my virgin heart, moved me so strongly,that it was well I leaned upon him, or I must have fainted againunder the overpowering sweet alarm. Charles saw into myconfusion, and forgot his own, that was scarce less, to applyhimself to the removal of mine.

But now the true refining passion had regained throughoutpossession of me, with all its train of symptoms: a sweetsensibility, a tender timidity, love-sick yearnings tempered withdiffidence and modesty, all held me in a subjection of soul,incomparably dearer to me than the liberty of heart which I hadbeen long, too long! the mistress of, in the course of thosegrosser gallantries, the consciousness of which now made mesigh with a virtuous confusion and regret. No real virgin, inshort, in view of the nuptial bed, could give more bashfulblushes to unblemished innocence, than I did to a sense of guilt;and indeed I loved Charles too truly not to feel severely that Idid not deserve him.

As I kept hesitating and disconcerted under this softdistraction, Charles, with a fond impatience, took the pains toundress me; and all I can remember amidst the nutter anddiscomposure of my senses, was, some flattering exclamation ofjoy and admiration, more specially at the feel of my breasts, nowset at liberty from my stays, and which panting and rising intumultous throbs, swelled upon his dear touch, and gave it thewelcome pleasure of finding them well formed, and un-failed infirmness.

I was soon laid in bed, and scarce languished an instant forthe darling partner of it, before he was undressed and gotbetween the sheets, with his arms clasped round me, giving andtaking, with gust inexpressible, a kiss of welcome, that my heartrising to my lips stamped with its warmest impression,concurring to my bliss, with that delicate and voluptuousemotion which Charles alone had the secret to excite, and whichconstitutes the very life, the essence of pleasure.

Mean while, two candles lighted on a side-table near us, and ajoyous wood fire, threw a light into the bed, that took from onesense, of great importance to our joys, all pretext forcomplaining of its being shut out of its share of them; and,indeed, the sight of my idolized youth was alone, from theardour with which I had wished for it, without othercircumstance, a pleasure to die of.

But as action was now a necessity to desires so much on edgeas ours, Charles, after a very short prelusive dalliance, lifting upmy linen and his own, laid the broad treasures of his manlychest close to my bosom, both beating with the tenderest alarms:when now, the sense of his glowing body, in naked touch withmine, took all power over my thoughts out of my own disposal,and delivered up every faculty of the soul to the sensiblest ofjoys, that affecting me infinitely more with my distinction of theperson, than of the sex, now brought my heart deliriously intoplay: my heart, which, eternally constant to Charles, had nevertaken any part in my original sacrifices to the calls ofconstitution, complaisance, or interest. But ah! what became ofme, when as the powers of solid pleasure thickened upon me, Icould not help feeling the stiff stake that had been adorned withthe trophies of my despoiled virginity, bearing hard andinflexible against one of my thighs, which I had not yet opened,from a true principle of modesty, revived by a passion toosincere to suffer any aiming at the false merit of difficulty, or myputting on an impertinent mock coyness.

I have, I believe, somewhere before remarked, that feel of thatfavourite piece of manhood has, in the very nature of it,something inimitably pathetic. Nothing can be dearer to thetouch, nor can affect it with a more delirious sensation. Thinkthen! as a love thinks, what must be the consummate transportof that quickest of our senses, in their central seat too! when,after so long a deprival, it felt itself re-inflamed under thepressure of that peculiar sceptre-member, which commands usall: but especially my darling, elect from the face of the wholeearth. And now, at its mightiest point of stiffness, it felt to mesomething so subduing so active, so solid and agreeable, that Iknow not what name to give its singular impression: but thesentiment of consciousness of its belonging to my supremelybeloved youth, gave me so pleasing an agitation, and worked sostrongly on my soul, that it sent all its sensitive spirits to thatorgan of bliss in me, dedicated to its reception. There,concentering to a point, like rays in a burning glass, theyglowed, they burnt with the intensest heat; the springs ofpleasure were, in short, wound up to such a pitch, I panted nowwith so exquisitely keen an appetite for the eminent enjoyment,that I was even sick with desire, and unequal to support thecombination of two distinct ideas, that delightfully distractedme: for all the thought I was capable of, was that I was now intouch, at once, with the instrument of pleasure, and the greatseal of love. Ideas that, mingling streams, poured such an oceanof intoxicating bliss on a weak vessel, all too narrow to containit, that I lay overwhelmed, absorbed, lost in an abyss of joy, anddying of nothing but immoderate delight.

Charles then roused me somewhat out of this extaticdistraction, with a complaint softly murmured, amidst a crowdof kisses, at the position, not so favourable to his desires, inwhich I received his urgent insistance for admission, where thatinsistance was alone so engrossing a pleasure, that it made meinconsistently suffer a much dearer one to be kept out; but howsweet to correct such a mistake! My thighs, now obedient to theintimations of love and nature, gladly disclose, and with a readysubmission, resign up the soft gateway to the entrance ofpleasure: I see, I feel the delicious velvet tip!... he enters memight and main, with... oh! my pen drops from here in theextasy now present to my faithful memory! Description toodeserts me, and delivers over a task, above its strength of wing,to the imagination: but it must be an imagination exalted bysuch a flame as mine that can do justice to that sweetest,noblest of all sensations, that hailed and accompanied the stiffinsinuation all the way up, till it was at the end of itspenetration, sending up, through my eyes, the sparks of thelove-fire that ran all over me and blazed in every vein and everypore of me; a system incarnate of joy all over.

I had now totally taken in love's true arrow from the point upto the feather, in that part, where making no new wound, thelips or the original one of nature, which had owed its firstbreathing to this dear instrument, clung, as if sensible ofgratitude, in eager suction round it, whilst all its inwardsembraced it tenderly, with a warmth of gust, a compressiveenergy, that gave it, in its way, the heartiest welcome in nature;every fibre there gathering tight round it, and strainingambitiously to come in for its share of the blissful touch.As we were giving them a few moments pause to the thedelectations of the senses, in dwelling with the highest relish onthis intimatest point of re-union, and chewing the cud ofenjoyment, the impatience natural to the pleasure soon drove usinto action. Then began the driving tumult on his side, and theresponsive heaves on mine, which kept me up to him; whilst, asour joys grew too great for utterance, the organs of our voices,voluptuously intermixing, became organs of the touch... howdelicious!... how poignantly luscious!... And now! now I felt, tothe heart of me! I felt the prodigious keen edge, with which love,presiding over this act, points the pleasure: love! that may bestyled the Attic salt of enjoyment; and indeed, without it, thejoy, great as it is, is still a vulgar one, whether in a king or abeggar; for it is, undoubtedly, love alone that refines, ennobles,and exalts it.

Thus, happy, then, by the heart, happy by the senses, it wasbeyond all power, even of thought, to form the conception of agreater delight than what I now am consummating the fruitionof.

Charles, whose whole frame was convulsed with the agitationof his rapture, whilst the tenderest fires trembled in his eyes, allassured me of a perfect concord of joy, penetrated me soprofoundly, touched me so vitally, took me so much out of myown possession, whilst he seemed himself so much in mine, thatin a delicious enthusiasm, I imagined such a transfusion of heartand spirit, as that coalescing, and making one body and soulwith him, I was he, and he me.

But all this pleasure tending, like life from its first instants,towards its own dissolution, lived too fast not to bring on uponthe spur its delicious moment of mortality; for presently theapproach of the tender agony discovered itself by its usualsignals, that were quickly followed by my dear lover's emanationof himself, that spun out, and shot, feelingly indeed! up theravished indraught: where the sweetly soothing balmy titillationopened all the juices of joy on my side, which extatic-ally in flowhelped to allay the prurient glow, and drowned our pleasure fora while. Soon, however, to be on float again! for Charles, true tonature's laws, in one breath, expiring and ejaculating, languishednot long in the dissolving trance, but recovering spirit again,soon gave me to feel that the true mettle spring! of hisinstrument of pleasure, were, by love, and perhaps, by a longvacation, wound up too high to be let down by a singleexplosion: his stiffnesss till stood my friend. Resuming then theaction afresh, without dislodging, or giving me the trouble ofparting from my sweet tenant, we played over again the sameopera, with the same harmony and concert: our ardours, like ourlove, knew no remission; and all the tide serving my lover, lavishof his stores, and pleasure-milked, he over-flowed me once morefrom the fulness of his oval reservoirs of the genial emulsion:whilst, on my side, a convulsive grasp, in the instant of mygiving down the liquid contribution, rendered me sweetlysubservient at once to the increase of joy, and to its effusions:moving me so, as to make me exert all those springs of thecompressive exsuction, with which the sensitive mechanism ofthat part thirstily draws and drains the nipple of Love; withmuch such an instinctive eagerness and attachment, as tocompare great with less, kind nature engages infants at thebreasts, by the pleasure they find in the motion of their littlemouths and cheeks, to extract the milky stream prepared fortheir nourishment.

But still there was no end of his vigour: this double dischargehad so far from extinguished his desires, for that time, that ithad not even calmed them; and at his age, desires are power. Hewas proceeding then amazingly to push it to a third triumph,still without uncasing, if a tenderness, natural to true love, hadnot inspired me with self-denial enough to spare, and not over-strain him: and accordingly, entreating him to give himself andme quarter, I obtained, at length, a short suspension of arms,but not before he had exult-ingly satisfied me that he gave outstanding.

The remainder of the night, with what we borrowed upon theday, we employed with unwearied fervour in celebrating thusthe festival of our remeeting; and got up pretty late in themorning, gay, brisk and alert, though rest had been a stranger tous: but the pleasures of love had been to us, what the joy ofvictory is to an army: repose, refreshment, every thing.

The journey into the country being now entirely out of thequestion, and orders having been given overnight for turning thehorses' heads towards London, we left the inn as soon as we hadbreakfasted, not without a liberal distribution of the tokens ofmy grateful sense of the happiness I had met with in it.

Charles and I were in my coach; the captain and mycompanion in a chaise hired purposely for them, to leave us theconveniency of a tete a tete.

Here, on the road, as the tumult of my senses was tolerablycomposed, I had command enough of head to break properly tohis the course of life that the consequences of my separationfrom him had driven me into: which, at the same time that hetenderly deplored with me, he was the less shocked at; as, onreflecting how he had left me circumstances, he could not beentirely unprepared for it.

But when I opened the state of my fortune to him, and withthat sincerity which, from me to him, was so much a nature inme, I beged of him his acceptance of it, on his own terms. Ishould appear to you perhaps too partial to my passion, were Ito attempt the doing his delicacy justice, I shall content myselfthen with assuring you, that after his flatly refusing theunreserved, unconditional donation that I long persecuted him invain to accept, it was at length, in obedience to his seriouscommands (for I stood out unaffectedly, till he exerted thesovereign authority which love had given him over me), that Iyielded my consent to waive the remonstrance I did not fail ofmaking strongly to him, against his degrading himself, andincurring the reflection, however unjust, of having, for respectsof fortune, bartered his honour for infamy and prostitution, inmaking one his wife, who thought herself too much honoured inbeing but his mistress.

The plea of love then over-ruling all objections, for him, whichhe could not but read the sincerity of in a heart ever open tohim, obliged me to receive his hand, by which means I was inpass, among other innumerable blessings, to bestow a legalparentage on those fine children you have seen by this happiestof matches.

Thus, at length, I got snug into port, where, in the bosom ofvirtue, I gathered the only uncorrupt sweets: where, lookingback on the course of vice I had run, and comparing itsinfamous blandishments with the infinitely superior joys ofinnocence, I could not help pitying, even in point of taste, thosewho, immersed in gross sensuality, are insensible to the sodelicate charms of VIRTUE, than which even PLEASURE has nota greater friend, nor VICE a greater enemy. Thus temperancemakes men lords over those pleasures that intemperanceenslaves them to: the one, parent of health, vigour fertilitycheerfulness, and every other desirable good of life; the other, ofdiseases, debility, barrenness, self-loathing, with only every evilincident to human nature.

You laugh, perhaps, at this tail-piece of morality, extractedfrom me by the force of truth, resulting from comparedexperiences: you think it, no doubt, out of character; possiblytoo you may look on it as the paultry finesse of one who seeks tomask a devotee to vice under a rag of a veil, impudentlysmuggled from the shrine of Virtue: just as if one was to fancyone's self completely disguised at a masquerade, with no otherchange of dress than turning one's shoes into slippers; or, as if awriter should think to shield a treasonable libel, by concluding itwith a formal prayer for the King. But, independent of myflattering myself that you have a juster opinion of my sense andsincerity, give me leave to represent to you, that such asupposition is even more injurious to Virtue than to me: since,consistently with candour and good nature, it san have nofoundation but in the falsest of fears, that its pleasures cannotstand in comparison with those of Vice; but let truth dare tohold it up in its most alluring light: then mark, how spurious,how low of taste, how comparatively inferior its joys are to thosewhich Virtue gives sanction to, and whose sentiments are notabove making even a sauce for the senses, but a sauce of thehighest relish; whilst Vices are the harpies that infect and foulthe feast. The paths of Vice are sometimes strewed with roses,but then they are for ever infamous for many a thorn, for manya cankerworm: those of Virtue are strewed with roses purely,and those eternally unfading ones.

If you do me then justice, you will esteem me perfectlyconsistent in the incense I burn to Virtue. If I have painted Vicein all its gayest colours, if I have decked it with flowers, it hasbeen solely in order to make the worthier, the solemner sacrificeof it to Virtue.

You know Mr. C*** O***, you know his estate, his worth, andgood sense: can you, will you pronounce it ill meant, at least ofhim, when anxious for his son's morals, with a view to form himto virtue, and inspire him with a fixed, a rational contempt forvice, he condescended to be his master of the ceremonies, andled him by the hand through the most noted bawdy-houses intown, where he took care he should be familiarized with allthose scenes of debauchery, so fit to nauseate a good taste? Theexperiment, you will cry, is dangerous. True, on a fool: but arefools worth so much attention.

I shall see you soon, and in the mean time think candidly ofme, and believe me ever,

MADAM, Yours, etc., etc., etc. X X X

THE END

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